12/03/10: Something something something something

Bullets today...

• One of my aunts talked to my aunt.  When my aunt called me to tell me she'd talked to my aunt, she said she felt better about it all.  I'm looking forward to talking to my aunt...but she hasn't yet answered her phone...when I've called anyway...
• I'm going to do the "pre-op" diet with Drazil and Barbara.  I'm modifying it from what the pre-op was to say minimal carbs are ok - I'm not going cold turkey on carbs.  I remember, thanks to Draz's post today, that I started to really suffer after trying for nearly a week and a half to do absolutely no carbs.  Women's brains don't release serotonin naturally, I learned, but rather, need carbs to get that process started.  So cutting out carbs altogether meant no serotonin meant bad juju for this brain that was/is damaged courtesy of PTSD.  Since I was on the pre-op diet for as long as I was, not knowing when my surgery date was when I started the diet, I was able to learn that, for me, I needed ~40g of carbs a day.  Anything less and PTSD put it's strangle-hold on me.  Anything more, well, made me crave more. 
• So I'm striving for ~40g a day. 
• Given that, I'll continue with my typical smoothie in the morning:
• Greek Yogurt
• frozen fruit combo of pineapple, strawberry, mango, papaya
• one fresh banana
• 2 scoops of protein powder - Isopure Whey Isolate zero carb (means 50g of protein but hubby and I split this, so we each get ~25g of protein from this addition)
• 2 tbsp of fiber
• 1.5 tbsp of flaxseed oil
• I'll get most of the carbs I "need" in a day from that.  And it's good to have those carbs at the start of the day, as opposed to nighttime, I later learned, for a variety of reasons.
• Lunch will be a shake.  I'm actually really looking forward to this change.  I really loved the Isopure Whey Isolate zero carb unflavored powder added to chicken broth back in the day.  I really miss it, actually.  That will give me ~140 calories when all is said and done and I remember being really satisfied back in the day after drinking one of these for lunch.
• If I need a mid-afternoon snack, I turned to beef or turkey jerkey back in the day.  I remember "needing" that snack more for dealing with the ketone breath than for actually wanting food.  Just one little piece would help me over the hump.  We'll see.  I used to bring along more protein in case I wanted/needed another "shake" but...never did.
• Dinner will be 4oz of lean protein along with veggies, specifically green veggies.  Broccoli, spinach, zucchini, asparagus, especially.
• I'm doing this because my head is not in the game at all.  I have not had my head in the game since October when I learned I was pregnant.  Of course, after learning such news, I was no longer in the weightloss game, it switched to "just be".  But I never expected the pregnancy to end the way that it did so I didn't have a plan for how to get back into weightloss mode after a miscarriage.  And after a miscarriage, I figured, who needs the "stress" of "being a good bandster" when cravings/emotions/life/brain had other ideas.  But...turns out...letting myself deal with the stress of that situation, well, that took me even farther away from getting back into weightloss.  My carb intake is out of control right now.
• Couple carb intake being out of control with needing/wanting a fill and I feel like I have no easy option for "battling" this.  I get my fill tomorrow...so what better way to kick off getting carbs under control than by doing a reduced carb diet?
• Add in all the other stresses and my diet, as well as my exercise plan, are just not something I feel like tackling.
• So if I tackle "the extreme" I feel like I will probably come out on the other side feeling better about both diet and exercise.
• We need to stop eating out.  This diet will do that.
• We need to stop eating leftover Thanksgiving food.  This diet will do that.
• We need to start exercising.  Well, that's just a personal choice and we are both starting up our routine on Monday, given that our "week" runs Mon-Sun...
• Yeah, my sweet hubby is doing this with me.  He wants to get his stuff back under control, too.
• I see a clean-out of the pantry occurring tonight.  Partially because I want to and partially because I need to.  It's a mess.  And there are some things in there (things we didn't buy, things "helpful people" gave to us) that just don't need to be in there. 
• This may sound nuts...but I'm excited about this.  I'm excited about, what feels like to me, a fresh start.  The "pre-op" diet really sets us up well for embracing what we need to do for weightloss.  No, the "pre-op" diet isn't sustainable, at least not to me.  But it is an interesting way to get our head in the game.  And my head is most certainly not in the game right now.  Not by a long shot.
• The interesting thing is that while I'm up five pounds from Sept (pre-pregnancy weight), I finally decided this morning to take measurements and find out exactly what happened there.  My chest/waist/hips/arms/calves are all exactly the same as my last measurement (Sept 25th).  My thighs have gained an half of an inch.  So...while I thought I was ballooning out with fat replacing muscle, I'm really not in bad shape.  (Although, of course, fat is replacing muscle, that much I know, I haven't lifted weights or done any exercise, really, since Sept.)
• If I get my eating back under control and my weightlifting routine going again...I expect to see some results.
• I know I'm puffy right now.  That's part of why I want to do this.  This diet is really supposed to clean out the liver - of course it's "best" if there are no carbs, but, as I said above, there are reasons for why I can't do that and with what I did last time, the reduced carbs still cleaned me out well.  But I know I can get this puffiness under control, too, just by drastically cutting down on the carbs.  I think, if I were to really sit down and figure it out right now, that my carbs are probably up to 200g a day.  And prior to the last two months of stress and life going wrong, my carbs were more like 70-90g a day.  Averaging 80g wasn't causing me problems, but 200g sure is!  And add to the excessive carbs an ability to eat all that I want (hence the ability to eat (or drink) 200g of carbs a day) also having nearly two weeks of taking vicodin followed by the last week and a half of having to take tylenol...my liver is realing.  Absolutely realing, right now.  A clean out sounds ideal.  I know my puffiness is coming from that!
• It's perfect timing, I think, that I happen to have a fill scheduled for tomorrow.  This just seems ideal.  I'll do this and be able to get back to "normal" before Christmas, going into 2011 with a fresh start.  It feels like tremendous relief to be doing this.
• So, thank you, Drazil, for planting this seed, even if unknowingly, that I need/want to do this, in my head.
• What else?
• Well, that's probably enough...

I hope y'all have a fantastic weekend!  I'll get a post or two up this weekend, one for sure with one of my favorite Christmas songs (oh what will it be?) and one for sure with the house all decorated on the outside.  We won't get our Christmas tree until late next week...so that one may come later.