02/16/11: Wow and Yay and Wow

I love y'all.  Your responses to my photos have helped me find motivation.  Younger?  Really?  My hubby says he agrees.  It's funny, to me, I look at the face comparison photo and I just can't imagine how I got that bad.  I don't remember, anymore, what that felt like - other than to know, now, that I was really unhappy then.  Far more unhappy than I thought I was.  It's so odd looking at that picture because that before is just so not me.  At the time, I knew I didn't look ok - but I was trying to blame that on haircuts that weren't quite what I wanted.  At the time, I was trying to blame it on some funny things - too much salt, too much soda, for example.  And while that was true, it was really just as simple as I was just too fat and my body didn't know what to do with the excess anymore.

I think one of the coolest things to expose itself, lately, is my neck.  I used to love my neck.  Long and slender, graceful - and yet strong and not too small.  Ever seen those "too small" necks where you wonder how the head is being held up?  Yeah, I've never had one of those.  My neck isn't perfect, not by a long shot, but it's getting back to what I remember.  I used to claim I had a football neck...and in my head as I'd make that claim I'd remember guys commenting on how long my neck was and wonder if I was so wrong about those memories because a football neck is generally not a long, graceful neck.  And here I am with a long graceful neck re-emerging.  I am simply, oddly enough, in love with my neck right now.  All my necklaces fit again.  At my heaviest, I wouldn't even try on some of the things I wear now.  At my heaviest, I always "forgot" to put necklaces on.  Now I always have one on - and think many of what I have are too long! 

Anywho, your responses really reverberated with me.  Here I am thinking some of what you said, but all y'all who said the things you all said - it totally affirmed what I think I'm seeing.  Taking these photos wasn't the motivation for me like the previous four had been.  In these photos, I "know" I'm bigger than I was in the last set but I also know why and what caused it.  So while I'm not depressed or angry about it, it's not motivating to lose ten pounds and grow bulges - and see it in the photos.  The previous photos were all motivators by themselves.  This time around, it's you guys who have helped me.  I guess you are seeing something in the photos that I am not - or else it's because I'm seeing the comparison between 50 and 60 - and you aren't...by design.  :)

Anywho.

Wow.  Thank you, y'all!

Now, for the yay.  I got to go to my Alma Mater yesterday to help conduct interviews for my company.  I had such fun with that.  First, any time spent at Texas A&M is good time to me.  Secondly, just getting to talk to people all day long, getting them to relax and show me their personalities, it was just fun stuff.  I really enjoyed it and met some people that would be great for the company - and some that would not.

It was totally just a "yay" sort of day!

And my final wow...

My "pre-op" diet is working.  I've lost two pounds and I know, at this point, that my stoma has shrunk.  I'm not being "perfect", not by a long shot. 

• I am eating carbs - my smoothie has a fair amount, usually ~30g.  No carbs for lunch and not planning on any for dinner, but like last night, I had corn - and corn is carbs.  So while I care, I also don't care.  It was a black corn/bean/avocado salad and it was fantastic and I'll eat it again, too!
• I am drinking a single soda a day.  If I want it.  And whether I drink the whole thing is a big question - because usually, for every soda I open, at least half gets poured down the drain.
• I am also eating things like oranges (for a snack) and my smoothie has fruits that were considered bad on the pre-op diet.  It's ok by me.  I'm not worried about shrinking my liver, I'm just trying to shed a few pounds quickly and so far, it's working.

A colleague of mine who also did the pay-for-pounds program got an email yesterday saying he wasn't eligible afterall because he didn't do the middle of the "year" weigh in.  He did - but didn't record it right, so his whole bonus (of 80 bucks) is being thrown out.  Luckily, I did not get an email saying the same...so I'm still getting this bonus.  I hope they don't find some malarchy to disqualify me - but I'll fight it if they do.

Finally, in a not so yay or wow type of capacity, the headache from hell seems to be coming back.  The (.) is over, the estrogen is flowing - and it feels like it's burning it's way through the blood vessels in my brain.  It hurts.  I hope this doesn't get as bad as last month.  I see my new neuro for a follow-up next week and that may well be perfect timing.  This sucks - and it's totally new.  Never happened pre-miscarriage.  I also see my ob/gyn tomorrow about my progesterone issue so I will be bringing this up with him, as well. 

I hope y'all have a great day and I hope y'all are having a great week.  I'm so ready for the week to be over.  While I had fun yesterday, I'm exhausted from it - 5 hours of driving and interviews all day long is tiring...and didn't get to sleep much Sunday night, either.  I feel like it's been a long week already - even though it's truly been a great week!