06/19/10: Missing

Guess who...yeah...it's me...the vanishing Lori...

This class sucks.  There.  That's out there.  First and foremost.

I miss y'all.  I have no idea what's going on with anyone.

Here I sit, day in and day out, in the training center, praying that my work can get done and that it can even look good enough.  We were given data to work with that is simultaneously better than what we usually work with and worse.  Of course, the "worse" part of what we have to fix is not stuff we normally do.  So this "class" has been a challenge.  As the days wear on I'm getting more and more certain that my job and my life as I know it are going to take a change in paths.  I might get through "the data" but I don't know that I'll adequately explain what I did, what happened, or what I could have done better...and that presentation in which I do all that is to all of my big bosses.  Can't worry about the presentation yet (happens next Friday at 9:40 AM central time)...gotta continue to worry about the data.

So here I am on a Saturday.  A Saturday on which I am hosting a pool party.  And I'm at work.  And I have no idea how long I'll be here.  Goal is to be home before the first guest arrives.  But reality may dictate that I'm here until 7 or 8 tonight.

So my hubby is home taking care of the house and the party preps.  We were wise with this party and asked for it to be a potluck style...so "we" don't have much to do in the way of food prep ("we" are doing jalapeno poppers, a fruit tray and a veggie tray).  We sent the evite out before I knew I was taking this class and didn't feel like we should cancel it after people started to RSVP.  I approached this past week as get ahead of the eight ball and stay there then I wouldn't have to come in at all on the weekend.  Unfortunately, the eight ball has a severe wobble to it and I have not once, this week, been able to accurately predict what was going to happen next.  So here I am.  With my hubby at home taking care of it all.

What's worse...the "job" I am running right now...is taking 4 hours on the system.  I'm about half an hour into it.  I split my "job" into multiple "jobs" and hopefully that can buy me some time...but the system is not happy about having to work on weekends.  I need this process to finish today...plus the next...and ideally the one after that.  If I can get these three processes done today...then tomorrow should be a bit better.

Or not.  Depends on how long I have to watch water boil today.

Anyway.  Not the "class" I thought it would be.  The one saving grace for my self-esteem is there are others that I consider strong people (I don't consider myself a strong person in this realm) and they are struggling with the exact same things I am.  There are nine of us in this class and we all seem to be fairly consistent with our abilities.

I have not read a single blog this week.  Funny thing is...my husband actually missed my updates...so he's out there reading various blogs and he's even started commenting.  He's commenting as anonymous and signing as "LHF" (Lori's Husband Fred).  I'll be curious if any of you have noticed him and figured out that acronym...

In band related news...I had my third fill this past tuesday.  It has changed everything.  I am loving it.  I can barely eat and whatever I eat better be pretty saucy!!!  I still have yet to get stuck, to pb, to slime or anything - and I'm trying my best to keep it that way.  I actually was thinking about this this morning as I drove to "work" and realized that with every bite I put in my mouth, I tell myself "don't make this the bite that gets you stuck.  chew."  And apparently it's working.  I'ma keep trying to make it work, too.  This is a goal I do have.

Speaking of goals, I want to clarify in response to some of the comments left on my last post.  I do have goals.  They pertain to my life...having kids - having healthy happy kids.  Having a healthy happy husband.  Maintaining my lifestyle that I love so much.  Growing as a person (but not in weight).  There are a ton of goals...those are some biggies.  Some others include visiting every country on the planet.  I've been to 58.  I'm well on my way.  I definitely do look forward but I also live today.  My weight, however, is not a goal.  My continued happiness - that's a goal.  Weighing some chosen number is not a goal.  I am stearing my course towards a healthier body.  That's the difference.  Not that I'm not looking forward.

I just wanted to get that out there.

This class ends next Friday and I hope that next weekend I can sit down and read the ever growing amount of blogs that are sitting waiting.  Already I have 350+ to read, though, so I doubt it will happen.  But I'm certainly going to try and get a glimpse of what I've missed.  Please know...I miss y'all!  I feel like I've lost my support world (albeit temporarily and at my own cause) and I'm just traveling along blindly now hoping that someone somewhere is thinking good thoughts about me.  Lucky me - my husband does that on a frequent basis...

Have a great weekend, y'all!