TGIF. TGI Friday AND the last day before a week off! It's just a great day all around!
Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I usually even enjoy it. I just love to spend my time with my hubby and family and friends MORE!
So a few things I want to pontificate on today...
1) the whole not drinking while you eat thing. I want to know why this is? Some people say it's because you feel full faster if you drink water while you eat and that means you get less nutrition in since you "fill up faster". Other people say it's because the water lets the food slide right through and you end up eating more.
So which is the truth?
Interestingly enough...I don't care, to be honest. If it's something I'm not supposed to do - I won't.
I thought I would struggle with this major change so I'm trying to change it now - while it still "doesn't matter". And turns out...I LIKE not drinking with my meals. Take lunch for example. I keep a ginormous cup of ice water beside me throughout the day. And I have been trying this don't drink for half an hour before, during or half an hour after.
Side note. I see some docs say half hours before and after. Others say hour before and after. And finally, the last group say half hour before or hour after. This leads me to question the scientific methodology behind this recommendation. But that's me and my science brain at work...and my brain is all for science...
Anywho...so I am doing the half hour thing. And I am now finding that I can eat less lunch. Not because I feel full sooner. But actually because I get to keep the taste of the food in my mouth longer.
When I drink water with each bite - I wash down the wonderful flavors of what I was eating. So I eat more - to get more of the flavors. So now that I'm not washing those flavors away, I find I don't chase the flavor any longer.
INTERESTING!
Dinner is my one stretch. I am not opposed to some beer or wine with dinner on occasion. And when that wine glass is sitting above my fork - I do tend to continue to pick it up. Furthermore - that half hour before and after thing flies out the window when the wine glass or beer mug is there.
And...breakfast...is generally a smoothie anyway. So sorry. I can't NOT drink with breakfast...
Breakfast has always been an interesting thing with me. As a kid I adamantly refused to eat the meal. My mom would feel guilty for sending me off to school without a meal - even though I insisted so she would force feed me. On the rare occasion when she did successfully force feed me - the teacher/principal would be calling around 10:30 AM saying I was sick.
To this day - if I eat breakfast - a meal before 10AM - I will get sick. A smoothie is the one thing that will not make me sick.
And my mom tried everything. A bowl of cereal. Eggs and bacon. Waffles. Oatmeal. Pancakes. Fruit. You name it. It ALL made me sick.
If she sent me to school without that - according to the medical world - required - meal, I was fine. So around about the time I was 7 or 8 - she just gave up - and I stopped getting sick!
I can eat breakfast foods. It's not the food that is the issue. It is eating something before 10AM.
Funny stuff. But like I said - I drink breakfast. And so I can't follow that no drinking before during and after thing...cause...well...
I will be curious to see how I develop with the band when I get there. Some people are tight in the morning. Some are tight in the evening. I fully expect to be tightin the morning. I mean tight. So I don't expect this to change much for the "better".
Next thing...
2) I had to go shopping last night. It was fun - for the most part. My husband and I have been in skimp mode this year and so have not done much of any shopping at all. My SIL is having her wedding reception this weekend and I realized I have nothing appropriate to wear to such events. It's just a reception - but all of my clothes that fit are either way too casual or black. So I thought 'I'll just get a little dress that I can wear to this and all the Christmas parties that are about to start'.
HAHAHA
Apparently fat people are not supposed to wear dresses this season. I went in plus size stores and NO dresses whatsoever were on the racks. I went to Macy's and Dillards to their plus size sections - and no dresses whatsoever were on the racks. Macys had one rack in their formal wear that had some quite hideous dresses to choose from. Four, to be exact. And they were all over $100. For a dress I plan to wear three times TOTAL - I don't think so! Not spending that much money on something hideous on the rack that will look even worse on me!
Prior to this summer I could still get dresses in the regular sizes but for some reason, over the summer, my stomach ballooned out. And I have no choice but to do plus sizes now. I know there are tons of options online - but this reception is on Sunday.
It was just on Weds when I turned to my hubby and said "what are you going to wear on Sunday?"
You see...I was not anticipating a full on get decked out wedding reception. The SIL and her new hubby went to Las Vegas to get married.
Hubby says "my suit".
I say "your what?"
My suit, he says. Well, maybe just the slacks, a long sleeve button down and a tie.
What, I say?
I didn't figure it would be jeans and t-shirts - but, I was thinking business casual was quite appropriate.
Nope. Business formal.
I have no business formal that fits. I have tons of clothes. But I have four pairs of slacks and about eight shirts to choose from right now. AND I DO NOT WANT TO BUY MORE! My next clothes purchases will be in the sizes of 10 and below - cause I still have tons of 12's, 14's, 16's and 18's. I will not buy another 20!
And so, perusing the stores last night - turns out, I can't buy another 20 anyway. There was NOTHING to choose from. I've decided I'm going to wear my black slacks with a nice blouse - give up on the dress idea. So I need to go out again tonight to get a blouse. But I do have to buy a new blouse. All the blouses I have are black or black and white. I am certain I will never live down wearing black to the reception.
And I have to go tonight to get this blouse...whatever blouse it might be. Tomorrow I get to go to my one Aggie game of the season.
I am a season ticket holder for Texas A&M football. I love my Aggie football and have missed all the games this season for a variety of reasons. I don't know that I could do them, anyway. A&M is "home of the 12th Man" which means we stand through the entire game. Being heavier than ever, I don't think my feet would tolerate this at all right now. I am sure I will be feeling this on Sunday - but the one thing I can say is at least I'll get in one game this season. And I'll spend the day with my best friend from college - someone whom I've not seen much of this whole year. I am looking forward to some time with her.
Following that, my hubby and I are meeting up at the SIL's house on the north side of town to spend the night. It will be SIL and her new hubby, the other SIL and her fiance and my hubby and I. I am looking forward to some time with these peeps as I genuinely like them but still don't know them all that well, even though I've been around now for almost three years. It should be fun - and then we'll all get up on Sunday and get dressed to the nines to head off to SIL's wedding reception.
Forgot a little tidbit there. SIL is wearing her wedding dress to this shindig. My hubby knew that - but I did not. And her new hubby is wearing his tux. So this isn't just a fun little congratulatory party after all...
Oh well...TGIF!!!!! Especially THIS one!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
11/19/09: Another day
Oddly, this blog is helping me get through the six months. So if you get tired of my drivel, I understand - but this is entirely about getting through this and keeping my momentum, right now anyway.
Between this blog and reading everyone else's - I'm learning a lot and generally keeping my mind occupied on something other than my impatience.
I am impatient.
Yesterday was Wednesday. Today is Thursday. That's progress! I like progress!
Why is this progress? Because sometimes one little ol' day is enough to comfort me. Yesterday - Dec 7th seemed so very far away. Dec 7th is my next weigh in. Dec 7th is, in some realm or another, my midway point for the unweightloss program. So how does going from Weds to Thurs make me feel better?
Because Weds is hump day. It's that day that's not leading into the week and it's not leading out of the week. It's just there. It was my hump day before vacation. So now I'm on the downhill slide for the week and vacation is looming.
Next week will be different. I won't be preoccupied about this - because I'll be preoccupied about something else.
And then I'll come back and have one measly week before my next weigh in. And therefore (knowing myself as I do) that will be a quick week! Couple the excitement of midway with returning from vacation and being slammed with "crap, I'm back at work" - it will be a quick week.
And then it's Christmas season, anyway. And time will fly! I'll be begging for the days when all I could do is sit here and think about this because time will speed up in the next week to something a bit beyond a blur.
So really, one day changes everything for me.
I know, I've got this whacky count down thing and now one day means it's the end of the year and I'm half way through my unweightloss program. But work with me here. If this makes me feel better - let me have it. Cause I feel better now.
All I can say is I hope there are people on this planet who don't have to twist calendars and clocks to get 'feel better' moments.
Between this blog and reading everyone else's - I'm learning a lot and generally keeping my mind occupied on something other than my impatience.
I am impatient.
Yesterday was Wednesday. Today is Thursday. That's progress! I like progress!
Why is this progress? Because sometimes one little ol' day is enough to comfort me. Yesterday - Dec 7th seemed so very far away. Dec 7th is my next weigh in. Dec 7th is, in some realm or another, my midway point for the unweightloss program. So how does going from Weds to Thurs make me feel better?
Because Weds is hump day. It's that day that's not leading into the week and it's not leading out of the week. It's just there. It was my hump day before vacation. So now I'm on the downhill slide for the week and vacation is looming.
Next week will be different. I won't be preoccupied about this - because I'll be preoccupied about something else.
And then I'll come back and have one measly week before my next weigh in. And therefore (knowing myself as I do) that will be a quick week! Couple the excitement of midway with returning from vacation and being slammed with "crap, I'm back at work" - it will be a quick week.
And then it's Christmas season, anyway. And time will fly! I'll be begging for the days when all I could do is sit here and think about this because time will speed up in the next week to something a bit beyond a blur.
So really, one day changes everything for me.
I know, I've got this whacky count down thing and now one day means it's the end of the year and I'm half way through my unweightloss program. But work with me here. If this makes me feel better - let me have it. Cause I feel better now.
All I can say is I hope there are people on this planet who don't have to twist calendars and clocks to get 'feel better' moments.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
11/18/09: It's Wednesday!
I have next week off and I can't wait! Sleeping in, spending time with friends and family - oh...and THANKSGIVING!
So two more days this week. My husband thinks my counting is off. After all - it's Wednesday morning...and we have to work Thursday and Friday still. But I say - the wake up calls are what counts...and we only have two left - so we only have two days left until a blessed week off!
So what are we going to do, you ask?
Monday: our almost one and a half year old pool will finally get it's final inspection. We will also get our carpets cleaned and I head off to see a dermatologist because I have something forming on my leg that I don't like AT ALL. We will finish off the day with a football watching where a friend/neighbor will be making his homemade pretty darn good chicken wings and fried pickles. I hate the pickles - but the wings I can do. Come on back and visit, you ten pounds you...
Tuesday: our house gets cleaned. Grocery shopping for Thurs. Make a few loaves of bread for the stuffing, sourdough dinner rolls, pies...that kind of stuff. Maybe. It depends.
Wednesday: if I haven't done the baking yet, then I will on Wednesday. I will also pre-assemble some of the dishes.
I think the interesting thing for me is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE cooking and baking. To me - it's about that, not about the food that gets consumed afterwards. I know I will enjoy this endeavor even when I can only eat two bites of turkey and one bite of stuffing.
I know this because of how I am with baked goods. I LOVE to bake pies and cookies and cakes. I love to make candy. And then I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving it all away (which is mostly a Christmas thing). What I don't give away we keep in the freezer and my hubby eats far more of it than I ever do. I am very much not a sweets person. BUT I love to make it all!
And then it will be Thursday. Up at 6 am to get the stuffing started. Get the bird in the bbq by 8am. And then watch the rest of the day unfold. Depending on what I get done on Weds and what I have left to do on Thurs – I might get some time to watch some football.
Yes, I said bbq. I will be roasting the bird in the bbq this year to free up the oven for everything else. I am curious to see how it turns out...but I don't expect much difference.
Yay for only two days left!!!
So two more days this week. My husband thinks my counting is off. After all - it's Wednesday morning...and we have to work Thursday and Friday still. But I say - the wake up calls are what counts...and we only have two left - so we only have two days left until a blessed week off!
So what are we going to do, you ask?
Monday: our almost one and a half year old pool will finally get it's final inspection. We will also get our carpets cleaned and I head off to see a dermatologist because I have something forming on my leg that I don't like AT ALL. We will finish off the day with a football watching where a friend/neighbor will be making his homemade pretty darn good chicken wings and fried pickles. I hate the pickles - but the wings I can do. Come on back and visit, you ten pounds you...
Tuesday: our house gets cleaned. Grocery shopping for Thurs. Make a few loaves of bread for the stuffing, sourdough dinner rolls, pies...that kind of stuff. Maybe. It depends.
Wednesday: if I haven't done the baking yet, then I will on Wednesday. I will also pre-assemble some of the dishes.
I think the interesting thing for me is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE cooking and baking. To me - it's about that, not about the food that gets consumed afterwards. I know I will enjoy this endeavor even when I can only eat two bites of turkey and one bite of stuffing.
I know this because of how I am with baked goods. I LOVE to bake pies and cookies and cakes. I love to make candy. And then I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving it all away (which is mostly a Christmas thing). What I don't give away we keep in the freezer and my hubby eats far more of it than I ever do. I am very much not a sweets person. BUT I love to make it all!
And then it will be Thursday. Up at 6 am to get the stuffing started. Get the bird in the bbq by 8am. And then watch the rest of the day unfold. Depending on what I get done on Weds and what I have left to do on Thurs – I might get some time to watch some football.
Yes, I said bbq. I will be roasting the bird in the bbq this year to free up the oven for everything else. I am curious to see how it turns out...but I don't expect much difference.
Yay for only two days left!!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
11/17/09: I seem to have inadvertently misplaced a few pounds
So I am on the "unweightloss" program right now. When I finally was able to see my insurance company's policy regarding weightloss surgery I read in exact terms this:
I am seriously struggling with this. In fact, with just changing my diet and not even my exercise levels, I seem to have misplaced TEN pounds over the past four days! I knew it was coming. My weight issues have always revolved around my hormone inbalances created by being a wonderful glorious woman (said dripping with sarcasm). Once a month - lasting for about a week - no matter what I do, I can't lose a single ounce. Once a month - lasting for about three days - no matter what I do, I gain five to seven pounds. And for the rest of the month, the weight melts off of me when I am behaving. Before I really discovered the trends and understood my body, this would get frustrating beyond all get out. But it's not so frustrating anymore. Now I can muscle down and just keep doing what I'm doing and know that when my hormones balance back out, I will be down.
I have said before that my weight gains have always come when I get off of birth control. It's that hormone fluctuation that makes my body go crazy. So I'm off birth control, I'm regular, and I'm "normal", too. HA!
I knew, because of where I am in my cycle, that I'd see a drop this week. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT DROP TO BE TEN FRIGGIN POUNDS!
That TEN pounds puts my BMI below 40 - therefore making me ineligible. So...I have to gain it back.
Yes, you heard me. I have to gain it back.
I really have no choice.
Unless I forego this and say "I can do this by myself". I have no doubt that "I can do this by myself". I do doubt that I can keep it off by myself. Which is why I'm here.
I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT NOW. AND I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR GOOD.
Sigh.
I don't want to gain it back. I DON WANNA!
THIS IS SO STUPID!
- Failure of medical management including evidence of active participation within the last two years in a weight-management program that is supervised either by a physician or a registered dietician for a minimum of six months without significant gaps.
I am seriously struggling with this. In fact, with just changing my diet and not even my exercise levels, I seem to have misplaced TEN pounds over the past four days! I knew it was coming. My weight issues have always revolved around my hormone inbalances created by being a wonderful glorious woman (said dripping with sarcasm). Once a month - lasting for about a week - no matter what I do, I can't lose a single ounce. Once a month - lasting for about three days - no matter what I do, I gain five to seven pounds. And for the rest of the month, the weight melts off of me when I am behaving. Before I really discovered the trends and understood my body, this would get frustrating beyond all get out. But it's not so frustrating anymore. Now I can muscle down and just keep doing what I'm doing and know that when my hormones balance back out, I will be down.
I have said before that my weight gains have always come when I get off of birth control. It's that hormone fluctuation that makes my body go crazy. So I'm off birth control, I'm regular, and I'm "normal", too. HA!
I knew, because of where I am in my cycle, that I'd see a drop this week. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT DROP TO BE TEN FRIGGIN POUNDS!
That TEN pounds puts my BMI below 40 - therefore making me ineligible. So...I have to gain it back.
Yes, you heard me. I have to gain it back.
I really have no choice.
Unless I forego this and say "I can do this by myself". I have no doubt that "I can do this by myself". I do doubt that I can keep it off by myself. Which is why I'm here.
I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT NOW. AND I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR GOOD.
Sigh.
I don't want to gain it back. I DON WANNA!
THIS IS SO STUPID!
Monday, November 16, 2009
11/16/09: EEKS!!
Whoever would have thunk it - but having all the doctor's appts last month made the first month of my "unweightloss" program fly by. However...with all the doctor's appts now out of the way...now what can I look forward to?
The only thing remaining besides the few weigh-ins I have left is to do some blood work. They told me that they would give me the lab slip for that at my next weigh in so that I can do the blood work in January.
Eeeks. Sooooooo slowwwwwww. Those appts had me feeling like I was making progress all the time. Now I feel like I can easily get derailed from all of this. When you have something to work towards, that helps. This is odd, though - I feel as though I have nothing to work towards anymore...
Sigh...I guess I'll just keep waiting.
The only thing remaining besides the few weigh-ins I have left is to do some blood work. They told me that they would give me the lab slip for that at my next weigh in so that I can do the blood work in January.
Eeeks. Sooooooo slowwwwwww. Those appts had me feeling like I was making progress all the time. Now I feel like I can easily get derailed from all of this. When you have something to work towards, that helps. This is odd, though - I feel as though I have nothing to work towards anymore...
Sigh...I guess I'll just keep waiting.
Friday, November 13, 2009
11/13/09: Oh so many thoughts
1) It's a Friday. It's the 13th. Friday-the-13th's tend to lucky days for me. I have won three contests in my life - and they've all been on Friday-the-13th's.
2) FIVE more months? REALLY? Ok. Four months and three weeks. But I want to start NOW - not play games...but here I am. I guess four months and three weeks IS better than five months IS better than six months....
3) How to eat post-band. How will it be different than now. I struggle to get my protein now, although becoming aware of this battle has helped. In the past two days I have been getting enough.
I have approached Atkins in the past as eat whatever I want - protein like. But you can't sustain that for very long without causing other problems for your body, I believe. But what if I'm incredibly selective about the proteins I select? Instead of bacon, I pick salmon. Instead of cheese cubes, I eat broccoli dipped in hummus. Can my body sustain THOSE choices longer?
I wonder. When I get banded, I am supposed to follow a high protein diet. Eat protein and then if you still can eat, then eat the veggies and then if you still can eat, then eat the carbs. Well. Out of seven days, I am supposed to avoid the carbs for six. On the seventh day, I can eat those carbs. It's my "cheat" day. If I pick a Sunday, though, to be my cheat day, then my cheat day should always fall on a Sunday. So hey, everyone, get your birthdays scheduled accordingly! Sorry, just a little blithe sarcasm, there.
Anywho, say it takes me a year to lose my weight. For a whole year - I have not really eaten "normally". When I get into maintenance mode, then the band would presumably be loosened a smidge. Which should mean my caloric intake might be sufficient for actually getting to eat the carbs. Wouldn't that cause my body to say "here we go again, better start hoarding?"
Now, it was pointed out to me this morning that with restriction, by default, you essentially are doing an Atkins diet. You just quite simply can't eat enough food to get ALL the necessary protein AND ingest the carbs. Fair point. But as my weight decreases my necessary intake of protein will, too.
This has me wondering and I will do more research.
In esseance all of this came from - you guessed it - Band_Groupie's blog! It really got me to thinking when she was blogging about not wanting to diet. She’s been there done that – and this is a lifestyle change. I agree with that whole-heartedly. And that got me to thinking – so how is doing the Atkins AGAIN, even though with a band this time, not a diet?
But. But But But But But.
I can see why people would get into smoothies and shakes because although they are sliders – they also would be a way that you might actually be able to ingest the daily recommended protein and carbs (and all that other stuff that goes with them). I, like BG, do not want to be a smoothie/shake chick, either. With one exception. As is, right now, unbanded – and it’s been this way for years – I do drink smoothies in the morning. I will not stop that post-band.
Lots of thoughts in this one little thought. Lots of research to do, too!
Next…
4) I’m such a whiner. I don’t generally consider myself a whiner – but it sure is coming across that way when I reread my blog. I am sorry for that. With the insurance situation under check, I should be getting back to my non-whiny self. Sorry for the detour…
5) I am so glad I am done with all the Dr. appt’s. I have an appt with my cardiologist this afternoon. He had me do a stress test a couple weeks ago and stated I was cleared for surgery. Today is the formality of getting the written clearance that I can turn in. With this appt done, I literally only have the weigh in appt’s left. Two of those down – four to go…
6) Four appt’s to go sounds better than five months to go. I think I’ll switch to that song and dance…33% done.
7) I want to remember what it feels like to be bloated but thin. It’s bad enough that I have to be bloated on a monthly basis, but to be bloated and fat – well…that’s just downright uncomfortable!!!! I don’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortability (like my word?) before my heavy days. And even with the heavy days – it’s still pretty recent that it’s become so dagged uncomfortable. Now there’s a strange milestone for myself…
8) Maybe my cramps will get better, too! (TMI?)
9) Does anyone else see anything wrong with failing the unweightloss program on purpose? Does our insurance industry not get what they are causing here? Added expense, wasted time, a whole plethora of negatives by creating this game. My very own insurance company cites study after study in their very own weightloss surgery policy document. One such study states that a sample group of about ~300 patients was put together. ~50 of those patients were forced to do what I have termed the “unweightloss” program. ~250 were just given the surgery. (All cases used the Lap-Band®.) The ~50 who were on the “unweightloss” program did it for real and were losing weight. Of those ~50 people, ~60% decided to not do the surgery. A year later all ~300 people were examined. The ~250 people who had the band surgery had ALL lost a minimum of ~50% of the weight they wanted to shed. Of the people who were on the weightloss program that did have the surgery, they had ALL lost weight, although not as much as those that just went straight to surgery since at the recheck they’d only been banded for six months vs. a year. But the people who thought the diet was going well and opted out of the surgery – they had ALL regained ALL of their weight back plus more, in most cases.
So here we have it. Cigna has a document citing what their policies are. In this document they backup those policies with study after study after study. And in this particular study it shows that the unweightloss program hinders weightloss! There are quite a few other studies cited in that document that show similar results. Quite a few show that the efficacy of the lap-band® is substantially greater long term than any other weight loss surgery option.
And yet there they are, playing games.
Oh well. On with life.
Only four more appts to go!
I think I’ve blogged enough today. So with that, I bid you adieu. I will be back this weekend with additional thoughts I may or may not have.
2) FIVE more months? REALLY? Ok. Four months and three weeks. But I want to start NOW - not play games...but here I am. I guess four months and three weeks IS better than five months IS better than six months....
3) How to eat post-band. How will it be different than now. I struggle to get my protein now, although becoming aware of this battle has helped. In the past two days I have been getting enough.
I have approached Atkins in the past as eat whatever I want - protein like. But you can't sustain that for very long without causing other problems for your body, I believe. But what if I'm incredibly selective about the proteins I select? Instead of bacon, I pick salmon. Instead of cheese cubes, I eat broccoli dipped in hummus. Can my body sustain THOSE choices longer?
I wonder. When I get banded, I am supposed to follow a high protein diet. Eat protein and then if you still can eat, then eat the veggies and then if you still can eat, then eat the carbs. Well. Out of seven days, I am supposed to avoid the carbs for six. On the seventh day, I can eat those carbs. It's my "cheat" day. If I pick a Sunday, though, to be my cheat day, then my cheat day should always fall on a Sunday. So hey, everyone, get your birthdays scheduled accordingly! Sorry, just a little blithe sarcasm, there.
Anywho, say it takes me a year to lose my weight. For a whole year - I have not really eaten "normally". When I get into maintenance mode, then the band would presumably be loosened a smidge. Which should mean my caloric intake might be sufficient for actually getting to eat the carbs. Wouldn't that cause my body to say "here we go again, better start hoarding?"
Now, it was pointed out to me this morning that with restriction, by default, you essentially are doing an Atkins diet. You just quite simply can't eat enough food to get ALL the necessary protein AND ingest the carbs. Fair point. But as my weight decreases my necessary intake of protein will, too.
This has me wondering and I will do more research.
In esseance all of this came from - you guessed it - Band_Groupie's blog! It really got me to thinking when she was blogging about not wanting to diet. She’s been there done that – and this is a lifestyle change. I agree with that whole-heartedly. And that got me to thinking – so how is doing the Atkins AGAIN, even though with a band this time, not a diet?
But. But But But But But.
I can see why people would get into smoothies and shakes because although they are sliders – they also would be a way that you might actually be able to ingest the daily recommended protein and carbs (and all that other stuff that goes with them). I, like BG, do not want to be a smoothie/shake chick, either. With one exception. As is, right now, unbanded – and it’s been this way for years – I do drink smoothies in the morning. I will not stop that post-band.
Lots of thoughts in this one little thought. Lots of research to do, too!
Next…
4) I’m such a whiner. I don’t generally consider myself a whiner – but it sure is coming across that way when I reread my blog. I am sorry for that. With the insurance situation under check, I should be getting back to my non-whiny self. Sorry for the detour…
5) I am so glad I am done with all the Dr. appt’s. I have an appt with my cardiologist this afternoon. He had me do a stress test a couple weeks ago and stated I was cleared for surgery. Today is the formality of getting the written clearance that I can turn in. With this appt done, I literally only have the weigh in appt’s left. Two of those down – four to go…
6) Four appt’s to go sounds better than five months to go. I think I’ll switch to that song and dance…33% done.
7) I want to remember what it feels like to be bloated but thin. It’s bad enough that I have to be bloated on a monthly basis, but to be bloated and fat – well…that’s just downright uncomfortable!!!! I don’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortability (like my word?) before my heavy days. And even with the heavy days – it’s still pretty recent that it’s become so dagged uncomfortable. Now there’s a strange milestone for myself…
8) Maybe my cramps will get better, too! (TMI?)
9) Does anyone else see anything wrong with failing the unweightloss program on purpose? Does our insurance industry not get what they are causing here? Added expense, wasted time, a whole plethora of negatives by creating this game. My very own insurance company cites study after study in their very own weightloss surgery policy document. One such study states that a sample group of about ~300 patients was put together. ~50 of those patients were forced to do what I have termed the “unweightloss” program. ~250 were just given the surgery. (All cases used the Lap-Band®.) The ~50 who were on the “unweightloss” program did it for real and were losing weight. Of those ~50 people, ~60% decided to not do the surgery. A year later all ~300 people were examined. The ~250 people who had the band surgery had ALL lost a minimum of ~50% of the weight they wanted to shed. Of the people who were on the weightloss program that did have the surgery, they had ALL lost weight, although not as much as those that just went straight to surgery since at the recheck they’d only been banded for six months vs. a year. But the people who thought the diet was going well and opted out of the surgery – they had ALL regained ALL of their weight back plus more, in most cases.
So here we have it. Cigna has a document citing what their policies are. In this document they backup those policies with study after study after study. And in this particular study it shows that the unweightloss program hinders weightloss! There are quite a few other studies cited in that document that show similar results. Quite a few show that the efficacy of the lap-band® is substantially greater long term than any other weight loss surgery option.
And yet there they are, playing games.
Oh well. On with life.
Only four more appts to go!
I think I’ve blogged enough today. So with that, I bid you adieu. I will be back this weekend with additional thoughts I may or may not have.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
11/11/09: Two great things...and one frustrating computer
I wrote up a really nice blog. I was happy with it. It was great, IMO. I was ready to post and I was reviewing it for the typos that always get through in spite of knowing better. And then it happened. My gosh-darned IE FROZE. Dead as a doornail. Couldn't do a gall-derned thing. And there it went.
LOVE the computer...
So I am going to try and replicate the great news in a great blog as best as I can. But you know how it is - the second version - from scratch - is never as good as the first.
Great thing number one - my husband and I got some news last night that totally has me relaxed about my "insurance issues". I now KNOW that I won't be the reason this doesn't happen. My ducks are in a row and things are good.
I felt like I was getting signs that were telling me to question this whole thing. And now I feel like I've got the sign that says go forth and be successful. Furthermore, go forth and be successful and shoot for the April banding!
So I feel better.
Great thing number two. And here is where I can't do this rewritten blog justice. I will certainly try too hard to capture what I had there - and that will mean that I've tried too hard and the message will be lost.
LOVE the computer.
So here's my re-effort...
A bit of background.
I've been working my way through another blog on LBT - a blog by Band_Groupie. (That is the link for the blog here on blogspot.) It is an amazing blog that is very well written, very amusing, very personal, very real! She does a lot of research for quite a lot of her blogs and she is quite able to articulate what I believe many struggle with even identifying. Her blog has been an eye-opener for me. It's also pointed out places where I am doing well, IMO. I totally recommend, at the very least, checking it out. I know there are other fantastic bloggers on LBT and I expect to find them and wander through their journey, too. To be honest, I appreciate BG's opinion, perspective and insight - I think her approach to the band is successful because of those three things and I think I can always learn how to form better opinions, have a more positive perspective and insight is always great - the more insights I can read/hear about the better able I will be to form better opinions and maintain a positive perspective.
With that said (and I'm telling you, this rewrite is totally NOT doing justice to the original blog lost somewhere in cyberspace), BG (and I know many others, because she got this from somewhere, herself) talks about http://www.fitday.com/ in a few of her blogs.
And here's great thing number two. So I wandered off to http://www.fitday.com/ to see for myself. And I decided to play with it while I'm on this "unweightloss" journey. I so totally was not expecting what I have now learned.
I have been tracking what I'm eating each day on that website for about a week now. I learned last week while visiting the nutritionist that for my current weight I should be consuming about 90 grams of protein per day.
On my best day in this past week or so that I've been tracking this, I consumed 63 grams. I am nowhere near where I should be.
And oh nelly, that actually makes things start to make sense! I have been proclaiming left and right that my calorie intake is already pretty low. And it is. My highest day was a little over 1300 calories - and that was a "binge" day for me.
But of those calories, the majority are coming from carbs and fat. I never would have expected that. NEVER!!! So now I have something to work with and play around with.
Of course, this being my "unweightloss" period, I can only do so much. But this is the perfect time for me to be adjusting to this - not later, I think.
Ugh, I wish I had my original blog back - because there were other things I pointed out and now for the life of me, I can't even remember what they were, so I can't even try to rewrite them.
Let me just say again, BG's blog is quite educational, it's fun to read and it's a great place to really learn what this process is really like. She does a great job of articulating each new discovery on her path. This process is necessarily life changing - but if you never get into the introspective phase of self-examination, I predict struggles. By reading that blog, I think I am exposing new questions which I must ask myself. And the sooner I ask - the better!
Every person's jouney will be different. Each body is unique and each's body's reaction to this process is different. Furthermore, each mindset is unique and that mindset is just as important, if not moreso, in determining success. The questions are quite important - even though the responses will all be different.
So two things here. Check out http://www.fitday.com/ and BG's blog.
What a difference a day makes!
LOVE the computer...
So I am going to try and replicate the great news in a great blog as best as I can. But you know how it is - the second version - from scratch - is never as good as the first.
Great thing number one - my husband and I got some news last night that totally has me relaxed about my "insurance issues". I now KNOW that I won't be the reason this doesn't happen. My ducks are in a row and things are good.
I felt like I was getting signs that were telling me to question this whole thing. And now I feel like I've got the sign that says go forth and be successful. Furthermore, go forth and be successful and shoot for the April banding!
So I feel better.
Great thing number two. And here is where I can't do this rewritten blog justice. I will certainly try too hard to capture what I had there - and that will mean that I've tried too hard and the message will be lost.
LOVE the computer.
^&*$($^(&%&&^*()^%&$^&*$^*
A bit of background.
I've been working my way through another blog on LBT - a blog by Band_Groupie. (That is the link for the blog here on blogspot.) It is an amazing blog that is very well written, very amusing, very personal, very real! She does a lot of research for quite a lot of her blogs and she is quite able to articulate what I believe many struggle with even identifying. Her blog has been an eye-opener for me. It's also pointed out places where I am doing well, IMO. I totally recommend, at the very least, checking it out. I know there are other fantastic bloggers on LBT and I expect to find them and wander through their journey, too. To be honest, I appreciate BG's opinion, perspective and insight - I think her approach to the band is successful because of those three things and I think I can always learn how to form better opinions, have a more positive perspective and insight is always great - the more insights I can read/hear about the better able I will be to form better opinions and maintain a positive perspective.
With that said (and I'm telling you, this rewrite is totally NOT doing justice to the original blog lost somewhere in cyberspace), BG (and I know many others, because she got this from somewhere, herself) talks about http://www.fitday.com/ in a few of her blogs.
And here's great thing number two. So I wandered off to http://www.fitday.com/ to see for myself. And I decided to play with it while I'm on this "unweightloss" journey. I so totally was not expecting what I have now learned.
I have been tracking what I'm eating each day on that website for about a week now. I learned last week while visiting the nutritionist that for my current weight I should be consuming about 90 grams of protein per day.
On my best day in this past week or so that I've been tracking this, I consumed 63 grams. I am nowhere near where I should be.
And oh nelly, that actually makes things start to make sense! I have been proclaiming left and right that my calorie intake is already pretty low. And it is. My highest day was a little over 1300 calories - and that was a "binge" day for me.
But of those calories, the majority are coming from carbs and fat. I never would have expected that. NEVER!!! So now I have something to work with and play around with.
Of course, this being my "unweightloss" period, I can only do so much. But this is the perfect time for me to be adjusting to this - not later, I think.
Ugh, I wish I had my original blog back - because there were other things I pointed out and now for the life of me, I can't even remember what they were, so I can't even try to rewrite them.
Let me just say again, BG's blog is quite educational, it's fun to read and it's a great place to really learn what this process is really like. She does a great job of articulating each new discovery on her path. This process is necessarily life changing - but if you never get into the introspective phase of self-examination, I predict struggles. By reading that blog, I think I am exposing new questions which I must ask myself. And the sooner I ask - the better!
Every person's jouney will be different. Each body is unique and each's body's reaction to this process is different. Furthermore, each mindset is unique and that mindset is just as important, if not moreso, in determining success. The questions are quite important - even though the responses will all be different.
So two things here. Check out http://www.fitday.com/ and BG's blog.
What a difference a day makes!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
11/10/09: Do you want some cheese with that?
I hate insurance. I got slapped with another insurance problem yesterday but it is what it is and therefore that's it. For history's documentation, I'll just say our deductibles are determined by our "eligible compensation". 2008's eligible compensation will be used for 2010's deductible and OOP-Max determination. And since I work in the oil and gas industry and 2008 was a boom year for exploration - my "eligible compensation" was 40% more than it was this year, 2009. So next year I have the highest deductible possible, the highest OOP-Max possible - while making 40% less (at min) than anyone else that will be in that category.
No, it's not the insurance company's fault on that one, that's my good ol' employer. And I understand the theory that my salary should always be rising. Doggoneit though I wish it were! I HATE THIS! We've had to make some very drastic cuts this year because of losing >40% of our income - and now to be slapped with this...just no pleasantness about it!
Sigh.
On with the world, though....
It is what it is.
I just feel the need to gripe and whine today. I can't believe what a GRRR process this is and then to aggravate it with these insurance issues...and then time is ticking so so very slowly.
Will this even be a possibility? I do not know. That remains to be seen. Given a 40% salary reduction that we are still struggling with and max possible deductions and OOP-Max's, well...this may be a stretch. And that just bites. But it will be next year before I know the answer to that.
Which means to continue with this gall-derned "unweightloss" program.
This program is so laughable to me. My unassurance company requires you to "fail".
Why bother with the expense then?
I think my problem is that I want to know how this all turns out! I've said before I don't deal well with uncertainty and it's still true.
I've satisfied just about all the requirements my unassurance company has.
Psych consult = done
Nutritionist visit = done
Letters of medical necessity from all following physicians = done
Clearance from Cardiologist for a non-existent issue = done
All I have left is a physical and letter of medical necessity by and from the surgeon and bloodwork (TSH test), as well as to fail the six month ridiculous "unweightloss" program.
So why do all this if 1) turns out I can't afford it or 2) turns out my unassurance company will deny it or 3) who knows what kind of poppycock excuse they'll come up with.
I want to feel like there is hope to work toward. And I do not. I want to feel like it is worthwhile and useful for me to continue with the "unweightloss" program. And I do not. I want to feel like I am moving forward. And I do not. I want to feel like five more months and I am officially onto a new life. And I definitely do not!
Sigh.
Is this unassurance quagmire a sign?
Should I be on my husband's coverage aferall? That requires a 2 year history which I don't have...but it is better coverage.
Will my husband get a new and better paying job negating all this worry I have about the financial issues?
Do I pursue a new job myself?
I hate that the business world has developed into a place where loyalty is no longer desired or even rewarded. I want to be loyal to a company. But I can't give them what they can't give me! I started with this company feeling as though - 'wow, they really want to take care of me'. Now that feeling is - 'wow, they really do not care about me!' I'd be fine if the pendulum swung to the middle - but it is now absolutely about the bottom line. Interestingly enough, moral is quite low. There will be repercussions for this, but when and how drastic are yet to be seen.
I started today with the notion that I would be begging for time to speed up a smidge. If that would happen I could at least get closer to having some answers. But it's not so much about that as a true whine-fest. Not my normal modus operandi, I believe, but it is something that does happen with me periodically.
And so now maybe I can get on with it. This is out of my system - although that isn't really true. This will fester with me for quite awhile.
I feel like this whole year has been about being slapped down. And while my husband and I both are fortunate, thus far, in being able to keep our jobs, we are certainly, as are most everyone else, enduring a year we did not quite foresee. Will this - CAN THIS - turn around?
I have to chuckle - I think my aggravation with the unassurance slaps is really because of all the fear and worry I am really feeling about everything else. I can generally roll with the punches pretty well - but sometimes the punches I react to are not really what I'm upset about.
No, it's not the insurance company's fault on that one, that's my good ol' employer. And I understand the theory that my salary should always be rising. Doggoneit though I wish it were! I HATE THIS! We've had to make some very drastic cuts this year because of losing >40% of our income - and now to be slapped with this...just no pleasantness about it!
Sigh.
On with the world, though....
It is what it is.
I just feel the need to gripe and whine today. I can't believe what a GRRR process this is and then to aggravate it with these insurance issues...and then time is ticking so so very slowly.
Will this even be a possibility? I do not know. That remains to be seen. Given a 40% salary reduction that we are still struggling with and max possible deductions and OOP-Max's, well...this may be a stretch. And that just bites. But it will be next year before I know the answer to that.
Which means to continue with this gall-derned "unweightloss" program.
This program is so laughable to me. My unassurance company requires you to "fail".
Why bother with the expense then?
I think my problem is that I want to know how this all turns out! I've said before I don't deal well with uncertainty and it's still true.
I've satisfied just about all the requirements my unassurance company has.
Psych consult = done
Nutritionist visit = done
Letters of medical necessity from all following physicians = done
Clearance from Cardiologist for a non-existent issue = done
All I have left is a physical and letter of medical necessity by and from the surgeon and bloodwork (TSH test), as well as to fail the six month ridiculous "unweightloss" program.
So why do all this if 1) turns out I can't afford it or 2) turns out my unassurance company will deny it or 3) who knows what kind of poppycock excuse they'll come up with.
I want to feel like there is hope to work toward. And I do not. I want to feel like it is worthwhile and useful for me to continue with the "unweightloss" program. And I do not. I want to feel like I am moving forward. And I do not. I want to feel like five more months and I am officially onto a new life. And I definitely do not!
Sigh.
Is this unassurance quagmire a sign?
Should I be on my husband's coverage aferall? That requires a 2 year history which I don't have...but it is better coverage.
Will my husband get a new and better paying job negating all this worry I have about the financial issues?
Do I pursue a new job myself?
I hate that the business world has developed into a place where loyalty is no longer desired or even rewarded. I want to be loyal to a company. But I can't give them what they can't give me! I started with this company feeling as though - 'wow, they really want to take care of me'. Now that feeling is - 'wow, they really do not care about me!' I'd be fine if the pendulum swung to the middle - but it is now absolutely about the bottom line. Interestingly enough, moral is quite low. There will be repercussions for this, but when and how drastic are yet to be seen.
I started today with the notion that I would be begging for time to speed up a smidge. If that would happen I could at least get closer to having some answers. But it's not so much about that as a true whine-fest. Not my normal modus operandi, I believe, but it is something that does happen with me periodically.
And so now maybe I can get on with it. This is out of my system - although that isn't really true. This will fester with me for quite awhile.
I feel like this whole year has been about being slapped down. And while my husband and I both are fortunate, thus far, in being able to keep our jobs, we are certainly, as are most everyone else, enduring a year we did not quite foresee. Will this - CAN THIS - turn around?
I have to chuckle - I think my aggravation with the unassurance slaps is really because of all the fear and worry I am really feeling about everything else. I can generally roll with the punches pretty well - but sometimes the punches I react to are not really what I'm upset about.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
11/08/09: I had an interesting break through yesterday...
Weekends are always the hardest time for me to continue watching what I eat, I think. During football season the downfall is beer and bar food. During the rest of the year the downfall is beer and bar food, but on a lesser scale.
When you are sitting in front of the fantabulous tv we spent a fortune on last year you want to eat chicken wings and french fries. And you reason to yourself - how often does football season come along? Come on, enjoy...
Ok...so not really. I'm exagerating. I generally can't sit still long enough to watch a game with my husband and I'm generally bouncing into the kitchen to make some something or another for the guys that accumulate in front of the amazingly fantabulous tv that cost a fortune.
But I had a breakthrough nonetheless.
Saturday mornings I can usually claim that tv for myself while the hubby snoozes away the morning. And I will watch one or two of the shows that I have dvr'ed over the week while I can.
So yesterday, I sat down to watch one of those shows, all nuzzled up in a cozy throw with my doggie curled up in my arms. I was happy as a clam and snug as a bug in a rug. It's things like that that make me proclaim "I love the fall!"
Towards the end of watching that show, an hour long but when you count in the fast forwarding through commercials, it turns into 40 minutes, I started to think to myself I've got the munchies.
And then I asked myself the best question I've ever come up with for anything in life.
"Why?"
And I couldn't answer it. There was no answer. I was not hungry. I'd had a great breakfast and it was holding me over. It was nowhere near time for lunch. And when I realized all of that - I was fine.
I went on with my morning. When the show was finished I moved myself to my computer to take care of the bills and such. As I was sitting here thinking about things, I realized I had the munchies again. By this time, I had eaten lunch and I had a fantastic glass of water sitting beside me.
I interrupt this program to say "I have not had a soda in over two weeks now!"
Back to the program at hand. So I ask myself again - that most awesome-ist of questions...
"Why?"
And I got the same result.
I couldn't answer it. There was no answer. I was not hungry. I'd had a great lunch and it was holding me over. It was nowhere near time for dinner. And when I realized all of that - I was fine.
From there the day progressed. Through watching football and the rest of the afternoon, I never did have a munchie moment again.
I ate a dinner that was fantastic and quite satisfying.
And then the day was over.
I always munch on Saturday's and Sunday's!
Today was not so successful. I made home made snickerdoodles last weekend. We freeze our cookies and pull out what we want when we want them. But when you have to thaw a cookie it makes you question whether you really want it - if you even remember they are there. So I had two cookies today.
I did not eat a satisfying breakfast or lunch today and that equated to "needing" something this afternoon. But when I realized that, I did go for a more protein rich snack.
So...interesting...
Ironically, I generally give myself credit for being someone that doesn't eat unless I'm hungry. My mom said that about me, actually. But in this journey to being overweight, I am discovering, I rewrote my definition of hunger.
I'd call that a break through.
Can I get back to my once upon a time mentality?
When you are sitting in front of the fantabulous tv we spent a fortune on last year you want to eat chicken wings and french fries. And you reason to yourself - how often does football season come along? Come on, enjoy...
Ok...so not really. I'm exagerating. I generally can't sit still long enough to watch a game with my husband and I'm generally bouncing into the kitchen to make some something or another for the guys that accumulate in front of the amazingly fantabulous tv that cost a fortune.
But I had a breakthrough nonetheless.
Saturday mornings I can usually claim that tv for myself while the hubby snoozes away the morning. And I will watch one or two of the shows that I have dvr'ed over the week while I can.
So yesterday, I sat down to watch one of those shows, all nuzzled up in a cozy throw with my doggie curled up in my arms. I was happy as a clam and snug as a bug in a rug. It's things like that that make me proclaim "I love the fall!"
Towards the end of watching that show, an hour long but when you count in the fast forwarding through commercials, it turns into 40 minutes, I started to think to myself I've got the munchies.
And then I asked myself the best question I've ever come up with for anything in life.
"Why?"
And I couldn't answer it. There was no answer. I was not hungry. I'd had a great breakfast and it was holding me over. It was nowhere near time for lunch. And when I realized all of that - I was fine.
I went on with my morning. When the show was finished I moved myself to my computer to take care of the bills and such. As I was sitting here thinking about things, I realized I had the munchies again. By this time, I had eaten lunch and I had a fantastic glass of water sitting beside me.
I interrupt this program to say "I have not had a soda in over two weeks now!"
Back to the program at hand. So I ask myself again - that most awesome-ist of questions...
"Why?"
And I got the same result.
I couldn't answer it. There was no answer. I was not hungry. I'd had a great lunch and it was holding me over. It was nowhere near time for dinner. And when I realized all of that - I was fine.
From there the day progressed. Through watching football and the rest of the afternoon, I never did have a munchie moment again.
I ate a dinner that was fantastic and quite satisfying.
And then the day was over.
I always munch on Saturday's and Sunday's!
Today was not so successful. I made home made snickerdoodles last weekend. We freeze our cookies and pull out what we want when we want them. But when you have to thaw a cookie it makes you question whether you really want it - if you even remember they are there. So I had two cookies today.
I did not eat a satisfying breakfast or lunch today and that equated to "needing" something this afternoon. But when I realized that, I did go for a more protein rich snack.
So...interesting...
Ironically, I generally give myself credit for being someone that doesn't eat unless I'm hungry. My mom said that about me, actually. But in this journey to being overweight, I am discovering, I rewrote my definition of hunger.
I'd call that a break through.
Can I get back to my once upon a time mentality?
Saturday, November 7, 2009
11/07/09: I love the fall!
I live in Texas where we don't get a winter at all. With that said - we do have these cold fronts come throught that can leave the temperature barely climbing above 45. That is chilly - and it's fantastic.
I am the type of person that when it starts to get cold like that, I open the window and start fires in the fireplace while jumping for joy.
So it's fall. We generally hover around the mid-high 70's and temps at night are wonderful for having the windows open. Still not fireplace weather - but it's coming. If we were to sit outside at night chatting with friends, however, we might light a chiminea. The scent of smoke wafting through the neighborhood always makes my heart jump for joy - "winter" is coming!
Between the cooling weather and football - it's just such a wonderful time of year. My husband and I are addicted to football! This time of year, it's on at all hours of the day and night from Thurs-Mon. We save our household projects until January when football season is really just in championship mode and they games become few and far between.
Here in Texas, our leaves are starting to turn. Seems early to me this year. Not that our leaves rival New England - they don't even slightly - but they can still get quite colorful and it makes me look around in anticipation - what color will I see next? What tree will go stark first? (That's what I call the bare trees - not dormant, the proper term, but stark. Seems less scientific and is more like how I feel about them - stark = a blank canvas.)
As much as I love the fall, I love winter more. I lived in Chicago for a year while in the Navy and I loved the winter there. I grew up in California and they have less winter there than we do here in Texas, although we certainly did have cold days and nights. Finally, I lived in Hawaii for three years, also in the Navy - and they certainly do not have a winter there. I had a hard time with that there, actually. It's hard to appreciate the beauty of the islands all the time when the flowers are always blooming, for example. There were very subtle differences - night time temps would drop into the 60's, for example, and wave activity would increase. It still wasn't a winter, though.
One of the things I love about winter so much is the trees being blank canvases for what's next. That starkness I was talking about a moment ago. All these branches and limbs hanging around, sleeping, just waiting for the day when they can start afresh. It's refreshing to me - the starkness of winter. It means to me, that the world around me is in anticipation for what happens next. I love, mostly, the journey of seeing what will happen next. Sometimes the next thing is bad - and then I'm not so happy, but generally, good things are in store, I believe. And somehow, for me, winter is the mark between a good thing completed and the next new thing to come.
It doesn't hurt that it's so very cold at night and I can open the windows and sleep like a baby with no AC on. It doesn't hurt that I don't even have to have the windows open to have the fire in the fireplace as "winter" moves on.
With fall in full swing and the holidays lurking around the corner, I just woke up this morning with the thought - I am just so happy to be moving into this time of year!
Don't get me wrong - I miss the summer. I miss being able to jump in my pool on a daily basis and I will be quite happy when the weather gets back to hot hot hot because I love love love my swimming!
But this fall and the approaching "winter" have me thinking about what's in store. This time next year I hope to be banded. This time next year I hope to not have to be scared to exercise for fear that I will lose too much weight. This time next year I hope to be outside enjoying this wonderful weather quite simply because I will have lost enough weight that my feet will no longer kill me just for thinking of being on them. This time next year I hope that just like the trees losing their leaves - I will be moving into the next season of my life!
I am the type of person that when it starts to get cold like that, I open the window and start fires in the fireplace while jumping for joy.
So it's fall. We generally hover around the mid-high 70's and temps at night are wonderful for having the windows open. Still not fireplace weather - but it's coming. If we were to sit outside at night chatting with friends, however, we might light a chiminea. The scent of smoke wafting through the neighborhood always makes my heart jump for joy - "winter" is coming!
Between the cooling weather and football - it's just such a wonderful time of year. My husband and I are addicted to football! This time of year, it's on at all hours of the day and night from Thurs-Mon. We save our household projects until January when football season is really just in championship mode and they games become few and far between.
Here in Texas, our leaves are starting to turn. Seems early to me this year. Not that our leaves rival New England - they don't even slightly - but they can still get quite colorful and it makes me look around in anticipation - what color will I see next? What tree will go stark first? (That's what I call the bare trees - not dormant, the proper term, but stark. Seems less scientific and is more like how I feel about them - stark = a blank canvas.)
As much as I love the fall, I love winter more. I lived in Chicago for a year while in the Navy and I loved the winter there. I grew up in California and they have less winter there than we do here in Texas, although we certainly did have cold days and nights. Finally, I lived in Hawaii for three years, also in the Navy - and they certainly do not have a winter there. I had a hard time with that there, actually. It's hard to appreciate the beauty of the islands all the time when the flowers are always blooming, for example. There were very subtle differences - night time temps would drop into the 60's, for example, and wave activity would increase. It still wasn't a winter, though.
One of the things I love about winter so much is the trees being blank canvases for what's next. That starkness I was talking about a moment ago. All these branches and limbs hanging around, sleeping, just waiting for the day when they can start afresh. It's refreshing to me - the starkness of winter. It means to me, that the world around me is in anticipation for what happens next. I love, mostly, the journey of seeing what will happen next. Sometimes the next thing is bad - and then I'm not so happy, but generally, good things are in store, I believe. And somehow, for me, winter is the mark between a good thing completed and the next new thing to come.
It doesn't hurt that it's so very cold at night and I can open the windows and sleep like a baby with no AC on. It doesn't hurt that I don't even have to have the windows open to have the fire in the fireplace as "winter" moves on.
With fall in full swing and the holidays lurking around the corner, I just woke up this morning with the thought - I am just so happy to be moving into this time of year!
Don't get me wrong - I miss the summer. I miss being able to jump in my pool on a daily basis and I will be quite happy when the weather gets back to hot hot hot because I love love love my swimming!
But this fall and the approaching "winter" have me thinking about what's in store. This time next year I hope to be banded. This time next year I hope to not have to be scared to exercise for fear that I will lose too much weight. This time next year I hope to be outside enjoying this wonderful weather quite simply because I will have lost enough weight that my feet will no longer kill me just for thinking of being on them. This time next year I hope that just like the trees losing their leaves - I will be moving into the next season of my life!
Friday, November 6, 2009
11/06/09: Ok, I'm not really a daily double-poster, but this is worth another blog.
And the blog is even likely to be short!
This regards the blogs Sigh....part 1 and Sigh....part 2 and Really? Seriously?
I emailed my 'advocate" this morning with what I now know to be true for Cigna. I figured maybe just maybe I can help some other poor soul to not have to go through a day like this. Course, it's a whole list of things that all fell inline yesterday to make yesterday happen.
And just a few minutes ago I heard back from her. With my news, their clinic called Cigna to verify this for themselves. And it IS true. You do NOT need a two year history with Cigna.
So with that said, looks like I do NOT have to do the sleep study. I am good to go.
So here we go...
This regards the blogs Sigh....part 1 and Sigh....part 2 and Really? Seriously?
I emailed my 'advocate" this morning with what I now know to be true for Cigna. I figured maybe just maybe I can help some other poor soul to not have to go through a day like this. Course, it's a whole list of things that all fell inline yesterday to make yesterday happen.
And just a few minutes ago I heard back from her. With my news, their clinic called Cigna to verify this for themselves. And it IS true. You do NOT need a two year history with Cigna.
So with that said, looks like I do NOT have to do the sleep study. I am good to go.
So here we go...
11/06/09: Can I have a do-over?
I feel cheated by yesterday's appointments.
The appointment with the nutritionist went just fine and even as I'd expected. I do wish that I'd remembered that appt was first because I would not have "hassled" her with my questions on insurance.
But the appointment with the nurse practitioner...I'm not sure it was meaningful. I ended up missing work because everything involved with the insurance and then determining if I would even be qualified to do the sleep study kept me there far too late. I got there at 9:45 and didn't leave until well after 2 - and how is that anything I should have expected based on a weigh in?
She listened to my heart and lungs and deemed me healthy. Yeah. Not concerned! I find it funny that - from the mouth of my mom, years ago, a Nurse Practitioner - doctors, PA's and nurse practitioners listen to your heart and lungs because "the patient expects them to".
I hate it when they do that and there isn't any reason for me to be there other than - you called me in to give me bloodwork results. Bloodwork results say I'm fine. So why would you listen to my heart and lungs? They were fine three days ago...
That RNP didn't really offer any suggestions. She didn't really converse with me about how this past month went. She didn't converse with me about what a goal might be for the next month. So what was the point?
To keep me from work? To keep me from the place that is giving me the money to pay for this unnecessary visit? Do health practitioners even get that?
And then. To talk to that "advocate", and I use the term very losely, and get so much misinformation.
Why'd I go there?
If it's on me to determine my eligibility - why don't I just do this myself?
Yeah, stupid question. I know there is so much more that happens.
If it's on me to examine my diet and determine what to focus on next, why don't I just do this myself?
Wait. I am.
And according to my obesity surgery rider - I am expected to fail this program.
That is just hard hard hard to stomach.
Ok. So I'm going to spend the next five months relearning how to eat. But if it really is about what I eat - no preservatives, no artificial crap, no no no...then won't that cause me to lose weight?
As I have read through here I have now developed a fear of losing weight. Why? Because yes, I can lose it. But as has been my history for the last ten years, I won't keep it off. And I have too much risk for too many bad things and I don't want to gain it all back yet again. So I want to make this happen and I expect to be successful. Because I want to keep it off for good. This band isn't about losing the weight. This band is about keeping the weight off. And I will do that with lifestyle changes - doing what I inherently know and simultaneously turning over new leafs. But how do you take this seriously when the goal of this "supervised weightloss program" is to "fail"?
How does that start my adaptation if I have to consistently go behind myself and un-do my weightloss?
On another note, I am seriously looking forward to Thanksgiving. I think my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and it's because of the years that I had with the most wonderful Mom that ever lived - my very own. She was not a super cook through out the year. She cooked a great meal every night of the week - or we had leftovers - but she was time conscious and with both my step-dad and my dad (at different times) being unwilling to try some things, she was not necessarily adventurous with her cooking. But Thanksgiving. OH, Thanksgiving.
We'd have my family to our house. I grew up in a very large house but was an only child. My grandmother, mother of seven, lived in a very small house. So they came to us. My mom would go all out. We lived in California and had a beautiful patio that would accomodate enough tables and chairs for 60 people to have a sitdown meal.
We would have a smoked turkey and a roasted turkey. We would have all the fixings. But the best thing to me was the stuffing. I love the stuffing because I loved loved loved making it with my Mom. We'd set the bread out to stale the night before. And we'd get up at 6am to break it into pieces and saute it with butter, onions, celery and our secret seasonings. It was so amazingly simple - and to me, it can't be beat. Add whatever you want - the turkey is the best way to get flavor in the stuffing.
We'd get the birds stuffed and into the ovens. And then we would prep as much of the rest as we could.
My aunts would start arriving between 10-11 and they would join us. My mom never pushed or cajoled anyone to do anything. If YOU wanted to make the waldorf salad - fine, make it. If someone else wanted to make whatever, fine, make it. If you were tired of cooking/baking/clearning - then go watch or play football, depending on the time of the day.
I loved every single Thanksgiving I had with my mom. They were and always will be priceless.
And I hope to pass this on to my children. Whenever they join us.
Back to the stuffing, my mom and I would get up and get everything chopped. And we'd both stand at the stove with two skillets running each. It is amazing how much stuffing fits in a bird.
A Lap-Band®® side note- maybe this is the wrong attitude but I don't and will never feel guilty about eating the stuffing. It is the first thing to go even though we always make two additional pans of the stuff. There are never leftovers of the stuffing. One serving a year is not my downfall!
I can't wait until Thanksgiving. Not to mention, we have the whole week off and that will just be a very pleasant break!
I love this time of year!
The appointment with the nutritionist went just fine and even as I'd expected. I do wish that I'd remembered that appt was first because I would not have "hassled" her with my questions on insurance.
But the appointment with the nurse practitioner...I'm not sure it was meaningful. I ended up missing work because everything involved with the insurance and then determining if I would even be qualified to do the sleep study kept me there far too late. I got there at 9:45 and didn't leave until well after 2 - and how is that anything I should have expected based on a weigh in?
She listened to my heart and lungs and deemed me healthy. Yeah. Not concerned! I find it funny that - from the mouth of my mom, years ago, a Nurse Practitioner - doctors, PA's and nurse practitioners listen to your heart and lungs because "the patient expects them to".
I hate it when they do that and there isn't any reason for me to be there other than - you called me in to give me bloodwork results. Bloodwork results say I'm fine. So why would you listen to my heart and lungs? They were fine three days ago...
That RNP didn't really offer any suggestions. She didn't really converse with me about how this past month went. She didn't converse with me about what a goal might be for the next month. So what was the point?
To keep me from work? To keep me from the place that is giving me the money to pay for this unnecessary visit? Do health practitioners even get that?
And then. To talk to that "advocate", and I use the term very losely, and get so much misinformation.
Why'd I go there?
If it's on me to determine my eligibility - why don't I just do this myself?
Yeah, stupid question. I know there is so much more that happens.
If it's on me to examine my diet and determine what to focus on next, why don't I just do this myself?
Wait. I am.
And according to my obesity surgery rider - I am expected to fail this program.
That is just hard hard hard to stomach.
Ok. So I'm going to spend the next five months relearning how to eat. But if it really is about what I eat - no preservatives, no artificial crap, no no no...then won't that cause me to lose weight?
As I have read through here I have now developed a fear of losing weight. Why? Because yes, I can lose it. But as has been my history for the last ten years, I won't keep it off. And I have too much risk for too many bad things and I don't want to gain it all back yet again. So I want to make this happen and I expect to be successful. Because I want to keep it off for good. This band isn't about losing the weight. This band is about keeping the weight off. And I will do that with lifestyle changes - doing what I inherently know and simultaneously turning over new leafs. But how do you take this seriously when the goal of this "supervised weightloss program" is to "fail"?
How does that start my adaptation if I have to consistently go behind myself and un-do my weightloss?
On another note, I am seriously looking forward to Thanksgiving. I think my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and it's because of the years that I had with the most wonderful Mom that ever lived - my very own. She was not a super cook through out the year. She cooked a great meal every night of the week - or we had leftovers - but she was time conscious and with both my step-dad and my dad (at different times) being unwilling to try some things, she was not necessarily adventurous with her cooking. But Thanksgiving. OH, Thanksgiving.
We'd have my family to our house. I grew up in a very large house but was an only child. My grandmother, mother of seven, lived in a very small house. So they came to us. My mom would go all out. We lived in California and had a beautiful patio that would accomodate enough tables and chairs for 60 people to have a sitdown meal.
We would have a smoked turkey and a roasted turkey. We would have all the fixings. But the best thing to me was the stuffing. I love the stuffing because I loved loved loved making it with my Mom. We'd set the bread out to stale the night before. And we'd get up at 6am to break it into pieces and saute it with butter, onions, celery and our secret seasonings. It was so amazingly simple - and to me, it can't be beat. Add whatever you want - the turkey is the best way to get flavor in the stuffing.
We'd get the birds stuffed and into the ovens. And then we would prep as much of the rest as we could.
My aunts would start arriving between 10-11 and they would join us. My mom never pushed or cajoled anyone to do anything. If YOU wanted to make the waldorf salad - fine, make it. If someone else wanted to make whatever, fine, make it. If you were tired of cooking/baking/clearning - then go watch or play football, depending on the time of the day.
I loved every single Thanksgiving I had with my mom. They were and always will be priceless.
And I hope to pass this on to my children. Whenever they join us.
Back to the stuffing, my mom and I would get up and get everything chopped. And we'd both stand at the stove with two skillets running each. It is amazing how much stuffing fits in a bird.
A Lap-Band®® side note- maybe this is the wrong attitude but I don't and will never feel guilty about eating the stuffing. It is the first thing to go even though we always make two additional pans of the stuff. There are never leftovers of the stuffing. One serving a year is not my downfall!
I can't wait until Thanksgiving. Not to mention, we have the whole week off and that will just be a very pleasant break!
I love this time of year!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
11/05/09: Really? Seriously?
I just wrote up a ridiculously long ridiculously detailed blournal entry about the grr of the day I've had....
And then....
Just before I finished writing it up, I looked at my husband and said what about that other company your employer offers coverage through. So while I finished writing that ridiculously long ridiculously detailed blournal entry he started looking through that website for info. And about the time I finished my ridiculously long ridiculously detailed blournal entry and all that typing, he gave up on the website and called.
Yeah, they couldn't help. He needs the group number first. And he said he can't think of anyone in his department that uses that coverage vs. the Aetna coverage.
BUT.
BUT..
This made me think to myself.
Since my clinic seems to be confused - why don't I call MYSELF and see what the official answer is from the source?
So I called Cigna.
And after that ridiculously long ridiculously detailed blournal entry....I DO NOT, I repeat, I DO NOT need two years history.
So the first answer was correct.
And the lady on the phone pointed me to the actual coverage document in pdf format so I could download it and TAKE IT WITH ME TO THE NEXT dagged appointment.
Furthermore. THAT DOCUMENT...DECLARES - I must FAIL this six month weight loss program.
Literally says the word FAILURE.
Which is ALSO contradicting what they told me today. They told me today - lose all the weight you want. It's fine.
The TRUTH is, apparently...fail this program. "Learn" the correct ways of eating and get the bad ways out of your system - but ultimately, from what I read in the official policy it says that this program IS NOT supposed to be successful.
I read this somewhere else. Don't gain. Lose very little. But stay steady. That's the goal. Just maintain....
Sigh.
Games. Hate em!
And then....
Just before I finished writing it up, I looked at my husband and said what about that other company your employer offers coverage through. So while I finished writing that ridiculously long ridiculously detailed blournal entry he started looking through that website for info. And about the time I finished my ridiculously long ridiculously detailed blournal entry and all that typing, he gave up on the website and called.
Yeah, they couldn't help. He needs the group number first. And he said he can't think of anyone in his department that uses that coverage vs. the Aetna coverage.
BUT.
BUT..
This made me think to myself.
Since my clinic seems to be confused - why don't I call MYSELF and see what the official answer is from the source?
So I called Cigna.
And after that ridiculously long ridiculously detailed blournal entry....I DO NOT, I repeat, I DO NOT need two years history.
So the first answer was correct.
And the lady on the phone pointed me to the actual coverage document in pdf format so I could download it and TAKE IT WITH ME TO THE NEXT dagged appointment.
Furthermore. THAT DOCUMENT...DECLARES - I must FAIL this six month weight loss program.
Literally says the word FAILURE.
Which is ALSO contradicting what they told me today. They told me today - lose all the weight you want. It's fine.
The TRUTH is, apparently...fail this program. "Learn" the correct ways of eating and get the bad ways out of your system - but ultimately, from what I read in the official policy it says that this program IS NOT supposed to be successful.
I read this somewhere else. Don't gain. Lose very little. But stay steady. That's the goal. Just maintain....
Sigh.
Games. Hate em!
11/05/09: Sigh....
So today was important. But not for reasons that I had anticipated.
I was told I needed letters of medical necessity from every physician that treats me. For me that means my PCP and my OB/GYN. I got the letter from my PCP last month. But the earliest I could get into see my OB/GYN was today. He agreed to give me the letter.
I had that appt right at 8 am and then headed into the medical center to my second weightloss appt and my nutrition consult.
So I had it backwards in my head about which appt came first. I thought the nutrition consult was second. So this person comes in and doesn't identify herself as "the nutritionist", just gives me her name and asks if I had any questions. So I asked her all my general questions about my insurance predicament.
Man. I didn't really KNOW what that predicament was. Cause it's a whole lotta different than I thought it was. There's a new one...and it's the real one...
She didn't know, told me I'd have to talk to my advocate who was not there today. Said call her Monday.
So we have some general conversation about my diet over the last month. I told her about my cleaning out of the pantry and my moves towards the "good stuff". I really am eating the good stuff with just little snippets of the bad stuff here and there - mostly on weekends. Most of what is in my pantry will be ok to restock in the future if I so desired. Still a few clean out things - but she wasn't into that whole "just throw it all out" notion. She was more into "be aware" - which I think I am and she claimed to think I was at the end of the appt, too. But in the last half hour with her I realized - she's the nutritionist and then in the last twenty minutes she got on her little soap box and the judging began.
Oh well. I do hate that - but I have never met a nutritionist that CAN'T judge...
Ok. So no real problems so far.
The Nurse Practitioner eventually wanders in after the nutrition consult was over and she listens to my heart and lungs and says good job and is ready to send me on my merry way.
Hold on...I think to myself.
Since I now know I was talking to the nutritionist I'm thinking some of my "vague" questions might be answerable by the RNP. And two of them were. Yay!
Somewhere along the line in the conversation with the nutritionist I think to myself - why can't I see one of the advocates that IS here. It doesn't have to be anything specific to my case, it doesn't mean anyone is looking up my specifics. I just had some general questions.
And the RNP suggested that I do that...talk to one of the advocates that WAS there.
So they go tell the advocate that was still there at the lunch hour that I have some questions and she comes and gets me after a bit.
And I tell her my story.
My company is changing my insurance options pretty drastically and I'll be left with a hefty deductible and a hefty OOP-Max (Out Of Pocket) or I'll be left with a ginormous deductible and a ginormous OOP-Max. The one with the ginormous options comes with a HSA, though - a health savings account. It's kinda like a health spending account but money left in the savings account at the end of the year will not be forfeited. And my employer will treat it like a 401K and will be putting money in that account for me as well as my own contributions. That account is (according to my employer) designed to pay for my healthcare after I retire. A third option is to switch to my husbands plans. He is currently on mine but we can walk away from mine and he would go back to his and I'd start up on his. If we did that, we could get a plan that is fairly comparable to my current plan - and the surgery would be paid for. Premiums are a bit higher than my two options - but they are actually $16 less than what we are currently paying. My insurance provider is Cigna. My husband's through his employer is Aetna.
I know I have the Cigna requirements for eligibility that I was given last month covered.
• A BMI over 40
• a nutrition consult
• a pysch eval
• a 6 month supervised weightloss program
• letters of medical necessity from all treating physicians.
On the other hand, Aetna's requirements for my husbands optional plans are:
• A BMI over 40
• a nutrition consult
• a pysch eval
• a 3 month supervised weightloss program
• letters of medical necessity from my PCP
• and a 2 year history of obesity
So my question going in was is obesity a BMI over 40? Or is over 35 sufficient since I am NOW over 40?
Yep, gotta have a minimum of 40 for all two years or more.
I have no comorbidities. I don't want any. My dad died from type II diabetes and heart disease and my mom died from colon cancer. I have PLENTY of risks already - I don't need to add the weight, dagnabit!!!!
I love that word!
And then this advocate lady says - Aetna is the same as what you need for Cigna, so I'd recommend switching.
No. I have this form RIGHT here that THIS office gave me that says my requirements are:
• A BMI over 40
• a nutrition consult
• a pysch eval
• a 6 month supervised weightloss program
• letters of medical necessity from all treating physicians
And she says, no, for your group on Cigna you need:
• A BMI over 40
• a nutrition consult
• a pysch eval
• a 6 month supervised weightloss program
• letters of medical necessity from my PCP
• and a 2 year history of obesity
And follows that with - what piece of paper do you have? So I pull it out of my handy dandy little folder and hand it to her.
And she reads the top line. And she says - you shouldn't have this form, this isn't YOUR group.
So I'm not eligible.
Now.
After doing the pysch consult. The nutrition consult. After redoing the stress test and my cardiologist I never saw in the first place signing off on it. After having my PCP and my OB/GYN agree to it. After ALL of that - and 4-8 missed hours of work EACH week since I started down this path - I find out
I AM NOT ELIGIBLE???
So she starts digging further. How did I get given this misinformation? Turns out THIS lady IS my advocate. Who knows why the other lady's name is written all over my chart - the one I am talking to is the one that has handled everything for my case so far.
And now it makes sense.
See. The problem is that I have not even been at this weight for a year let alone two.
And my advocate breaks it down like this. If I do Aetna, I will be done with the weightloss program in early Jan. They submit my package, I get my approval, surgery in Feb. OK. Since they submit the package in Jan, Aetna will want two years which means going back to Jan of 2008.
Jan 2008 = 132 pounds. For me that's a BMI of 37.4
Jan 2009 = 138 pounds. For me that's a BMI of 38.4.
It was in March/April of this year that my weight went crazy putting me over the BMI of 40.
I gain weight when I get OFF of birth control. I have gotten off of birth control four times and four times I have had the same reaction - 30-40 pounds before my hormones are back to normal and then I can hold steady from there.
It is generally fairly easy for me to maintain a weight. It is literally when I play with my hormones that I get in trouble. With that said, sometimes my hormones play with themselves - and I know as I get older they will do that even more. And those times are just as damaging for my weight control.
So that part that "makes sense".
In October I went into my surgeon's office. And the RNP there told me that I would qualify if I proved two comorbidities along with my BMI of 40.
And to prove those comorbidities I would need to go to this other clinic in the medical center where I would also do my six month supervised weight loss program.
I have high cholesterol. She told me that would be one comorbidity and probably doing a sleep study would prove the second one. So I should be good.
But I get to this other clinic a few days later and they say - no, you don't need any comorbidities.
So this advocate - still scared to call her mine cause am I gonna end up with someone else later? - says well then lets get a sleep study.
Are you drowsy in the afternoon? No.
Do you wake up with headaches? No.
Do you snore? My husband says No.
Hmmm...then I won't qualify as needing a sleep study.
And then she says - get this - well, you could do some things to prove type 2 diabetes?
Excuse me?
Excuse me?
The disease that KILLED my dad - you want me to "play around with that"? Really?
My blood pressure is absurdly LOW. Got any tricks for screwing that up?
My heart has been deamed healthy by none other than a cardiologist.
So she goes and gets the RNP eventually.
Apparently you can be determined as qualified for a sleep study if 1) your neck is too big, 2) your waist is too big, and 3) if you say you are sleepy during the day.
1) my neck is huge. I call it a football neck.
It works on my body, I have a very strong neck and if we have boys when my husband and I have kids - they will have a good build for being football players. I like my neck. I will be happy when it loses weight, but I don't have an issue with my "huge" neck.
2) my waist is large. I'm fat. That was easy.
3) sure - I can say I'm sleepy. I sit at a computer all day long and around mid afternoon I get bored. And when I get bored, I get sleepy.
So I can do the sleep study. And then here's the trick. I have to have severe sleep apnea.
We shall see.
But here's what I'm wondering?
What does that help? I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER COMORBIDITIES?
The advocate lady says I can write a letter. I can say in my letter:
Look, my dad died from diseases that obesity contributes to. My mom died from a cancer that can be caused by weight problems. I have enough to be concerned with in my future, I need to get this weight off FOR GOOD.
I can say in my letter that my weight is hormone related even though my TSH has always been "normal".
I can say in my letter whatever I want.
But. At the end of the day. Here's the big thing to take away from ALL of today. My request is very probably going to be denied. Straight from the advocate lady's lips.
So how much more of this do I do?
I mean, yeah - the six month supervised weight loss program is good for two years. So lets say I don't get approved and I can't lose the weight on my own. Well. I'd still have all this done.
BUT. BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!
Let's think about this.
If I "do this on my own" and get down at ALL, then I will get down below a BMI of 40 pretty quickly. So THAT doesn't give me the history.
Ok. So then I need to gain weight?
Ok. Stay steady?
FOR TWO YEARS?
Sigh.
So how much more of this do I do?
Because at the end of the day - this IS costing me money and we should definitely not be spending it right now.
Because at the end of the day - my insurance IS going to change on Jan 1 and depending on what option we go with, more money may be coming out of pocket pretty soon.
And if I'm going to do all this just to learn "I have to do it myself", well, then why did I part with even a penny?
Not to mention that meanwhile, as I'm waiting for this six month time period to pass I feel like I have to manipulate the weight loss so that not too much is lost. In the past month, with all the changes I DID successfully make I think I would have been down 15 pounds if I'd left well enough alone. But being scared to "lose too much weight", I, on two separate weekends, did some things to gain some of it back.
Why can't I just lose the weight and call it good?
Furthermore - I wanted, desperately wanted to be lifting weights. But I know how my body reacts to lifting weights while increasing protein and I "couldn't take that gamble" since I could conceivably lose too much.
Ok. So why do I want to do this?
Cause I WANT TO KEEP IT OFF!
OK. So maybe these are signs. First the insurance. Now the misinformation I was given. Maybe this is all a sign that either means 1) not now or 2) just do what you know to do....
Sigh...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
11/03/09
Just checking in.
Friday I visited a cardiologist I was sent to earlier this year. I suddenly started getting heart palpitations and my PCP wanted to rule out anything "wrong". I would be sitting on the couch watching tv with Hubby and my heart would go from its resting rate of 65 up to 140. It was ANNOYING. Nothing was ever wrong. But in an effort to try and provide comorbidities last month I mentioned this at my first appt. It wasn't a comboridity they were interested in - but now I needed to get the cardiologist to approve me for surgery. I went in almost two weeks ago to explain my case and he had me come back last Friday for a stress test.
I was given the stamp of approval. I was actually told that I "have the heart of a very fit person". I like hearing stuff like that! (since I think I'm fit and all...)
Yesterday I went in for my follow-up with the Ph.D. Psychologist. I'd been in there two weeks earlier to do the testing for my psych consult. I could have been back sooner but I was scared to schedule appts last week as I had jury duty.
I live in Galveston county. In Galveston county they get their jury pool and put everyone on call. We can be sent out to any of the district courts or we can be sent out to any of the justices of the peace. I never did get selected but I had to call in every night at 6PM and find out what I may or may not be doing the next day. I took a gamble with scheduling an appt for Friday but it worked out.
Anywho - so the follow-up with the Psychologist was pushed back until this week.
And he proclaimed me "normal" yesterday.
Did anyone else worry about that?
I don't think I'm in danger of any bad diagnosis there, but it worried me nonetheless. Do "abnormal" people pursue this above and beyond ordinary?
Thursday I go in for weigh in number two. And I have zillions of questions that have formed over the last month.
I'm hoping they can help me with some information that will help my husband and I decide which route to take with the insurance. We are hesitant to be switching back and forth between his and mine. We know that what my employer is offering is better long term - it just isn't helpful with this procedure. It seems like the sooner we make the switch the better off we are. But do we wait one year? Do we bite the bullet? I had been thinking along the lines of my deductible is going to be outrageous based on the self-pay price. However, my insurance provider has negotiated prices on about everything they will pay out on - and since they will pay out on this - that self-pay price is not my price. So that might change what I would pay as a deductible to reasonable. And if that's the case, we are better off switching.
So it's back to information research mode as we try to find the balance between what's best for next year AND the long term.
Does anyone else know anything about Aetna's requirements? When I read their document there is talk of a six month program AND a three month program. I am wondering which of those programs is most like the one I am currently doing. Right now, for Cigna, I am doing six months of once a month check-in's. I am trying to do a lower calorie diet and for me, I'm trying to start mimmicking what I will have to do post-band (although there is still some cleanout of the pantry going on, so it's not there yet). I am also doing an exercise program. I keep track of this on paper and turn this in each month. So, did anyone do the Aetna requirements? And if so, how does this compare?
I am looking forward to Thursday's appt. I hope to get some answers. And I'm even down a few pounds. Not many, just a few. I want to see if I can even get some clarification on this - can I lose weight and be ok? Or do I need to try to stay steady? As of last week I was down 7. And over the weekend I did a few things to gain some of it back, on purpose. So now I'm down 3. But I'd rather be down 7.
If I weren't trying to stay steady, I'd actually be down more.
One question about switching to Aetna is about my BMI, too. Does my BMI have to be 40 when Aetna starts covering me? Or is it quite simply from the beginning of this process? Since my BMI is so close to the edge, it's making me wonder....I started with Cigna with a higher BMI and am following their requirements. But if I switch to Aetna midway - does my BMI have to be above 40 from the day Aetna gets me?
No sodas in over a week and a half. No sugar or cream in my coffee. When I want a snack in the middle of the afternoon I eat broccoli and cucumbers. Protein is something I am eating more of - and carbs less of.
Friday I visited a cardiologist I was sent to earlier this year. I suddenly started getting heart palpitations and my PCP wanted to rule out anything "wrong". I would be sitting on the couch watching tv with Hubby and my heart would go from its resting rate of 65 up to 140. It was ANNOYING. Nothing was ever wrong. But in an effort to try and provide comorbidities last month I mentioned this at my first appt. It wasn't a comboridity they were interested in - but now I needed to get the cardiologist to approve me for surgery. I went in almost two weeks ago to explain my case and he had me come back last Friday for a stress test.
I was given the stamp of approval. I was actually told that I "have the heart of a very fit person". I like hearing stuff like that! (since I think I'm fit and all...)
Yesterday I went in for my follow-up with the Ph.D. Psychologist. I'd been in there two weeks earlier to do the testing for my psych consult. I could have been back sooner but I was scared to schedule appts last week as I had jury duty.
I live in Galveston county. In Galveston county they get their jury pool and put everyone on call. We can be sent out to any of the district courts or we can be sent out to any of the justices of the peace. I never did get selected but I had to call in every night at 6PM and find out what I may or may not be doing the next day. I took a gamble with scheduling an appt for Friday but it worked out.
Anywho - so the follow-up with the Psychologist was pushed back until this week.
And he proclaimed me "normal" yesterday.
Did anyone else worry about that?
I don't think I'm in danger of any bad diagnosis there, but it worried me nonetheless. Do "abnormal" people pursue this above and beyond ordinary?
Thursday I go in for weigh in number two. And I have zillions of questions that have formed over the last month.
I'm hoping they can help me with some information that will help my husband and I decide which route to take with the insurance. We are hesitant to be switching back and forth between his and mine. We know that what my employer is offering is better long term - it just isn't helpful with this procedure. It seems like the sooner we make the switch the better off we are. But do we wait one year? Do we bite the bullet? I had been thinking along the lines of my deductible is going to be outrageous based on the self-pay price. However, my insurance provider has negotiated prices on about everything they will pay out on - and since they will pay out on this - that self-pay price is not my price. So that might change what I would pay as a deductible to reasonable. And if that's the case, we are better off switching.
So it's back to information research mode as we try to find the balance between what's best for next year AND the long term.
Does anyone else know anything about Aetna's requirements? When I read their document there is talk of a six month program AND a three month program. I am wondering which of those programs is most like the one I am currently doing. Right now, for Cigna, I am doing six months of once a month check-in's. I am trying to do a lower calorie diet and for me, I'm trying to start mimmicking what I will have to do post-band (although there is still some cleanout of the pantry going on, so it's not there yet). I am also doing an exercise program. I keep track of this on paper and turn this in each month. So, did anyone do the Aetna requirements? And if so, how does this compare?
I am looking forward to Thursday's appt. I hope to get some answers. And I'm even down a few pounds. Not many, just a few. I want to see if I can even get some clarification on this - can I lose weight and be ok? Or do I need to try to stay steady? As of last week I was down 7. And over the weekend I did a few things to gain some of it back, on purpose. So now I'm down 3. But I'd rather be down 7.
If I weren't trying to stay steady, I'd actually be down more.
One question about switching to Aetna is about my BMI, too. Does my BMI have to be 40 when Aetna starts covering me? Or is it quite simply from the beginning of this process? Since my BMI is so close to the edge, it's making me wonder....I started with Cigna with a higher BMI and am following their requirements. But if I switch to Aetna midway - does my BMI have to be above 40 from the day Aetna gets me?
No sodas in over a week and a half. No sugar or cream in my coffee. When I want a snack in the middle of the afternoon I eat broccoli and cucumbers. Protein is something I am eating more of - and carbs less of.
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