06/28/10: Catch me if you can....

Good Morning.  Happy Monday.

Yeah yeah.  I woke up..got dressed...got on the road...and promptly got a speeding ticket.  Yay me!

Happy Monday!

Oh well.  On with life.  So I've been missing, is that the rumor? 

Well...I'd love to say I'm back...cause I am...for today...and tomorrow...and wednesday...and then I'm leaving again.  I've sure got a lot of catching up to do.  836 blogs as I type - and counting, I'm sure.  I'll be back for sure for sure for realz next week.  I'll be around this week...catching up....reading and reading and reading...

Dangit you people sure do blog a lot!

So what's the story with me, you ask?  Ok.  Well...this is long.

I'm down to my lowest of lows.  221 to be exact.  I had to give up all exercise and even healthy eating last week so was happy/surprised to still see the scale moving downward.  I'll get to the why's for that in a minute.

I had my third fill on June 15th.  Whoooo-Nelly did that change everything!!!  I really was doing it all alone before this fill.  I really was using will-power and control to limit my intake and push my exercise!  By golly, this fill is the first fill that has done anything for me!

Yeah, the first two, the first 3.7cc's...yeah...that was different than pre-banded life.  But it was in no way anything near restriction.  It was in no way anything near a banded "diet".  It was ME.  I was saying I can have 1200 calories and I was having to account for snacks because snacks were the only way I could get from meal to meal without being famished between said meals.  I could do 1200 calories...but I was struggling to do so because I wanted and could eat more!

Yeah...nowadays...if I pull off 900 calories I've eaten a ton and I can feel that ton!

So...I went in...got said fill #3 and proceeded to eat normally the rest of that day.  That was the last of that.  Now...if I don't literally drink my first meal, I won't be able to eat the next two.  Lucky for me I want to and do drink a smoothie for breakfast.  But I have to.  If, say on a weekend when I sleep 18 hours (ok, not true, but it's always a goal), and I sleep past breakfast straight through to lunch since I was up til 2am...well...lunch has got to be a smoothie.  My belly can be growling all it wants and starving as all get out...but if I eat, it will not go down without a major fight.  If I drink that first meal...then meal number 2 and 3 will go down with a lot of patience on my part.

I am not complaining.  I even understand the why's behind this.  I'm documenting my story. 

I am still not getting stuck.  I am still not pb'ing or sliming or anything along those lines.  But if I eat too fast - I know it.  If I eat too much - I know it.  If I eat dried out beef (read overcooked) or pork - I know it.

In fact, while breakfast absolutely has to be a "mushy" like a smoothie, lunch needs to be pretty darned saucey - good thing I like my chicken salad for that.  I'm making my chicken salad with 1 can of chicken, 2-3oz of plain Greek yogurt, 1oz craisins and 1/2 can of water chestnuts.  YUMMY!  And it's "saucey"...

If I do that for breakfast and lunch, then I can eat dinner...very slowly...and not very much.  Gone are the snacks between lunch and dinner and after dinner. 

Like I said, I'm lucky if I get to 900 calories nowadays.  I serve myself 4oz of chicken salad and I rarely finish it.

I weigh my food...on a scale...I don't do the measuring cup thing...cause measuring cups...that's by volume...and that's not indicative of what the food's consistency really is.  4oz of chicken salad is A LOT different than 1/2 a cup.

I can say...with this fill...I no longer need to weigh my food.  Cause I can't eat it all.  I do weigh my food more often than not, still, cause I want to know what it is so I can track the calories.  And I want to track the calories more so I can track the protein.  Also for GoBe.  He likes info!

This fill has changed everything.  I can barely eat!  I LOVE IT! 

I still haven't come across much of anything I can't eat.  But I have to be very careful with things.  A pork dumpling from a Chinese restaurant, for example.  Went down...but with a fight...  A piece of a sirloin steak.  Not pleasant - not tender enough.  Beef rib, on the other hand, fine, with teeny tiny bites - member that "nickel-sized" they talked about in bandster rules?  Forget that.  My size is half of that chewed to smithereens.

And there's a key point, too.  Chewing to smithereens really really really changes the taste of things.  You have to REALLY want to taste the completely broken down food to deal with that taste that results from smithereens.  I am finding a lot of my faves don't taste so good at the smithereen stage.  That smithereen stage seems to be dictating my willingness to eat something again.

What else.  When my calories aren't enough at the end of the day my good ol' stand-by of Greek yogurt, vanilla, 0% fat, is my favorite go-to for getting protein and calories.  A true slider...so I can get in what I need without fighting for it.  I also top that with granola...the extra crunchy stuff makes you chew...and coupled with sliding yogurt, goes down well enough.  I feel that going down, too, though.  The granola...didn't used to....but I do now...

I LOVE IT!  This is what I thought banded life was going to be.  And it sure wasn't before the most recent fill.

I have another fill scheduled on July 6th but I'm not going to get another fill.  This fill still hasn't "relaxed" and more is just going to set me up to not eat at all.  And I'm not into that starvation thing.  I do want to go to that appt, though, cause I have this sore at my largest incision.  And there's something rather hard on the inside.  And this is about 2 inches higher than my port.  So I'm afraid something is rubbing on the inside and this sore is a result.  I've been peroxiding and Hibiclensing the bejesus out of this sore and it looks better than it has...but if I let it go at all, it gets all red and puffy and irritated again.  I would show a pic but my camera (phone cam) doesn't get it well enough...

What else about the band?  I got nothin...  Ok...on to life...

Story #1.  I went in to AT&T on the 15th to pre-order my new iPhone.  My order was made right alongside my husband.  On the 21st when the phones were shipped and we were charged, AT&T called me.  Said something happened with my order, could be my credit card was declined, could be my address was invalid, could be my contract wasn't signed...but my order had to be canceled.  I KNOW it wasn't the credit card cause they took the danged money out.  But the end result was no new phone for Lori while my sweet hubby's arrived safe and sound on the 24th.  Their solution was "come in on the 29th and stand in line with everyone else...eventually you'll get one".  I HATE that.  THEY screwed up...and I get to pay the price.  I said something about that being a fabulous business model and hung up.  I hope hope hope I can get a phone tomorrow.  We - or rather just me, now - are, no...were...no am... I AM using a first generation iPhone.  I want to join the real world of 3G PLUS more!  It didn't make sense to upgrade when our contract was up because we knew the iPhone 4's were coming this summer....I HOPE I GET ONE TOMORROW! 
I at least got to set my hubby's up for him over the weekend...so I got a little bit of play time with a new phone.  I WANT ONE!

Ok....

Story #2.  My "Turkey Shoot" class.

What is a "Turkey Shoot"?  Best I can do is describe the process...so...  We started this 2 week class on June 21.  I call it a "class" but it so is not a class.  Monday, 6/21, I went in to my "classroom" I'd been in for the class the week before, which was more on what I do.  It was a class.  I went straight back to my desk and I locked and loaded my laptop.  I had done what I could at home on 6/20 to get ready to hit the ground running on 6/21.  On 6/21, we were presented with data and information on the acquisition of the data which is important for processing, or manipulating, either way, the data.  We were told to be ready for a client meeting - I was going first at 1pm - that afternoon.  And we were told to "get set....go".

So...in real life, we do, in my field, these things called "Turkey Shoots".  When a client is bidding out new business, they will give a "line" to all the possible bidders.  Each bidder is told to process that "line" and turn it in 2 weeks later.  The client then decides who gets the business based on who had the best result.  The processing algorithm can make or break the results.  So we are mimicking this real life process.  We had a fake client who we ultimately kept in contact with and who we ultimately turned this data into.  He graded it.  And after 2 weeks of busting our bums, we found out, after our presentation, whether our data was even passable.  We were "graded" on our contact with the fake client, our contact with our fake supervisor, our contact with our fake "AG" (Area Geophysicist), our presentation, our questions that we asked (or did not ask), our status reports, our test plans, our everything.

So...Sunday, the 20th, I put together all my test plans as well as a Gantt Chart.  I started a template for my project report and sorted our test logs and qc logs.  When I got to my "classroom" on Monday, I finished up the Gantt Chart and copied over the data.

I then proceeded to start testing my chosen algorithms.  This class is pass or fail.  And fail can mean termination.  Isn't guaranteed that it will...but it can.

And I'm pretty sure failure for me would mean termination.  I'm not usually a pessimist so when the "negative view" wins with me, there's usually credance.

I tested and tested and worked my bum off to get my algorithms to even work.  I worked 50 hours that first mon-fri.  And then I came in on Sat and worked 6.  And then I came in on Sunday and worked 12.  And then it went downhill.

Monday I realized I had created an error, courtesy of the "instructor" that made my new data not match up with my old data.  (i.e. data that already had certain processes applied in comparison to the data input to those processes.)  And this screw-up could mean failure.  My data "looked good" but it had innacurate geometry applied.  So on Monday night...at 7pm...I had to start over.  This is monday of week 2.

I managed to stay 12 hours on Monday...and Tues...another 12....and weds...when it looked like failure was imminent...I stayed for 19...to get it fixed and done.  Our data was due on Thurs at 10am.

I had the data done...but I did not have a "final stack" which has display settings stored in the data - and can make or break a dataset.  I had my project report mostly finished and my presentation started.  I had my test powerpoints done...and I had to walk away, Weds night, at 12:30am (yes, AM) and say "it is what it is".

I came back Thurs at 8...after a mere 3 hours sleep (I live an hour away from work)...and managed to get my data and final test powerpoint turned in at 9:59am.  In that last two hours I got my final stack highly improved.  When my instructor saw it...he said...."this is wonderful!"

Ok...but am I going to pass?

Thurs at 2:30pm (the time this was due) I had turned in my project report with half an hour to spare.

Thurs at 6pm, I had turned in my final presentation.  It was due by 8am on Friday but I was last to present (at 2:45pm on Friday) and so was planning on sleeping in and relaxing Friday morning.

I went out to dinner with my sweet hubby and a friend that evening.  I couldn't relax cause "fail or not to fail" was still on my mind.  But at least I wasn't sitting in the classroom I had moved into anymore.

Some people stayed all night - straight through 36 hours...the night I stayed 21.  It was insane.  I wished, later, that I had not gone home because I could have gone up to my desk, here, where I sit now, and slept in my actually pretty comfy chair that reclines pretty well.  I would have had 5 instead of 3....hours...of sleep...when I was already...pretty...exhausted....

This "class" was insane!!!

I gave my presentation at 2:45 and was done at 3:15 and had to wait around until sometime after 4 to hear pass or fail...

And the answer was....

I PASSED!!!!

My hubby popped a bottle of champagne for me Friday night!  And I DRANK IT!  And I enjoyed all of my glasses (two).

I have no more classes standing in the way of me and my next promotion.  I still have a lot of work to do to get the promotion but no more "classes".

But as you can see...with two 12 hour days and a 21 hour day last week...working out was not to be done.  I couldn't even get home to eat dinner...and I certainly didn't want to cook...so it was fast food or take out all week last week.

Couldn't eat much of it, though...so I DON'T CARE!  And I lost weight anyway.  So I REALLY don't care!

This week things will get back on track.  Maybe not so much on the eating front - hard to go grocery shopping and restock the fridge when we are on our way to Las Vegas.  I'll be curious, in Vegas, if I can show my little lap-band card and get a kids meal at the buffets.  Cause otherwise...they are gonna make their money on me!!!  I'd rather give 'em that money elsewhere!

And that's all I got.  The "Turkey Shoot" is done...the lap-band is a wonderful fabulous marvelous TOOL, and the speeding ticket sits in my purse...waiting...for it's turn....as I pray...for a new iPhone.

Happy Monday, y'all!

06/19/10: Missing

Guess who...yeah...it's me...the vanishing Lori...

This class sucks.  There.  That's out there.  First and foremost.

I miss y'all.  I have no idea what's going on with anyone.

Here I sit, day in and day out, in the training center, praying that my work can get done and that it can even look good enough.  We were given data to work with that is simultaneously better than what we usually work with and worse.  Of course, the "worse" part of what we have to fix is not stuff we normally do.  So this "class" has been a challenge.  As the days wear on I'm getting more and more certain that my job and my life as I know it are going to take a change in paths.  I might get through "the data" but I don't know that I'll adequately explain what I did, what happened, or what I could have done better...and that presentation in which I do all that is to all of my big bosses.  Can't worry about the presentation yet (happens next Friday at 9:40 AM central time)...gotta continue to worry about the data.

So here I am on a Saturday.  A Saturday on which I am hosting a pool party.  And I'm at work.  And I have no idea how long I'll be here.  Goal is to be home before the first guest arrives.  But reality may dictate that I'm here until 7 or 8 tonight.

So my hubby is home taking care of the house and the party preps.  We were wise with this party and asked for it to be a potluck style...so "we" don't have much to do in the way of food prep ("we" are doing jalapeno poppers, a fruit tray and a veggie tray).  We sent the evite out before I knew I was taking this class and didn't feel like we should cancel it after people started to RSVP.  I approached this past week as get ahead of the eight ball and stay there then I wouldn't have to come in at all on the weekend.  Unfortunately, the eight ball has a severe wobble to it and I have not once, this week, been able to accurately predict what was going to happen next.  So here I am.  With my hubby at home taking care of it all.

What's worse...the "job" I am running right now...is taking 4 hours on the system.  I'm about half an hour into it.  I split my "job" into multiple "jobs" and hopefully that can buy me some time...but the system is not happy about having to work on weekends.  I need this process to finish today...plus the next...and ideally the one after that.  If I can get these three processes done today...then tomorrow should be a bit better.

Or not.  Depends on how long I have to watch water boil today.

Anyway.  Not the "class" I thought it would be.  The one saving grace for my self-esteem is there are others that I consider strong people (I don't consider myself a strong person in this realm) and they are struggling with the exact same things I am.  There are nine of us in this class and we all seem to be fairly consistent with our abilities.

I have not read a single blog this week.  Funny thing is...my husband actually missed my updates...so he's out there reading various blogs and he's even started commenting.  He's commenting as anonymous and signing as "LHF" (Lori's Husband Fred).  I'll be curious if any of you have noticed him and figured out that acronym...

In band related news...I had my third fill this past tuesday.  It has changed everything.  I am loving it.  I can barely eat and whatever I eat better be pretty saucy!!!  I still have yet to get stuck, to pb, to slime or anything - and I'm trying my best to keep it that way.  I actually was thinking about this this morning as I drove to "work" and realized that with every bite I put in my mouth, I tell myself "don't make this the bite that gets you stuck.  chew."  And apparently it's working.  I'ma keep trying to make it work, too.  This is a goal I do have.

Speaking of goals, I want to clarify in response to some of the comments left on my last post.  I do have goals.  They pertain to my life...having kids - having healthy happy kids.  Having a healthy happy husband.  Maintaining my lifestyle that I love so much.  Growing as a person (but not in weight).  There are a ton of goals...those are some biggies.  Some others include visiting every country on the planet.  I've been to 58.  I'm well on my way.  I definitely do look forward but I also live today.  My weight, however, is not a goal.  My continued happiness - that's a goal.  Weighing some chosen number is not a goal.  I am stearing my course towards a healthier body.  That's the difference.  Not that I'm not looking forward.

I just wanted to get that out there.

This class ends next Friday and I hope that next weekend I can sit down and read the ever growing amount of blogs that are sitting waiting.  Already I have 350+ to read, though, so I doubt it will happen.  But I'm certainly going to try and get a glimpse of what I've missed.  Please know...I miss y'all!  I feel like I've lost my support world (albeit temporarily and at my own cause) and I'm just traveling along blindly now hoping that someone somewhere is thinking good thoughts about me.  Lucky me - my husband does that on a frequent basis...

Have a great weekend, y'all!

06/09/10: I finally figured it out

Well, it's Wednesday so I thought I might check in.  And then suddenly this afternoon I had a major epiphany and so I knew I had to blog when I got home!

So for starters, I'm doing what I can to keep up with the blogs but it doesn't help that I was already behind on Monday morning.  I'm working on it and part of this evening's goals are to read at least half of what's in my reader.  When I left class (yes, bad student that I am, I am reading when I can during the day) I had 120-something to read...so I will be doing a lot of reading tonight.

Next...class is going well.  I am really enjoying this class actually.  We will finish our content tomorrow and take our "perception test".  Our teacher hates the test so it sounds like if we question the questions, he'll either give us the answer (depending on how much he hates the question) or he'll talk us through understanding the test-writer's logic.  It's been a good class so far.  Friday will be an easy day as we will go in to learn his distinct requirements for our powerpoints, presentation skills, and report writing for the course that starts next Monday.  That's gonna be a fluffy morning...and then we are turned loose at noon.

Which is good.  My sweet hubby's step-sister is getting married this weekend so we'll head up to the dad/step-mom's house to go to the rehearsal dinner then have a family party "the night before the wedding" and then wedding on Saturday.  I think this will be a wonderful wedding and we are looking forward to it.

And I've decided that nothing in my closet works right for this weekend, so Friday afternoon on the way up, we'll do some shopping so that hopefully I might find something better for this outdoor (in June...in Texas...which isn't "cool") wedding.

Which leads to today's epiphany...

I finally figured it out.  What's that you ask?  IT.  I got IT.  I figured out what IT is.

Did you know I was working on IT?

What is IT?

Goals.  Mini goals along the way.  The end goal.  All of it.  Goals.  That's what IT is.

And what did I figure out?

You ready for this?

Why....

Yep.  Why.  Why I can't declare them, why I don't like them, why I don't want anything to do with them.

You wanna know why?

In a single sentence...

"Because I want to live NOW".

You see...to me...goals imply things like "I will be happy when..." or "Things will be better when..." or anything "when".

And I'm not about "when".  I'm about NOW.

I am happy now.  Losing weight won't make me happy - happiness comes from other places than what the mirror shows me or how people perceive me.  Happiness comes from within.

Losing weight won't make me a better person.  I am constantly working on being a better person but that has nothing to do with what I weigh.

Losing weight won't complete me; it won't validate me; it won't show me who my true friends are; it won't get me more love; it won't undo my past hurts or prevent future sadness; it won't change my life.

I will.

NOW.

Longevity asks me to lose weight for my health.  Feeling better in my body and on my feet asks me to lose weight.  Losing weight helps me to be able to live a happy life longer.  But the happy life is already in effect.  The happy Lori already exists.  She isn't buried in flab, she is out there living.

Which is why I cannot declare any goals.  Because goals to me imply that the future is more important than the now.  And I can't live like that.  I live for now - if I don't, I may never live.  There is no guarantee that the future will happen.  You know that old saying "tomorrow never comes".  It's true.  Tomorrow will always be a goal...and it is entirely unattainable.  Show me or tell me a story of how you lived tomorrow.  I live, I love, I laugh TODAY.  My weight is being taken care of.  That's my reality.

06/06/10: My Weekend

Happy Sunday y'all!  I'm ready to get in the pool but my hubby is out doing the grocery shopping for the week and I'm done with my bit - changing the sheets and working on laundry, for a little while - so while I could head out to the pool now, I just would feel guilty so will do something else that we both see as beneficial to my journey.

That's right.  Pester y'all!

Aren't you lucky!

I have some pictures to share.

The black dog, Raider - does not like to be cuddled, held, or even remotely smothered.  She determines what is smothering and she growls to tell you it's not ok.  It's a cute kind of growl, really, not a menacing thing, but something, instead, that says "I really don't like this but I guess I gotta do what I gotta do".  The white dog, Tibby, on the other hand, loves loves loves to cuddle.  He's my baby.  Raider is my hubby's baby.  There's no lack of love for either, though, just that I had Tibby before I met my hubby and he had Raider before he met me.  So, while this pic isn't odd in that Tibby is normally in that little nook...Raider crawling into the other and staying there is very odd.  So we had to take the pic.  I didn't even hate that I was in the picture!  Not a great me - but a whole lot better than the me of this time last year!  I'll take it!!!

Yesterday was fun.  We scrubbed the grout, rocks, and tile in the pool to get off what we now know is scale.  We also now know where it was coming from (pH out of balance) and what takes it off (muriatic acid).  At least we were in the pool!  The pool looks a gazillion times better than it EVER has!  Our pool school guy gave us some inaccurate information so this scale developed pretty quickly.  And we'd gotten it off before, but not to this degree as we were told to use the wrong stuff.  And even though we got it off, it came right back.  We also did some running around and generally enjoyed our Saturday.  I know we did something else "work" related, on the house, can't remember what it was, but we both crawled in bed last night, exhausted but surprisingly energized.  We felt great and we'd gotten a lot done!

Today has been fun, too.  We have been vegetables.  We did get the gym re-organized and it looks great!  And the rest of the day will be spent in the pool or beside the pool, grilling dinner out there and all.  Oh...you'd also be enthralled to know that we inventoried our freezer.  My hubby LOVES to just go buy meat (he does almost all of the grocery shopping).  Will buy it even though we've got an entire freezer in the garage stocked full of it.  So he declares this morning, as we are compiling the grocery list and cutting coupons, that he is going to buy some chicken and what other kind of meat do I want?

(I love that our treadmill folds up...so totally makes this room doable.)

We've got chicken (shredded from a leftover whole chicken cooked in a crockpot on Friday) sitting in the fridge waiting for something to be done with it this week.  We've got an entire freezer full of "meat" in the garage - what else do you want?  Well, we need something for this week.  Yes...I know...but can't we use what we already have?

So we went out there with pen and paper in hand and pulled it all out to look and see what we had.  Turns out we have two bags of chicken breasts and 12, count them, 12 drumsticks.  We have steaks and roasts and legs and shoulders galore.  Seriously!  Can we not use this up before it goes bad before we replenish it?  I think he's now convinced...and now we have an inventory...so we can look at two pieces of paper instead of having to take everything off, undoubtedly, the wrong shelf, to just see what we even have.  I hope we can cut down on the meat purchasing for a little while...especially given that...I can barely eat!

I am loving this.  I'm not perfect...I think one more fill is going to make a great difference in how long the full factor lasts...but my first bite or two is generally feeling like it's closed off before it eventually wanders down the pipes and I can proceed with eating.  And this closed off feeling is also translating into chew chew chew chew chew!  I have noticed a direct correlation between how much saliva gets into the food and how this "closed off feeling" feels.

I did listen to y'all that have gone before me...but I had to figure it out for myself.  :)

So onto the bad news.  I am starting my next class tomorrow.  I don't know if you remember, but here's the deal.

I work for a company (a fantastic wonderful company with the best training program in the industry) that does not think training is a joke.  They take it so seriously, in fact, that it takes a minimum of three years to get out of it.  And once people "graduate" they generally get job offers from competitors because people that finish this program are deemed both intelligent and driven.

I am in year two of three.  My three is up in November.  I have actually been working in my field for five years and was hired (a head hunter came after me) away from my previous employer to work for this fabulous wonderful company.  Because of that prior experience, I started in the middle...but seniority means that I don't get to take courses until those hired before me and ready get to them, at least within my group.  So here I am...I've been ready to take these classes for what feels like eons...but I'm just getting to them.  Of course, in the middle of my training, they rewrote the curriculum and so those of us in my paygrade have had to sit and wait for classes as, being the final phase meant it was also the last to get rewritten.

So fast forward to this year.  I was finally able to register for courses.  There are four courses in this project, a live project "that is of financial benefit to the company" - which can mean, I handle a real life project as a project leader even though I'm not going to be a project leader until I finish the training program, or else that I develop a project of my own, propose said project - to prove how it is financially beneficial and what it can mean for long term financial benefits, then once said project is approved, carry it out, then finally, defend my project (and results) to all the regional VP's and segment CEO as well as local management.  (That is why this is seen as "THE" training program in the industry - it's technically harder than a MS thesis defense - and this has been declared by many with their MS's in Geophysics.) 

Anywho, one class was the first week in May.  One class was for the second week of July.  The third class was originally for the third and fourth week of July but while I was out after surgery, my registration was moved to the last week of August and the first week of September.  And finally, my fourth and last course was in September as well.  Following successfully completing all these courses, then I have to do my project, a "Career Orientation Review", a review in which I tell them what I see doing with the rest of my career - line management, training, sales, exactly what I'm already doing, switching to a new segment, etc.  I also have to defend my project and impress the brass.

Well.  I'm never ok with just doing what I'm told.  I have to find what works for me.  I've been like that my entire life.  And it leads to interesting things.  I was not ok, for example, with going to college because 'mommie and daddy said so'.  So I joined the Navy to see the world, to grow up, and to figure it out.  I did figure out why college was important - and that decision led to me having to pay for college all by myself.  I'm glad I did - I think you value college more when you know why you're there and it's completely on you to get through it.  That's not always the case, but it certainly was for me.

So, back to the story, I have been periodically going into our online training system progress tracker and looking at class availability.  Always wanting more, I discovered just this week that the next two courses had availability this month.  One course, one week long, starts Monday.  The third course, two weeks long, starts the following Monday.  So I march over to my Project Leader and say "blah blah blah" and he's like "what, there are seats available?"  So he goes to his boss and says "blah blah blah" and she's like "what, there are seats available?"  So they go to the team manger.  Same thing.  The team manager then goes to the center manager - the highest of the high before you get into regional management.  And he says "WHAT?"  They spent the rest of Tues, Weds and Thurs trying to figure out how this happened.  There should be no seats available, this means people are dropping out.  This means wasted resources cause these classes get paid for regardless of whether they are full.  What's worse, because of the rewriting of the curriculum, this also means the backlog just grew.  Not everyone is like me...I have no vacation planned, nothing planned at work, and no reason not to just drop everything and be able to go.  Most people don't have that situation.

So...finally...after keeping me in the loop about who was talking to whom...and thanking me profusely for catching this...Friday...at 3pm...I was told I could go!

This week should be reasonable.  I think I can come home and at least read blogs.  Please don't expect too many comments out of me, though, I'm sorry to say.  I'll try and do my best but I'll be happy if I can just keep up!

The class after this week, though...I expect to fully drop off the radar.  I will have to do a "turkey shoot" - a project in which I'm given data to process.  They have already processed this data and have determined the best algorithms and sequences to use and it's on me to match my data to theirs.  It's very doable and very ok...but I am given 2 weeks to do a 6 week project.  From the people that have gone before me, it sounds as though 12 hour days are a distinct possibility as will be working weekends.  It's not an option to fail or be subpar as that can mean I'm fired.  We'll see how that goes but I don't expect to be blogging much at all - nor do I expect to be reading.

I will miss you, that's for sure.  I will miss all of this and, to be honest, I'm not looking forward to catching back up - I just got myself caught up last week!  And that was from the class I took at the beginning of May.  I gotta do what I gotta do, though.

And that's what I know.

I hope y'all had a fabulous weekend!  I sure did!!!

BYOC

1. If you could live anywhere in the world - where would it be and why?

Right beside my husband.  The where and they why...I don't care so much.  I have been all over the world and I love each culture that I've been blessed to observe, even fleetingly.  I had a chance, two years ago, to potentially move to India (Mumbai) and I would have loved it - even though it was also intimidating as it's so not like the USA there.  Where ever I am, so long as it's with my sweet hubby, I'll love it.

2. How old were you when you got drunk for the 1st time?

I was about 2.  A family Christmas.  They were drinking spiked egg nog on Christmas Eve.  I was drinking plain egg nog.  I love the stuff.  So when they set their cups down, I'd pick 'em up and finish 'em.  They didn't know I was doing it.  I didn't know it was different.  Eventually, they realized I was acting pretty bizarre - which is really bizarre for me - and put together why their cups were emptying out so quickly as they saw me in the middle of the room, cup in hand (that wasn't mine) wobbling around.

Fast forward to the age of 7.  My grandmother owned a beach house in Mexico and we went down there once a month or so to relax on the beach and enjoy the beautiful views.  It was hard to keep that house stocked - no grocery stores for miles and miles and miles - so we usually just ate our meals at the restaurant at the entrance to the community.  The owners of the restaurant would always give my cousin and I one beer (with half of it poured out) to share.  I loved my beer so much I'd beat him over the head with the bottle.  He'd get mad and hit my feet with it. 

Fast forward to the age of 13.  My mom went out with her new boyfriend.  My friends and I raded the liquor cupboard.

Fast forward to the Navy years...and dang...I can drink (and swear) like the true sailor that I am.

No worries - I somehow, miraculously, do not have a drinking problem.  I enjoy a glass of wine maybe once a week and a beer or a martini every now and then.  But it doesn't rule my life like it apparently did when I was 2, 7, 13 or 20-something.  :)

3. What was your favorite toy growing up?

My tonka dumptruck.  They are supposed to be indestructible...so I promptly figured out how to break it.  My dad got so mad at me he wouldn't let me replace it.  He bought me a new one when I was about 15 as he decided I was finally mature enough for one.  I still have it to this day and it sits front and center in my study!

4. What's your favorite season and why?

Ooh...well...as a fatty - late fall...winter...spring - cause the temps were comfortable

As a person losing weight - summer - cause it's awesome to be outside and not be daunted by the heat.

Clothingwise - late fall, winter, spring - very comfortable easy clothes to wear.

But, of course, as I lose, and therefore lose my fear of wonderful clothes, I suspect I'll love summer again, too!

5. Repeat question....which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most this week?

I loved 'em all.  I am such a comment whore and whenever anyone takes the time to leave me a schpeal I feel so loved and like I matter to this virtual world of fabulous real-life women!  I can't wait for Chicago!  As for blogs - I loved 'em all, too.  It's just such a wealth of knowledge, information, insight, persona...I love it all!  Must be why I spend my entire days sitting here perusing the blogs!

06/04/10: And again

3.2 oz lost this time.  I'll take that, too!  Still on 225, though, so not really a loss...but yet the scale is creeping downward...so it's a loss...but it's not.  :)

There's some Lori-logic for ya!

My mom used to always laugh at Lori-logic.  I always, according to her, could make anything make sense even if it was completely nonsensical.  If I talk in circles long enough, you'll understand me.  :)  By the time I was about 16 or so, she'd just say, "I can't keep up with Lori-logic, fine, just go do..." whatever-the-thing-of-the-day was.

Anywho.  So the scale seems to be crawling now.  I have noticed, thanks to my beloved GoBe that my calories burns for the past three days have been less than the entire month of May.  But I also noticed that when I lose weight, if it's a day or two here or there, that the days I lose on, I have lower calorie burns on.  The days I seemingly maintain, my calorie counts are either just fine or super-high.  I've set my calorie burn goal, per day, at 2600 calories.  On the days that I achieve 2600 - I don't lose.  On the days that I can barely pull off 2400 calories...I do lose.  I'll have three or four days around 2400 and I'll lose each of those three or four days...then my burn will jump back up to 2600...and I stop losing.  I've also noticed that during the week, I struggle to burn 2600...but on weekends, I typically am burning in the 3000 range.

I hate being at a desk all day.

But I love getting a paycheck!

Any plans for the weekend?

We are...taking donations to Goodwill; pressure washing the fence and staining it; getting Sisterhood clothes in the mail; reorganizing the gym and getting a larger tv mounted; hopefully relaxing by the pool sometime, too!

Speaking of Sisterhood clothes, please have one last look at these three blogs (part 1, part 2, part 3) and let me know if you want anything.  If it isn't spoken for, it's going to Goodwill tomorrow.  If it doesn't fit yet, that's fine - you are more than welcome to take it for your own and save it for when it will.  Let me know - comment on the particular blog, I'll see it, and send me an email at ldswims0808@gmail.com with your address.  And for those that have already spoken for things as well as anyone else who might - no charge for shipping.  I'm paying it forward...

That's about all I know.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

06/03/10: There goes another

I'm totally loving this!  Got on the scale again this morning...it's what I do...I always will...I don't hate this about myself...or my mornings....sometimes it's comedy, sometimes it's feedback. 

And there went another half pound.  This loss of a half puts me at 225 now.  It's time for pictures.  Woohoo.

Probably won't take the pictures until this weekend, though.  Hubby is going out with the other bosses tonight to see some Broadway show or another.  I know it's one I want to see so I'm blocking out what it is so that when I decide we should go see it, I won't have to say, "ah, but Honeybunny saw it without me".  So if I can successfully forget, which I've done, then it will be fine to go see it in a few weeks together.  :)

Won't happen, though.  We aren't in a traveling Broadway phase right now...we're in a pool and sun phase...

Pictures might happen Friday...but then again...might be Sunday.  All I know is if this trend keeps up - I gotta take 'em soon or they'll be the 2-teens pictures!

I need my scrapbook, ya know.

Restriction.  Still don't got it.  But I'm doing pretty well, I think.  I'm finding that I am going longer before I need to eat a snack.  I guess I'm hoping the next fill will officially get me to not needing to snack.

We ate sushi last night.  It was the first time since surgery that we actually went to a sushi bar and sat down and had multiple rolls.  We ordered 4 rolls, to be exact.  We now know that we'll order 3 next time.  I had 2 pieces from each of the 3 specialty rolls and 3 pieces of our basic roll (a California roll with cream cheese instead of cucumber - it's how my Hubby likes it and it's pretty good, I'll say!).  A total of nine pieces.  It all went down fine but I had to eat each piece by the half and chew chew chew.  I also had a seaweed salad - one of my favorite things!  Did you know a seaweed salad only has 19 calories?  Yum stuff!

I love that nothing is off limits so far but I'm sure eating a hell of a lot less of it!  That's just awesome to me.  I want to keep it this way!  The band, to me, isn't supposed to be punishment.  It's supposed to be feedback to help me become and stay wise!  And so far, I'm not disappointed in that!

As with Tuesday, my calorie burn was quite a bit lower than the two previous Wednesday's which were all very comparable.  So maybe this is the beginning of a plateau?  I don't know yet.  I'm sure watching closely.  We'll see how the rest of the week goes...

We also went to our local Academy (the largest in Texas, I might add) and bought a bunch of dumbbells.  Then we went to Fitness Unlimited and bought a weight plate tree and a dumbbell rack.  One goal this weekend is to get the gym more organized and get a larger tv up on the mount.  That larger tv is sitting on the ground (there's a smaller tv currently on the mount) and moving the larger tv and donating the small tv will create more floor space - where the tree and rack will both live.  We have a set of those block weights, where you put in the bars to get whatever weight you are after.  Supposed to be space savers.  But I don't like working with them.  There are only about two exercises I do that are conducive to those blocks, the rest I'm distorting my wrist to get them to work for what I'm trying to do.  I'd rather not distort my wrist....

So...then...get home...from this wonderful dinner and this fabulous shopping...and our power had obviously been off due to apparently a whole day of storms and rain sitting over our house (yes, the pool even overflowed - I hate that we don't have an overflow drain!).  Our power being off took down our internet...and in trying to fix it...looks like it's more than just needing to be reset...may actually be a blown modem...but I start futzing with the internet router...and now our computers won't even connect.  So I made the internet problem into a router problem, too.  We'll see if I have enough time to futz with it tonight...I do know that my workout is my first priority, though.

I sat there for two and a half hours trying to futz with it all...and it's not worth calling Comcast about the modem until I can get the router back to functional.  But my feelings of exuberance about a great evening ended up shot.  :{

Oh well.  It's a new day.  And I lost another half pound!  I have no complaints - only joy!  Woohoo!!!

06/02/10: It's Tuesday but it's Hump Day!!!

So it's Wednesday - hump day...but it sure feels like Tuesday...I LOVE short weeks!

I lost another half pound yesterday.  Awesome!  I'll keep it.  The loss.  Not the pound.  The lack of the pound - that's what I'll keep.  I don't want it back.  It's not welcome here anymore!

But I think I'm headed for a plateau!  Yesterday...AFTER my workout...in which I'm lifting weights I can barely lift right now, i.e. super heavy, for me, for now,...I had barely burned as many calories as I did last week...just sitting at work.  I ended the day exactly where I needed to....but I will be curious to see what happens with today...and tomorrow...is this the start of a plateau? 

If it is...and I know it...clap my hands.

Oh dangit.

If it is...and I know it...I can kick it up a notch...and beat this plateau back with a stick.

How awesome is that!?!

We shall see what happens today and tomorrow...

If I lose another half pound tomorrow...then it's time for another set of during photos.  I think the change already is unbelievable, really, especially around the waist.  I am tempted to show the pictures of me in just a sports bra and shorts now...my waist/abs are already that improved.  I gotta see the photos first.  But someday these photos will be released.

Ok...just messin around with my activity manager for GoBe.  Looks like yesterday was just a fluke.  I burned a comparable amount of calories for my work hours yesterday and all four normal days last week (Friday was a half day and consisted of running around/swimming that was not normal...so comparing apples to apples only means only four normal days).  I also burned a comparable amount of calories last week for the same workout as I did yesterday.  Looks like not cooking dinner and instead, just doing leftovers, meant the inactivity in the kitchen was enough to bump off about 200 calories.  WOW.  Still want to see how today and tomorrow turn out...but looks like a fluke, not a plateau.

Anywho...I'm excited.  Two days in a row of loss.  I like it!  I'll take it!  I feel oh so giddy and I want to do what it takes to keep it going!

What a place to be.  Last week...frustrated...begging for changes...and unlike many other attempts in the past, I just kept going.  I ignored the lack of feedback on the scale, I ignored the lack of feedback in the measuring tape, I ignored everything and just kept going.  This week...I have feedback all around telling me that what I'm doing is working.  I don't know how long it will last but what a feeling...to know...because of all my fabulous blogger buddies...that if I just keep going...eventually, I'll get what I want!  It's because of all of you before me that I just kept going.  I cannot even begin to tell you how awesome this feels!

Yay for change!

06/01/10: I'm confused....no wait...I get it...no wait...

So I said yesterday that I lost 3 pounds in the entire month of May.  Woohoo!  NOT.  Don't know that anyone read that far in the blog, though, and even if you did, well, what do you say to that anyway?!!

I lost 3 pounds last night.  That doubles what I claimed to have lost.  So I managed to eek out 6 pounds in the entire month of May.  Who cares that half of it was in the last 5 hours of the month!!!

I know my slow weightloss is courtesy of bandster hell while also starting up my weightlifting.  I had expected more loss from my program but I'm alright with what's going on.

I mean...on the one hand - yes, I want to be dropping a gazillion pounds overnight.

But on the other hand - my body is shrinking.  There's no way out of it.  I can get mad at the scale but the scale is only speaking a part of the story.

When I measured on Sunday I know that things are moving around.  My waist is bigger but my hips are smaller.  My chest is bigger but my arms are smaller.  This was in comparison to the Sunday before.  Overall, last week, I lost no inches.  Things just moved.  And that's ok.

My body is taking care of itself.  I know that fluids are being moved around, blood cells are being created to help feed the muscles - and muscle is growing.  This is all good.

I'm fine with that.

Is this 3 pounds the start of what I expected things to be like?  Who knows.  I'm not going to sit here and say it is.  I'm also not going to sit here and say it isn't.  I know that I appreciate each time the scale moves and I successfully managed to beat my frustration back with a 2X4 this time.

Many of the other times I started weightlifting to lose weight, when this would happen, I'd get frustrated and I'd allow my indulgences.  I did not do that this time and I won't start now!  That's a huge major accomplishment and someday in the near future - who knows exactly when - this not allowing my frustration to beat me will pay off.

Is this my 3 pounds for the week?  Or will there be more?  Either way it goes - 3 pounds in a week is nothing to balk over!!!

Wanna hear the funny part?  I ate donuts for breakfast yesterday.  2 of 'em.  Did you know that a donut is not as bad for you as a slice of pizza?  Yep.  It's true.

And then for lunch I ate a cheeseburger sans bun (wrapped in lettuce) and tater tots with cheese.  Yuummmm stuff.  I love me some tater tots with cheese!  Dinner was much more reasonable and interestingly enough there was not a lick of snacking yesterday.  With all of that, and the choices were made and tested in my little tracking system and put together in advance of actually taking a bite, my calorie count was 1055.

Good to know.  Donuts don't kill my day - and they still get through my band, too!  I don't eat many donuts, don't worry but you know me - this isn't a diet.  Nothing is off limits.  I eat donuts about 3-4 times a year.  If you tell me that I can never have 'em, I'll want 'em all the time but because I can have 'em, I can keep 'em in control.

Anywho.  Weird stuff.  I'm excited for my 3 pounds.  1 more pound and it's finally time for another set of during photos.  This last 10 pounds has been slow going...but...surgery...bandster hell...start of a weight training program (I started my third week of my first five week program last night)...it's no wonder it hasn't been amazing progress.  Soon it will be...I hope...but I've been beating this body up!  It's no surprise that my body isn't quick to reward what it thinks is punishment!  Soon it will have to realize I'm trying to help!!!  :)

In case you want to see the garden photos that I just have to share with you...here they are.  Remember - I started most all of my plants from seed and they are really just starting to take off.  My zucchini and squash all died - I put them in the ground and then two days later we had 4 inches of rain in about 2 hours.  They drowned.  I need to start them over and that's the plan this week although I want to mound up more dirt where those are supposed to be.  That rain also killed off most all of the herbs I started - but I know I can start those again, too.

 
This is the side yard where my garden lives.  Originally we put this fence up so we could keep the dogs in there and away from the pool.  We had three dogs at the time and the third was a troublemaker (although a sweetheart, she was just a prankster).  With the third dog gone - she moved away to a stay at home mom and two kids and a husband/dad who worked from home so she could have all the attention she thought she deserved plus she gained a ton of space - we no longer have to pen the dogs up.  So now I'm using this to keep the dogs out.  :)

In this bed I have cucumbers, broccoli, an artichoke, jalapenos, carrots, leeks, and celery.  The cucumbers are doing really well.  The "cattle panel" is for them to grow up and over on so that they don't just mound on the ground.  They are getting to the point that I can start training them to do so.

In this bed it's all strawberries.  I had the zucchini and the squash along the "cattle panel" so that they could go up and over as well, but like I said, they all drowned.  So right now it's just strawberries.  I love me my strawberries!  Eventually, my thinking right now, is that the grass will come out of this side yard and strawberries will be my groundcover with stepping stones placed so that we can still move around.  We had a gazillion strawberry plants in my backyard when I was a kid and we could feed 10 people every Sunday with all that grew.  I would love to get to that!

And finally, this is the last bed and looking back at the fence.  I have potatoes, onions, horseradish, shallots, and garlic in here.   There is also a single green bean in here.  These are all new for me to grow so am not sure how it's going to work out.  :)

In the big pots are where I'm growing my herbs.  The one under the cattle panel was my cilantro (my fave) but it drowned.  I need to start it over but I need to take out the soil and put in some gravel to help it drain off...and maybe a few more drain holes, too.  The one closest is basil.  And basically, right under where I'm standing is a basil bush (in the same type of pot).  The basil bush is fine - the basil, on the other hand, drowned.  And then along the house there are more pots on stands.  There is oregano, sage, dill, thyme and parsley.  I think if you look at the top picture you can see the arrangement, kinda, of those pots.

And finally, that's a pear tree in the ground at the end by the little fence.  And we have another lemon tree to go in, as well.

And that's my little garden!  I like it the way it is but it's just a start.

Have a great week, y'all.  Kinda sucks to be back at work but it's also nice to take a break!