08/30/2012: When it's ok to call it

Sometimes shite happens.  Sometimes it is to me, sometimes it is to you, sometimes it is to the company you work for, sometimes it is to the company I work for, sometimes it is to some unknown entity.  But shite happens.

Shite happened to my company today.

I arrived at work a bit later than normal - nearly 9:30.  I got logged into my desktop and was all set to work.  I'd pulled up my email and perused it, I'd pulled up my Google Chrome and set up my personal pages I like to have open through the day.  I'd pulled up my various software applications I need to do my job and I was checking something for being able to work from home when suddenly my computer froze.

Thinking nothing of it, assuming it was dangling daemons from yesterday's mishaps, I rebooted my machine and headed off to look for a new notepad to use.  I ran into my project leader, aka boss man, and he says "oh, you are here".  Well, yeah.  If I'm not coming in, I call.  We have flex hours so it doesn't matter that I'm late so long as I stay my 8.  Nothing else comes of that conversation until he starts to follow me back to my office.  He asked if I'd logged in yet and I said yeah, but I'm rebooting cause my machine froze.

And that's when he said it.  Someone inadvertently disconnected a main UPS for our building this morning.  It took down our entire computer system killing everything possible in the process.  We have the 6th largest computer in the world here...so this is not a trivial computer system.  It takes many many HOURS to bring it back up.

The earliest we might be able to get to work is 2pm.

And yet...they are making us sit here anyway.  I don't get it.  The day is shot.  Let.  Us.  Go.

I'm leaving at 4.  In spite of coming in late'ish, that has to be the plan as we are taking friends to the airport on the way home.  Friends who are also coworkers.  Going on vacation, trying to finish things up before leaving - and the day is shot.  She can't come back tomorrow and try to finish things up - she'll be out of state.  What a waste.

Let.  Us.  Go.

It's ok to call it done.  Cause it's done.  So call it.  Let.  Us.  Go.

But they won't.  And whereas tomorrow might have been a half day due to a holiday weekend, I'm sure we'll now have to stay the day to make up for work that didn't and won't get done today.

Ugh.  Just call it!

In other news... I saw the quack doc again yesterday.  Still a quack.

Here's the rundown.

Me (M) talking with the nurse (N) first...

• N: What meds are you on?  Still on x, y, and z?
• M:  Yes, and add a, b, and c.
• Of course, truth is, I'm not taking the meds the quack prescribed for me.  I did try them for a couple of days and they didn't do anything for the pain.  I also know - as quack himself told me - that they won't stop the endo from growing.  All they did was make me beyond sleepy.  For the days I took this shite and I couldn't keep myself awake at my desk that day, or while driving to my Husby after work that day.  One of the meds has a half life of 40 hours so it took forever to get out of my system!  If it does nothing to alleviate pain, does nothing for endo, and makes me a hazard, NO, I'm not gonna take it.  But I gotta appease this quack somehow.  So yes, I lied.  And at the end of the day, I don't care about this quack and his quack treatments.  I  know that red wine is not my issue.  I'm not drinking any alcohol let alone red wine.  I just gotta get through this time and get back to the specialist - whom I see in less than three weeks now.
• N: How's it going with X?
• X is birth control
• M: In spite of being on X in a manner that should stop my period, I got my period anyway.
• N:  Oh.  Ok.  Then take more.  If you get your period again, take more and keeping taking more and more until your period stops.  Then take less.
• My period runs three days.  By the time I've taken more and more to stop my period, my period would be over anyway!
• M:  Ok.  I'll do that.
• NOT!  Seriously?  Just take more hormones?  And expect good things to happen to my body?  Really?
• N:  How is the pain on a scale of 1-10?
• M: without the pain meds I hang around between 7-8 but with pain meds I can get down to a 4.
• quack doesn't think I should need pain meds if I don't drink red wine.
• N: So you are taking the pain meds?
• M: Yes.
• we covered that back with the x, y, and z, and add a, b, and c convo.
• The nurse then takes my blood pressure, temp and pulse.  Very good all the way around.  She was shocked I have good blood pressure.  She started by asking "do we need to use the large cuff on you or do most people use the normal?"  Yes, I'm fat - but not that fat.  Looking at her - shoulda said what do you use?  'Cause you're bigger than me.  She used the normal and made sure to exaggerate how much she had to secure the cuff velcro because she was certain it would just pop off when pressure was applied.  No.  My arms are not that big.  Just ugh.  She pumped it way the hell up, too, because she was certain I'd be in the 180 range.  No...I sit around 120 dingbat.  120/60.  Sometimes 110.  Get over yourself.
• With that done and shock that I had good BP and a low body temp and a calm pulse she just suddenly gets up and walks out.
• In walks doc.  Here's the conversation I (M) had with quack man (D).
• D: Did N go over your meds and update this?
• M: Yes.
• D: You are taking these meds?
• M: Yes.
• D: What meds are you taking?
• M: x, y, z, a, b, and c.
• D: Are you sure?
• M: Yes.
• D: How'd y and z go for you?  
• M: Made me tired as all get out.
• D:  Ok.  Can I add more?
• M: No.  I already fall asleep at my desk.
• D: Ok.  Then I'll add magnesium.  It's a supplement I sell.
• imagine that - you want me to buy more of your products.
• M: Is it a prescription?  Because I can't afford any of your supplements I have to pay out of pocket for.
• read, I am not spending any more of my own money on your quackiness
• D: Oh, so you have insurance that covers prescriptions?
• M: Yes.
• D:  Ok.  Then I'm going to put you on metformin and give you a blood sugar monitor.
• M: Why?
• D: Because you are sensitive to insulin. He then pulls out bloodwork results.  
• He had me do a 5-hour glucose tolerance test.  And he was also testing insulin.  In this test, I did the normal baseline, drank the drink, then they took blood 1/2 hour later, 1 hour later, 2 hours later, 3 hours later, 4 hours later and 5 hours later.  I had bruises like crazy after that test and the lab called back a week later and said everything had been labeled wrong and I'd need to repeat the test.  I said no.  I had to take a vacation day to do that test and I wasn't doing that again - had no vacation left, either, so not really an option.  Lady on the phone tells me I can do a Saturday.  I said I see my boys on weekends and a few hours each night.  I was not giving up an entire Saturday to redo this test given I don't believe this is doing anything for me.  She laughed and agreed.  Said this doc was a quack because of course my glucose and insulin were going to be whacky after a glucose tolerance test that spanned 5 hours that was fasting to begin with.  If I'd had normal readings at 5 hours that would mean something was wrong, not that abnormal (low) readings at 5 hours meant something was wrong.
• D: Baseline was good.  
• I started this test at 10:40am.  I'd been fasting since midnight night before - although last time I ate was at 9.
• D: 1/2 hour was 122 
• D: 1 hour was 128
• D: 2 hours was 98
• D: 3 hours was 94
• D: 4 hours was 85
• D: 5 hours was 69
• D: So see, you are all screwed up.  Anything below 70 is insulin sensitive, he says.
• He has a poster in his waiting area that claims that his threshold for what he's claiming is insulin sensitive is 65 and below.   
• And, the 5 hour test, given that the test started at 10:40 am, the 5 hour test was drawn at 3:40. I'd gone nearly 16 hours without drinking anything (other than the sugar drink for the test) and the last thing I'd had to eat was at 9 pm the night before - so nearly 19 hours without any food.  Yeah - something should have been wrong!
• D: Since you are screwed up I'm going to fix you.
• Doc looks through my chart again, reads the letter he wrote to the specialist who referred me to this quack then looks at my graphs from the EEG he did that proves I have endometriosis but does not prove that I have intestinal issues.
• D: Oh, you are the one that still functions correctly in spite of having endometriosis.  Well, that doesn't happen.  You have to be insulin sensitive.  I've proven that most women with endo are.  So you need my help.  When is Doc specialist doing surgery?
• M: I don't know that he is.  He wanted me to work with you for 8 weeks then we'd discuss surgery if I wasn't getting relief from my pain.  I see him again Sep 19.
• D:  Ok.  Yeah, let's do the metformin and blood sugar monitoring for 12 weeks and I'll see you in 2 months and you can let me know what Doc specialist is doing next time I see you.
• He then shuffles me out of the office and scurries off before I could ask one single question.

The main question I had is what diagnosis is this quack making to insurance?  Because you can't call me a diabetic.  The right test wasn't run to do so and to put it frankly, I am not diabetic.  I don't want this quack reporting quack diagnoses to my insurance company!

I did ask the nurse who was checking me out and she assured me - he hadn't checked off diabetic on the form she had in her hands and this was going to be reported as preventative.  If I've done this monitoring for a month and can prove reasonable blood sugar levels for that duration it won't get reported as diabetes or even pre-diabetic.  I'm incredibly worried about this quack doing something quacky and me ending up with a "pre-existing condition".  I have no plans of changing jobs and getting new insurance but one never knows.  Nothing is certain in life and I will be beyond mad if this quack causes problems for me in the future.

I made Husby go with me for moral support this time.  He couldn't believe the level of quackiness.  He told me he agrees with the lies I told, though; that I have to do what I have to do to appease this man so that specialist doc can cross his 't's and dot his 'i's .  I believe specialist doc has to do this for insurance sake and probably even for his own peace of mind.  Surgery just to do surgery without any other remedies tried is a horrible approach to take.  It should be the last resort and I appreciate that.

So now I get to prick my fingers for awhile.  I only have to do this twice a day, one in the morning, fasting before breakfast.  And one in the afternoon, two hours after eating lunch.  Husby thinks I should do a couple days worth to see what we see and then fudge the numbers.  He thinks I should not fill the prescription for the extra lancets and extra strips.  I do have to admit a bit of curiosity here, though.  My dad died from diabetes - so I don't take this disease lightly.  And I can appreciate monitoring myself to see problems before they get bad enough to truly be diabetes.  This could be a blessing for me in the future.  I don't hate that I have this tool now.  Diabetes scares the bejesus out of me. I do not want to go there.  And as much as I think this man is a quack, given that my dad had diabetes, I can see that, yes, it's not improbable that there probably is something fishy with my insulin levels and it's probably harmless right now but it might not be forever.  It does suck that the lab screwed that up - but for the three results they did get on insulin, I was definitely normal and good.  

I just don't get his mindset, though - well, the tests show you are normal but I'm going to treat you for being abnormal anyway.  He did that with his own abdominal EEG last time.  And he has now done it with labwork he ordered.  Why run the tests if you don't believe the results?

It's weird, though.  I can find a gazillion reviews of this man and the specialist I've found and I seem to be the only one balking at his quackiness.  I guess most women do have abnormal EEG results and do show insulin resistance or sensitivity.  He does have a theory, he's not the only author on the papers, either, and his theory does seem to hold true for most women with endo.  It just isn't holding for me.  In spite of that, though, instead of seeing me as an individual, he still wants to clump me in with these other women.

I do believe endo is genetic.  My mom had it, my aunt had it, I'm sure if my grandmother had ever griped about her cramps and whatnot we'd know she had it but her generation was not allowed to be vocal like we are.  My aunt only discovered it because it affected her fertility.  My mom only discovered it because of a fluke.  I've lived for 22 years without being affected by it but now, following my pregnancy, it's gone wild.  And no, it's not entirely true I wasn't affected but it wasn't "bad enough" to make me seek help...to really be adamant about getting help.  Yes, I mentioned painful cramps whenever I could.  And yes, I missed work and even school because of being so badly in pain sometimes that I just could not get out of bed.  But, in general, it affected me 1-2 days a month when I had cramps.  Not like now, where it affects me every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month.  This is new.  And no, my insulin levels didn't suddenly change.  Nor did my bodies ability to process sugar.  In the span of this ordeal I've gone from eating like crap to eating well again.  And in doing that change, I went from pain for two weeks to pain all the time.  So if this was tied to my diet, you'd think I'd have done the opposite - seen the pain get alleviated by fixing the diet.

I believe his theory has merit.  But it does not explain everyone.  And instead of adapting and seeing that what applies to one doesn't apply to all, he's just going to overlook me and claim I'm lying.  Yeah.  You're right.  I can make my blood lie.  You're right, your own EEG test that tells you so much about other women, I made it lie about me.  Your own test, you tell me, proves I have the disease.  But it's not proving that I have it for the same reason as most other women you see.

And don't you get that, quack man?  If we knew what caused endo, don't you think we'd be closer to a preventative treatment or maybe even a cure?  But we can't seem to find that cure, can't seem to find that preventative treatment, can't seem to find that way to stop endo from growing let alone happening.  Because while one woman exhibits symptoms A, B, and C, and responds to treatment X, another exhibits A, C, and D and responds to treatment Y.  Specialist doc gets that, that multiple women show multiple levels of progress through multiple treatments.  My pain doc gets that.  My ob/gyn gets that, my PCP gets that, my urogynecologist gets that.  But here I am working with this guy who is supposed to understand endo and be able to help with it and he's so stuck on himself that he can't see the forest for the trees!  It's all different you quack!  Yes, there are similarities but like pregnancy, every woman's body handles it differently.

I guess some peace of mind should come from knowing I have an endocrinologist following me right now and he recently tested insulin and he was quite pleased with the result I had.  

I am thinking to not take the metformin.  Just like I'm not taking the anti-seizure med he gave me or the crazy antihistamine that is meant to be a sedative.  In googling metformin, it doesn't help with endo and actually stimulates ovulation.  RE's use it in conjunction with Clomid to get women to ovulate and possibly release more than one egg.  Ovulation sends my pain over the moon.  So why would I do this?  Husby thinks I shouldn't - thoughts?  Take a few and see?

Ugh.  Just ugh.

I'm so gonna hate it I go see specialist man in 20 days to find out he won't/can't help me.  I am just so scared of where this journey is taking me...