The last time anyone saw me was last year, in April to be exact, except for a visit with my grandmother here in Texas in April (this year) and seeing my aunt that lives here in Austin a few times (this year) as well, although last time I saw her was also in April. All others have not seen me since I was 50 pounds heavier.
I'm sure they'll notice. They are like that. They notice when you've put on weight and stop saying things like "it's great to see you". They notice when you've lost weight and start saying things like "you look good".
That's all that will be said, I'm sure, insofar as compliments, anyway. And it's ok, because they'll mean it. And then they'll talk about me behind my back after I leave on Monday.
But when the inevitable question "how" comes up...do I tell them?
If you've read my blog you've read blips along the way about how my family loves to judge each other. We are good at not judging others, but within the ranks of the family, oh my. If I do tell them...they'll judge. And if I don't tell them...they'll judge. And that will give them a topic of conversation once gone in "oh she has to have..."
So...do I tell them? What do you think? What would you do?
I will say...the aunt that my husband and I are staying with...I don't think she'll judge. And when the judgemental conversations behind my back start up - she'll defend me. Whether she knows the truth or not. I actually want to tell her but don't think it would be fair to tell her and then ask her to keep it to herself.
To tell or not to tell...that is the question.
Part of me thinks they will be happy 'that I've done something about it' and 'am working on it'. A bigger part of me thinks they will see me as weak.
If I were able to eat normally I don't think I would be wondering what to do. If I could sit down and eat a meal with them, like them, then I could say "smaller portions more exercise". But I can't eat normally. I'll be eating long after they've cleared the table - and that's just to eat 2 friggin ounces of food! They'll notice somethings "odd" when they see that. They won't notice me turning down breakfast. I get stuck stuck stuck on first meals and am thankful that I already was a smoothie drinker in the mornings. But for this weekend, smoothies won't happen. If I can't drink breakfast, eating lunch will be out of the question. And dinner will be hard. They won't notice my odd behavior with breakfast because I've always been like that. But they'll start to put their fingers on something's different when they see lunch and dinner just being pushed around the plate. My one hope is that meals will be saucy.
Ok, thinking through the fingers now.
What would you do?
I would just tell them the smaller portions and excercise thing. I live in Cali, which part are you going to?
ReplyDeleteIt's always a hard decision about telling. When people ask that I have no intention of telling, I just say portion and calorie control. I've been in social situations, staying at people's houses and worried about my eating being weird and them noticing, but no one's ever noticed or said anything.
ReplyDeleteYou might be surprised and it may just be natural & easy for you to tell people.
I'm with Tracie. Its a hard decision to tell when you are dealing with judgemental people. I have had thick skin for a while now and don't really care what people think 90% of the time. Do and tell only what makes you feel comfortable and if they talk behind your back that shows their lack of character.
ReplyDeleteI've always felt that honestly is the best policy. The degree of honesty which you give them is up to you. I am such an open book though, I had to tell everyone about my band. It would make me more uncomfortable to have to make excuses than to just tell them about the band. If they judge you that is THEIR character flaw and their lack of education about weight loss and/or obesity. Not yours. You made a choice that is working for you, how they feel about it really doesn't matter when it comes down to brass tacks.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a wonderful time!
I am the same way Jen, i tell everyone and am not afraid of their reactions!! But if i were no wanting to tell anyone, the truth is you ARE eating smaller portions and excercising right??? :)
ReplyDeleteMy whole family knows I've struggled with weight my whole life and so to suddenly be so successful, I'm sure it makes them curious. So I go with this: I've finally taken everything I know about good nutrition and healthy living to heart and I'm making it work for me; smaller portions, more conscientious eating, more movement. If anything, the fact that you're eating slowly will show them that you're not on some fad diet or pills or something, that you really are practicing what you preach.
ReplyDeleteGood luck and enjoy California! I'll wave to the sky from LA!
I think you should probably just tell them and when you do let them know that it would be helpful if they could be supportive. Otherwise you're going to spend the whole weekend explaining why you are eating so slow and so little. I agree that if you were able to eat "normally" or in a way that wouldn't be so noticible, you could go with the eating less/exercise explanation, but that doesn't sound like an option.
ReplyDeleteI agree with others. Only share what you feel comfortable sharing.
ReplyDeleteSmaller portions and excercise have helped me with the weightloss! No one needs to know your personal busines! Have a blast! I love me some CALI time!
ReplyDeleteSmaller portions and exercise is the truth :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was banded I told Everyone but now I am starting to regret that decision so when I get a new job I wont tell anyone. But they are your family and only you know if you will feel comfortable telling them. I agree its not fair to tell the good Aunt to keep it a secret. I hope you have a wonderful time and well done on the fantastic weight loss.
ReplyDeleteTell the if YOU want to otherwise just tell them that you are eating smaller portions and exercising in order to lose weight and get healthy. There is no need to inform anyone of your little friend!!
ReplyDeleteI'm pondering about the same thing myself at the moment. I haven't told anyone, not even my family (apart from hubby of course), but I would not mind telling my parents and sisters...it's just I don't trust one of my sisters not to repeat it to her close friends, who have close links to one of my old friends who I really don't want to know and I just feel it would get around. I'm heading to Australia in November to visit my folks and I think judging on how restricted I am now I will not get away without anyone noticing...I'm just the same as you described with my food. Also, I do pb a lot...not painfully though. I've decided I will tell them. Difficult for you though as you don't feel they'll be supportive of you...I don't think I could tell people I didn't feel would be supportive. One of the things I tell people about my new 'diet' is that I use a couple of techniques to help...such as eating off a side plate and taking 20mins to eat the food as the brain takes that long to register that you've eaten. Could help explain your slow progress. xx
ReplyDeleteLD, If you've kept up with my (not so many) postings, you will see that I am/was in the same boat a few weeks ago. I have NOT told anyone in my family OR my DH's family. In fact there are only about 10 people that DO know in total about my band!
ReplyDeleteMy DH's family had not seen me since Christmas and I have lost 51 pounds. All you have to do if you decide NOT to tell them is just tell them that You have adopted a new healthy way of life and that is it... you don't limit yourself from eating a variety of things but you DO limit HOW MUCH of whatever it is that you are eating. AND you have started exercising! That is all I did and None of them took it any farther. they accepted what I told them and went on about the business at hand!!!
Good luck with whatever you decide but IF I WERE YOU, and I am not but I know what you are going thru. I would NOT tell about the band.
Tell them. We have to stop caring what others think. They don't live with you or make your meals or share your demons..until they do - they have no right to judge and if they do - that's not your problem. Easier said than done but it's another thing I'm working on...the world won't end if everyone doesn't like me. I am still me, you are still you. Band or no band - you are still amazing...
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I nominated you for the Blog with Substance Award.
ReplyDeletehttp://deepfriedpandaisms.blogspot.com