Stiletto Award

 Hence, the Stiletto Award…For Excellence in Blogging!

"I want to salute the women who balance life, family & relationships with style & class! Those women who share their experiences with us…who encourage us, inspire us, teach us, make us laugh and basically keep us going! You know who they are! While you read this blog, your family is looking at you wondering what the heck you are laughing about so hard…or why the tissue is necessary for internet browsing. It’s the one that the kids are excited about cuz a new post means a new craft project or family outing. The one that inspires you to be a better mom, friend, person in general. The one that reminds you that we are all “in this life together” and you’re not the only one going through the hard stuff. The one that you secretly wish your blog was like…"

Thank you, Mary, for giving me this award.  You are awesome and it's so gracious of you to think of me while I'm not being my best person.  You are an inspiration to me and reading your blog actually helps me smile!  :)

So now to pay it forward.....

These blogs are the people that are incredibly supportive, and they are also truly amazing bloggers.  Not only is it flattering to me that they reach out to me - but it's always a pleasure to read their blogs and learn from them as they travel through band-land.

**Some of these may have already "won" the award - I really am stating those who affect my day on a daily basis in a positive way.**

Bonnie - she is still doing insurance requirements, which are so incredibly frustrating, but she takes the time with almost all of my blogs to let me know I'm not alone.  I am looking forward to the day when she is teaching me how to use the band for the best!

Amandakiska - a very thought-provoking blog full of concepts we all need to be aware of.  Not only is she willing to discuss what needs to be discussed, even if hard, she is also very supportive.

MandaPanda - another one still doing insurance requirements.  She has a lot of great insights and provides a lot of useful information about smart weightloss.  It's always fun to read her blogs.

Jenny - she was just banded yesterday.  She had quite an interesting story with dealing with insurance requirements and for a little while there we were both on a pre-op diet.  Helped me to know that there was someone else doing it, too!

Jacquie - she was just banded last week.  She brings a calmness to her blog that I really appreciate!

Sandy Lee - she offers some of the most helpful comments!  I love it when she leaves them.  I just started following and have not read her blog yet but I look forward to doing so soon - next on my list!

Camille - so super, amazing, and supportive!  I feel like she's my own personal cheerleader and I think we have a lot in common, too.  Plus, she's a Texan.  Plus, she has a great, informative, interesting blog.

Gen - another so super, amazing, and supportive person!  Another I feel like she's my own personal cheerleader.  She always leaves comments that are exactly what I need to read!  And her blog, man, her blog - she's a superstar in the banded blogging world.

Michelle - an amazing blogger, an amazing supporter and an amazing friend.  I am also super jealous of where she lives!

Band_Groupie - I can't not say a peep about the lady who got me into blogging.  She is just awesome.  Another superstar.  She's lost amazing weight and now just underwent surgery to have her gallbladder removed yesterday.  And in all that, she's still teaching us newbies things we need to know for the lap-band surgery.  BG ROCKS!

THE RULES!

This blog is meant to be shared, to be given out, to be bestowed upon any and ALL women who exemplify what the stiletto represents. If you’ve received this award, here’s what you do:

1. Display your Stiletto Badge of Honor on your sidebar! Wear it with pride… (grab the badge above)

“Heels this high are not meant for clubbing or walking long distances in. They are mainly used for getting from the living room to the bedroom, from the car to the restaurant, or for a short stroll along the catwalk.”

2. BRAG ABOUT IT! -write a post about your award.
3. SAY THANKS! - include a link to the friend who nominated you for the award.

4. SHARE THE LOVE! -nominate 5-10 blogs that you feel deserve the award. Include links to them in your post -and- leave them a comment to let them know they are nominated.

5. DO WHAT YOU DO! -keep at it. Keep inspiring and encouraging and sharing your life! We love it and we thank you!!!

Can I just say THANK YOU one more time!

03/25/10: Changes, happiness, goals and me

Will we all get along?  Me, changes, happiness and goals, that is?

I am following a lot of blogs.  I think I can keep up with it all once they are all caught up.  But I have a rule with myself.  I won't actively follow a blog until I've read the whole thing to catch up.  I have completely read about half the blogs I'm following.  Catching up after 4 days in hiatus was HARD!   But I'm caught up.  So I decided to start reading a "new" blog.  I think, when I have completely read all the blogs I am following right now, it will be a good day's worth of reading.  Enough I can do in my waiting for the computer minutes and lunch breaks and maybe even some at home.  Beyond what I've got right now, ~80, I think it would be too much.  I'd love to follow all...but I gotta pretend to work a little at work.  We'll see.  Some people don't post as much as Drazil or I.  :)

Anywho, the idea for this particular blog came from Jen is gonna lose it!  It's her third blog in and she is talking about goals.  Her Dr. wanted her to come up with a list of three short term goals and three long term goals.

Now, I've blogged previously about my take on goals.  I don't have goals that are tied to numbers.  I'm not shooting for 25 lbs lost in a month or an end goal of 142.  Although my ticker is tied to that...it's just because they want a destination.  I don't know that I'll get there.  I don't know that I'll stop there.  It's not my goal.  My goal is to be healthy, to be happy, to feel good, to lose limitations.  My goal is a feeling.  And this ties to Jen from Oregon's blog because of this statement she made:

"It took me a few minutes to wrap my head around what I was being asked to put down in black & white. Perhaps I don’t have it correct, but what I did come away with is that I don’t have a clue how I will feel in the moment…um, because I have never been there before."

Haha.  I just had an Aha moment.  And it's a bizarre notion!

I don't know how I will feel, either.  Will I wake up one day, look in the mirror, get on the scale and say "ok, you're there?"  I will feel better before I get to a normal BMI.  I know that because I've spent much of the last decade in the overweight category, not the obese category.  And most of the time I was "overweight", I felt fine. 

I believe you can be "overweight" and be healthy.  BMI is such a funny thing.  I mean, really.  If I lift weights to lose weight, I will be "heavier" with smaller dimensions.  Muscle weighs more than fat.  I have huge powerhouse thighs and they will never be a teeny girl legs.  I have always carried a lot of muscle quite easily.  But it's likely that I could be a 28" waist with 34" hips and 34" chest and still be "overweight" by the BMI category.  I know this because I've been there before.  And I won't care about the BMI if that happens again.  Especially not if my body fat is reasonable.  At some point, the BMI range won't matter to me.  At some point (far far away from now) the BMI scale won't relate to my personal health anymore.  I'm not a statistic.

I also believe at some point, I will stop worrying about my health, whether or not I even can feel good.  At some point, the limitations will be gone and I'll just be living.  I don't know that I'll know exactly when it happens.  It will happen slowly over time as pounds are lost and my body goes back to "normal".

But the part that is elusive to me is "how I will feel in the moment…um, because I have never been there before."  But it's elusive to me for different reasons.  Cause I have been there before but not at the age of 34.  I have been there before, but not after losing control of my weight and struggling to regain control.  I have been there before, but not ever with the understanding of what it's like to not be there.

When I was there before, I had always been there.  I didn't have any comprehension whatsoever of what life felt like not there.  I didn't have any comprehension of exactly why it's so important to not let it go.  I put my weight on for a reason.  I thought it would protect me and allow me to heal mentally and emotionally.  And it did.  It took the focus away from what happened and put it on something that was, in my mind, arbitrary.  But I also thought, when I made the decision to gain weight, that it would be easy to lose it.  I was so wrong.

And I should have seen the flawed logic there.  It wasn't easy to gain it.  I knew how to eat, I knew how to exercise - and even loved it.  I knew how to take care of myself.  I was active and interested in life.  And I gave all that up, although not without a fight.  I had to make myself not go to the gym.  I had to make myself eat more at dinner.  It took my own focus off of me and what I was dealing with and transferred that focus to something, again, arbitrary.  I was able to start railing against other things.  So-and-so didn't want to go on a date with me because I was fat, is what I said to myself.  In reality, so-and-so didn't want to go on a date with me because I was damaged and I was exuding damage to anything and everything around me.

At some point, the struggle stopped being about making myself do the opposite of what I liked and preferred.  At some point, the struggle became about what it needed to have been about.  At some point, I moved on.  And I didn't realize it at the time.  I just knew, one day, that I was ok to lose weight.  But I'd said that would be easy, once upon a time.  I'd thought to myself, it's as easy as making the decision.  HA!

Fast forward to now, or at least slightly into the future...how will I feel in the moment?  I don't know.  Because the last time I was there, I had not been raped, I had not decided to play with my weight to give myself protection, I was not 34, I was not married and hoping to start a family soon, I was not yet in my chosen career, I was not even out of college, I had not been around the world twice, I had not lost either of my parents, I still had my closest friends living right next door to me; the last time I was there, I had a completely different set of circumstances.  I don't know what it will be like with my circumstances now.

I've been grappling with the changes coming for a little while now and just this morning I asked my sweet hubby if he thought I would change.  He didn't know what I was asking - and truth is, neither did I.  But reading Jen from Oregon's comments in her third blog, it made something click.  I would love to think I'll be who I was when I was there before.  But I'm not that person anymore.  I have understandings now that I didn't have then.  I have lost pieces of me now that I still had then.  Times are different, things are different, so presumably, I will be different.

And that's something to watch for, I think.  I don't want to lose me.  I don't want to become someone I don't like.  And it's so easy to see how that could happen.

Wow.

03/16/10: It's my hump day

I love short weeks!

My sweet hubby and I are taking thurs and fri off to watch basketball.  Yep.  You heard me.  Two days - actually four, cause it will be on all weekend, too, of basketball.

We are two people of the mindset that thinks that the majority of interesting basketball (on the college level) occurs in the tournament.  March Madness. 

We have an open house style party that we do for this madness.  People will come and go, lounging in the pool (which is now being heated) will occur while sipping beers.  Our spare plasma will get moved outside so that no matter what, basketball won't be missed.  Last year, we incorporated a crawfish boil into this, as well as a shrimp thing.  Can't call it a shrimp fry - they weren't fried.  They were marinated and then grilled.  Anywho...  Poker will be played and relaxing will be done.

It should be fun.  No matter what, it will be easy-peasy.  Sleeping in.  Everyone brings food so nothing stressful for anyone.  Everyone cleans, too.  So this is a great weekend!

Since I am only working three days this week, today is my hump day!  YAY!  And tomorrow is Eeeee Zeeeee!  I have my pre-op appt all afternoon.  So...

So today I want to talk about goals, stress, and motivation.

If you are stressed about your goal you will lose motivation.

There.  I'm done. 

Ok.  Not really.  When have I ever written such a short blog?

I must interrupt quickly to say...

I wanted to go swimming last night.  I really really wanted to swim.  I didn't turn on the remote to see what the pool temp was.  I didn't go dip my toe in to see what it felt like.  I went straight to the bathroom, changed into my swimsuit and went straight out of my bedroom to the pool, grabbing the remote on the way out.  I did want to turn the light on.  When the pool kicked on and the temp registered...it was only 75.  Eeks.  Too cold for this Texan!  I had already dipped my toe in, too, and my toe concurred.  Too cold for this Texan!

It's so funny to me.  When I was a Californian, 75 was HOT!  Now it's WAY too cold!  Ok...swimming...actual full on, full force, balls to the wall swimming - good temp is around 80.  78.  Depending on if it's sunny.  It was not sunny, though, it was dark.  And 75 was just too much for me.  I've been wussified.  Hopefully the pool is ready today!

So back to motivation and stress and goals.

Goals are for pansy's.  There.  I said it.  Not sure I feel good about it, but it's out there.

Just kidding!

With that said - my goal.  My one and only goal is long term health and a better quality of life.  I could care less what the scale says - for the goal aspect anyway.

I am shooting for a range.  My healthy BMI range.  For me, that's 135-152.  If I land at 152...great.  if I land at 135...great.  Doubtful, but great.  If I'm healthy - then I've met my goal.  If I stay healthy long-term, then my goal is continually being met.

I am not even remotely worried about whether or not I will lose weight.  I will lose weight.  And I will lose that weight because I work hard for it.  The band, for me, is not a losing-weight tool.  It's a remind-me-not-to-lose-control tool.

Yes, this blog came about because of what I read on BG's blog yesterday.  BG, if I can be blunt, I think you are too stressed out about it.  But that's ok.  We all handle things differently!

For me, I don't want to stress.  I want to make wise choices and when I choose against the wise choice, I want to own that decision - and the consequences.  I want to enjoy my life. 

I think I got up here because I was stressed about eating and food and exercise.  I want to try something new.  And that's NO STRESS!

Yeah.  Doesn't that sound ideal?  Wouldn't we all love "no stress"?  I'm not talking about all the crap life throws at us.  You find who you are with that crap.  I'm talking about what I impose upon myself.  THAT I can control.

I gained weight by choice.  It was a protection measure that I thought would work - and it did.  And I always figured that when I was "all better", I would make the same choice to just lose it.  Problem is, that didn't work.  And that's when I started stressing about it.  But the more I stressed about it, the more I gained.  The more I gained, the more I felt defeated.  The more I felt defeated, the more I stressed.  It was a perpetual circle I didn't know how to break.

In the few years that I have felt "all better" and was ok with losing my protection cloak, I have learned that I can no longer trust my brain to listen to my stomach.  That's what the band is for.  My brain can't over-ride a physical reaction of pain!  There's no ignoring that.

Like I said.  No goals.  No stress.  No goals of a number on a scale anyway.

It's kind of funny because I kept telling myself - for the past month or so, to start developing goals.  And no matter how hard I thought about it, I just couldn't put a number to it.  I couldn't say "I want to lose 25 pounds in one month".  I couldn't say "I want to be at 80 pounds lost by Christmas".  I couldn't come up with anything like that.  At the heart of that, it's because that's not my goal.  My goal is to be healthy.  My goal is to reduce my risk of type II diabetes.  My goal is to lower my risks for colon cancer.  My goal is to lower my risks for heart disease and hypertension.  My goal is to be able to support a pregnancy better.  My goal is to be able to take care of my kids, physically, mentally and emotionally.  My goal is LIFE!  I can't put a scale number to that.  If I do - I lose track of my real goal.

And I've debated blogging about this.  Cause how pathetic does that sound?  I'm getting banded and I really have no specific goal in mind.  I couldn't articulate this well enough.  Until I read BG's blog yesterday.  And now I can. 

I do have a specific goal in mind.  And it has nothing to do with a number.  It is not tangible.  It will be felt.  I will be able to see it in the mirror if I choose to.  I am throwing my BDD out the window.  No longer will I say 'but I don't look like a model, so I must not be perfect' (not that I ever said that, but I hope you understand my premise there).  Instead, I will say 'I am enjoying my life and my family and my friends, so life is good!'  I will set my own standard for who I compare to.  And honestly, if I can compare to my mom - I'm doing good!

I know I will lose weight.  I will lose weight because I will be swimming and lifting weights and walking and hiking and biking.  And when all is said and done and I see my life as it should be, I will still be swimming and walking and lifting weights and hiking and biking.

So here are my goals.

I will have a waist under 30 inches.  A good waist for me is 28 but I won't stress about getting there.

I will have hips under 40 inches.  Good hips for me are 36 but I won't stress about getting there.

I will have legs that are powerful enough to lift 100 lbs (or more) in an inclined press - and they will not get tired from hiking 8 miles straight uphill.  Yes, I've done that before, but I could not do that today.

I will have a heart that is fit.  I already do - but it can be improved upon.

I will have lung capacity that lets me swim my pool - all 41 feet - down and back again times two.  I used to do a 25m pool down and back.  Yes, one breath.  Today I can do my pool - all 41 feet - down and halfway back.

I will chase my kids and not be out of breath doing so.

I will host parties and not kill my feet to do so.

I will be able to contort myself easily because there won't be a blubbery stomach in the way of me folding myself in half.

Now here's my challenge to you.  Tell me why I'm nuts to say that my scale readings should not be tied to my goals.

Love you all - this blogging business is a God send!

And thanks BG.  You rock, Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beautiful Blogger Awards

Beautiful Blogger Awards

Tessie Rose, author of, Band me Baby!, nominated me for an award, thank-you Tessie Rose! She is in a similar situation to my own, waiting for insurance games to end.  Thank you, Tessie Rose!

Here are the instructions:

• Thank the person who nominated you for this award

• Copy the award and post it in your blog

• Link to the blog of the person who nominated you

• Tell seven interesting things about yourself

• Nominate seven bloggers

• Post links to the blogs of your nominees

Seven things about me

1)  My name is Loranne but I go by "Lori".  I love my first name.  My mom claimed that she made it up.  She loved "Lori", she loved "Anne" but she didn't love "LoriAnne" so she took the "I" out.  People always pronounce it "Lorainne" which has resulted in me seriously despising that name, as it's not mine.  I don't hate people named Loraine (alternative spelling on purpose), I just hate the name.  :)  My name is pronounced Lor-Anne.  I'm not sure how I ended up being stuck with the nickname but in efforts to switch, it's never lasted...so Lori I am.

2)  My parents died young.  My mom was 55 - I was 28.  My dad was 61 - I was 31.  My step-dad was 68 - I was 32.  I am an only child.  I have aunts and uncles and a grandmother but I no longer have my own immediate family and I think that's very sad.  I met my husband at a great time, scared as I was, because I think without him, I would have sunk into a pretty severe depression.  He is my rock!

3)  I love to learn.  All through college I averaged 21 credit hours a semester.  My "lightest" load was 19 hours and my heaviest load was one semester of nothing but science...and I was taking 24 hours.  When I was done with my degrees, undergrad only, I had 210 credit hours.  (You usually only need ~140 to graduate.)  I ended up with two BS/BA degrees and 6 minors.  BS = Oceanography; BA = Geology; minors in Math, Chemistry, Sociology, Psychology, English, Physics.

4)  I hated science and math in jr. high and high school.  I never went to school in those years, either.  Passed math classes by showing up only on the test days.  My mom didn't have any clue about how much I "ditched" but I had my tricks to make sure she didn't find out.  When I told her later of my delinquencies, she thought it was a sad mark on our education system that I still passed everything.  I do, too.  I had to "grow up" and so went off to the Navy to do so.  My parents knew they didn't have to worry about me when I did that.  I was fixing myself...which meant I'd figured out I was going wrong.

5)  Boot camp was a joke!  Yeah...you get to do push-ups and sit-ups and all sorts of calisthenics until you are blue in the face.  Yeah, you get to run and swim miles a day...and then march for hours afterwards.  And, in the Navy, we sat through 4-5 hours a day of classes learning about the Navy, too.  Our CC's (Company Commanders) would get in our faces yelling louder than you've ever heard but you knew they wanted to laugh, too.  Boot camp, to me, was learning how not to laugh no matter how funny it was.  That's self-control.  At the end, when we were "off comp" and our CC's could be our friends, it was incredibly cool to just hang out with them.

6) I was in the first female company to go through boot camp in Great Lakes, IL.  That simulaneously made it harder and easier.  Prior to 1994, women went to Florida.  Starting in the summer of 1994, women went to Great Lakes.  Half of the male CC's were scared of us and would cross the street instead of "dropping us" if we were not looking perfect.  Half of the female CC's were not scared of us, and, in fact, wanted to prove how capable we were.  If we were looking perfect...they'd "drop" us anyway.  I still smile when I think about the double-standards.

7)  I love to travel and by the age of 29, I'd been to 54 different countries.  My parents started me as a travel bug.  They'd take 4-6 weeks off every summer and we'd pile in the car and drive.  I've been to all but 5 of the US states - and the missing ones are all in the northeast.  Around about the time I was 9, we started branching into Canada.  I've been all over Canada.  My grandmother had a house in Mexico and we went down there once a month until I was about 13, when she sold it.  I went to Europe (France and England) for the first time when I was 15 - without my parents.  At 16, I took my mom along with me on my second trip (Germany, Switzerland and Austria).  In the Navy, I got myself to Singapore, Hong Kong (was there one month after it reverted to China), Australia, Guam, and many places in the middle east.  After the Navy, I've been back to all but Guam...I've completely circumnavigated Australia, visited New Zealand, Iceland (one of my faves), Japan, Taiwan, Phillipines, Spain, Italy, Turkey Jordan, Oman, Egypt...I could go on.  I love to travel and a life goal is to visit and explore every country.  My sweet hubby fully endorses this goal and has signed on for the fun, himself.

So seven blogs that have really spoken to me...and please know, I'm still trying to catch up on all those that I follow...so if you ask me this in a week, it might change again.  This is hard to do, of course, but these have influenced me deeply and are great reference points, as well!

1) Band_Groupie - hers was the first blog I read over on LBT.  Her directness, research and perspective on life are profound to me.  She can take the craziest of topics that would get anyone sad and make it humorous, or she can take the driest material and make it interesting.  She even got me over here to blogger which has exposed me to many more wonderful bloggers.  Even my hubby appreciates BG, as she always knows exactly what to say to perk up my day (and therefore his, too)!

2) Bonnie - she, like me, is in the intial stages, still.  Her blog is light and fluffy, if you will.  It's just a fun blog to read!

3)  Linda - she calls it like it is and has a unique perspective that is refreshing. 

4)  Tessie Rose - another fun blog to read.  She has a vivacious personality and seems to always be upbeat.  I'd be frustrated in her shoes, and my blog would show it - but she is up and thinking positively while waiting out the insurance games.

5)  Amy W. - another fun blog to read, another blogger who calls it like it is, another blogger that is direct and full of amazingly positive perspective.  She also asks great questions and, to me, gets people thinking outside of the box.  All the while she is particularly perky and bouncy!  Fun fun!  And she makes me want to move to Florida and go play on the white sand beaches ALL THE TIME!

6) Jordan - this blogger happens to be a man so the change in perspective is quite refreshing!  That and the humor make it a pleasure to read!

7) MandaPanda - she is another that is also in the initial stages, jumping through the hoops to get insurance approval.  Her DH is also doing this with her and while this blog isn't about him, it's her blog, there is that added aspect that gets touched on.  Another blog I always look forward to reading!

I will say, most all of these bloggers have already been nominated and I think a few of them don't even follow me, so may never know I put their names out there.  But these blogs are some of my faves to read...although I'm still reading...so like I said...check back in a week and I may have more.  :)  Happy Reading!

Finally, I'd like to end with a big heartfelt thank you to Tessie Rose for nominating me.  It really made me feel good and I was starting to be sad that no one liked my blog "enough" - pathetic, but true. I, like Tessie Rose, can't wait to be banded and join the ranks. This is such an amazing community and I'm grateful to Band_Groupie that she moved over here...exposing me to this wonderful world!

02/15/10: A Whole Lotta Nothin

I had an extended weekend this weekend.  Today was a holiday for my sweet hubby today so I took it off as a vacation day.  You'd think we'd have used the three day weekend as an excuse to go somewhere and do something.  But we didn't.  Instead, we used it as an excuse to be lazy and to just chill out.

It was rather spectacular, really.  Sometimes nothing is exactly what one needs to do.  I do have this sorta feeling like 'did I really just do nothing for three days?'  But the answer is yes and I feel good about that.  We did get up early on Saturday to take our two dogs and two cats in for their annual checkup.  But other than that...  Friday night we ended up in bed and asleep by 9:30 pm.  That is soooo not like us...so apparently a weekend like this was in order.  It didn't help that my sweet hubby wasn't feeling fantastic, although not sick, I think he was making sure he could have a do nothing weekend.  I had no qualms with that, anyway, so it would have worked out no matter how Friday night played out.

Friday night, on the way home from work, we stopped at the airport to pick up a neighbor.  We were going to go out to eat, her treat as she was just returning from Vegas and had quite the winning streak while there, at a restaurant touted as one of the best steak houses in Texas.  But when we got there it was reservations only as the overflow from Sunday night reservations had spilled into Saturday AND Friday booking the place up completely.  So, instead, we found a new sushi bar.  OMG that place was to die for!  I have never seen such selection.  Easily 500 different types of rolls.  It took us about 20 minutes to read through everything and we ended up with some new twists that were just phenomenal.  OMG!  We will be going back - although luckily, not that often.  The place is over 15 miles away and only city streets to get there...we'll really have to want it.

So we got home and then the sweet hubby was down.  And that, my friends, was how the weekend played out.  We ran a couple of minor errands Saturday morning and came home and lit the fireplace up.  The rest of Saturday entailed me trying to work through a few blogs.  I am trying to catch up with all that I am following...but catching up on years and half years worth is taking time.  Tons of valuable information, though, and I love to see (or at least read about) the band coming to life.  It is so varied for everyone but you can also see that it really makes people do what they have to do to change their specific situation.  Some people - makes 'em get off the couch (that will probably be my story).  Other people - makes 'em eat less.  And even other people - makes 'em eat better.  Just so interesting and I keep wondering how it will pertain to me...but I can't and won't know that until I'm there.

I know that my sweet hubby and I have agreed to change something that we have to change.

Right now...we eat at our neighbors houses every Tuesday and Thursday.

Pro - I don't have to cook or clean on those evenings.
Con - I don't get to control what I'm eating and I end up not having time for the exercise routine that I prefer.  And another con is that I don't get to cook or clean on those evenings.

So the pro that's also a con.  I love to cook.  It's part of how I decompress from the day.  I also love to clean.  Especially when it comes to my kitchen.  One of my favorite things to do is wash the dishes.  I have my odd reasons for that...but it's true.  I'm weird.

One of the biggest issues, though, is that my husband and I drive over an hour and a half each way to work.  We get to carpool and that helps.  However, it's time taken away from our evenings.  It means getting up earlier than our colleagues to get there later in the morning.  So if I want to work out, I have a relatively small window in which to do so.  Especially when you factor in cooking and then eating and then cleaning.  Add to that my love for baths or dips in the hot tub...and well...if we go to a neighbors house for dinner, there just is not enough time in the evening to do what we need to do and want to as well.  I know that when the "unweightloss" program is over I will start my official what I want to do each night routine.  Mon-Weds-Fri I will be lifting weights.  Tues-Thurs I will swim.  This time of year it will be at a local indoor mostly heated pool.  Once it is nicer I will switch to my own pool.  We have a swim jet in our pool just for me and my love of swimming and so I can swim endless laps right here at home.

But I can't do my wonderful routine if I'm not home to do so.  And I do have to make this time about me.  I can see getting to maintenance weight and then backing off the weights which could free up particular evenings.  But I also see that by then we might have wee little ones running around the house.  And I'm all about routine...I don't think wee little ones do well if they can't predict, even internally, what is about to happen.  If bedtime changes every night, for example, it makes it hard to get them to bed. 

So the evening meals at our neighbors homes...and the lingering until well after what should be our very own bedtimes, is going to have to stop.  Right now...I can't exercise as I wish to anyway.  So it's ok.  But in two weeks and three days I can start.  And by making that change, I feel like I will also be able to better control what I can eat.  I can cook fish and chicken almost exclusively. 

Now there's an interesting topic.  I noticed something about myself.  I have not had a beef or pork dish in over three weeks.  I don't even miss it.  And we used to eat, almost exclusively, beef.  I always said to myself I should switch to predominantly chicken and fish but never thought I could.  And now without thinking about it or really even trying to, I've made the switch.  When it comes to dinner time now, and I start thinking about what to pull out of the freezer, I flat out do not even want to pull out beef.  Interesting.  Odd.  Yay me!  That's a switch I've wanted to make for years! 

So back to the lazy weekend.  You'd think in all this nothing-ness we might have wanted to do something for Valentine's Day.  And we thought we were going to...but in the end...we just didn't really want to.  I woke up early and created a breakfast in bed situation for my sweet hubby.  He is always doing breakfast in bed for me and I wanted to spoil him for once.  So I did.  Other than that...there wasn't much of anything done.  We exchanged cards...yes, plural, cardS and he gave me my fave flowers - tulips, while I gave him some truffles that he loves.  But other than that, we didn't go anywhere and we didn't do much else of anything besides just enjoy being together.

Our hot tub has been out of commission as I think after all the freezes we've had this winter, one of the actuators on our pool equipment that controls whether we are returning water to the pool or to the hot tub froze and then busted.  We've had a request in for warranty work for over two weeks now and they finally called today to say it would get fixed this week.  However, yesterday it occurred to me that we can take that actuator off and control the hot tub/pool return manually.  So we were able to crawl in the hot tub last night for the first time in over a month.  And it was a chilly night so it was perfect.  Towards the end of our dip it started to rain...it was heaven.  I love sitting in a hot hot tub with cold rain falling all around.  It was one of those 'this is the life' moments!

And today has been equally as lazy.  We actually both slept in today...and once we got up, we just crawled out to the couch.  I continued reading blogs while my sweet hubby worked a puzzle.  It was just a nice day.

The next bunches of weekends won't be nearly as lazy.  Next weekend I have a baby shower to attend and we are getting dressed to the nines to go out to dinner with our neighbor.  Before we left that one-of-the-best-in-Texas restaurant, we did make reservations for this coming weekend.  The following weekend we are headed to Austin.  I believe the weekend after that will be around the homestead but I'm sure I'll be itching for some spring cleaning activities by then.  March promises more trips back to Austin as my grandmother will be visiting from California.  I can't wait to see her and it's always great to see my aunt and uncle that live there in Austin!  And hopefully, something will be happening for me in March, too!

I'm tellin you...A whole lotta nothin.  It was nice!

And I mentioned this in my previous blog...here are some pics of me through time...

Me at 19 just about two weeks before I went in the Navy.  Notice that I am a bit more muscular here than I appear in some of my uniformed photos.  I was swimming 6 hours a day Mon-Fri at this time and lifting weights for an additional 2.  Three days a week I would also run for an hour.  I wasn't "physically fit" or anything...I weighted about 140 here.

This was taken at my boot camp graduation.  My physical activiy decreased in boot camp.  Which is not to say that boot camp was easy.  It was certainly...umm..life changing.  But it was not conducive to keeping my muscle content....(and there are a couple reasons behind that other than that we were always running or doing drills or being punished...) I weighed about 130 here

This photo was taken about midway through boot camp.  I haven't quite lost all the muscle I would lose yet...but we did spend more time in the pool in the first half of boot camp than we did in the second half.  The second half really focused on marching and learning how to be in unison ALL THE TIME.  I have no idea what I weighed here...we had no access to a scale in boot camp.

Me at 21 years old.  I had been in training for over a year and finally made it out to my ship.  I came home to meet my best friend's new baby.  (I was stationed in Hawaii and my best friend was and is still in Cali).  Once I got to my ship, we went into dry dock for about three months and I was able to pick my swimming back up.  I also had managed to get back to swimming and weight lifting while in training, once out of boot camp.  When I arrived on my ship, the guys later told me, they couldn't keep their eyes off me.  I had no idea...  I weighed about 135 here.

At 22.  I was definitely curvy.  I took those curves as meaning I was fat...I weighed about 145 here.

I was 22 here.  This picture was taken in Australia just outside of Melbourne.  This was just before my life was changed pretty drastically by a guy who thought he needed to control me...I weighed about 150 here.  Lots of beer was consumed on deployment.  :)

Just after getting out of the Navy.  I had just turned 23. What I went through had already happened and I was in the process of "making the decision to get fat".  Yes, I got fat on purpose.  I wanted to deflect any and all attention - hence the hideous hair.  (My step-dad asked me if I was a lesbian...this was growing out a shaved head...)  I weighed about 160 here...and it was the last time I weighed that...

(It was this shirt I was wearing when I met my husband.  Not quite so loose when I met him...but still pretty baggy.  My mom and grandmother hated that shirt - said I'd never meet a guy as long as I dressed like that.  That was the goal!)

At 24.  I was working on "making myself ugly" but it was a pretty slow process.  At least that's how it felt at the time.  I weighed somewhere between 160 and 170 here.  I was back to swimming A LOT, though.  I lifeguarded and coached 5 days a week for 2 hours a day then swam for at least 2.  I also lifeguarded for a disabled student class which was VERY hands on.

At 26 I was finally winning.  I started to get a good layer between me and the world.  I was about 210 here.  This picture was taken at one of my favorite locations in Texas...just outside of Kyle Field in College Station.

Here I am at 28.  I just like this picture.  I'm so bundled up it's hard to tell anything one way or another.  This picture was taken in Iceland.  What a gorgeous country!  I can say I was about 180 here.  I had forgiven and moved on.  I lost weight easily once that happened, however, the yo-yo-ing kicked in and this was about a year before my weight started to run away.

Again in Iceland.  Not so bad.  But I knew it and I slacked off not making it to my targeted weight loss.  And that slacking off just got worse.

In Japan at 29.  I went on a four month world cruise, quit my job to do so, after my mom died.  My step-dad and I went together in her honor and to decompress from what we'd just been through caring for her in her final months.  I was 180 when I left on that luxurious and rich food-filled cruise and I was 180 when I got home four months later. 

In Sri Lanka towards the end of the cruise.

At 31, this was about a month after I met the man who became my husband (yes, that's him).  I was about 215 here.

At 32.  Yes, this is NYC.  We went to visit one of my hubby's best friend's from high school.  I was about 220 here.

Still 31 but almost 32.  This was the night we got engaged.  That story will get told in a future blog, closer to the anniversary of that event.  I was still at 220 here.

One of our 500+ engagement photos.  Our photographer said she loved us.  If the amount of pictures she took is any indication, we had over 2000 from the wedding, over 400 from our rehearsal dinner and over 500 from the engagement photo session.  (Most of her clients had in the ballpark of 1000 total, even when they had the same package we chose.)  We love her, too!  She was fun and has a great eye.  I wish we had a digital copy of the photo hanging over our fireplace...anyway...still 220 here.

This photo was taken in Galveston, TX (pre-Ike).  Galveston was the first topic of conversation that we ever had.  My hubby was 32 here...I was 31.  Our birthdays are only two weeks apart, though...

My wedding day. I was about 230 for that beautiful day. I wish I could have been less...but my weight problem was still running away from me...and it felt like no matter what I did...it just kept getting worse.  32 years old here.

 

One of my favorite wedding photos.  I love our photographer!  She did all kinds of things like this!

Again with the wedding day...

It must be love...a Texas A&M Aggie wearing Raider Red?  ARGH!!!  But as much as I bleed maroon...I love my hubby more!  We were in Lubbock for a game and I was pretty sure I wouldn't be spotted.  :)  I was about 240  and 33 years old here.

And this was this past Christmas.  34 years old.  And while I wasn't my heaviest ever, that happened in April and I stayed at that weight through the summer and into October when I started the "unweightloss" program.  Highest weight ever was 265.  In this photo I was 255.  This was the photo that got printed as a Christmas card and most people do not know that it was their "before" photo of me.

And that's a photo history of me, my weight, and my ever-changing hair length.

02/09/10: A shout out and a good day

I was thinking on my way home, sitting in traffic, that as soon as I get to 15 followers I want to give a shout out to all.  And then I get home...and I gained TWO followes!  So I'm at 16!  So thank y'all!  I'm getting excited.  I can definitely tell that the community of people who are paying attention to each of the people I'm following helps that person immensely.  I really want to build my network while I'm still getting started - you know, I still have bandster hell ahead of me...and I'll need veterans and sympathetic peeps alike!

So thank you, to my Sweet 16!

In other news...today marks the third anniversary of me meeting my husband.  Let me tell you about this day...

I met my husband in 2007.  I met him 2 weeks and 6 days after my father died.  I went to a birthday dinner for a colleague/friend and he was a friend of hers from their alumni association.  I remember walking into the restaurant and seeing the group of friends waiting at the bar and heading over to them.  And I remember this good looking guy taking the time to introduce himself to me.

I took 2 weeks off of work when my dad died and flew back to California to take care of what I could and help my step-mom as well.  (She wasn't technically my step-mom so I was the only family member left standing...being an only child and all.  She had no "rights" to take care of his estate and so I needed to see a few things through before getting back to Texas.)  I got back to work on a Monday and this birthday dinner was the following Friday.  By the end of that week, I really did not want to go.  I was tired and I was sad and I was grieving.  But two friends, the birthday girl herself and my closest friend from college insisted that I at least go to dinner.  I could head home when they left the restaurant for the bars.  Given that I wasn't "going to go out", I was wearing jeans, an oversized comfy flannel shirt and tennis shoes.

So here is this guy introducing himself to me.  Hair's not done (it was a casual friday in the office and this was a very casual office any other day of the week), makeup not on (although I never wear makeup)...I looked less than desirable.  I introduced myself right back and as we were standing there shaking hands, I thought to myself: "please don't like me".

I was tired.  I was sad.  I was grieving.

The birthday girl showed up and we got our table.  There were about 20 people at this dinner and we had two very large round tables pushed together.  I ended up sitting opposite the birthday girl at one table and this guy sat right beside her.  Shortly after we were seated, he got a call and went outside to take it.  While he was outside, his closest friend from college, also a friend of the birthday girl, came in and took the seat of the man that would become my husband.  When my husband came back inside, there was one seat left at the table - a seat two seats to my right.

We were sitting at the table looking over the menus and deciding on drinks.  As people made their decisions and menus were put down, the conversations started.  The guy directly to my right was also a member of the alumni association but my husband and his buddy that were there had never met this guy.  (The birthday girl was president of the Houston chapter of the alumni association so she basically knew everyone.)  So the two guys start talking and immediately discover something in common to start talking about.  To my left were two people from my office who I could talk to or not talk to, didn't really care.  I no longer work for the same company and these two were not people I kept in touch with.

So I joined these two guys from the alumni association in conversation.  And it went from there.  The guy directly to my right eventually pushed back away from the table so that the man I married and I could talk.  And talk and talk we did.

As dinner was winding down he practically begged me to join them at the bars.  I said no and explained why.  And he wouldn't have it.  I was going, I needed to get out.  After half an hour of that sort of "pestering" I gave in and decided to see where this might go.

And the rest was history.  We spent that entire weekend together.  By Monday this was pretty much a no-brainer that we were going to be something and it was going to be quite real.  So we decided to try and take the day off "to make sure it was ok".  We did not get together that Monday but instead talked on the phone until well after 4am.  After that, we said forget it - and we got together every day we could.  By May we had our church and reception facility booked - and then we finally got engaged in June.

Yes.  We did that backwards.  We booked the church and we booked our reception facility before we got engaged.

And so here we are.  Thinking that it can't possibly have only been three years - but that's exactly what it's been - and it's been the three most amazingly fantastic years of my life.  Lucky for me, my sweet hubby says the same!

Have a good evening y'all!

02/03/10: Just because

Not much on my mind today. That's a first, eh? Tomorrow is my second to last weigh-in and I'm eager for it to be over. Only one appt left after that and this downhill slide now seems to be taking on a new feel. Yay for that!

Just for good measure, meet my puppies!

   This is Tibby.  He's my baby.  He is about 7 1/2 years old and we've shared some great times together.  He loves my husband as much as I do - and the feelings are mutual.  He loves to cuddle with me and swim with me - and he also loves to play although not like Raider.  He acts like he's happiest when he knows he's making me happy - but he can also be quite stubborn when it comes to doing what he wants to do.  He is a very family oriented dog and loves to be where the people are.  And he loves children - actually seems to want them to pull on his hair and ears.  Surprisingly, he rarely sheds (only twice a year when the light changes) and it's over within a week.  He also stays clean quite easily as dirt won't stick to his fur.  So when he plays in the mud, once he's dry, he's white as a snowball all over again.  He is an American Eskimo.

This is Raider.  She's my hubby's baby.  She is about 8 1/2 years old and she and my husband have shared many great memories together.  She has taken me in as her person just like she took my hubby in and I love her as much as she loves me.  She loves loves loves to play - with fetch being the best - although she wants to catch the ball, not chase after it.   Last summer I had to teach her how to swim after we had our pool put in and now she makes sure any visiting kids stay away from the pool unless we are there with them.  Her modus operandi is to do what we want her to, so she is happiest when she knows we are thinking good thoughts about her.  She does shed all the time and unlike Tibby's fur, her fur sticks to everything and is hard to get up.  She is an Italian Greyhound/Labrador mix.

Have a good day y'all!

(I actually tested this out and posted this from my iphone.  How awesome is that!)