03/07/11: Happy Birthday Mom

My mom would be turning 62 years old today.  So young.  It's hard to believe she's already been gone for seven years - well, coming up on seven years in May.

My mom was a beautiful person.  She was eleven when her dad died and found herself in charge of her six younger brothers and sisters.  The youngest sibling was one year old - and she still thinks of my mom, her sister, as her own mom.  My grandmother had to literally sue the state to retain custody of her children and that court battle took three years.  When it was declared my grandmother could have her own kids - cause you know, women in the 50's didn't have the same rights and "privileges" as we do now and the state she lived in said "single women may not have custody of children" - she took those kids as far away from that state as she could.  She took them to a place where she, as a single woman, or, more specifically, a widower, had rights.  And that was California.

Once my mom and family was in California, away from grandparents and aunts and uncles, it literally fell on my mom to care for her siblings as my grandmother went off to work (as a journalist).  My mom saw to it that her brothers and sisters had clothes (she sewed it all), she fed them, made them do their homework, kept them safe, took them to Dr's appts, drove them to school, etc.  She was 14.

My mom was the mom.

When my mom turned 18, she was shown the door.  My grandmother didn't have a lot of money to play with and feeding another person that was technically now capable of taking care of herself made no sense.  So my mom moved to LA and enrolled in nursing school.

My mom finished her nursing degree at 21 and met my dad the same year.  They dated a few years and were married.  Funny stories there, but I'll save that for future blogs.  And eventually, I joined the picture.

My mom took care of me in every way possible.  She was my mother and my ally and my greatest cheerleader as I grew up.  She taught me how to bake and cook.  She kept me active and fed me with health and nutrition at the forefront.  There are so many things that I know now that I did not know at the time that she died to attribute to her success.  Each year, I learn just how important my mom was in my life.  If I can be half the woman she was, I'll be a wonderful person.

When I turned 18 and struck out on my own by joining the Navy, our relationship took on a new tone.  We moved towards a friendship.  By the time I was around about 22, she was by far, the best friend I'd ever had.  She used to say she loved watching me evolve into my grown up self and just simply found me interesting.  Once I was privy to being her friend, I felt the same towards her.  She paid me two of the greatest compliments I can think of when, first, she asked what I thought of her getting her RNP - whether she was worth it, whether she'd be good at it.  I prompted her to do so - as did my step-dad - I also told her she was worth whatever dream she had (something my dad used to say the opposite to).  And she was good at it.  Furthermore, she enjoyed it immensely.  The other compliment was refusing to marry my step-dad until I could be there.  She came to Illinois to see me and to ask for my blessing.  I said she had it but that I wanted to be at the wedding.  My step-dad later told me that made my mom's year as she knew I meant it when I gave my blessing and wanted to witness it.  My own "step-brothers" just said "whatever".

If my mom were still alive, I'm sure she would still be resisting retirement.  She loved her job - loved working with the patients and getting to know them.  In her capacity, it was actually easy to develop friendships and she did so often.  I'm also sure she would still be traveling everywhere.  Once a year, my mom and I would get in a car and drive.  We'd also fly off to some foreign country and explore.  She'd also do the same with my step-dad.  (Yeah, she earned a ton of vacation!)  I know, if she were still alive, that she'd love my husband.  And I'm certain he'd love her, too.  I also think he'd understand me more. 

While I say she'd love him and vice versa, I also know that if she were still alive, I'd be a different person.  I don't know that I would have made my career change - which led me to my husband.  (I met him through a coworker.)  I don't know that I'd live where I live and have the neighbors that I do.  My life could be totally different if she were still alive.  Her death was a turning point in my life - as was joining the Navy, graduating from college, and so on and so forth.  My husband used to ask me if I'd go through all I've gone through again - if I knew it meant I'd get to meet him.  And the answer is yes.  It's a sad yes, but it's a yes.

I will always wish that I could have had them both, my mom and my husband, at the same time.  There is a hole in my heart that will never be healed where my mom should be.  Losing my mom early was certainly not in my lifeplan.  My mom and I both planned on me being in my 60's - along with decades of travel, lots of love, lots of laughing, lots of shopping, spoiled grand-kids.  Hell, we even talked about buying an acre and building two houses there so that we could be neighbors.  I, or more specifically, my husband, could send her home, in this dream.  This just wasn't the plan.

My mom would be a very young 62 today.

I love you, Mom!

(It ain't no joke - if you are 50, get your colonoscopy, please!)