02/25/11: The update and the thoughts

Part 1: The update
So, in a final push for my company's "pay for pounds" incentive, I went all out and did a pre-op diet, slightly modified.

Here was my thing.

Breakfast = 3oz of our homemade smoothie and 12oz of coffee w/ cream (half n half) and sugar
Lunch = a protein shake.  I used Isopure whey isolate zero carb chocolate powder and at first was mixing it with milk, but the final three days, mixed it with water.
Snack = if I had anything it was edamame, a half a deviled egg, or a "just my size" navel orange.  More days than not, I had nothing.
Dinner = 3-4oz of protein and veggies galore

I did this diet for a total of 10 days.  One Sunday fell into this mix and on that particular Sunday, I took the day off.  That meant:

Breakfast = nothing
Lunch = a cup of wonton soup and 3oz General Tso's chicken
Snack = edamame
Dinner = pasta fagiole without the pasta.

So, for starters, something we came across during this time is my newfound "I'm so in love with you, dinner".

Veggies galore.  We've been using a mix of asparagus, zucchini, broccoli, bell peppers, red onion, snow peas, green beans, baby corn, mushrooms, and carrots.  We measure out 1/8 cup of olive oil into a measuring cup.  Add a dash of lemon juice (to your taste), Italian seasoning (herbs - rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil), and salt to taste.  Sometimes we add pepper, sometimes we don't.  Whisk that all together and toss with your veggies.  Then saute the veggies.  We have a wok which suits perfectly but a large skillet works, too.  Sometimes, it's just the veggies.  Sometimes we add chicken, too.  So incredibly yum!!!!

Well, with that concoction, I felt like I was on cloud nine.

So how did this all go?

On day one, I was hungry - read, snacky.  Given my current restriction, I'm rarely ever hungry nowadays.  But snacky, well, snacky I was plenty of.  And day one, I wanted my snacks.  The "just my size" navel orange was perfect to get me over that hump.

Check your grocery store for these "just my size" fruits.  Ours carries the typical monstrosity apples and oranges...but they have also started carrying the "just my size" which is a true serving!  I don't need an apple the size of a grapefruit, thank you very much.  More isn't better!  And luckily, we aren't being charged more for the proper size, either, but in fact, less!

Anywho, on day two, I was still snacky but not nearly as much.

Day three.  Snack?  What?  Why?  Why would I want a snack?

And it's improved from there.  At this point, I find I'm having to remind myself to eat/drink the smoothie in the morning.  At this point, I have gone six days without a soda.  At this point, I feel like I am completely back in control.  At this point, I feel like I no longer have to rely on my fill level to remind me to eat "proper" amounts.

It's turned around so incredibly drastically!  I love it!

And what's the progress?  I started at 201.  On weigh-in day, Weds, I was at 195.  So, no, I didn't make the 180's by my weigh-in (pay for pounds incentive) but that's ok, that was drastic!  But I made great progress.  What I'm most proud of is regaining control!  The weightloss is an added bonus.  The weightloss for the pay-for-pounds incentive came in at 62 lbs lost so that's a nice little chunk that's going to get added to my checking account in the next two months or so.

I keep saying I'm going to start up my weightlifting again but I can tell you why I'm not, at this point.  I mentioned Tuesday that we have friends staying with us until they can move into their new home.  I am pretty sure I'm gonna keep finding excuses until the move out.  That is expected to happen on March 7th.  I'm pretty sure that on March 8th, I'll be hittin my gym hard.  In the meantime, I have actually gotten up and started doing things I've been being lazy about - yardwork (read, pulling weeds), pool work (read, fixing equipment), and general housework, above and beyond typical stuff.  I know me and I know what this all means and, in effect, it means I'm shaking off the cobwebs so that when I do get going, I will get going.  Priming myself, so to speak.  I will probably add in some treadmill time between now and the 7th, but I doubt I'll add in weightlifting.  Probably a poor excuse as to why, and I won't go into it here, but there is a why and I'm not comfortable "just doing it".

Anywho, what I can say, at this point, is if you are struggling for any reason, the pouch test or three to four days of the pre-op diet should do wonders!  I talked about doing this back in December and ultimately talked myself out of it.  Next time I think I need it, I will know how different I was on the other side and how worth it it is.  No sodas for six days is huge for me!

I also know that mindset matters.  Up until last week when I started this, I wasn't ready.  If I'd pushed this back in December, I probably would have failed and made things worse for myself.  Being able to do this, now, tells me where I am with how the last four months have gone.  I feel like I've turned a corner and I'm glad I gave myself permission to just not stress the food.


Part2: The thoughts
Your comments all really touched me with yesterday's blog.  First off, I wrote the above chunk on Tuesday so that it would be ready to post when I left the doc's office on Weds.  Little did I know that so much else was going to come of those doc appts.  I literally forgot about the blog.  It's kind of eerie, now, reading that - knowing where my mind was on Tues and now knowing how differently I'm thinking today.

So, back to the comments - Ronnie and Amy - I'll never leave you.  I won't leave any of you.  If this really does go the route of unbanding, I am sorry, but I'll always consider myself a bandster.  I'm hoping that there is (can you believe how sick my brain is?) some scar tissue around my stomach and that I will always have the stoma now.  I'm hoping that it's "just enough" to remind me but not so much as to 1) cause the auto-immune response and 2) leave me still unable to eat friggin salad.  :)

I hope that makes sense.  What I hope is that removing the band "fixes" me.  But doesn't take me back to where I was pre-band.  There is a blogger, one I think who's gone quiet, who had to get her band out last year and after she did, it was discovered she had so much scar tissue that she was effectively still banded.  In her case, it was no longer adjustable.  But it was a good restriction level for her.  I guess I'm hoping for something along those lines.  Something "just enough" to remind me.

I honestly don't know if it's the material of the band I'm reacting to or if it's just something in me that's causing the problem.  I have a breast implant in one breast and it has never caused problems.  Both docs I saw on Weds were of the mindset that it's where the band is that's a factor not so much as what it's made of.  Nonetheless, it's highly likely that the band is made of something other than what my breast implant is - so it is also possible that one is ok with my body and the other is not.

So, back to the comments - again...  I love all y'all.  I know that blogging will help me no matter what happens.  I can read your blogs and that helps me.  I can write 'em - and you know I write 'em long - and that helps me.  And when y'all comment on my novelas, well, there is just a profound level of support in every word you type.  I know that banded or not - blogging is really what's behind my progress.  I've seen firsthand in my journey that little blogging begot little weightloss.  A higher commitment to blogging and commenting - helped my weightloss commitment.  Even with the band, I can still eat badly and stall out - and I have.  The band can't solve commitment.  It's highly likely that if you go through everything to get the band, you are probably more likely to commit.  But it's not a given that the commitment is there.

I am committed today like I have never been.  And I know I can carry that over.  And I also know, now, that I know what I can do to help me get back in the game.  The pre-op diet will always be an option.  So it's interesting to me that this news comes after me figuring out a gimmick (so to speak) for rebooting my brainwaves.

Anywho, I'm just rambling now.  My thoughts are so very all over the place.  I do know that whatever will be will be and right now, today, I'm in a hurry up and wait phase.  I will know answers next Thursday and if the official answer is "get the band removed" then I actually want it to happen quickly.  This is nowhere near where I thought I would be headed this time this year.  Getting pregnant is back off the table and that really sucks but it's more important to fix this. 

Enough rambling!

One last thing - an NSV - everything in my closet fits right now!  Size 10 dresses and blouses.  Size 14 pants.  I am still wearing 18's because I am so comfortable in them - but I'm swimming in them.  Turns out, my lackadaisical attitude about shopping means I am skipping right past 16's and going straight to 14's!  I have got to go shopping now!  I have a number of things I am going to get tailored down because I just can stand to see them go...but it's crazy.  Everything in my closet fits.  I have a few things in a chest, 7 for all Mankind and True Religion jeans, for example, that I still have to shrink some more for...but I'm getting there. 

I will never let this go!

Ok, I'm really done now.

Have a great weekend y'all!