12/08/10: Interesting....

Vewy vewy intewesting!

Back in August...I hated restriction.  Hated it.  It was limiting me in what I could eat...as well as how much.  I couldn't enjoy foods that seemed to me to be alright.  Not good...not bad...just alright.  I could eat the good foods most of the time but I wanted those alrights on occasion and the bads even more rarely.  Back in August, I couldn't even eat all the goods all the time and that, to me, is not good.  That, to me, sets me up for binges and cravings and backward slides.  That, to me, makes me dependent on supplements and supplements are not supposed to be a staple - they are supposed to supplement the staples when needed.

Hence an unfill.  Because, as we know, most of the bads are sliders.  Ice cream...chocolate...chips...you know...the stuff you have to chew the hell out of anyway...so it goes down...or the stuff that slides right down without a single chew no matter what.  It's the alright category that can be ellusive...and that's the category I don't want to eliminate.

Well.  Now I have a big girl fill of 0.5cc's.  Puts me at 4.7cc's total in a 10cc band.  And I am claiming restriction.  And I noticed yesterday...that...uh...I really have restriction.

I ate tuna salad for lunch.  Normal for me to eat that.  3oz.  That's the normal amount, too.  What is not normal is that for every bite I take...I have to wait 2-3 minutes before the next bite.  What's even more "abnormal" is that my tummy is making little gurgling sounds as the bites slither through the band.  Ok.  It's not even my tummy.  It's my esophageal area.  Lower than the esophagus...higher than the stomach.  You know...where the band goes!

Holy schnikies!

I have a lap-band and I have to eat like I have one!

I don't even want to try those "alright" foods right now.  I need sauces and such, that much I know.  On my lean proteins like chicken and fish.  Fish I know is ok.  So is chicken.

But somehow, Monday night I was able to eat a cheap grade steak (carne asada).  As the day progresses, the band loosens.  That I know.  It baffles my mind that that steak was going through.  I was taking teeny tiney bites.  And I was chew chew chewing.

But...you know what?  I HAVE A LAP-BAND.  And, I think, that I am truly using that lap-band right now. 

In other news, someone brought this in today...

First of all...who puts cupcakes out at 9am in the morning?  This should be a lunchtime or afternoon thing.  Oh well...they'll be there, right outside my cubby to taunt me all day.

But wait...here's the weird thing.  I don't want one.  I've walked by them three times so far and I've actually willed myself to grab one and I just don't want one.  And these aren't just any ol' cupcakes - these are white or chocolate so you can choose your favorite...and they have the super-yummy-best buttercream frosting on top.  I can never say no to buttercream frosting.  But I quite simply don't want one.

Who.  Am.  I?

Last week I woulda grabbed four or some stupid shit.

We'll see how the day goes.  They aren't on my not-allowed list.  I'm giving myself permission to have one.  So will I or won't I?

If I was a gambling gal (which I am), I'd say, based on my edumacation, I won't have one of dem thingamajiggies today. 

I really think that.  BUT....if I do, I do.

We'll see....

Oh yeah...and...I lost another pound today.  I am 2 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight and 3 away from the lowest I've seen on this journey.  I'm also already noticing my puffiness de-puffing.  I am definitely getting back on track.