12/09/10: Interesting - the sequel

I bet you're dieing to know how that cupcake situation turned out.  So I'm here to tell you.

I didn't have one.  I didn't grab one, I didn't dissect one, I didn't ever even want one.

The interesting thing about cupcakes (and cake) and me is that I don't like the cake.  I like the buttercream frosting.  Can't be any ol' frosting, must be buttercream.  If it's whipped cream frosting or some luscious cream cheese frosting or some chocolate frosting or a ganache or a drizzle or anything but buttercream, I'm never interested.  But buttercream...that I like.  And when it's buttercream...I take the frosting off...and leave the cake.  Sometimes I eat the top quarter of an inch of the slice or the cupcake.  But many times...I just eat the buttercream frosting.

I never grabbed a cupcake yesterday.  Not for the cake and not for the buttercream.  Those cupcakes sat there all day long calling to me.  They were on multiple tables that I had to walk past to get to my water...or to a fork so that I could eat my little helping of tuna salad.  And I never even wanted one.  I willed myself to want one telling myself one was ok.  And I just didn't.  It didn't sound good.  It wasn't that I was telling myself to be a good bandster.  It wasn't that I was telling myself I'd ruin my "diet".  It wasn't any conscious decision to be "good".  It just was that...I didn't want one.

Who am I?

Why can't it always be like this?

I turned around and "rewarded" myself with a cup of New England clam chowder (that I shared with my hubby) served along with my fresh shrimp and scallops for dinner.  There were carbs on that plate of shrimp and scallops - along with fresh broccoli.  I didn't want those carbs, either.  I did want the broccoli.

Seriously.  Who am I?  Why is this fill changing my mindset so totally and drastically?  Why couldn't I do any of this last week before this fill?

This fill is weird.  It's interesting.  In the mornings...my smoothie barely goes down.  I mean I have to give each "sip" about five minutes to go through.  We don't add any liquid of any sort to our smoothie so it is thick-ish.  But it's drinkable...which, to me, means it's not that thick.  But there I am...having to take 45 minutes to drink a friggin smoothie.  6 oz is all I drink.

Lunch - tuna salad...that's what I've had this week...and it gurgles it's way through and takes 45 minutes to eat.  3oz is all I eat.  Forget anything else "solid" like.

But then dinner...I can eat.  Suddenly, somehow, with everything I've attempted this week, it goes through.  I don't even have to wait between bites.  Not one minute.  I have to chew and I have to take tiny bites...but it's soooooo unlike the smoothie-scapades of the mornings.

What's with that?  I mean, seriously...really? 

Breakfast and lunch leave me wondering if I'm too tight.  Dinner, on the other hand, leaves me thinking I still need more fluid in this fickle little Lady!

I am very curious to see how things unfold.  My brain says that I'm enjoying losing weight again (another pound gone this am leaving me down 6 pounds since Sunday).  My brain says that so long as this is working, I'ma stick to my smoothie for breakfast and tuna/chicken salad for lunch.  That's my typical go-to stuff for weekdays but weekends tend to be a bit more free.  But...can I have more substantial things this weekend for either of these meals?  Is it even worth it to try?  I don't want to get stuck.  I like that I have been banded for 8 months now and I've been stuck all of once and pb'ed all of never.  I want to keep it that way!  So...thinking I'm too tight....definitely a motivator to not push my limits.

But am I too tight?  Am I still too loose?  I'm baffled.  That's all I know.  How am I too tight for two meals and too loose for the third?

What I love, though - and this is a first since being banded is that I am never ever hungry.  Ever.  I have not been hungry since Saturday morning.  Around "lunchtime" if I pay attention, I hear my stomach, the lower beast, growling away.  But the upper beauty, my beautiful stoma, still says, nope, yer full.  Same thing at dinner, really.  So while I can eat dinner...the motivation doesn't seem to be there...because, well, the quest for satisfaction is moot.  I already feel satisfied!

It's soooo very strange.  I think I keep waiting for the floor to drop out on this.  I hope it doesn't.  I hope this lasts!

One more pound and I'm back to pre-pregnancy weight!  Two more pounds and I'm starting to lose new pounds!  Oh, this is so awesome!

Puff be damned - I'm moving on with my life!!!!