03/02/11: Wow

I reread my blog yesterday.  Sure sounds like I'm drama.  I swear that I am not.  I avoid drama like the plague.  I don't like causing it and I don't like being around people that do like to cause it.  I realize that drama happens sometimes, though...

Anywho.

I am definitely tired of this drama.  This roller coaster, as another put it.  This everything. 
I am.  Just.   So.    Tired.     Of.      It.

Drama happens sometimes, though.  In every other aspect of my life, I am not letting people know just how much this is bothering me.  Trying to absorb all the drama.  But it's coming out in my blog.  And that's great.  That's what my blog is for.  A place to be honest and real without sucking the energy out of my friends and family.  They want what's best for me - but I am seeing it in my husband...as hard as this is on me, it's also incredibly hard on him.  He just wants me to feel better.  I love him for wanting that.  He wants to fix it.  I love him for wanting that.  He is more powerless in this than I am.  It's such a weird place to be - to know my health is paying a price...but to not be able to just push a button and fix it.  I wish it could be that easy.

Anywho.  I got the impression yesterday that some of you feel like my drama is becoming too much drama.  I am sorry to be dragging you down.  I seriously wish that I was not!  No matter what - I am so incredibly grateful that y'all are there to lift my chin and stand behind me.  This will turn around!  That I know.  I don't know what it's going to take and I don't know how much longer this drama will last - but I know it will get better.  I will get better. 

I pray that I'll be getting better with the band.

Anywho.  See.  Drama!  Dangit!

Ronnie - I would have loved to join you.  Let me know next time y'all get together and we might make that a weekend to head back to Dallas.

Many of you said you hope that I continue to feel better.  Well...so far...I felt 150% better yesterday than in comparison to Monday.  Today - I feel the same as yesterday.  Still not anywhere near as close to 100% as I'd like to be.  Headache is still there.  Achey, bleh and lethargy is still there.  But I also know - like taking Vitamin B12 - it takes about 6 weeks of taking that regularly to really feel it's effects (if taking sublingual tablets, not shots)...so being able to eat and get nutrients in isn't going to immediately fix itself, either.  Like not eating while sick with flu or food poisoning, for example, it takes awhile to really get back to full strength.  I'm just glad, at this point, that I'm not feeling worse.

I'd love to think the headache is going to, or could, be cured by an unfill - but, well, headache is still there.

Amandakiska - allergic to sutures idea...if it was that, well, it might have been once upon a time.  But prevailing literature and medical professionals opinions plus the makers of the suture material that was used for me all say that by 4-6 months post-op the sutures have dissolved and been absorbed.  I am now 11 months out.  It might once have been a point of contention but it's now beyond it's window of feasibility.

I have a whole gaggle of Dr.'s appts tomorrow.  First is with my ob/gyn.  At one point he saw the rash and his comment is "wow, what is that?"  I told him I'd been working with my dermatologist to figure it out and that stifled the conversation.  I want to see where a conversation with him might go about this - see if he's ever seen hormones do this before.  I also want his input on getting pregnant with this.  We are taking the month of March off, anyway, so it will be April before we try again...I just want his thoughts so that when it does get to April, well, there should be answers all around.  My neuro said "I wouldn't try while dealing with that rash" but I wanna hear that from my ob/gyn, I guess.  I really like and trust my ob/gyn.  Such a complete turn around from my original gyn...but I think I would honestly consider my ob/gyn my PCP.  He is who I want to turn to first in my head.  So, with that said, I also want to talk to him about my crazy TSH result.

Second is with my Dermatologist.  They called on Monday and said the biopsy does point to an allergic reaction.  I'll be curious to hear how we might pin down what I'm reacting to.  I really pray it's not the band.  And I feel like there's hope that it isn't because they put me on another topical steroid to deal with the itching and everything looks better than it has in a long time.  I'm wondering if the steroid ointment I was using was what was making the reaction so bad!

Third is with my PCP.  That is to follow-up on the TSH results as well as I'd like to update him on the headaches.  Sadly, I think he thought I was drug-seeking when I presented with the headaches and I want to clarify for him - no, I do not want drugs!  I want to find the source of the problem and fix that!  Drugs, generally, treat symptoms, they, generally, don't fix the problem.  I don't like just treating symptoms.  Sometimes it is what it is...like in this case, it's hormones - and fixing it would be putting me on birth control - which would just create another problem - namely, would make it hard to get pregnant!

Anywho, I hope there will be some answers tomorrow.  I'm fairly certain that either my ob/gyn or my PCP will order a new TSH test to see if that result is repeatable.  The fact that my T3 and T4 were both perfectly normal makes the TSH result very weird.  So we shall see.

And really, that's about all that's going on with me.  I could have just written "same ol' same ol'" and you'd have known all this - cause it seems like all I talk about nowadays.  But it is what it is.  :)

In some great news - hubby and I were invited by a friend and his girlfriend to join them at the Houston Rodeo tonight.  This will probably be the only time we go to the rodeo this year...so it should be fun.  It's early in the competition so the rodeo action will probably be hit or miss - but it's all fun to watch, anyway!  And the performer we get to see tonight is Trace Adkins.  Should be a great performance.  We are really looking forward to it.

Well y'all...Happy Hump Day!  I am really looking forward to this weekend.  Should be a great weekend for "if I feel like it" types of stuff.  If I decide to sand down and clean the teak furniture - great.  If I decide to clean out the two remaining garden beds that still need to be cleaned out - great.  If I decide to then plant veggies and such in those garden beds that are clean - great.  If I decide to sleep til noon - great.  If I decide to sit around on the couch all day and watch movies - great.  Whatever it is I do this weekend (and hubby, too!) will be because I feel like it.  I love weekends like this!