07/19/10: This sucks!

To all the Chicago attending B.O.O.B.s and all the B.O.O.B.s that wanted to....I'm bummed.  I am now, apparently, joining the ranks of the "want to's".  We've had to cancel our trip to Chicago which was going to be followed with a trip to WI to see my in-laws.  A few things have fallen apart over the past two weeks and we just can't swing this trip. 

There's part of me that wants to scream "it's not fair" but I also know it is what it is.  And someday in the future it will work out. 

So there's my big "This sucks".

No other real news with me.  I'm exhausted and I have a migraine that is going back and forth with me.  Came on last night and I went to sleep.  This morning it was still there.  But I had no choice but to go to work today and it dissipated slightly this morning but is now back with a vengeance.  It's the whacky weather that always gets me.  I have to have three things align to make migraines happen and they are all in place right now.  Exhaustion, stress, and whacky weather.  Exhaustion and stress only - I'm ok.  Whacky weather and exhaustion only - I'm ok.  But you add in that third component, whatever it is, and I'm done.  I rarely get them in the summer because the weather is usually better...but it sure is whacky this year!

Started the weightlifting again last week and didn't succeed in finishing the week.  That exhaustion thing.  Not going to bed, last week, until 1am each night and back up at 5...you just can't sustain that...and by the end of the week, it was all we could do to just get home and fall on the couch.  Thank God for leftovers!  At least I didn't resort to fast food again!

We had some friends over to swim on Saturday and my friend commented to me that I look great.  Aww...thanks!  She asked how I've been doing with everything.  I said it's been pretty awesome.  For the last four weeks (prior to last week), I was not able to work out or even cook at home for a variety of reasons.  And through those four weeks, my weightloss did not stop - although it was a trickle.  I was eating fast food and not weightlifting or swimming much or anything and I would say I was able to maintain where I was.  I did not slide backwards!  Before the band, that would have been a downhill slide situation.  THAT is why I wanted the band.  Life happens sometimes!  I know I should be better about making workouts happen no matter what but sometimes there just isn't enough time in the day and we have a horrendous commute.  I have learned the things I can order for fast food that don't screw me over, too, and then the decreased appetite helps.

I am finding that getting to eat food is interesting, still.  I thought, at the end of last week, that it was loosening up again, and Saturday, I was fine, for example.  I ate my three meals and I ate what I wanted to - just the right amount at each meal (on average, 4oz for me, and I rarely finish that nowadays) and no snacks.  I could eat what I wanted, just not much of it.  Friday was good - smoothie for breakfast, chicken salad for lunch and pulled pork smothered cheese enchilada for dinner (so healthy, eh?)  Saturday was good - smoothie for breakfast, chicken tenders for lunch with one southwest egg roll, and dinner was chicken enchilada casserole.  So then I'm thinking, Sunday should be good, too.  Smoothie for breakfast - fine.  Genghis Grill for lunch - nope.  Chicken and green beans for dinner - nope.

It's so weird how it's so day to day.  One day I can eat....the next day...food goes down v.......e.......r.......y......slowly.  So weird!  So inconsistent.  I was thinking this month would be better than last because maybe hormones affect it...but...nope.  I don't know what it is.  I just know that one day it's fine and the next day it's not.  If they tried to give me a fill on Saturday - they'd think they needed to give me more.  If they tried to give me a fill on Sunday - they'd think they needed to take some out.  Odd.

Well...not much else going on with me.  Hoping this migraine goes away so that I can be me!  I want to workout tonight but I know that working out with a migraine is horrific...so I won't try...if I can just have a window I'll take it.  Since I've already had a window this morning...I'm hoping I can get one tonight, too!  And then sleep.  I WANT SLEEP!

I have to finish with thoughts on Chicago.  It sucks.  I hate this!  There are so many people I want to meet and put reality to.  I hate that y'all will go and create some fun and fantastic memories and I'll be left on the sidelines wishing I'd been there.  But everything happens for a reason, that much I know, too.  Maybe it's not this year...hopefully it will be next year.  But I WILL meet y'all.  It WILL happen!