03/12/10: Day 7

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone that commented yesterday!  I really needed that and there were some really great points made, too!  It's nice to not be alone in this.  Most all of you have had to endure insurance jokes yourself and knowing I'm not alone in this frustration really helps.

I've decided that one of the things that is making this worse is that I have already started the pre-op diet.  I think my pea brain decided last week, when I heard to go ahead and start it, that it meant they believed I'd get a quick response.  In my pea brain, I said to myself, well, they've worked with my ins co before, so they have an idea on what to expect.  Telling me to be ready in two weeks meant they've experienced that before.

Truth is, they haven't.  The fastest response they've gotten from my ins co was 21 days.  That is not two weeks.

Math isn't my strongest (says the geophysicist) but it's also not a stretch for me to be able to do some of that-there-figuring-stuff.  I think most can come up with 21/7 is not 2!

So here I am, trying my best to do a pre-op diet I really can't stand.  It's not natural to not eat.  And I'm not talking about going crazy with the junk food/fast food/crap food eating.  I'm talking about a balanced, low fat, high protein, reasonable carb diet.  I can do this diet.  It's not that I can't.  But I choose not to do it for months.

And, for all I know, that's what they are asking me to do.

So I'm back to something similar to my original plan.  Originally, I was going to mostly do this pre-op diet for about a week so that I could "ween myself onto it."  Then when it came time for the two weeks real thing, I would do so.

By "ween myself onto it" I mean that I will eat carbs with dinner on occasion.  If I want some rice, I will eat some rice - although that is definitely not typical.  I will do the smoothie for breakfast and the shake for lunch.  But dinner I am going to relax about.  Relaxing for me means I might have a starch.  And then again, I might not.  Having the option is what I am after.

If I have 60 days to wait - I am not going to do this pre-op diet for that whole duration.  60 days really does not work with my employment situation so I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  But I truly don't feel in my heart like this will take 60 days for an answer.  I think, realistically, the end of April is probable, if I even get a "yes".

And there's the other caveat.  I'm not going to do this pre-op diet hard core all the way and then be even remotely ok about a "no".  Not that I'd ever be ok with a 'no', but it would be easier to stomach which will make the appeals process a little easier to tackle.

So, there I am.  I think, when I started bouncing ideas around in my head, and then when my sweet wonderful hubby heard me out and started telling me how I am with life, at the core of my stress was this pre-op diet.

The other thing that goes along with this, though, is that what-if's come into play.  What-if my ins co somehow manages to give an answer on Monday and it turns out the 23rd is still a possibility.  Will I be ok with having to say 'can't do it cause I didn't follow the pre-op to a 'T'?'  And that is where I know I've found peace.  Yes.  Yes, I will be ok with whatever comes to pass.  Because I won't feel like a deprived bird.  And who knows...if the goal is to just be 10 pounds down - and I'm already 5 down - and I keep working mostly...maybe it will all be moot anyway!  Whatever it is, I am owning this decision and I will not beat myself up for what may or may not come to pass.

So no more "Day X" blogs.  Cause I'm really not that into keeping track of how long this might take.

Have a great Friday y'all!