01/10/11: Ahhh

What a wonderful weekend.  Too short.  That's my only complaint.  And I can't really use that cause that always applies.  I can think of one, maybe two times, where Monday morning was not dreaded but rather had me antsy for work.  Yeah, it's happened.  Once or twice.  It's incredibly rare, though.  And usually it's something way cool like recruiting at my alma mater for my company that has me ready to go.

Anywho.  T'was an awesome weekend.  Should I rub it in some more?  K.  I'll stop.

It really wasn't anything special.  We just did what we wanted to.  Cooked when we wanted, ordered out when we didn't want to cook.  Cleaned when we wanted to...made a mess when we wanted to...made fire, cleaned fireplace...made fire...went to movie...chilled out...put on new doorknobs...you know, it was a nothing weekend.  It was a great big huge sigh of relief weekend!

It was awesome!

Have you ever replaced doorknobs?  Do you know how expensive doorknobs are when you do the whole friggin house?  A door knob, in and of itself, is not all that expensive.  The style we chose was in the twenty bucks a piece range.  Now...think of all the doorknobs you have.  Member that pantry door?  How about the hall closet that has french doors (don't ask, I don't know, but it's cool).  How about the gym that also has french doors...and all the closets we store all our crap in.  Now, lets kick it up a notch and get locking knobs for this door and that door.  Bathrooms, etc.  Now, let's kick it up another notch for exterior doors.  Yeah...you get the picture.  Something as simple as doorknobs gets danged expensive.  So we were smart.  We just did a few at a time.  We have now officially changed out all our knobs!  I'm so excited.

It's the little things, people.  The little things.

The doorknobs, however, led to needing pulls and knobs on our drawers.  So now we've started that.

Luckily, that's not nearly as expensive and we just went ahead and bought it all.  Now it's a matter of actually doing it.  We got our bathroom done this weekend.  The other bathroom and the kitchen...well...they'll probably sit for awhile.  :)

Anywho.

You know what else happened this weekend in addition to all this incredible excitement?

My already fairly tight band slammed shut.

Saturday was crazy.  Now, I wasn't eating well by design.  Donuts for breakfast, pizza for lunch, Chinese for dinner.  All on purpose, all part of the plan, all generally ok (as for as physically eating it).  But apparently not ok together.

By Chinese-for-dinner-time, my band apparently had had enough.  Dumplings went down fine.  Sushi (two pieces of a California Roll - ooh, exciting, huh?) not so much.  But...I didn't know it.  This particular place where we got our dinner has the best ginger dressing in the world.  And while salads have not been working at all since this fill, I was thinking, if I was open enough to eat donuts and then pizza, maybe a salad could work.  Well...not knowing the sushi wasn't going through..and sushi has not given me any problem so far...I attempted the salad.  Three bites in, something was not ok.  So I chilled out and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And then I knew I was screwed.

Thinking it was the salad and knowing that salads have not worked in the past month and a half, and knowing what my remedy has been, I went to the bathroom.  And the salad came up.  And yet the problem was so not resolved.  And the dumpling came up.  And yet the problem was so not resolved.  And then with a retch and a heave and a ho, the sushi came up.  And then it came up again.  And then it came up again.  And then it came up again.

Two friggin pieces of sushi produced six very productive heaves.

(And yes, even though I ate the dumpling before the sushi, the dumpling came up before the sushi.)

At this point, the beast is growling and stoma is angry.  I was done for.

What got scary was...after not eating anything and not getting anything in, I wound up going to bed, as is usual.  I like sleep.  I didn't go to bed because I didn't eat. I chilled out for the rest of the evening and went to bed when I was ready.  And there I am sleeping...and I'd wake up coughing and hacking as I choked on this or that.  An hour or so later, same thing.  I so did not sleep Saturday night because I kept waking up choking.

I never did have any reflux or any issues with acid/burning.  And when I finally did get up on Sunday, whatever was still in my stoma eventually went down.  But it sucked.  It royally sucked.

Sunday, eating was more back to usual.  I was scared to eat so I took it painfully slow and ate foods that I knew were ok - shrimp, soup, etc. 

And all of this led to a minimal gain.  Of course, I had anticipated that, what with choosing donuts and pizza and Chinese food...all in one day.

Anywho. 

Scary stuff.  I wish there was a way we could see our stomas.  I didn't have that normal feeling of food still being in there....

Last thing I want to chat about is exactly how empty my closet is now.  I finally got fed up last night and took out all that is ready to move on.  Until now, all the shirts and dresses were still hanging up and all the pants/skirts/shorts were in a pile on the floor.  I literally forgot about shoes that I have because they were buried by that pile and I have literally been having to scrounge around for nightshirts which sit on a shelf below where all those shirts were hanging.  Good Lord my closet is empty!  I love it!  It actually helps me to feel better about shopping!

Which is exactly the plan for next weekend.

I'm going to go through that pile and pick out some of my favorite things for the sisterhood.  But there is no way I can afford to pay for shipping for everything, assuming everything was spoken for, which I doubt it would be.  But trying to take pictures of all that, upload them, sort out blogs, man, I should not have waited this long.  I think part of my question about whether the effort is "worth it" is I'm not even sure I have followers that still want the larger sizes.  So help me help you.  Let me know if you are a size 18 or 20 and help me figure out how "worth it" the effort is.  There is some stuff for 16's, too.   If there are only two of you, well, then I'll correspond with you.  If there are 10 or more, I'll do some posts.  And by all means, feel free to drum up some interest, if you like.  The more people that are interested, the better I'll feel about the time/effort investment.  It's A LOT of clothes.  15-20 pairs of pants/shorts/capris/skirts, 25-30 shirts/blouses, 5 or 6 dresses.  Bad news is, some of it is definitely summer.  One shirt is Christmas - can't imagine interest in that.  It's been hanging in my closet since last year.  Not sure why I didn't get it into my last sisterhood post...more than 6 months ago.  Anywho, let me know if you are interested.

01/07/11: I went shopping last night...

...in my closet!

Dangit but if I wasn't about to lose out on windows of wearing some of my faves I've had through the sizes!

I have two pairs of pants that are nearly done for.  Done for meaning, at my current rate of loss, I'll have maybe a month of wearing them.  A month if I have three weeks of wearing them way too big.  One of these pairs is a favorite.  A flattering cut type of favorite.  No matter what blouse I put with them, these pants always look great.  Those kind of pants.

Oh well. 

You'd think that with my experience of trying on my jeans a month ago and finding that they ALL fit...I woulda maybe tried on the work pants and some of my nicer but still casual pants to see.  But no.  I didn't.  It was just a random thought last night as I was drawing a bath.  I thought, I wonder if these fit.  And they did.  So then I had to see about these and these.  And they did.  So then I had to see about these and these and these.  And even those did!  Pants I was sure were still two, three, maybe even four months away.

Nope.  They all fit.  All except one pair - that are a size 14.  Supposedly.

Now, I know this has been griped about before and I didn't understand the fuss because I've always had "good luck" with this store...but what the hell is up with Old Navy?

Almost all of these pants are Old Navy.  I have 18's I am just barely fitting into.  From Old Navy.  I have 16's I am well into and almost out of cause they are too dang big.  From Old Navy.  I have 18's that have been long gone and 14's that fit, but I still am not ready to wear them.

I have 14 Michael Kors and Nine West and Calvin Klein that fit.  Yet I'm still wearing Old Navy 18's.

What gives?  Is Old Navy BIG?  Are they small?  Do they know?

Furthermore.  I am now wearing 12's in blouses.  A Medium, according to one shirt.  And then I find this tunic from Avenue, stating it's an 18/20.  I remember buying this thing cause I love tunics.  And then I realized it's not a tunic for an 18/20 person.  It's a skin tight 3/4 length sleeve longer shirt for an 18/20 person.  But I swear it's a tunic.  I can't remember the last time I wore it or even tried it on.  But I can say, I'm wearing it today.  And it fits today.  Like a tunic should.  So let me get this straight.  I'm wearing 12's up top, and some 14's, in brands like Michael Kors (12), Calvin Klein (12 and 14), Nine West (M, 12, and 14), New York & Co (M) and so on and so forth.  None of these are brands I would expect to be doing vanity sizing.  So I'd think if they are 12's they are really 12's.  And here's this Avenue shirt claiming to be an 18/20.  That fits.  Isn't loose, isn't hanging, isn't bunching, isn't big.  IT FITS.

What's up with that?

Furthermore, why'd I buy it when I was an 18?  Cause I'm pretty sure I had to be working that stuffed sausage look in all areas, arms, chest, abs, all of it!

Anywho.  I went shopping in my closet last night.  I have nothing, really, to shrink into anymore.  Next up is going to be shopping in stores and spending money.  Argh.  I'm just not looking forward to that.  I'll be passing on some not inexpensive clothes soon.  Once upon a time I used to invest in my wardrobe.  I haven't invested in a long time.  And I know I'll be doing thrift stores and consignment stores until I get to where I'm ok with investing again.  I am realizing, too, that I'm scared for what's going to happen in the stores when I get there.  Old Navy and Avenue still say I'm an 18 but a smidge higher end has me in 12's, 14's and 16's.  So which is it?  Am I in Old Navy sizes?  Or am I in Department store sizes?

Maybe I just don't know how jeans are supposed to fit.  Are you supposed to base it on, with Old Navy, what they fit like when you put them on?  Or what they fit like an hour later?  Cause...an hour later...I'm always swimming in my clothes....

Ok.  Next.

By the by, I'm totally laughing through all of this.  I hope you don't see anger, resentment, frustration or anything negative.  I'm shrinking.  It's funny.  I'm cheap now but I can't wait until I no longer have to be.  It's funny!  Laugh with me.  Try it...ready....1.2.3.go!  :)

Ok.  Next.

TMI alert.

Last night hubby and I are on the way home from dinner with friends and I told him about my bathroomscapades.  I laid it out this way.  "Every other day or so I have a token turd.  Once a week, I have a majorly massive expenditure of pure shit".  He laughed.  Like tears falling down his cheeks laughter telling me "You're so cute!"  I like it when he says that!  Anywho, it's the funniest thing with this fill.  Seriously.  I get token turds every other day or so.  Enough to tell me things are still moving.  But not enough to feel like, yeah, I'm moving.  They are truly token turds.  But, once a week, nope, not a token turd.  Yep.  It's like fill the bowl and wonder where it's all been shit.  It's funny.  I laugh.  You laugh with me.  Try it...ready....1.2.3.go!

I laugh!  That's some funny shit...

Have a great day y'all! 

It's Friday.  What are your plans for the weekend?  We are facing fun stuff like buying a half cord of wood and restocking our wood rack.  Can you believe that us folks, here in Texas, with lows in like the 40's and stuff...manage to go through a half cord, at least, of wood a year?  Last year it was nearly a whole cord.  Can you believe that?  I love me some fires in the fireplace.  Enough so that when it's 40 and "cold" outside...I'll open the windows to get the house "cold enough" so I can have a fire.  Isn't that the funniest thing you ever heard?  What I will say is that we almost never turn on our heater.  I would so much rather burn wood and create that ghastly CO2 crap than turn on the heater.  Ooh...bad me.  Anywho...so we are buying wood.  And we are getting ourselves some pipe insulation cause we are supposed to have, at least, three days of hard freezes next week.  And we like our sprinkler system the way it is.  And we are watching the Cotton Bowl tonight!  Gig 'Em Aggies!!!!  And we are probably gonna go see a movie - The Dilemma.  And we are gonna just have an average ol' typical ol' weekend and love it all.  I can't wait!

So, have a great weekend, too!

And laugh with me.  Try it...ready....1.2.3.go!

01/06/11: This Year...

Do you ever say to yourself...if this happens then it means that?  i.e. if this then that?  Basics of philosophy 101?

I was driving to pick up my hubby from work last night, as we do on M/W/F's.  And I said to myself, as I was pulling into traffic leaving my job, if I get to my hubby without a single red light, then this year is going to be awesome.

I have never "if this then that"ed that before.  And it's also never happened.  In the two years we have had our driving/commuting/carpooling arrangement like it currently is, I have never had all greens on my way to get him.  I might have all greens on my end of town...but by the time I'm close to him, there's a red or two.

Yesterday...saying that for the very first time ever with that traveled path...it happened.  I got all greens.  I had no traffic on I10.  I did not sit at a light waiting for it to change.  I did not brake with the intention of stopping ever on that 15 mile drive that takes 20 minutes.

So apparently this year is gonna rock.

And I feel like it, too.  Today, the sixth day of January, I can now say, "I feel like 2011 is going to be a great year!"

Attitude is everything, that I know.  My step-dad used to "accuse" me of being the person whose biggest piles of shit were still rosebuds in a vase.  Not because bad things never happened to me but because I always, apparently, have managed to find a way to smile through it.  I have always been able to keep my upbeat positive mentality.  I am that rock for my friends and family that no matter what is going on with me, I can prop them up, too.  They all baffle at my "strength"...which is funny, cause I don't particularly think I'm strong.  I just think life is too short and all that mumbo jumbo...

It's funny to me, rereading Tuesday's blog.  I said I don't like who I am in the face of grief.  You know why I say/said that?  Cause in the face of grief, I give myself permission to, as Drazil posted this week, take the dead end and just sit there.  And because of that, I proclaim I don't like who I am in the face of grief.  A tad harsh...but that's me.  Harsh.  No fading to black here, when I think something, I think it.

And that's funny.  Because I am so not a black and white type of person.  I know that most of life is in the grey.  I know the beauty of life is found there, the humor, the fun times, the sad times, the times worth living...it's all in the grey.  The black and the white...well, they exist, too.  There are truths and then there are realities.  I get all of that.  So why am I so black and white with how I feel about myself some of the time.

Anywho.  All that to say, this year is gonna be awesome.

Not only did my 'if this then that' work out yesterday...but then I went home and worked on our budget for the year.  I updated it and spent time with it because my company is switching from bimonthly checks to biweekly.  It changes things a lot more than I expected.  My husband and I approached this year as thinking we were going to have another year of scrimping and saving to finish building up a more than adequate cushion.  Turns out, we were wrong.  This year, we can finally relax and enjoy our hard work of last year!  Which does not mean go blow it all or forget what we learned.  It just means we might actually get to do most all of what we want to do this year.

We started planning vacations and we built in a road trip for nearly two weeks.  Our biggest catch there was not whether we had the funds to do so, even to do so how we want to.  But whether or not I'd have the time to take.  I looked today.  I DO!

We went out to eat last night at our favorite sushi joint which can get expensive at this particular restaurant.  We usually order three rolls, an appetizer and drinks and have a bill of $60.  Turns out, Weds are half price night.  We hadn't been there in so long that we had absolutely no idea!  Our normally $60 bill was $30 - after tip - and we tipped like it was $60!

Nothing was spectacular about yesterday.  We woke up, got up, got dressed, went to work, ate lunch, went back to work, left work, got ourselves back to each other, headed home, went to our sushi joint, went home, curled up with our computers and our tv shows, then went to bed.  But in all of that I found my Mt. Everest of hope!  It just feels like everything I touched or toyed with or played with surprised me with fantastic responses.  (Get your mind out of the gutter!)

And I woke up today KNOWING.  Absolutely KNOWING.  That this year will be a good year.

I am sure it will have trials and tough times, just like all years do.  But I feel like the tribulations will be more numerous than not.  And I like that feeling.  I'll do what it takes to keep that feeling.  I'll use my discipline and I'll keep it!

And I'm one pound away from onederland.  Nope, didn't make my New Year's goal of onederland before the New Year, but eh...I did nothing to get there...so I'm not surprised or disappointed.  It's coming.  That's what I know.  We have our plan and I know that my dedication to my goals is going to get me there soon.

180's by valentines day is my next goal.  That's 39 days to lose 12 pounds.  Seems doable...if I do it.

So my question to you is...how's your year shaping up in your head?

I'll end with one of my favorite sayings.  I'm thinking it's a guide for my year.

If you think you can, you will.
If you think you can't, you will.

01/04/11: Gotta get one out there

It's my first post of the New Year and while it's a nothing of a post, it's something to let you know I'm still out there.

For starters, I'm focused on reading right now.  I'm not commenting much, but I promise, I'm reading.  When I get my reading under control, I'll get back to more commenting.

For another...Happy New Year!  May your 2011 be all that you hope and dream of!

And finally, my word for the year.  I didn't do one last year because I was late to the game due to switching from LBT over to blogger.  But for this year...one came to me...and it feels right.  It feels like something to aspire to.  So I'm going to put it front and center on my blog and reach for it everyday.

Discipline

This means to me that I am going to spend my year doing what I know to do.  In regards to health, finances, time management, how I behave as an employee, how I care for my home, how I sleep at night, how I workout, how I cook...all of it.  I am going to use discipline and put my best foot forward to make my desires my habits.

I had periods of time last year where I was disciplined and I was making "progress".  Progress is different to us all but according to my perceptions, I was making progress.  I was enjoying it, even, it wasn't hard to make progress because it felt so right.  I also had periods of time last year where I was incredibly undisciplined and I let "life" derail me.  I want to use discipline, this year, to make sure I don't get derailed.  Life happens.  They say that how you act in the face of grief and sadness is really who you are and I don't like that person.  So I'm going to use discipline to do what I love to do - no matter how hard life seems. 

That's my word for the year. 

So come on, 2011...BRING IT!