Alright then.
I've called you all together because I need your help.
With what you ask?
Yeah. That's the thing. I'm shy. I'm quiet. I don't talk much...until you meet me. But this...this is far beyond my comfort zone. I have tons of questions and I don't know who else to turn to.
Apparently I didn't take notes well enough on how to groom the whootananny. So can someone refresh my memory? Do we like the creams? Is the waxing idea better? And what, I beg you to tell me, is so wrong with having hair there?
Ok...now that that's out of my system, let's move on.
I also didn't take notes well enough on how to be a good little bandster. I just can't do mushies, liquids, protein shakes or otherwise long term or short term. My body is designed to eat food that I chew. So I will continue to do so, thank you very much.
Don't ask me where that came from unless you want a soliloquy on natural vs. fake.
I also, apparently, am not a "Lady". I believe that weightlifting is good for you. I just wish, for once that someone would be brave enough to tell me why we are so weightlifting averse. It's good for you! Long term, short term, everything. Builds muscle AND bone! Come on. We are women. Osteoperosis is a real problem. Did you know that something as simple as weightlifting can help avoid that?
And why, as a woman, do I have to think that muscles are improper for me? Not dainty? Phooey! I'll take my muscles and my stamina and my strength. I guess my military/sailor self is coming out there. That and my 'I can do it myself, dangit', attitude.
My mom used to tell me I scared men. Flat tire? Men would come running from all directions to help me change it. But here's me..."back off...I'll do it myself - it's my car, it's my tire, it's my problem!" She used to tell me - "let them woo you". I couldn't. Wooing, in some senses, meant proving I needed men...and I don't. It's a want - specifically one - my sweet hubby. But I did have to learn to let him take care of me. Now when it comes time to move a wheelbarrow of dirt around the house, through the grass, "oh sweetheart..." Somehow that helps. Sheesh.
Why, as a woman, do I have to think that bras are good? Can anyone explain this to me? I tried to wear one, a real one - the kind that perk you up and make things point in the "right" direction - on Saturday. I was not graceful about it. It fit - but no matter how well it "fits", it's still constrictive. I hate constriction. All to make men happy. I whined and griped halfway to the wedding and then I made my sweet hubby unhook it as I drove him to his party. Yes, me, the woman. I will not be driven. It's a contentious topic between my sweet hubby and I. He dared try tell me, once, when we first met, that it was "the man's job". I proceeded to not "let" him drive for years. I'm a stubborn ass. I know this. He does too. I have relaxed. But I still hate it! I just love to drive. Don't give me no stinkin 'man's job/woman's job' crap. If you love it - do it! I love it. I do not love vacuuming. But that's another topic. Back to bras. These contraptions are for men. Yeah, I'm one of those gals. So why is it I gotta wear this constrictive high-priced piece of metal and lace? My husband loves my boobies anyway! And who cares about anyone else!
I hate bras!
Next.
Why is it that I must always feel like I should be painting my face? I love makeup. I really do. I just can't seem to get it from the fancy contraptions that hold said powders and liquids and potions and lotions onto my face. Can't do it. Don't know if it's time...if it's lack of interest...don't know. Don't care. I do know, though, that I always feel like I should.
Next.
Anyone got any tricks for growing hair? Not a falling out issue. It's a 'it's too short' issue. I want a bob. I want hair. It looks hideous right now as I try to grow it out. There's not enough length anywhere to make it look decent. And my option is to cut it...to make it look decent...which gets me farther away from a bob. Dangit. I want my hair back.
Any wisdoms and opinions you care to proffer would be much appreciated.
And feel free to imbibe in the refreshing beverages as long as you like!
