03/11/10: Day 6

Welp, I'm feeling a little deflated.  I went off to call yesterday exactly when I said I would - when I published yesterday's blog.  I ended up on hold for nearly 15 minutes before the first person answered the phone.  And when she answered the phone, I immediately had that impression of 'this person doesn't care about helping customers'.  There was no sense of being able to appeal to her humanity there...

And she said the paperwork hasn't been received yet.  So the first thing I can do for myself is find out from my advocate whether the paperwork was submitted via fax or via mail.  From when it was faxed, I was told to expect 48 to 72 business hours for it to enter the system.  If it was mailed, then they have to scan it in once they receive it and then the 48 to 72 business hours starts from there.

But she went on.  And I really wish she hadn't.  She said that even though this surgery may be deemed medically necessary, it is and always will be elective.  And because of that, no one will ever place my paperwork ahead of another case that truly is medically necessary.  So I should not expect to get an answer for at least 45-60 days after they receive all the paperwork - which as I now know, they have not received yet.

45-60 days?  UGH!

That puts me into the realm of this will have to wait until next year.  I will literally throw a roadblock in my career if this goes into May.  I am registered to attend my final four courses this year - the first one being in May.  These courses will get me out of the training program and get me into a whole new world of opportunities and possibilities.  If I don't make that one in May, I won't be able to attend the two in July or the one in Sept as each course builds on what preceeded it.  Right now, there are no additional opportunities meaning I would not be able to register for another batch of courses until next year.  So, as I hope you can see, this is a pickle.  My health or my income, career, and life as I know it?  Furthermore, my hubby and I are waiting to try to get pregnant until my weight is under control.  So we are also playing around with having a family here!

So, then it seems I should say, well, I will have to wait until Nov.  But this training program - in addition to attending these courses and successfully passing them I will also have to run my own project from start to finish.  I will finish my last course in Sept which gives me three months to complete a project.  If I can do that, I will finish the training program this year and get promoted (a measely *dripping sarcasm* 15% pay raise there plus I would finally be eligible for merit raises, not just COL raises - which no longer exist courtesy of our fine economy).

So this window I keep talking about...it feels like it's about to slam shut on me.

I hope it doesn't.  It aint over yet.  But I am feeling a little deflated....

On the weightloss front - I didn't gain or lose an ounce.  That's remarkable!  Wanna know why?  Cause I ate like a bad girl yesterday!  See...if I have to wait 60 days for this surgery - which I can't actually do, 60 days will mean no surgery for me in 2010 - then I am not doing this pre-op diet for that long.  It's hard to be committed to it, now, knowing that it's not likely for the surgery to even happen within two weeks from now, let alone within 60 days or even two weeks from last week.  So, we went to the rodeo last night.  I ate...you ready for this?  I split a sausage with my husband.  No bun, just sausage.  I shared chicken tenders with my husband.  Yes, fried and breaded chicken tenders.  I even ate a few steak fries and a few fresh made potato chips.  Oooohhhh...BAD GIRL.  To make it even better, I split a funnel cake with the other three people I was there with.

I don't care.  My life is not about deprivation.  My life is about the wisest choice 90-95% of the time and owning my decision in that 5-10% of the other time.  I own last night.  I enjoyed last night.

So yeah, if surgery happens in the next two weeks (which I'm pretty sure it won't unless I fall into a zillion dollars and suddenly find I can be a self-pay option), then I might be screwed.  But, like I just said under my breath, I'm pretty sure it won't.

I got up this morning fully expecting an increase on the scale.  And there was not one.  There also wasn't a drop.  Ok.  I'm back on the diet.  I need to lose 6 more pounds to be "good for surgery" and I know I can do this.

I also know that between now and next Friday, I will not cheat again.  But when it gets to next Friday and I still haven't heard a word...I'm actually going to continue on with this diet - but let myself have a cheat day.

After my phone call yesterday to my less-than-helpful-insurance-company, I sent an email to my advocate asking whether they faxed in the paperwork or mailed it.  That way I could have a start time for when the ins co's clock for getting the paperwork in the system should have started.

She emailed me back this morning and said it was faxed.  And I realized...'why don't I ask her what her experience has been like with this ins co?'

So I did.

She said she's gotten answers from them as quickly as 21 days - and that person's paperwork was initially sent to the wrong department.

So 21 days from when they receive it?  Let's say they receive it today.  3 weeks from today for an answer?  But wait.  I'm calling them now so hopefully I can help avoid the wrong department issue.

Still not two weeks away.  But certainly not 60.  And if this is early April, well, it is what it is.  I can make April work.  It's not ideal.  I lose opportunities at work.  I cause problems at work.  But it doesn't derail my training program.  So it is what it is.

So...I can say whole-heartedly right now, I love my advocate.  She gave me some hope back.  Hope that if I stay on this and fight a good nice friendly fight, I can still make this work.  She is behind me.  I know that completely.  She is letting me email her and vent and express my frustrations and she's sincerely saying 'it will be ok'.  And sometimes I just have to hear that.  Like with the comments.  I love 'em.  I am one of those people that needs feedback.  And she's not holding that against me.

I am so glad to have been sent to this bariatric center...soo sooo very glad!

And that's what I know.  Just trying to hang in there!

Have a good day y'all!