05/30/2012: The plan in action

So, Friday I declared a new plan.  We would stop eating out immediately.  We would do so for an entire month, the month of June, however, we'd be starting this in May.


Well...we kinda really didn't.  Ish.


Friday, we did.  We ate at home.  We did not go out, except for me eating that lunch I had to buy since we ran out of lunch meat, cheese and bread.  Hard to make a samich without them essentials.  But I went to my little cafeteria at work and had me a samich made.  Pretty no harm no foul, other than cost, which, luckily, is pretty minimal at work.


Saturday.  Woke up. Ate breakies.  At home.


Then promptly said to Husby, lets eat out one more time before we really get into this.  I also said to Husby, here's where YOU do the hard thing and tell me no, because we're in this together.


He didn't tell me no.


In fact, we went out to lunch and he proceeded to tell me this was too strict.  That we should have exceptions to our "no eating out" effort.


Yeah...a little frustrating.  I am tired of combating not only myself but also my Husby.  He wants to do the same thing over and over and over, eat out, pick up a soda here, a sonic blast there, eat a zebra cake daily and expects to lose weight.


I can't do that.  But I'll drink that soda, too.  I'll say the sonic blast is a treat, too.  Luckily, I hate zebra cakes so that's not a problem and I don't buy the things that would be problems for me, like oreo's or skittles.  If we could just stop eating out, I'd get myself pretty well in check.


So we fought.  I'm frustrated.  I think "it's just a month" and we can add back in treats when we are done with this.  It's just a month and maybe we can finish the danged month with enough money in the checking account to go buy new clothes that will fit and plan a vacation.  It's just a month, I say.


He says "still need exceptions".


I understand his exceptions.  I understand that if we are with family and therefore out of town that it would be wise to say "if they go out, so do we".  I'm not arguing those exceptions.  I'm saying that if we are out running errands and we are thirsty, then we shoulda planned ahead for this month and take a cooler with drinks.  It's just a month.  He says "a sweet tea at McDonald's is only a dollar."  Yes, but what else do we get when we go through the danged drive-thru at McDonald's.  That drink is a gateway.  If we don't go through the drive-thru, we don't get anything and that's what we need to do!


IT'S JUST A MONTH.


I'm not sure we ever really got to the same page.  And it's so frustrating to me; just say no, I say.  Fast food and eating out really are like crack to us.  And I guess the end result is I'm ready to break the addiction but he really isn't.


So that was Saturday.  Wound up getting pizza Saturday night.  You know, all the old excuses, it's late, it'll be easier, it's just this once.  Stupid.


I declared this exercise on this blog because this is my accountability.  And I'm accounting to you that on Saturday, I sucked green eggs and ham.


Sunday, though.  Nope.  Did.  Not.  Eat.  Out.  Not a single drink, not a single meal,  not a single snack.  We.  Ate.  At.  Home.  We planned ahead and we did it.


Monday.  Did.  Not.  Eat.  Out.


Tuesday.  Yep.  Did not eat out.


Husby did bring in a fresh package of zebra cakes yesterday.  I swear, I don't know how to get him to understand that eating one of those a day makes that NOT a treat and you can't expect to see the scale budge when you're eating those things.  But it's not on me to educate him.  I mean, I really can't.  He really has to figure it out for himself.  He has to get there and me "trying" to "enlighten" him will just make him be more adamant as he loses respect for me.  I can't be that nag.  Even though I'm watching him suffer and I know that all he has to do is stop the zebra cakes...he has to get there himself.  


I think one of my biggest fears is Blue and Green growing up watching this and thinking it's ok.  I don't want them to have the same food struggles that we do.  I want them to always eat real food, not processed food.  I want them to understand a treat is just a treat and that you don't get to eat treats every day.  I want them to not lose the battle with their weight, ever.  I want them to always have the energy I know is in there and to always use it productively.  I want them to not be us!


But children learn by example.  And the example we are setting SUCKS.  Yeah, they're only 7.5 months old and it'll be a minute before they start to eat real food and put this all together.  But if we don't break this habit now, BEFORE they start trying to imitate it...man, it's just gonna get worse.  I don't want worse.  This is enough!


So there we are.  Still in May and we had a setback and now we have started and we're doing ok.  The routine should start to settle in soon and I think that will be a huge step in the right direction.


Meanwhile, endometriosis sucks.  Not that I ever doubted that.  But I know it entirely too firsthand now.  I really want to know why getting pregnant and having babies made this worse for me.  I think it's always been there but it's worse than ever now.  It scares me to get pregnant again.  I know that following all the babies we want to have that I can have the hysterectomy and hopefully get relief and I know that what I feel right now, today, that I want that...I want it desperately but I gotta hang on and have the rest of the baby(s) we want...but I want to know why the pregnancy made it worse.  What happened?  How did endometriosis get up into the area of my stomach and where the gallbladder used to be?


This, is tomorrow's blog.  Realizations and learnings about what my health has and has not been for the past three months.  Realizations about what needed to happen....and what did not.


So I'll see ya tomorrow.


In the meantime, have a happy hump day!