02/05/2012: Gettin into a groove

Hey y'all!  Long lost blogger here.  Signing in, although probably briefly.  I have a ton of things I should be doing - like taking a shower and getting ready for our fourth annual super bowl shindig.  The cooking should happen today...and the boys are asleep...so I should be using this time wisely.

Anywho, things are settling in around here.  The boys are sleeping 8-10 hours a night nowadays and it's amazing how much more I can get done when I 1) have energy and 2) have a somewhat predictable day.  Along with their great sleeping has come predictability...

They are incredibly cute and adorable and getting cuter and adorabler every day.  (Like my word?)  They are so much fun and so loving and sweet.  I'll enjoy that while it lasts!

In other news, well, weightloss is no more.  I am a mere 29 lbs down from my presurgery weight...well...pre-weightloss journey weight.  Currently I weigh more than I did on the day of surgery.  I have gotten my first fill and have 2cc's in my band and was told to wait 4 weeks before I could get my next fill.  I should have questioned that - in retrospect.  They fill the band faster post-surgery and then you are dealing with swelling and whatnot.  I know they wanted me to ease into it but I think 2 weeks would have been sufficient time to wait for a second fill.  I go back on 2/23 so it's not too far off...but I'm tired of my weight bouncing upwards and never downwards.

It turns out breastfeeding for about 20% of women actually causes a gain.  I am in that 20%.  No doubt my new found thyroid issues are not helping anything.  It's hard nowadays dealing with this body and being excited about getting motivated.  I have skin hanging on my belly like you wouldn't believe.  And it's understandable - blowing up like I did with two very healthy baby boys isn't likely to do wonders for skin elasticity.  But the hard part comes in knowing that we want to try for another kid (or kids) and that it's just simply not worth doing a tummy tuck until we are truly done with pregnancies.  So if no tummy tuck, that means I am going to look bad and feel uncomfortable.  So why be motivated to get the weight off?  And yes, uncomfortable is downright uncomfortable.  What I thought was uncomfortable at my highest weight is nothing compared to this mega flop of skin I get to sling about all the time.

Isn't that a nice thought?

Nonetheless, I am eager to get back to weightlifting.  And swimming.  I think it was a mistake for us to disassemble our gym and move it to the garage thinking we'd reassemble it out there.  Turns out sharing the gym with the cats and their litter box is not enticing.  So now we are at the stage of wanting to restart the membership at a gym I paid a lifetime contract for a few years ago.  But they won't "babysit" for us until the boys are 6 months and we have 2 more months until we get there.  So it's this weird sort of hurry up and wait phase.

Anywho, that's where I am.  Happy as can be to be a mom to two very precious boys.  Frustrated as all get out at what's going on with the body I once had hopes of reclaiming.  Give me 5 years and I know I'll be where I want to be - post tummy tuck, weight officially lost, baby-making days officially behind us...but it's hard to think about the time I get to spend in the meantime.  I know I'll do it, I have to, too damned uncomfortable to not.  But here I am right now with not very much I can do but hurry up and wait.  And I did it to myself.  Elasticity probably would not have been such an issue if I'd never been overweight...on the other hand, being overweight probably helped me conceive twins and I'll be forever grateful for that!!

I hope all is well with y'all!  I can't wait to start reading again - I'm even feeling hopeful that this can happen pretty soon!  At the very least, it will happen by 2/27 'cause that's when I go back to work.