How is it I've spent the last few months begging for surgery and now that it's happening, I am beyond freaked out. I'm freaked out for the normal notions - maybe the anesthesia will kill me type of crap. And I hate that, but given that this is my 7th surgery, that notion isn't what's scaring me. What's scaring me is doc-specialist going in and doing his tricks then telling Husby "it really wasn't that bad". Or going in and doing his tricks then telling Husby "she'll never be out of pain at this stage in the disease". Or maybe he'll ruin my uterus and my chances of another pregnancy will be shot. Or he'll have to remove both ovaries and I'll be going through instantaneous menopause at the ripe young age of 37.
So this is surgery #7 for me. Isn't that insane? 7 surgeries in my life? 2 elective and the rest "medically necessary". One of those elective was argued as medically necessary - the lap-band, but we all know that is truly elective. I've also been put under for various other things like getting my wisdom teeth pulled, endoscopy, colonoscopy, etc. You'd think I'd be a pro, now. Many people never even have 1 surgery in 90 years of life. And here I am at a little over what is presumably my 33% life completed mark and I'm 7 in. Does that mean I'm in for 14 more as I progress through my remaining 66% of life (hopefully, at least). Weird thoughts. I notice thoughts like these coming up as 40 looms nearer. It's odd to think I'm one of those people who could be at their halfway point. I don't feel like I'm half lived. I feel like I'm still just getting started.
Yikes, talk about a philosophical post!
Ok...so point of the 7 surgeries angle is this. If you count my wisdom teeth as a surgery, that was my first at 17 years old. And I was put under for that. I went into the oral surgeon's office and got set up in my chair. They'd given me a valium to take on the drive into that appt. That's the only time I've ever taken a valium. This is important. Remember that. So there I am, with valium on board, sitting in my chair with the IV started - my first ever IV. They gave me my dose of anesthesia that should have knocked me out. We all sat around talking about our plans for the weekend. Eventually someone asked "aren't you getting tired?" Nope. Not at all. Dose #2 goes in - sometimes healthy active athletic teens just take more meds. We all continued the conversation about that weekend's plans. Eventually someone asked again "aren't you getting tired?" Nope. Still not. Dose #3 goes in. We move the conversation to movies we've just seen. Eventually someone asked again "aren't you getting tired?" Nope. Still not even remotely. Dose #4 goes in. Same thing. It was halfway through dose #5 that I finally got groggy and conked out. Wow. When I woke up - I was told "you're a friggin horse."
My next surgery was a left breast augmentation. The N*&^%A*^&^%V*&^Y declared I was "deformed" because one breast was two sizes - really a cup and a half - smaller than the other. I was given a free boob job to fix my deformity. Now, this might sound absurd, but there was a purpose. The military employs plastic surgeons who do a lot during times of war to help combat injured servicemen. To keep their skills up in times of peace, they will do elective procedures. So that was why I truly got the boob job - to help a surgeon keep his skills from getting rusty. I honestly did the surgery because I thought it was hilarious. I was given the option of decreasing both to match, increasing both to match, decreasing the larger one, or increasing the smaller one. Because breast augmentations can destroy the ability to breastfeed I wasn't willing to do both boobies. I do figure, though, that I'll go back later and do both boobies. This implant is only supposed to stay in for 20 years. I'm at 14 now and it will have to eventually be either replaced or removed. I figure by the time 20 years comes along, I'll need (read: want) both perked up a bit.
Following that surgery - lap-band. Then D&C. Then C-Section. Then exploratory lap with appendectomy - earlier this year. Then cholecystectomy - earlier this year.
Ok...so what's the point of all this?
Here's the rundown.
- Wisdom teeth removal: woke up calmly and pretty groggy
- Boob job: woke up violently and not even remotely groggy
- Lap-band: woke up violently and insisted Husby was dying of thirst and they needed to take him water. They actually did that. And when Husby was finally allowed back to me, he showed me the water bottle and asked what that was all about. Not even remotely groggy.
- D&C: woke up trying to sit up but unable to do so because 4 nurses were sitting on me. Not even remotely groggy.
- C-Section: not really knocked out, had the spinal and epidural, so no waking up and no struggling
- Exploratory lap: woke up flailing with 6 nurses sitting on top of me yelling at me that I was not allowed to sit up. That was all I remember wanting was just to sit up a bit as being perfectly prone was more painful. Not even remotely groggy.
- Cholecystectomy: finally was able to get people to realize I struggle waking up and they did things to bring me up gradually and let me be in the inclined position as I came to. Not even remotely groggy.
Here's the other interesting thing.
- Wisdom teeth removal: took valium for pre-arrival calming
- Boob job: no valium
- Lap-band: no valium
- D&C: no valium
- C-Section: no valium - but not knocked out anyway
- Exploratory lap: no valium
- Cholecystectomy: no valium
The nurse anesthetist this morning when I did my pre-op finally made the connection for me. She said people tend to wake up violently when they are panicked as they go under. She asked if I am normally feeling panicky as I go under. I don't think so. I really don't ever remember that. But I sure do wake up like I am panicking. But then she asked "what if I give you a valium when you get here, will that help?" And then I had an ah-hah moment. The only procedure I was ever given a valium for was the wisdom teeth removal. And I did not wake up violently that time. Every other time I have. So I'm going to get the valium when I get checked in on Tues and she said she'd also give me the loopy drugs earlier than not, too. Yay. (ha) I also told her it's usually hard to get me under - takes far more than anyone ever anticipates. She thought that would contribute to how I wake up, too.
All interesting points. Very interesting that here I am with surgery #7 and going under event #10 and this is just being figured out about me. I've told people just about every time that I wake up violently and it's amazing how many people don't do proactive things to stop that from being a problem. Or rather, their proactive thing is to have nurses sit on me. And they'll literally be yelling at me that if I don't stop I'll bust a stitch. Seriously - you sitting on me is supposed to make me feel better? to calm me down? You try it jackness!
Anywho...I'm freaking out. I'm scared that doc-specialist is going to come out of surgery and talk to Husby and tell him "it really wasn't that bad". Logically and rationally I know that shouldn't happen. Doc-specialist did an exam on Weds before he committed to surgery and since the last time he'd seen me, the endo is now palpable. It's that bad that he can feel tumors. It's bad enough he's warning me that he might just go in to map things out and we might go back in 2-3 months for an open surgery instead of this lap alternative.
I guess at this point I just want to hear what he has to say.
Oddly, I have to do a bowel prep for this surgery. Usually they have you do that so if they need to do the resection they can just go for it. But doc-specialist is telling me he wouldn't do the resection on Tues - that would be what he'd come back for in 2-3 months. So it's odd that I'm doing this. Doing that bowel prep is going to make Monday lots of fun. That and no solid foods from Sunday onwards. I'll enjoy that, too!
Ugh, enough typing. I just want to get there.
I hope y'all have a great weekend. You know where I'll be - at the corner of freak out and hurry the chuck up!
You're going to be okay. I know it!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
ReplyDeleteYou are going to come out with flying colors and be happy you went through with this.. trust us!1
ReplyDeletePraying that all goes well.:)
ReplyDelete