03/16/10: It's my hump day

I love short weeks!

My sweet hubby and I are taking thurs and fri off to watch basketball.  Yep.  You heard me.  Two days - actually four, cause it will be on all weekend, too, of basketball.

We are two people of the mindset that thinks that the majority of interesting basketball (on the college level) occurs in the tournament.  March Madness. 

We have an open house style party that we do for this madness.  People will come and go, lounging in the pool (which is now being heated) will occur while sipping beers.  Our spare plasma will get moved outside so that no matter what, basketball won't be missed.  Last year, we incorporated a crawfish boil into this, as well as a shrimp thing.  Can't call it a shrimp fry - they weren't fried.  They were marinated and then grilled.  Anywho...  Poker will be played and relaxing will be done.

It should be fun.  No matter what, it will be easy-peasy.  Sleeping in.  Everyone brings food so nothing stressful for anyone.  Everyone cleans, too.  So this is a great weekend!

Since I am only working three days this week, today is my hump day!  YAY!  And tomorrow is Eeeee Zeeeee!  I have my pre-op appt all afternoon.  So...

So today I want to talk about goals, stress, and motivation.

If you are stressed about your goal you will lose motivation.

There.  I'm done. 

Ok.  Not really.  When have I ever written such a short blog?

I must interrupt quickly to say...

I wanted to go swimming last night.  I really really wanted to swim.  I didn't turn on the remote to see what the pool temp was.  I didn't go dip my toe in to see what it felt like.  I went straight to the bathroom, changed into my swimsuit and went straight out of my bedroom to the pool, grabbing the remote on the way out.  I did want to turn the light on.  When the pool kicked on and the temp registered...it was only 75.  Eeks.  Too cold for this Texan!  I had already dipped my toe in, too, and my toe concurred.  Too cold for this Texan!

It's so funny to me.  When I was a Californian, 75 was HOT!  Now it's WAY too cold!  Ok...swimming...actual full on, full force, balls to the wall swimming - good temp is around 80.  78.  Depending on if it's sunny.  It was not sunny, though, it was dark.  And 75 was just too much for me.  I've been wussified.  Hopefully the pool is ready today!

So back to motivation and stress and goals.

Goals are for pansy's.  There.  I said it.  Not sure I feel good about it, but it's out there.

Just kidding!

With that said - my goal.  My one and only goal is long term health and a better quality of life.  I could care less what the scale says - for the goal aspect anyway.

I am shooting for a range.  My healthy BMI range.  For me, that's 135-152.  If I land at 152...great.  if I land at 135...great.  Doubtful, but great.  If I'm healthy - then I've met my goal.  If I stay healthy long-term, then my goal is continually being met.

I am not even remotely worried about whether or not I will lose weight.  I will lose weight.  And I will lose that weight because I work hard for it.  The band, for me, is not a losing-weight tool.  It's a remind-me-not-to-lose-control tool.

Yes, this blog came about because of what I read on BG's blog yesterday.  BG, if I can be blunt, I think you are too stressed out about it.  But that's ok.  We all handle things differently!

For me, I don't want to stress.  I want to make wise choices and when I choose against the wise choice, I want to own that decision - and the consequences.  I want to enjoy my life. 

I think I got up here because I was stressed about eating and food and exercise.  I want to try something new.  And that's NO STRESS!

Yeah.  Doesn't that sound ideal?  Wouldn't we all love "no stress"?  I'm not talking about all the crap life throws at us.  You find who you are with that crap.  I'm talking about what I impose upon myself.  THAT I can control.

I gained weight by choice.  It was a protection measure that I thought would work - and it did.  And I always figured that when I was "all better", I would make the same choice to just lose it.  Problem is, that didn't work.  And that's when I started stressing about it.  But the more I stressed about it, the more I gained.  The more I gained, the more I felt defeated.  The more I felt defeated, the more I stressed.  It was a perpetual circle I didn't know how to break.

In the few years that I have felt "all better" and was ok with losing my protection cloak, I have learned that I can no longer trust my brain to listen to my stomach.  That's what the band is for.  My brain can't over-ride a physical reaction of pain!  There's no ignoring that.

Like I said.  No goals.  No stress.  No goals of a number on a scale anyway.

It's kind of funny because I kept telling myself - for the past month or so, to start developing goals.  And no matter how hard I thought about it, I just couldn't put a number to it.  I couldn't say "I want to lose 25 pounds in one month".  I couldn't say "I want to be at 80 pounds lost by Christmas".  I couldn't come up with anything like that.  At the heart of that, it's because that's not my goal.  My goal is to be healthy.  My goal is to reduce my risk of type II diabetes.  My goal is to lower my risks for colon cancer.  My goal is to lower my risks for heart disease and hypertension.  My goal is to be able to support a pregnancy better.  My goal is to be able to take care of my kids, physically, mentally and emotionally.  My goal is LIFE!  I can't put a scale number to that.  If I do - I lose track of my real goal.

And I've debated blogging about this.  Cause how pathetic does that sound?  I'm getting banded and I really have no specific goal in mind.  I couldn't articulate this well enough.  Until I read BG's blog yesterday.  And now I can. 

I do have a specific goal in mind.  And it has nothing to do with a number.  It is not tangible.  It will be felt.  I will be able to see it in the mirror if I choose to.  I am throwing my BDD out the window.  No longer will I say 'but I don't look like a model, so I must not be perfect' (not that I ever said that, but I hope you understand my premise there).  Instead, I will say 'I am enjoying my life and my family and my friends, so life is good!'  I will set my own standard for who I compare to.  And honestly, if I can compare to my mom - I'm doing good!

I know I will lose weight.  I will lose weight because I will be swimming and lifting weights and walking and hiking and biking.  And when all is said and done and I see my life as it should be, I will still be swimming and walking and lifting weights and hiking and biking.

So here are my goals.

I will have a waist under 30 inches.  A good waist for me is 28 but I won't stress about getting there.

I will have hips under 40 inches.  Good hips for me are 36 but I won't stress about getting there.

I will have legs that are powerful enough to lift 100 lbs (or more) in an inclined press - and they will not get tired from hiking 8 miles straight uphill.  Yes, I've done that before, but I could not do that today.

I will have a heart that is fit.  I already do - but it can be improved upon.

I will have lung capacity that lets me swim my pool - all 41 feet - down and back again times two.  I used to do a 25m pool down and back.  Yes, one breath.  Today I can do my pool - all 41 feet - down and halfway back.

I will chase my kids and not be out of breath doing so.

I will host parties and not kill my feet to do so.

I will be able to contort myself easily because there won't be a blubbery stomach in the way of me folding myself in half.

Now here's my challenge to you.  Tell me why I'm nuts to say that my scale readings should not be tied to my goals.

Love you all - this blogging business is a God send!

And thanks BG.  You rock, Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!