It was confirmed yesterday that my pregnancy has resulted in a miscarriage. I am scheduled for a D&C very very early tomorrow morning.
Not much else I'm going to say there. It's rough, it sucks, it's not our dream come true - but my hubby and I are doing alright. I think he puts it best "we are disappointed but not discouraged".
On top of that, I am fighting sinusitis and bronchitis right now. I have been sick as a dog for the last two weeks.
On top of that, my dermatologist believes that the "cyst" is a microbacterial infection. Given how it looked on Monday with the steroid completely out of my system, he was pretty confident this time. He took a couple of skin punches to do both biopsys and cultures and I should get the results next week when the stitches are removed. At least, I'll get the results from the biopsy - he said the results from the culture, if it's a microbacterial infection, will take about a month to be meaningful.
So with that, I'm officially done with my surgeon. Now I just have to look for a new one and pray to God that he/she will take me on as a patient. I'm scared that already being banded by this jackass will mean I have no options. I have to do something else, though. I don't blame my surgeon for this infection, but his inability to make it a concern when it so obviously has infiltrated every single one of my incisions is troubling. And I know my derm is reporting this whole thing. I'm not asking him to and I'm actually staying out of it but that is a bit of bittersweet satisfaction for me to know that my surgeons negligience is not going unnoticed.
So, the past two weeks have been hard. Coming to terms with the baby not growing, not developing, the heart not beating "properly" and then finally hearing confirmation yesterday has been hard to say the least. My hubby and I pretty much knew walking into the appt yesterday but that didn't make it any easier to hear. It did feel like the first step to closure and I know that tomorrow's procedure will certainly be a big step towards closure. But to know that I will never meet my first child is absolutely heartbreaking. No way around that one.
I hope things are much better for you and I look forward to the day when my life can get back to "normal". No sick, no infections, no shattered dreams. That's all I want right about now....
I'm So Sorry. But stay positive and your dreams will come true. I've been "off the Grid" lately too but my reasons are NOTHING like yours. Take care of you! <3 <3 HUGS <3 <3
ReplyDeleteHow heart breaking. I am praying for you and your husband. I hope that find some relief from your incision soon as well.
ReplyDeleteI'm sooo sorry! You are in my thoughts and prayers!
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ReplyDeleteWords can't even express how sorry I am. I'm not just saying this, but I thought about you yesterday wondering how things were going. I haven't been a great blogger myself, but knew I hadn't seen much from you lately and I was worried. I wish I could hug you for real instead of a cyber hug.
ReplyDeleteSending you a big (((hug))). Be good to yourself.
ReplyDeleteOh. Fuck. I am sorry. I can't imagine what you are feeling or going through. I am glad you blogged this, but I also understand that when you have things going on in your life as important and hard as you do right now, sometimes lapband blogland isn't on the top of your list. I like your husbands attitude. I wish I could hug you or hold your hand.
ReplyDeleteOh, big hugs!!! I know this feels really dark and horrible. It's okay to want to seriously hurt anyone who tells you it was probably for the best. Every parent's nightmare is outliving their children. BIG HUGS! I'm glad you and your husband have each other. Take your time, cry, and feel the bad feelings. We love you!
ReplyDeleteLori, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry, I hope you find some amount of comfort knowing that we truly care about you. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so sorry for your loss. You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers as you work through this.
ReplyDeleteAnd, oh my goodness I'm also so sorry that your surgeon didn't take you seriously for so long - that's just awful. I believe if you share your very real concerns with another surgeon they will take you on.
Good luck!
Oh Lori, I am so sorry to hear your news. I hope that you will find some comfort in your healing. It is very hard to deal with a loss like this one. You are on the right track though.
ReplyDeleteI am with your derm on reporting all of this. Hopefully you will be able to find a new band doctor.
My good friend just went through this. I am so sorry for your loss. I remember how excited you were too. Everything happens for a reason, God must have something wonderful planned for you! I hope you feel better very soon.
ReplyDeleteso sorry to hear this..things can only get better. I hope you are able to find a new surgeon. big hug being sent your way
ReplyDeleteSo sorry, sweetie! That sucks big time!
ReplyDeleteAw, shit. Speaking from experience, time does heal the pain, even though it might seem insurmountable right now. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Lori.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. This too shall pass, maybe it just wasn't meant to be yet. The first pregnancy is supposed to be the hardest to stay well through the end. I have several friends who have gone through this very thing. It's so hard but things will look up.
ReplyDelete:( I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so sorry to read this. Ugh. That's really rough. I'm impressed with how strong you are! Sending you the good vibes!
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