03/24/11: OMG

My life seems to be all about the "OMG's" nowadays.

Take for example my eating.  Good God I am a pig!  And I mean a pig.  I'm eating more than I ever did to get to my heaviest - and I'm losing weight.

My BMI is at 30.3.  I am so very close to being out of the obese category - but obese I still am.  Because of that, well, I have to gain, since it's twins, but instead of shooting for 45 pounds (if I was just overweight), now I get to shoot for 24-30.  I am supposed to hit 24 by 24 weeks - and I'm 6 weeks, so I have 18 weeks to do this.  Then, in the later stages, I get to slow down and just try to get 10 more pounds or so.

Well, good news is I'M HUNGRY.  I think I've established that.  What does this mean?  Let's look at how I ate yesterday.

Breakfast - smoothie is now 6oz instead of 3.  That 6oz has 40g protein and my full serving of fruits for the day.  (I'm supposed to shoot for 4 servings of fruit a day now.)  ~400 calories
mid-morning snack - crackers of some sort.  I am totally craving Goldfish, Saltines, or Fritos right now.  So yesterday it was fritos.  A full serving.  ~160 calories.
lunch - a protein and veggie saute combo.  Yesterday was pork and all my veggies.  Leftovers from dinner, essentially.  Was eating 4oz.  Now eating 6oz.  Mentally I want to eat more but my tummy gets squeamish with protein, so I'm doing what I can.  ~400 calories.
early mid-afternoon snack - a cheese stick.  ~160 calories.
mid mid afternoon snack - The other of the goldfish, saltine, or frito serving I have on hand so yesterday it was the goldfish.  ~160 calories.
late mid-afternoon snack - 4oz of yogurt with 1oz of granola.  ~300 calories.
snack when I get home - handful of fritos or banana chips.  ~120 calories
dinner - last night was a lamb sirloin steak with mashed potatoes and edamame.  ~500 calories.
late evening snack - another handful of banana chips.  ~120 calories.
early bedtime snack - a handful of fritos.  ~120 calories.
late bedtime snack - 4oz of yogurt with 1oz of granola.  ~300 calories.

That is 2740 calories.  I've been told to strive for 2700 calories a day.  Can you believe that?  Can your bandster mind even wrap itself around that?  Mine can't.  It absolutely can't!  But I also know that if I don't eat often and if I skimp on carbs - my tummy gets all upset and acts like the world will turn upside down. Food and carbs really are the only things that are making me feel ok-ish.

But get this.  I ate ALL OF THAT yesterday.  And I lost nearly 2 pounds!

Argh!!!!  How will I ever gain 24 pounds if I eat friggin 2700 calories a day and lose?

Insane.

Usually, I get on the scale every morning and it says something then I do a thing or two around the bathroom like brush my teeth and take a shower, then get back on the scale and lose two pounds.  Now, I'm getting back on the scale and praying that I'll have magically gained a pound.

Yesterday I was constantly eating - or so it felt.  When I'm not eating, damn but am I guzzling in water.  My meager intake from before pregnancy has doubled.  I'd say I averaged around 80oz of water a day pre-pregnancy and now...well...around all that damned eating, I'm drinking at least 150oz.

So yeah, when I'm not eating, I'm drinking.  When I'm not drinking, I'm peeing.  And all the veggies I'm getting plus all the fiber we add to our morning smoothie - yeah...um...plumbing works!

I was laying in bed last night reading my book on how multiples pregnancies are different than singletons.  With singletons, you don't have to worry so much about weightgain, or so it seems.  You don't want to be losing and there are physiological reasons I now know of that really make it worth our while to eat right - and enough - and to not fight the weightgain...but with multiples, it seems, how I eat right now really can affect their birthweight.  If I don't eat enough and I rely on my fat stores even slightly, they'll be 4 lbs or less.  If I eat right and throw weightloss 100% out the window - I can get them to 6 lbs.  6 lbs for twins is awesome, from what I'm reading.

But it's soooooo verrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy weird!  How do I throw out 1200 calories a day?  How do I even throw out the notion that "i just need 300 more calories a day per kid".  That's such a stupid blanket statement, though, and it doesn't hold except for the person that was at the most optimal and idealistic weight.  How do I switch from 1200 a day - which I rarely achieve - to 2700 a day - which is more than double that?  Ok, so turns out I can make the switch - but my brain is baffled.  My brain says "damn you're a pig!"

But my tummy says thank you and gives me a reprieve from the constant turmoil and nausea.  If I stop eating...I feel it - and I feel horrible.  If I eat, I feel fine.  If I eat...I can work out.  But damn, working out isn't going to help me gain.  So now, for every calorie I'm burning working out...I just have to eat that much more.  Dangit!  :)

I'll be curious to see how this unfolds.  Right now I'd love to see a pound jump on the scale.  I'm in my seventh week right now and I suspect (need to read more book) that I should already be seeing a pound or two added on.  And I'm not.  In fact, I'm two down, total.  I swear I'm eating, though.  My lunchbox thingy feels like it weighs a ton.  I'm keeping food in the car and beside the bed.  I am literally, now, supposed to eat a bedtime snack.  That goes against everything we know as bandsters.  I am supposed to eat something dairy for that snack.  Again, goes against what I've been told as a bandster.  The idea that we should pursue low fat, lean protein - yeah out the window.  Go for the fat, they say.  The healthy ones, specifically, the avocados and olive oils and nuts and such - not a fat streak in a steak.  But dangit, all I've been working toward for over a year now...throw it out, it's wrong.  I'm also reading that what I'm doing now - I'll continue through breast feeding.  A year and a half of eating like this is bound to make habits.

Thank God for the band! 

I'm going for that complete unfill next week - but I know on the other side of all of this, getting the band reflated  :) is really going to help me turn this back around.

So.  Very.  Weird.

To break it down specifically, I now need 110g protein, 275g carbs, 73g fats.  6 servings of protein, 4 servings fruit, 4 servings veggies, 8 servings of dairy, 8 servings of grains, 8 servings of healthy fats.

How do you think you'd feel, as a bandster or a weightloss mindset person, to switch to that?

(Disclaimer - I am not necessarily looking for affirmation that it's ok. I know it's ok.  The point of this post is to show how very different the thinking is - and how odd my brain is finding that now.  I am laughing all the way through writing this.  I am not questioning this, doubting it, or resisting it.  I am eating and will continue to do so - because if I don't, I feel horrible.  This post is simply to show how very different it is - and how easy it might be to continue these habits long after breast-feeding has stopped; that would be a recipe for a disaster - then.)

Oh yeah, I'm still reading, too.  I hope to be caught up by the end of the week...i.e. tomorrow.  :)

Ronnie - I'm calling you out!  Please tell me everything you can about your experience!  Did you ever hear of or read anything by Dr. Barbara Luke?