02/11/11: Umhmmm

So, with the hormone surge behind me by about noon yesterday, it became clear to me just how badly my hormones have been playing tricks on me this cycle.

Prior to the miscarriage and yada yada yada, my monthly surges barely created a blip on the radar with "hormonal problems".  Here I am three months away from the miscarriage and I'm wondering when the hell I'm gonna calm back down!  I will be bumbling along thinking, ok, this is more like me, just to have some sort of manic hormonal attack.  There is no rhyme or reason to me right now.  At least now I can tell you I'm hormonal but I can't tell you from minute to minute if I'm gonna be ok in the next minute, balling my eyes out, mad beyond all get out...whatever.  I can't read my own friggin self and usually I can.

I am so sick of this.  I want it behind me.  Maybe this month will be the month that I truly get back to me.

Miscarriages suck.  And not necessarily for the obvious reasons.

On to the next thing.  Two weeks ago I had the headache from hell.  It was more than a migraine.  It was tension, it was regular ol' headache, it was sinus, it was all around HEAD ache.  And it was painful.  As the tension got worse, so did the migraine, which made the sinus headache worse, which made the tension worse, which made the migraine worse and so on and so forth.  It sucked.  I had three visits to Dr.'s - one to urgent care and two to my PCP, luckily, one via phone.  Ultimately, my PCP sent me to a neuro to deal with this from now on.  And he also ordered an MRI so that my new neuro could have results by the time I saw her.  That MRI happened about a week after the headache from hell finished itself off (although there was still a dull roar in the background).  And she was able to see the report - which showed a mass that may or may not be questionable in the left lobe, she thought it was probably where images merged.  She wasn't worried.  Fortunately, blood flow was good and no aneurisms were apparent.  That's a relief.  My grandfather died at 36 from an aneurism, we think.  Anywho, meeting with the neuro and painting out the whole picture, she agreed with me - my hormones caused this headache from hell.  She thinks this is a direct tie to the miscarriage.  She, luckily for me, does not think a successful pregnancy would produce the same thing.  But another miscarriage probably would. 

Miscarriages suck.  No more, please.  If you've never had one....DON'T.

Anywho...not much else to report around here.  Ready for the weekend. My big plans are 1) do our taxes...which should read more like "finish..." 2) crop photos...which should read more like "finish..." 3) relax...which should read more like "finish..." oh wait.  crap.  I don't ever want to finish relaxing.  Scratch that.  It should read more like "start..." or maybe "continue..." 

Husband redeemed himself yesterday by buying me 40 tulips.  10 for every year together.  20 red and 20 pink with white tips.  Tulips are my favorite flower and if I had my way, he'd buy me tulips every week.  I can't ever get enough of them.  He also bought a card saying he was sorry and he'd do whatever it took to fix this.  I find that comical.  While this lack of communication is enough to upset me, it's also not that big of a deal.  While it's funny, I'm also glad he's taking this seriously.

Honestly, Husband redeemed himself just by me realizing I was stupid.  But the flowers are always greatly appreciated!

In final news, my employer did a program "last year" in which they are paying us to lose weight.  $10 for every pound.  According to their numbers I've lost 60 pounds.  "Last year" was March 1, 2010 through February 28, 2011 - so it's just about done.  I have some serious motivation to lose as much as possible between now and the end of the month.  My final weigh-in will be on Feb 23rd and I'm thinking some drastic measures are in line, in addition to weightlifting and really just being as good as possible for the rest of the month.  Money is always a great motivator for me!  Some people have been disqualified through the year for various reasons while some of us received emails at the beginning of the week saying we are still qualified for the incentive.  I was afraid I was going to be disqualified for a goofy reason but getting that email this week saying I am gonna get paid actually has me jones'ing for more.  Do you think 12 days of a liquid diet is too much?  Ha ha ha - no way could I, nor would I even try...but it's tempting.  You've got to admit...but still, I wouldn't try, not for that long.  Now the few days of the week before the 23rd, well, now, that might be worth trying.  I'd love to add another 10 pounds worth to my "incentive".

Anywho, I hope y'all have a great weekend and I hope everyone enjoys this warm up they are threatening us with.  I'm really not looking forward to 70 degree days with 100% humidity.  Selfish, I know, but that 100% humidity thing is just not pleasant, to me.  Happy weekend, y'all!