08/18/10: Happy Ha-rumph Day

It's Wednesday.  Yay.

Sadly, the heartburn doesn't seem to be any better.  And the infection that looked alright yesterday looks absolutely horrid today.  As it stands right now, I'll be going in for my appt that I already had on the books next Tues.  We shall see, we shall see.  Looks like maybe I'm allergic to even bacitracin.  Seems odd, though, I've used it before just fine.  That much I know.

So I keep talking about the blog I was gonna write.  Meant to last week and didn't have the time to do the blog justice.  Said I'd do it Tues and then was home sick.  So here is.

My aunt, the good aunt, the one I almost told...we talked long and hard about eating, about food, about nutrition, about wants and desires and habits and trends.  The conversation came up about eighteen gazillion different times and each time, it would take a different course.  All in all, it was pretty interesting.

So my family in a nutshell, cause I think it ties to the mentality.  My grandmother.  Her seven kids.  My mom was the eldest.  I was my mom's only.  One aunt has two kids, both in their late 20's.  My good aunt has one son, just turned 13.  And one uncle had one boy, he's now 31.

My grandmother - thin and absolutely dropdead gorgeous all her life.
My mom - thin and absolutely dropdead gorgeous all her life.
Uncles - all thin and fit and hikers and kayakers and basketball players (and more) all their lives.
Aunts - all thin and fit and hikers and walkers and tennis players (and more) all their lives.  One aunt being the exception, seems to struggle a bit more than the rest.
Cousins - all thin and fit and belly dancers and rock climbers and surfers (and more) all their lives.
Cousins kids - all beautiful and thin and fit.

Ok.  So.  Thin mentality vs. fat mentality, so to speak.

My grandmother studied nutrition when she went to college long long ago.  And while we know that things have changed since the 1940's, when she was in college, we also know that a lot of the basic building blocks have stayed sound over the years.  So these aunts and uncles of mine grew up with a balanced diet, the staples being protein and veggies.  There was also not a lot of money after my grandfather died (my mom was 11, the baby was 1) so there wasn't a ton of food.  This is where their worst habit was created - there was usually only enough food for 3 or 4 people to have seconds.  So the race was on to finish the plate and try to get that second serving which would leave them satisfied.

My mom passed that habit on to me.  We ate fast.  It was a feeding frenzy kind of fast, leaving crumbs all around the place setting and the table.

So my aunt (a therapist) and I start delving into the mentality that drives "fat people" vs. "thin people".  The "fat mentality" vs. the "thin mentality".

I have seen a number of blogs talk about the thin mentality.  And in a nutshell, I'd say the general opinion is along the lines of thin people don't have to think about food.  They just eat until they are full, they inherently know when enough is enough and they tend to not have cravings.

That's opposite of what I was at my worst.  I think about food.  I eat until I'm full and, in the old days, if it's good, I'd try for another bite and another bite...I did not know when enough was enough and I craved food all the time.

Being raised by a family of thin people, I'd assume I'm different than them.

But I'm not.  I learned my habits from them.

Just like me, they think about food.  It's a joke that the in-laws have about us, actually.  At breakfast, once breakfast is served, we are planning lunch.  Once we have a cuisine picked, we spend all morning figuring out the best restaurant to go to.  We'll be walking along the streets of some charming town and someone will blurt out "bbyoih" and we'll say "nah" or "yeah".  Then at lunch, once served, we are planning dinner.  And we spend all afternoon randomly throwing out new thoughts.

That's pretty obsessive to me.  But I'm the only fatty amongst thinnies.

Yes, they eat until they are full.  But on occasion, they also need one last bite (or two or three) because 1) who knows when you'll get it again, or 2) it's some random occasion we don't typically celebrate and one extra bite today isn't going to undo me, or 3) it just tastes too danged good.

Yes, they inherently know when enough is enough, but see above.  It ties together.

And finally, cravings.  Yes, they have 'em, too.  Big time.

So here we are, my aunt and I delving into the differences in personalities and how one style leads you down the fat path and the other style leads you down the thin path. 

And my aunt says, her presumption, from all the thin people she's met and all the fat people she's met, through her practice, is that thin people are the ones obsessing over food.

She says, this thin aunt who counsels people struggling with weight, that thin people worry about food far more than fat people do.  And when fat people stop and finally start worrying themselves about food, they tend to lose weight and become thin.

Fat mentality seems to be, eat when there's food and don't think about how the calories of breakfast, lunch and dinner tie together.  Don't think about the calories in a soda and it's impact on a day.  Don't think about what this extra bite really does.  Don't think about food, just enjoy and consume.  And in this not thinking, the "full" signal is usually missed, too.  So while thin people eat that extra bite every now and again, too, they do so knowing that they are already full and it's really the brain that wants it.

Thin mentality, she thinks, is more obsessive.  You might not be planning your next meal at the current meal, although you might, too, but you are thinking about how breakfast ties to lunch ties to dinner.  You are thinking the soda isn't worth an entire meal being abandoned (or maybe it is).  You are thinking this extra bite means 20 more minutes on the treadmill - and it might be ok.

It was pretty interesting.

If she's right, I've always had the thin mentality.  And once upon a time, I was thin, too.  But I threw out what I knew, what I liked best, what felt best, so that I could put on my protective coat.  And it wasn't enough when I felt I no longer needed my protective coat, to just say, I'm all fixed.  I had to figure out how to throw out the (now) old mentality.  The one where I stopped thinking.  Cause, in my case, it is true.  I did stop thinking about food.  I stopped thinking about how it all ties together and instead focused on the immediate gratification of this meal.

I'd love to hear thoughts.  I'm not saying this is gospel nor am I saying it is emperically true.  I'm just saying that this one thin person who has exposure to people battling weight, on a professional level, has told me her thoughts on the difference between herself and those she is helping and what she has seen as she has helped them on their journeys.

In my case, I think it holds up.  Because at my heaviest, at my worst, I was not thinking about what I was doing.  I was answering my wishes without thinking how it impacted the rest of the day.  I still planned lunch while eating breakfast and dinner while eating lunch.  But I didn't consider calories, protein or basic nutrition.  I considered what tasted good and even what felt like an accomplishment to cook.  I was taking the extra bites because 1) what I cooked was an accomplishment and I "earned" it...or 2) who knew when I'd cook it again, or eat at that restaurant again...or 3) I was paying for it and it wouldn't reheat so I might as well enjoy it.

I wasn't thinking about the food. I was thinking about the feelings.  I didn't pay attention to my stop signal because my stop signal always came sooner than I wanted.  In fact, I was never even hungry, the growling stomach type hungry, because I was always overeating.  And I never stopped to question whether I needed it.  It was "dinner time" so therefore...

I've said before how surprisingly easy it was for me to go back to what I knew.  I just needed something to remind me what I knew.  I had to hit bottom, I get that, but I also needed a nutritionist and an RNP to monitor that.  I appreciate the insurance required 6 month "unweightloss" program now.  I thought I did then...but for more reasons than were apparent at the time, I'm glad I fought that struggle back with a stick pre-band.  I got a lot of things out of the way back then without having to risk injury to the band.

I asked my husband a few weeks ago if he knew why I got the band.  I suspected he did not.  And I was right. 

He said "so that you could lose the weight".

Nope.  The band isn't losing my weight for me.  My weightlifting is.  My cognizance of my eating is.

The band is my reminder that I can't stop thinking about food.  And, to me, I believe that will be important for maintenance.  Because if I ever stop...I'll get back to where I was.  It's too easy to eat around the band.  Being too tight taught me that.  Because I couldn't eat my nutrion at my main meals, I had to pursue other things I don't usually go for - chocolate, ice cream, etc (not nutritious, I know).  Last night, I knew what I needed calorie wise, protein wise, and I ate accordingly.  And for once, in over two months, I was able to eat it.  I was able to enjoy it.  And I ate it.  And I never needed another snack, another night time snack, another drink of this - nothing.  I was fine.  With just that meal. 

Anywho...thoughts?  Opinions?

And like I said, this is not a declared right/wrong thing.  It was her opinion and I thought it had merit because 1) she's never struggled with her weight and 2) she counsels people professionally and has helped multiple people through their weightloss programs.  I thought it was an interesting view.  THAT IS ALL.  In my case, I can see what she was talking about, but that does not mean "this is the thin mentality".  It is entirely possible that my family is nuts.  And...it's true...my family is nuts!