12/12/2012: Not gone, not forgotten

I know some would like to see me really be gone.  Others could care less.  And fewer still actually might be happy to see a blog come across from me.  Luckily for me, I blog for myself.  So, here I am.  It's been a month since I last blogged and that seems crazy.  The good news is, there just isn't much to ramble about.  Nothing's changed.  Husby still has cancer.  I still have endometriosis.  And my beautifuls are more beautiful - and fun - than they've ever been before.

The boys really are awesome.  And I say that in a completely 100% biased mom sort of way.  They are just so much fun!  I have to admit that I was a little scared of this stage.  The stage where they start walking and talking and truly getting into everything.  Would I be enough?  Could I entertain them enough?  Could I keep them safe enough?  Could I keep them fed enough?  Could I keep them warm enough on cold days and cool enough on warm days?  Just enough - could I be enough?  Well....my fears seem to have no basis in reality.  They love me more than ever.  They love Husby more than ever, too.  We want to be with them all the time - and they want to be with us all the time.  They are constantly excited about seeing what we will say or do next.  Turns out - we are enough.  In fact, we are more than enough.  We are exactly what they want.

What a beautiful feeling that is.  To be what your baby boys "want".

It is just.  So.  Much.  Fun.  I am eager to get up every morning to see what we're going to get into next.  I am way too eager to get home from work to see what's in store that evening.  I am just eager to be with them.

They love their daycare.  That is the one thing that makes being a working mom not so hard to take.  Yes, I would rather be a SAHM.  I would rather be with them all the time.  But they need more than me.  They really do.  They thrive on having multiple people involved with them day in and day out.  They, like their mom and dad, love having access to multiple people.  They love the various personalities.  They love that some people are more fun and some people are sweeter.  They love the variation.  They love the different toys and the different things they do at daycare vs. at home.  They are all too happy to stay home with me when I'm off work.  But they are incredibly thrilled when we pull in the daycare parking lot.  When we start to get them out of their carseats every  morning they are wiggling so much to get out of those seats and into their "classroom".  There is just a level of extra they get from daycare that they don't get with just me.  And they know the difference and like it.  It's a pretty amazing thing to see.

So...since my blog is less about weightloss these days and more about the fun of parenting twins...I think I'm going to change directions with it.  Not much sure how yet.  Whether I'll take this one down and start all over or whether I'll let this one morph into something new.  I do know that my journey to embrace is about far more than life as a bandster.  I've alienated some by talking about my beautifuls so I guess before I alienate more I need to say, this is what my blog is now.  If you don't like it, I'm not begging you to stay.  If you don't like me, I'm not asking you to start.  This is who I am, this is my life, and I will not feel guilty for it or be made to feel out of place for wanting this life that I have these days.

So who knows.  Just don't be surprised if this vanishes one day or if my history disappears.  It would be nice to share this with my family but I don't want to share my bandster life with them in the way that I have blogged in the past.  So, like I said, who knows what I am going to do.  All I know is change is imminent.  Now isn't that life?