05/26/10: Once upon a time...

...I had delusions of a restricted appetite.

And then I woke up.

My hubby made a comment to me last night that he was impressed that so far, really, it's been me making sure I eat less.  The band certainly isn't stopping me.  And my hunger isn't fading.  I eat 4oz at a meal and I'm good for about 2-3 hours.  I want to eat 4oz at a meal and be good for 5 hours.

Not happening.

I eat 5-6oz at a meal and I'm still only good for 2-3 hours.

I have to snack.  I'm picking wise snacks and eating little amounts - things like 2oz of cottage cheese or 1.5oz of yogurt with .5oz of granola.  Not bad choices and very little amounts. 

But I really don't want to be snacking.  It's just what I have to do to be held over until the next meal.

I hope this fill on Friday changes this. 

After my hubby's comment to me about how impressed he is that I'm pretty much doing this with little help from the band I said 'yeah, but I'd really like some help'.  Cause I would.  Like some help.  I would.  I mean it.

On the other hand, I like that 1) pretty much everything is still on my list.  I am reminded of the band when I try to eat bigger bites, when I try to eat a hamburger bun with a hamburger in it, when I try to eat rice quickly, when I try to eat regular sized bites of steak.  At least regular for my old eating, not nickel sized, basically.  And 2) the band does remind me that it's fine to eat less.  I wouldn't say it tells me when I'm full.  But it gives me feedback much more quickly than I got feedback pre-band.  I rarely get "full" though, I have to eat more than 4oz to do so.

But it's not restricting me.  I'm restricting me.  And I want some help, dangit.  Yes, I can do this and yes, I am doing it and yes, I've been doing it.  But if it was as easy as me doing it, I wouldn't have needed/wanted the band.

I keep thinking I'm getting glimpses of restriction but really I'm not.  I might get a tidbit of feedback during one meal and then just as quickly, I have no limitations during the next meal.

I hope this fill on Friday changes this.

While I am doing this and can do this...I'm also starting to test the waters.  Last night I ate 8oz for dinner on purpose.  Uh oh....

It was good healthy food and the calorie count still kept me under 1200 for the day.  But I pushed it because I could.  And that's why I needed a band.  I was hoping that eating 8oz for dinner would stop me from wanting my snack after my workout.  I want to not snack, dangit!  Nope.  I needed the snack.

I know this can be done - me not snacking.  I'm not usually a snacker!  Snacking wasn't what got me into trouble - portion size was.  So I just, quite simply, want to get back to what I was doing pre-band and that was NOT SNACKING!

I hope this fill on Friday starts to make a difference!

I will keep on keepin on until the fills start to get me somewhere.  I know that this period is rough and that it undermines what we think we've done to our bodies.  And I won't let it.  I will keep it in check and keep doing what I've been doing - eat 4oz at a meal and 2oz for a snack.  I just can't wait until the snacks are no longer needed.

I wish I could understand why 4oz at a meal ends up needing a 2oz snack 2-3 hours later.  You'd think...then eat 6oz at a meal and be done.  That doesn't work.  I eat 6oz...2-3 hours later I still want a snack.  I eat 8oz...2-3 hours later, I still want a snack.  So what I've discovered in the last 6 weeks is that I somehow am  best off eating 4oz at a meal and getting that 2oz snack.

In other news...well...nothing.  I've upped my weights for the week and I'm enjoying this week.

Scale is now consistently saying 229.   Ohh!  Funny story!  With me and the scale.  Yesterday.  I am still laughing my arse off about this one!

I got up, peed, brushed teeth, turned shower on, took night shirt off...and got on the scale.  Normal routine.  It said 229.  So I got off, let it turn itself off, then hit the set so that I could record this under my history.  I get it to my history and then get back on the scale.  230.8.  What?  Get off, let it turn off, hit set to try again.  It just told me 229 so I know I can do this.  Get back on the scale - 230.8.  Are you kidding me?

(I will only update my history when it's a new low.)

Whatever.  I'm 229 you friggin idiot.  YOU just told me that!

I take my shower.  A glutton as usual, I get out of the shower, dry off, get back on the scale.  229.  Get off, hit set...230.8.  WHAT?  Get off....hit set...get back on...230.8.

Whatever.  Go to hell.  I'm 229...YOU told me that and that is all I will accept!  And I walked away.

Today...229.  I got off...hit set...and it gave it to me again.  229 is officially recorded in the scale!  Woohoo!!!

Danged idiot!  :)

Love the scale, love the scale!!!

Happy Hump Day, y'all!