02/22/10: Random Thoughts

1)  I want to remind myself (all y'all can help with this, and have fun doing it) that this six month unweightloss program sucked and bandster hell can't be nearly as bad as this has been.  That's what I think because...while bandster hell is a finite period of time - you don't really know how long it's going to last.  However, during bandster hell I do not have to try to not lose weight.  So even though I can eat whatever and have to use will power not to...I can also be trying to lose weight via exercise and will power.  And I've got will power.  You don't make it through boot camp without the stuff.  This "unweightloss" program has actually helped me get it back. 

2) I was starting to lose my will power.  I had the will to do what I thought I had to do - go to work, cook dinner, play sporadically....but the will to be Lori was just not there.  I still wanted to swim...but I didn't.  I still wanted to workout in the gym...but I didn't.  My lack of will power disappointed me.  They say that veterans are some of the most motivated people...disciplined, self-starters...I could go on with the list.  And what's funny...people I work with still say that about me.  But I'm not living up to my potential.  And oddly..this much hated "unweightloss" program is bringing "me" back.  I'm fixing me.

3) The Beautiful Blogger Awards were depressing me.  Not that I have many followers and not that I contribute much outside of whining...but I wanted to feel like this blog helps someone.  I was about to post a blog about how depressing I found them, how I'd gotten to the point where I just don't pay any nevermind to them...when Tessie Rose gave me a nomination.  THANK YOU Tessie Rose!  (And obviously, I was paying nevermind to them or else I wouldn't have read hers, eh?)

4)  Sometimes I feel like "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms".  Not sure if my friends like me or if they just tolerate me because they like my husband.  I usually think the latter, hence my song for the day...

5)  I still miss my mom more than words can ever say...she was my best friend in so many ways.  Meeting my husband, though, made me realize that no one can or should be my best friend like he is.  I'm so thankful for him!  Back to my mom, though, I had the realization about three months ago that she doesn't really know who I am anymore.  She doesn't know that I became a "geophysicist".  She doesn't know that my friends call me a gourmet cook.  I'm not...but they love my cooking so I'll take the flattery.  She doesn't know that I got married nor does she know the man I married.  She doesn't know that I am this fat.  She doesn't know who I am anymore.  Now...at the core of me...she still knows all that.  It's daily details that she no longer knows.  And maybe she's out there somewhere still keeping her eye on me and maybe she does know all this.  But I don't know she knows all this.  So, somehow, this loss that is almost six years old, has just hit a new level of loss.  And, as it will always do, it makes me sad.  I think my mom would like me today.  I'm independent, self-sufficient and I'm putting to use all that my parents taught me and instilled in me.  I just wish they were still here for me to start pampering them back, like they did with me through the years.   Yes, I was spoiled.  And no matter how spoiled I was...I always looked forward to the day when I could start paying it back...with interest.  :)

6)  I have the best husband I ever could have hoped for!  At the baby shower this weekend, two of my sisters 'n-law, a cousin (the mother to be) and I were standing around talking after the cake had been served.  The SIL's made the comment to the cousin that she was lucky, she'd take all the loot home and her DH would put everything away demanding that she put her feet up as he handed her an ice cold glass of whatever.  She beamed and said yeah.  The SIL standing beside her said.."my guy wouldn't do that" and everyone nodded their heads.  The next SIL standing beside her said "my guy wouldn't do that.  He'd say 'you wanted the baby, now deal with it'" and everyone nodded their heads.  And then it got to me.  And I just beamed.  And everyone said "yeah, your husband would, too!"  And he would.  He spoils me rotten!  I love being spoiled but here lately, sometimes he has no choice because my feet are just killing me that bad.  I spoil him whenever I can and I try to do as much as I can but I feel like it's lopsided.  I can't wait until I start losing weight and I no longer need the pampering and can pay it all back a zillion times over...with interest.

But I do spoil him.  Don't think I don't...he is a spoiled man and he says so himself.

And that's enough for today!  I hope everyone has a fantastic week.  I hope to...that's for sure!