05/24/10: Happy Monday!!!

Good Morning, y'all!

What a weekend!

So I briefly mentioned last week that we were hosting a party this weekend just for the sake of haivng a party.  We called it a "Kick off the Summer" party.  We didn't want to do this party on Memorial Day weekend - even though Memorial Day weekend is generally when summer gets "kicked off", because most people travel or do family things.  So we thought we'd do it this weekend and good thing cause we had a crowd!  It was awesome!

All told we had about 35-40 people wander through our doors.  And they were fed nicely.  And they all swam and had a blast.  It was neat to see my work peeps mingling with my hubbies work peeps, my friends mingling with my hubbies friends - and our mutual friends meeting people we always talk about.  It was, to me, exactly why we put the pool in and built the wide open house that we have.  Our home was designed for parties!

And I did that on purpose cause I love to have 'em!

One of my coworkers/friends came home with us Friday night to help us get everything ready.  Friday, we went out to dinner (ate the best Tex-Mex around at our fave joint, "Gringos") then headed home.  My hubby and friend went and did the grocery shopping while I did my workout.  I completed my requirements for the week by doing that workout - so with that last workout not hanging over my head (I had given myself leeway to do this workout on Sun if Fri didn't work out but I'm glad I did it Fri as I don't think it would have happened yesterday if I'd left it hanging out there), I felt particularly great!  This week my weights get kicked up a bit and I'm excited about that.

I'll come back to that...

They got home about the same time I was finishing my workout.  And we all got to work in the kitchen.  Before heading out for work on Friday we loaded our two crockpots with 20 pounds of pork shoulder.  One was a 7 pound roast, the other a 13 pound roast.  You want the best pork shoulder, i.e. pulled pork, that is super easy?  Crockpot.  Shoulder roast.  Can of beer.  Set on low and walk away.  We did one with rub and one without.  And whatever you want to use for rub is great.  The one with rub is always saltier and flavorful but the one without rub is buttery and, to me, just better.  I like to let the barbeque sauce play up the flavors - but that's also because I make my own bbq sauce.  So our buddy went to work on pulling 20 pounds of meat.

My hubby went to work on shredding carrots and cabbage for cole slaw.  No worries - he used the food processor.

And I went to work on my chili that always garners a gazillion compliments.  I honestly don't think it's anything special but it always elicits oohs and awws.

When my chili was finally simmering away (10 lbs of meat had to be browned and that took awhile) I went to work on my bbq sauce.

I have discovered over the years that part of why I can't stand most bbq sauces is because they use vinegar - although I love vinegar...apparently I don't like it in ketchup - although ketchup has vinegar in it...but if it has lemon juice, I'm ok.  And because I make my own, I can cut back on the sugar and increase other flavors.  So by making my own, I've come up with something that I love and turns out, drops the calorie count (and sugars), too!  So I got the bbq sauce simmering and then went to work on the dressing for the cole slaw.

From 7pm on Friday until midnight, I did not sit down once.  You'd think my feet would have been killing me - combo of bad foot from the Navy and being way too fat.  But no...I've dropped enough that my feet are starting to be ok with all this.  Good thing cause I love doing this and I'd love to do it more often!

So I got the dressing for the slaw made and tossed it so that it could start to marry and do it's thing overnight.

We then went to work getting everything into the refrigerator.  Our 12qt stock pot barely fits in there but it's gotta be pretty empty to make it happen.  Add in a crock of pulled pork (with the roasts shredded and off the bone, we got all 20 pounds into one crock) and a big bowl of cole slaw and that took some finagling.  My husband and buddy got that sorted while I got the kitchen cleaned back up.

Saturday was more getting ready.  We replaced our doggie door as the old one was plastic and it cracked.  We put in an aluminum one this time so it should hold up better.  We got my humming bird feeder hung and we also got two doorknobs replaced.  My hubby and I are slowly but surely replacing all knobs in the house.  My hubby and buddy also went out for a few forgotten things as well as a few things we had to get on the day of - like ice.  I went to work chopping fruits and veggies and getting dips and such made.  And then it was time to get it all out and start heating things up.

We were done and in our swim suits and in the pool before the first people arrived.  Our invite said 4 but the first guest didn't arrive until after 4:30.  My sweet hubby said at one point that would be just our luck - to get it all done and all looking so great just to have no one show.  But not a worry.  Like I said, end result was somewhere between 35-40 people.

Just before I got into my swim suit I decided I should weigh myself.  I know better than to weigh myself mid-afternoon and after I've eaten and drank anything.  But I wanted to see where I was after nearly 7 hours of being up and moving around; and all that after what I'd done on Friday.  I also wanted to see what the party would do to my endeavors.

So...drum roll please.  The scale said 227.  I've been hovering at 230-231 for weeks now!  Woohoo...I saw the 220's!

And the party was a blast.  I did farely well with eating.  I had a small portion of chili and a small portion of the pulled pork - no bun.  I also had just a few chips - I really was pleased with myself at how well I did with limiting how many I ate.  And after I hit my limit on chips, if I munched it was on fresh veggies.  Yes, dipped in Ranch but it was a party.  I wasn't trying to be perfect!  (And yes, I made the ranch, too!)

If I had left it at that I would have been super proud of myself but when the party moved inside with the swimming done - and became a poker party - some of us curled up on the couch to watch a movie and we all had another bowl of chili and some had another pulled pork sandwich.  That extra bowl of chili put me over the edge...although it was still a half serving.  And all told, my calorie count came in at 1457 - so I'm still pretty impressed with that.  Where I lose the pride is in that I didn't need it.  I just wanted it.  Oh well.  It was a party and I wasn't trying to be perfect!  And 1457 for a party day is pretty good - and after all that activity getting ready for it?  I'm not even remotely worried.

And I shouldn't have been!  The scale Gods loved me on Sunday.  229!  It's official.  Sunday's are my weigh-in days and my weigh-in for the week was into the 220's!  I haven't been here since 2007!  I'm excited.  I'm about 10 pounds from being less than I was when my hubby met me.  I can't wait for that!

Which now leads to NSV's.

Friend #1 said my swim suit was too big and I need to go shopping
Friend #1 told my husband (yes, same friend) that every time she sees me I look different.  She's just amazed.  She's seen me each of the last three weekends - this is the friend we helped move.
Friend #2 told me I look like I'm athletic.
Friend #3 told me I look like I've lost 60 pounds, not 36.
Friend #4 told me my face looks amazing.
and finally,
Friend #5 told me I am looking really good.

Some of these people know what I've done but most do not.

Of course, today, the scale is back up.  But it's not a real weigh-in day so who cares.  And yesterday all we did was sleep and vegetate.  It was a pretty amazing day, too!  We went out to lunch with my hubby's best friend, who stayed the night, and sat there talking for hours.  I had a few of the world's best onion rings while we were there but I was really proud of myself - I said I could have five and I ate 6 very small rings.  Yeah, yeah...I said 5...and I ate one more.  But I'm ok with that.

After we were done with lunch, we went back and took naps.  And then had our neighbor/friend and another couple join us for leftovers.

When all was said and done, we were left with about 3 pounds of chili and 6 pounds of pulled pork.  The chili we will eat on until it's done.  The pulled pork I will make tamales out of next weekend and will probably do a few leftover nights with that, as well.

Weekends like this are weekends that make me realize exactly how fortunate I am.  We have a ginormous pool - for a regular backyard and it was pure bliss to look out at the pool at one point and see people floating in innertubes and with tubes and just chillin drinkin a good cold beer.  Then, to look in either direction and to see some of our family members talking to friends we'd like to see more of on one side and to the other, kids playing ring toss in the yard.  I just felt so unbelievably fortunate!  Yes, we work hard to get this stuff - can't you tell?  As I sit here blogging at work?  But we also take the time to enjoy our "stuff".  And that's what stuff is to me - not an accomplishment, not something to brag about, not a "look what I have" thing...but a reason/way to call our friends and family together.  I would not care for the "stuff" if I could not share it! 

And I love that my mom gave me this hosting bug.  She loved to host parties, too, and it was pretty common place for our house or our yard to be filled with our friends and family.

I am so loving that this didn't kill my feet this weekend!  After all that we did Weds night, then Friday night, then Saturday...if you'll remember...when I did our Super Bowl party...by the time the party started I was outright crying I was in so much pain.  I had to leave it to my sweet hubby to answer the door and replenish chip bowls.  Not this weekend!  I was right there with him keeping it all going!  It's not entirely a done-deal - I woke up Sunday hobbling a bit.  But at this point, my feet couldn't tell you they worked really hard!  So not like the SB party...where my feet were barking for an entire week afterwards!

Where will my feet be next month when we do it all again?

Woohoo!  Let's see!

I also have to say...last thing...I did my weightlifting last week.  Yes, you know this.  I did low weights high reps.  I gained inches.  Woohoo!  Yes, it's fluid in the muscles that are being wakened.  I'm fine with that.  I also lost inches in a few places, but overall was a gain.  I'm fine.  I know this will disappear fairly quickly.  And even with inches (ok, it was 0.5 inches) gained, I lost weight.  But this week...I up the weights and decrease the reps.  This week should really see a change!  We shall see...whatever will be will be.  But I am eager to see what happens this week!  I love my weightlifting!!!

Have a great week y'all!  And next month when we have our next party - find yourselves a way to Texas and join us!!!

05/19/10: UmmmmmKaaaaaaaaayyyyyy

Well.  It's hump day.  Yay for hump day. 

That's about all I got...

Before I get to the meat of this blog....a NSV and a SV...

1) SV - down 2 pounds this morning.  In the past, when I start weightlifting, I have about a week of a pretty good drop and then I'll sit for about 2-3 weeks as my body adjusts to the new feel.  I was happy to see the scale responding this morning!  I am love love loving my routine!  Mon was legs/back; Tues was chest/shoulders/arms.  I may be bonkers here but I have decided to wait until my second 5-week cycle to add in real ab work.  I feel ok with this because a lot of what I do for back/shoulders/chest is also working abs.  And it's gonna be a long while before my six pack re-appears anyway.  :)  (HAHA!)

2) NSV - after working out last night for nearly two hours - I was playing, too, trying various exercises to see which I preferred, finding the balance between working hard and challenging but also do-able.  Some exercises I wanted to see if they would work with our set-up/gear and some did/some didn't.  Anywho...after my longer than what will be normal workout I was ready to take a bath.  And as I was headed to the bedroom to get to the bathroom I stopped to talk to my hubby who was in the study.  And we chatted about what we needed/wanted to chat about and as I was about to walk away he says "look at you...you are shrinking before my very eyes".  He does this swish swish thing as his hands move towards each other.  He has his hands about 2 feet apart - 'swish-swish' as they move in toward each other.  Then he turns his arms to mimick the profile and back to 2 feet apart to start - 'swish-swish' as they move toward each other, again.

Here I am...wearing pants and a shirt I've been wearing all along.  But the pants, which granted, stretched out in the workout, are just DRRoooooooooooopppp-pppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  And the shirt.  It's just an XL t-shirt, a swimmers brand like TYR or Speedo or something and it has a pool on it with lane lines and markers and says something about 2/3 of the planet is covered in water.  But this shirt, at my bulkiest, was tight all around.  And now...it's hanging.  Slouchy kind of hang.

To make it even better, my hubby continues to go on and on and on about how little I'm getting.  :)  AHHH!  So I'm beaming and smiling and he keeps going.  So then I declared "you just made the blog, just watch, I'm gonna blog about you tomorrow!"

We are hosting a party this weekend.  Just a party to have a party.  A pool party, a kick off the summer party - but something that won't get tons of RSVP's that say "we are going out of town for Memorial Day".  So we chose this weekend, not Memorial Day weekend, for kicking off the summer.  Anywho, he thinks that people who have not seen me for awhile will go crazy with 'look at you's' this weekend.  I'm doubtful.  If they do - great.  If they don't - I'm  not worried.

And now onto the meat...

I have to say...that...umm...apparently yesterday's blog "We gotta talk" didn't come off as intended.  I meant to be humorous and goofy and instead seem to have come across as "empowered" and even needing...umm...guidance...on how to be a woman.  I don't, really.  I'm good.  :)

In efforts to be humorous, I deviated from true opinions.  So true opinions are below...don't bother reading if you don't care - and I don't blame you if you don't.  :)

I do wear makeup - love the stuff, feel great in it when I bother with it...but generally....can't be bothered to put it on.  I have lots of it and always swear that I want to but when it comes morning time, I just don't.  On the same token, I'm also one of those that can't be bothered to dry and style my hair.  When I'm on the ball, (which is very rare) sometimes I manage to remember to turn on the straightening iron at just the right moment...and when I can accomplish that little task, I do ok.  Although, right now, I don't have enough hair to do anything with anyway.  Still don't blowdry it...which I could...but can't be bothered.  It's a time thing...

Bras.  I remember as a smaller person not having nearly the discomfort with them that I do now.  I didn't mind them back then.  Still wouldn't wear them lounging around on the couch...they were a going out thing - going out dressed to the nines or going out to go grocery shopping...but no matter how you cut it, they were solely for being away from home.  But I liked my pretties as much as my basics.  I am looking forward to the day when they fit and feel good!  I know it's coming.  They fit now...but at this size, there's still too much fat around the area and that's easy to constrict - which is the feeling I hate.

I really appreciate the talks about creams and waxings.  And the email, too!  Woohoo that was awesome!  I'm buyin cream!  I can't see doing the waxing thing, personally.  I'm just too private...and since I have no kids to run in on me in the bathroom like certain others we know...well...not likely to scar anyone by myself...

I have really changed in a lot of ways when it comes to men and allowing things to be done for me.  I don't have the push/need with my sweet hubby to prove I can do it myself.  It's nice to "let" him take care of me.  I resisted that for so long...like I said...but I also knew when I found my Mr. Right, I would not be like that.  I think my mom would be amazed nowadays, actually.  I do let my sweet hubby woo me.

In some ways he saved me with his wooing, too.  When I was at my heaviest last summer I got into the realm of I physically could not do a lot of things I love to do - like move wheelbarrows full of dirt.  I could do it but I'd be laid up for days after just one wheelbarrow.  My sweet hubby really picked up the slack for me last year.  I want to get away from that.  While it was nice to have him and to be able to ask him to do things for me, it's also quite satisfying when I take care of myself.  Myself would include my things, my home, my cars, basically, my life.  I told him a few months ago that I look forward to the day when we go back to fighting over who gets to build things.  As I type this I realize we are already there.  And it's not fight fighting...it's a banter between us - who gets to use the tools.  I am mechanically inclined - hence my job in the Navy, hence my job now, to a degree.

Which brings me to a cute funny story.  As a little girl I had a little plastic car.  I had that thing until I was about 5 when I outgrew it.  It had little pedals under the dash so I could pedal myself around the block while my mom walked.  Or I could sit-run - kinda like the Flinstones.  My dad was a car guy and I'm a car girl.  It was something we could bond over.  Anyway, my dad would get out every weekend and wash his cars and change the oil when appropriate and tinker where he could.  I would get out there beside him and get under my little car and change the oil and wash my car alongside him.  There's a picture of me, at 4, washing my very first car and the story I heard later was that we had both changed our oil and installed cruise controls.  I never could get mine to work right, though...

I have learned from this that I really need to vlog.  There is a huge piece of me missing from your repertoire of who Lori is.  And I really don't like the idea that yesterday's blog didn't come across as just plain humor.  Because that was all it was.  Humor.  I had hoped that you would laugh and say 'that's just funny' no matter where you stood on those topics.  And really, no one did.  Which makes me sad! 

05/17/10: A Blog for the sake of blogging!

Happy Monday y'all!  Are there such things as happy mondays?  I'm eternally optimistic that they can happen.  But to date, I can't recall a Monday I've been excited about...

Ok, that's probably a stretch...but generally, I much prefer Fridays (especially at 4:30) to Mondays (especially at 6:30).

Not much going on in my world.  We had a wonderful weekend.  Houston was socked in with rain on Friday night which made getting home fun.  Irony is it didn't rain much at our casa.  But we got hit pretty good on Saturday.  I'm worried about my veggies now, they are drowning because the water couldn't/wouldn't drain off - there was that much.  I will be eager to see the garden tonight and see if it's improving.  Sprinklers are off for awhile now - pretty crazy to go from needing to water 5 days a week, already, in May, to nothing...that much rain.  Not a true flooding event like various locales throughout the US have experienced this year.  Just a sub-par drainage system....

Because of the rain on Saturday, it forced us to just chill through the day.  There was brief talk about organizing the closet but we decided to organize the DVR instead.  We got a number of things off that DVR finally!

Saturday night we went to the wedding I mentioned on Friday.  It was a fun time!  I realized as we were heading "up" to the wedding that it was actually our second wedding to attend together.  That first was pretty memorable, eh?  The first was one of my hubby's best friend's brother.  Not only did we attend that very nice wedding, we were with the two best buds from high school (for my hubby) and we even attended the rehearsal dinner.  Odd to forget such things.

Sunday we finished moving/helping our neighbor's daughter.  She had a few odds and ends of things to get from her mom's house, our neighbor.  So that was easy.  :)  We helped her get her tv mounted and then moved onto our own house.

We got our gym back in order - with the insurance crap saying I had to "fail" my supervised weightloss program, I gave up weightlifting as I was not going to fail if I did pursue my favorite form of exercise, outside of swimming, anyway.  So the gym kind of became a storage room...it is no longer a storage room.  Being cleared for weightlifting now, I am starting my routine/regime tonight.  Moving/helping our friend yesterday I was using some muscles in the shoulder area that haven't been used for awhile and they are telling me today that they are appreciative of the indulgence.  I love the soreness that comes from muscles being awoken!  So since the muscles are already waking, I'll start tonight with legs and lower abs/back.

With the routine finally being able to be in full force here is how my weekend evenings will play out.

Mon = weightlift for ~an hour.  Focus on legs/lower abs/back
Tues = swim and/or walk for an hour.  This will be weather dependent - if t-storms are passing through I won't have much of a choice.
Weds = weightlift for ~an hour.  Focus on shoulders/chest/arms/upper abs
Thurs = swim and/or walk for an hour.
Some combo of Fri/Sat/Sun = a second hit of each weightlifting routine.  For example, Fri and Sun - Fri would repeat Mon and Sun would repeat Weds.

This is my five week routine in which I will start tonight with low low weight (almost too easy type "low") and I will do many many many reps.  I will do this all week.  Next week I will increase the weight and decrease the reps.  Third week - increase weight again to crazy high (max that I can safely do) and do "as many reps as I can" - which may only be 3.  Fourth week, repeat second.  Fifth week, repeat first.

When following this routine, there is an option for a sixth week off.  I have found in the past that taking that week off throws my routine off and ends up sidetracking me.  So in efforts to keep this going, I will most likely be skipping that week off.  However, if weightloss is stagnant or plateauing, that sixth week will actually be necessary.  So while it isn't likely that I'll take it, I won't say "I won't".

With the weightlifting starting tonight - I feel like I can finally say - "Let the Journey Begin!"  All the weightloss here to now has been easy.  There I said it.  I've done nothing to get here.  I will do everything going forward.

In case I need to explain that - here's how it breaks down.

1) The "unweightloss" program.  I threw out junk food and sodas and went back to eating like I was raised with - healthy, balanced, lean, light.  I lost 12 pounds over 5 months.
2) The "pre-op" diet.  I threw out healthy, balanced eating for a predominantly liquid diet.  I really didn't have much of a choice here, was making my surgeon happy.  I lost 12 pounds over a month.
3) The "post-op" diet.  Healthy and balanced eating made a return but exercise was limited due to recovery and healing.  While I pushed the limits, I also learned a lot about how the band is working with me - and vice versa.  I've lost 11 pounds predominantly without exercising - some walking here and there but nothing consistent - this phase has also been a little over a month.

So here I go...onto the next stage!...with no goals...and no timeframes in mind, either...so so very odd....

Happy Monday, y'all!

05/13/10: I'm back!!!

Good Afternoon, y'all!

So I told y'all back in February about how I met my husband.  Well.  May 10th was our two year wedding anniversary.  We went to a cute little ranch B&B.  Well, not little.  It's a working ranch and therefore is ranch sized spaces.  The owner of the ranch has taken all the various homes that have been built through the years, plus she's added a few more, and turned each of those into cottages you can stay in.

So before I tell you about our anniversary, a bit about our marriage should be shared.  I told, in Feb, that we booked our church before we actually got engaged.  So here's the story of our engagement.

We met in Feb and pretty much instantly knew where our relationship was going.  We had talked about spring weddings vs. fall weddings and spring was our choice - although my sweet hubby didn't get that message in the initial conversation.  :)  In April that year (2007) I went offshore with my previous company and was gone for about 5 weeks.  I was working on a vessel coming and going out of Ciudad del Carmen, Mexico.  (No, not Carmen that y'all would have seen gorgeous pictures of, Ciudad del Carmen.  A very different working type of city - not resort city.)  When the vessel was in port, I could use my cell phone to call my boyfriend.  And I did.  A LOT!  We missed each other terribly and discovered pure certainty in the fact that we wanted to get married.  And towards the end of that trip, we started really talking about it.  We were talking in one conversation about when we would get married and he said something about the fall, meaning fall '08.  And I said "But I want a spring wedding" - and of course, we are still talking about '08.  And he responded "So soon?!!!?"

Hmmm.  Not the response I was hoping for/expecting.  And he quickly tried to recover but...suffice it to say, it has turned into something we laugh about to this day.  My sweetheart!!!  Always gives me something to laugh at!

He tried and tried and tried to correct himself - which made it even funnier.  And nowhere in that conversation did I ever doubt his intent to marry me.  It really was pretty funny!

So when I got home from that trip at the end of May, we went ring shopping.  He wanted to get a sense of what I wanted.  But we ended up finding the perfect set of wedding rings and engagement ring pretty quick and we bought them.  The engagement ring didn't have a stone and he intended to shop for awhile, without me, to find the right one.  But again, we were together when we saw the stone that was perfect for what we wanted.  So here it is, Memorial Day weekend of 2007 and he has a ring in his pocket and we are getting engaged.

He proceeded to take the ring with him everywhere for the next week showing it off to anyone and everyone he could.  Meanwhile, I'm talking to my friends about the impending engagement and they are all taunting me with, he must not be serious, otherwise he would have proposed by now.

Still...time goes on...and no questions are asked...

The Weds of that week we had an appt with our pastor to ask about booking the church.  We settled on April 19th.  Sat of Memorial Day weekend we took a tour of Butler's Courtyard (if you click that link, you'll see a picture of us!!!) and fell in love.  But here I am, walking around without a ring.  And other brides-to-be are checking out my bare hand.  We also checked out other spots to have our reception, as well.  And always, brides-to-be are looking at me like I'm a fraud.

Couple those looks with my friends and their taunts and by the end of that week I was beginning to wonder what the hold-up was.  Friday afternoon I made a comment to my boyfriend that it was getting to me.  I mean, we'd settled on Butler's Courtyard and were going to book a date and pay our deposit on Saturday.  So what was going on?

He was trying and trying to make it special.  And he was racking his brain for just the way to propose.  But feeling the pressure, he decided Friday would be the day.  He found a cute little romantic spot in a restaurant in Kemah that was notorious for proposals and made a reservation for that evening.

Fast forward to dinner - and it was the most awkward we have ever been with each other.  I knew something was coming.  He knew I knew.  He was working out how.  And I was on guard for when.  There was a couple at a table right next to us and he didn't want to cause a scene with them so close by.  So after they ate and paid and then left, that was when he struck.  He ordered me my favorite desert (creme brulee) and it arrived in a heart shaped ramekin.  And after we shared that desert, as he was picking his napkin up from his lap, he dropped it.  And the next thing I know, he's falling out of his chair to retrieve the napkin.  He somehow managed to land on a knee as he fell and in all this commotion, this bright light starts glaring at me from the table.

The box the ring was in had a white light in it when you opened it.  This corner of the restaurant that we were in was pretty dark so that little white light in the box was pretty bright.  And turn to see what's causing this brightness and there is the ring.  And I turn back to his smiling face and he asked me to marry him.  I said yes, of course, and it was a done deal!  That was on June 1st, 2007. 

When we went to Butler's Courtyard the next day to book and pay our deposit, we discovered that our only weekend available was May 10th.  So we called our Pastor who said it was no problem to switch the date.

And May 10th became our day.

We planned the wedding from start to finish together.  My husband wanted a big extravagant wedding and that was what he got.  We each had 7 people in our parties plus 3 flower girls and 1 ring bearer.  Yes, I said my husband wanted that - not me.  It was a great wedding, though, and I'm glad he was so vocal about what he wanted.  Since I am at work right now, I don't have any wedding photos I can post.  I will update this when I get home tonight and get some photos added.

So now onto this weekend.  We went to a bed and breakfast on a ranch.  The place is called Blisswood.  You can stay on the main ranch - there are about 7 or 8 different houses/cottages to choose from.  Or you can stay at a place about a mile down the road (a dirt road, but it's a road) called "Oasis".  Our little cottage was at the Oasis.  The Oasis had about 5 different green houses, one the owner is cultivating orchids in, another is for a pool (a VERY cold pool!) and the remainder were for plants and flowers that are pretty and amazing - just not orchids.  There was also a number of ponds and waterfountains and a little creek ran along the outer edge of this property.  Being at the Oasis, we still had full access to the ranch without all the comings and goings.  No matter how you cut it, though, this place is RUUUUURRRRRAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!

We arrived Sunday in the early evening time and settled in.  We took our doggies along with us - they had a blast, although I think they were afraid we were giving them away.  Poor puppies!  They were happy to get home, that's for sure!  We wandered the property and unpacked stuff then settled in for a quiet evening.  There was no tv there, so that was pretty odd to my sweet hubby, I think.

Monday, we slept in and had massage therapists come to our little cottage for a one hour couples massage.  My sweet hubby says his was the best he's ever gotten.  My lady spent more time scratching my scalp than anything else.  What little else she did was nice - but I could have done without having my scalp scratched for about half an hour.  Oh well.  We spent the afternoon wandering the main ranch and checking things out.  Pictures are below.  Then we headed back to our lanai for an afternoon of cheese and wine and fruit.  I read while my sweet hubby just watched the world.  It was incredibly peaceful and relaxing.

Monday night we settled in for some games and just chilled out.  I think the lack of tv really started to get to my hubby, though, as he started to get stir crazy and was really ready to go home.  We also had pretty poor cell phone reception, if at all, so he couldn't even get to his tweets (my hubby is a twitter junkie!).  My sweet hubby is also a news junkie and the lack of news, I think, just irritated him.  He sure was ready to go when it was time to leave!

Not the best of pictures - I managed to forget a camera so these were taken with my phone...

Tuesday was also a day off for us but we spent it doing odds and ends of things - I bought pots for my garden as well as a "cattle panel" for my cucumbers, zucchini and squash to grow up and over on.  I'll post pictures of my garden in my next post.  Everything is planted now - and best yet, our sprinkler system is fixed.  Apparently it was irritating our yard crew as they just turned the water off to the system!  We got some work done on our truck - maintenance stuff.  And we took our neighbor/friend out to lunch for her birthday.

And now here I am, today, Thursday back at work.  Yesterday I had my first fill.  I didn't end up seeing my surgeon for my follow-up - I was told I could wait until he got out of surgery to see him but who knew how long that would be and he had a waiting room full of people waiting to see him.  I go back for my next fill in two weeks so I can see him then, if it works out.  If not, I'm not having any issues, they have all signed off that the incisions look good, I am losing weight...so I may never see him again.  Darn!

My first fill I got 1.5cc's so I now have a total of 2.5cc's.  They did it under fluoroscopy so I could see that I am back to a straw-sized opening again.  Last week, somewhere around tues/weds, I was HUNGEEEEERRRRRREEEE!  And I was able to enjoy eating over the weekend.  :)  Oddly - last week, as I fought eating an entire horse, I managed to gain weight.  Over the weekend and anniversary, I decided "it is what it is" and I managed to ungain those few pounds I gained while "fighting it".  So as of yesterday morning, I was back to my low and this morning was down from yesterday.  According to the scale at the bariatric center, I was down 6 pounds since surgery.  Not much, but not a gain, either.  I can't believe I go back for my next fill in two weeks!  She told me it would likely be another 1cc or 1.5cc's then, too - and then I should be able to slow down on visits after that.

I know this morning I could not finish my 6oz's of smoothie.  And today, for lunch, I managed about half my 4oz of tuna salad.  This morning, I took my zyrtec, which I still can't seem to be without quite yet, and what I thought was a "sip" of water was apparently too much - about half the water came back up.  :)  As a reflex I swallowed again and it went down fine.  It was rather odd.  I am definitely chew chew chewing!  And I'm pausing between bites to make sure my little itty bitty bites are all going down before I take my next little itty bitty bite.

I sure wasn't eating like this over the weekend.  :)

And that's about all I know.  I'm back.  I don't have my next class until July so I will be reading and catching up again.  My next trip isn't until July, too, so even weekends should be better.  I will start catching up today.  Almost two weeks to catch up on, though...this seems a daunting task!

04/22/10: Progress

So I was particularly interested in seeing how long food would hold me over yesterday.  I am still particularly interested in that and will be watching things today as well.  But I was shocked.  Absolutely shocked!

Breakfast - 12oz of my smoothie (Greek yogurt, protein powder, 6oz water, 8oz frozen strawberries and bananas and 1 fresh banana) = held me over for 4 hours. (230 calories, 33g protein)

Lunch - 4oz turkey salad with cranberries = held me over for 3 hours (183 calories, 15g protein)

Afternoon snack - 2oz cottage cheese = held me over for 1.5 hours (50 calories, 8g protein)

Afternoon snack - 4oz apple sauce = held me over until dinner or about an hour (50 calories, no protein)

Dinner - 6oz chicken tenders in ranch dip and 4oz steamed veggies = held me over the entire evening  (307 calories, 40g protein)

That's 820 calories for the day and 96g of protein for the day.

For comparison, for breakfast, I used to have the same smoothie but easily twice as much.  For lunch, I would eat lunch at the same time I had my first afternoon snack yesterday and it would be a half turkey sandwich with muenster on wheat bread and I would have ~6oz of cottage cheese with that, too.  I do not normally eat two afternoon snacks, though, and don't like this trend but think it will stop as my body calms down.  And dinner, I would eat more chicken tenders and have another side with that as well.  Another side being a carb/starch thing.

Today will be relatively similar to yesterday although I am backing down on the smoothie.  I am trying 8oz today and I want to see how long it holds me over.  I want to find my sweet spot, if you will, for just enough smoothie to last me the morning.  I do also drink coffee in the morning and I know that changes my appetite as well.

As you can see, yesterday was predominantly mushy foods except for dinner.  My chicken tenders were not mushies.  I did chew chew chew and I did feel each bite sitting there before it went down.  It was not the most pleasant experience.  I'm probably pushing it by eating so normally....but that's me. 

I am down 1.5 pounds this morning, so that was exciting.  I'd love to see the scale get back to what it was telling me on Saturday.  But I'm not actively trying to lose weight right now, I am actively trying to feel better.

And today, I definitely feel better.  I feel better than I have so far.  Yesterday I managed to make it through the work day alright but I know that the last half hour to forty five minutes were brutal.  I was ready to go!  But I didn't want to drive so my sweet hubby came to me.  And because of that, I was here for the whole day.

I slept better last night than I have since surgery, too.  I was able to sleep on any and all sides and to tuck my knee up to my chin, as I like to do, as well.

Last little tidbit on my progress - I have yet to take any Tylenol today.  I have it and will take it if there starts to be a twinge of need...basically, I won't wait until it's too late.  But I'm enjoying "cleaning out".  My liver is tired of all the Tylenol.  I know that because it told me.  :)

Yes, I'm nuts.  Thanks for noticing.

In other news, we've  (yes, WE) had a change in plans for the Chicago trip.

Original plan was for me to fly up on Friday and spend the weekend in Chicago returning home on Sunday, pretty late in the evening.  After a few things I read yesterday I decided I needed to fly out on Thursday after work and have all day in Chicago on Friday.  I love that you can change flights so easily with Southwest!  So I changed the ticket.

On the way home last night, my sweet hubby and I started talking.

Yes, that's the first "uh-oh".  :)

We are two professional schemers.  Nothing good comes from us "talking".  :)

Ok, it's not that bad...hehehe.

So I threw a statement out there that he should fly up with me and go to his mom's house and then come get me on Sunday.  Or...we could stay in a room Thursday night and then his mom could get him on Friday and I'd switch over to the roomie room on Friday once the sweet hubby cleared out.  Or...his idea, his mom could get him Thurs night and I could get a rental car to drive up to his mom's on Sunday after our conference is over.

So where's this all come from?  His mom lives in Austin, afterall, eh?  Yeah.  His mom and step-dad bought a house in Wisconsin last year and spend the "summer" up there where it's cooler and way more beautiful.  "Summer" to them is March through November.  I think they're nuts.  This year it's turning into May through November, though - and that seems way more reasonable.  Anywho.  Last year we were supposed to go up there to see their place and wander the area with them over Labor Day weekend.  But two days before departure my boss decided I couldn't have the approved vacation time afterall.  Rather than risk losing my job, we canceled the trip.  So this year, we really need to get up there.  There is way more vacation time on the books so we thought we'd take a whole week this time.

We were planning to go up the last days of Aug-first days of Sept getting back to Texas over Labor Day weekend.  But while I was out last week, my boss, not knowing my plans as I hadn't asked for the time off yet, rescheduled one of my courses.  And that course now falls over those days.  So then we thought, well, I'll go to the course and we'll head up to WI over Labor Day weekend - move the trip back by a week.

But that would be quick turn around for a drive to WI...then drive home...then fly to Chicago.

So why not make the WI trip be the Chicago trip?  My sweetheart gets some time with his mom while I'm with all y'all.  And the airfare is just amazingly super cheap right now.  So even with me spending money that weekend, I think this trip will actually cost us far less by combining them.

So we bought a ticket for my sweet hubby.  We will get in on Thurs.  We may stay at the hotel together that night or he may go straight to his mom's.  His mom is about 3 hours from Chicago, she says.  We get in late, though, after 9pm, so I think, realistically, we'll stay there in Chicago Thurs night.  His mom will get him on Friday and I'll join up with the conference.  And then either he will come get me Sunday night...or...if anyone lives in Wisconsin and can get me to someplace where they can get me....  Hmmm...see...my little scheming brain?  Even if someone got me to Kenosha, for example, and my sweet hubby and in-laws could get me from there...just sayin.  :)

So I'm feelin all charged up and all ready to go.  I really feel better than I have since surgery.  Now, I know that even though I feel like I'm ready to get out there and walk 5 miles...that I shouldn't.  That I'm probably still pretty close to the edge of being knocked back down if I over-do it.  So I'm not going to walk 5.  Just 2.  And we'll see how it goes.

Kidding!

I'm just gonna take it easy.  And hopefully it just gets better from here!  Next week...now next week I'll start hittin those miles!  :)

Have a great day, y'all!

04/21/10: Back to work...again

Howdy y'all.  It's Wednesday.  I'm ready for the weekend.  :)

I ended up going home right after lunchtime on Monday.  I ended up calling in sick on Tuesday.  I feel all kinds of better today but still not great.

I think sitting up on Monday - and even leaning forward at my desk as I am prone to do - caused problems.  I think that on top of my rather normal weekend left me in a bad situation.  Monday afternoon it started to feel like I was losing the battle but I thought if I went home I'd get it under control and be fine for Tues.  Wrong.  When I woke up Tues, I was even worse off than on Mon.  So what did I do yesterday?  I layed in bed all day.  I took a shower mid-morning but other than that, I layed in bed.

I had a boob job when I was in the Navy.  Funny story that I am not going to talk about here.  What I will say is following that surgery I was told to take two weeks off.  And I did.  When a Navy doc says something, you do it.

I thought, when I read that people usually took a week with this surgery, that this surgery must be "easier" than a boob job if you only need a week.

I don't think that now.  In fact, I think, if you are being wise and PRO-active, then you will take TWO weeks off with this surgery.  There is no need to rush it, I don't think, and in fact, if you do, you are more likely to end up hurting and with a slower recovery.

My boob job was "easier" because I only had one breast augmented and to make it look more natural, since I still have one natural boob, the implant was placed on top of the muscle.  If it had been under the muscle, it would have been sewn in and it would appear perkier.  But under the muscle is a much harder surgery to recover from.

The lap-band surgery goes into muscle, too.  And dangit if it aint the port that's causing about 99% if my pain/discomfort.  Yeah, the remainder (all 1%) is just the incisions and the fact that they itch like crazy right now.  I'm not complaining about that, though, that's GOOD!  I know I want the dermabond off.  I know I believe that my whole belly will feel a little better when the dermabond is gone. 

I was told that Vaseline helps to loosen the dermabond bond and that I should start applying Vaseline after about a week.  So Sunday night I did just that.  Put some Vaseline on and went to bed.   Same with Monday and Tuesday.  And it feels/appears that nothing is loosening.  When I googled that earlier it says I have to rub the Vaseline in.  I will try that tonight.

So I wish I'd taken two weeks.  If I'd been more aware I would have just done short-term disability and I'd be paying attention to me this week, too.  But, for some odd reason, there seems to be a push to appear normal quickly after this surgery.  I read all over the place about people that think a week is fine.  Maybe for some it is.  I think for most, it's not.  Yes, after a week I do feel better.  But I do not feel normal.  I do not have normal energy levels and I am still in pain and uncomfortable.  Generally speaking, Tylenol is dealing with my pain and I am taking the Lortab at night.  But, generally speaking, I am still worried about getting up and down, still not able to get up and down as easily as I'd like to.  I want to be taking naps and just generally be letting my body do what it needs to do.  I don't think my boss would have been surprised by two weeks, in fact, I think it would have been fine.  Yes, this week at home would have been a lot different than last week.  Last week I was sleeping all the time and generally could not get comfortable.  Now, I can get comfortable-ish and I don't need or want nearly as much sleep.  But no matter how you put it, I am still not normal this week.  And I know that car rides are brutal.  Everything is bouncing and jiggling and moving around and the pain levels get kicked up a few notches after a car ride.  For me, I have an hour and a half in the car in the morning and again in the afternoon to get to work and those car rides are leaving me exhausted.

Anyway, there's my rant for the day.  If you can take more than a week off, do so.  I think two weeks would be just right, based on a desk job.  If you are thinking a desk job is easy, you just go and sit, let me just say, even sitting is uncomfortable.  For one hour here or there, not so big a deal.  But to be in the same position for more than an hour at a time makes things hurt. 

Not much else going on with me.  I gained back 3 pounds of the 31 lost so I'm no longer sitting at my 25% lost.  That's ok.  For the past two days I've held steady at my current weight of 236 so I think switching back to mostly normal-to-mushy food has balanced out and I think I'll hold steady now until loss really starts.  I know that last week I had "restriction" mostly due to swelling and now I think I am not swollen at all.  :)  I was burping every time I took a sip of something and I could feel things going down very slowly.   Now, no burping and while I still feel things going down, it's not nearly as slowly as it was.  I believe that's to be expected, given that there is no real restriction with the band right now.  I know I can eat whatever I want and I am using will-power to not.  I am trying to stick with mushies, predominantly and, for the most part, it's working.  What isn't mushy I chew the hell out of, I can say that much.  I know that I am looking forward to my first fill on May 12th because I want to see how it compares.

And that first fill also scares the bejesus out of me.  It will be the one and only appt I have with my surgeon and I think he'll know I didn't follow his post-op diet as I don't expect I'll lose much of anything in the next few weeks.  I can't weightlift yet, not that I want to at the moment anyway.  So I don't think there will be any loss - although if I followed his post-op diet, I think there would be.  There's part of me that's tempted to switch back to his diet as I don't want to explain to him why I disagree.  And I know me.  If he asks why no weightloss, I will say "because I think your diet is bunk".  If he doesn't ask, I won't say a word.  And so I'd rather he not ask.  And I suspect the only way to get him to not ask is to lose "a normal amount" over the next few weeks.

Although I also know this time is about healing, not losing.  Which is why I want to do what I am doing, which is follow the bariatric center's instructions.

And then part of me thinks, too...Hey, I'm banded now.  :)  It's not about how fast I can lose.  It's about making wise choices most of the time.  And following the bariatric center's instructions is that.  Wise choices most of the time.  And I'd love to see this play out!  I mean...I am not centered on weightloss right now, I'm centered on healing.  But I do know I am eating less.  I am even already playing with times.  I eat 4oz at a time.  How long does 4oz hold me over?  Last Friday, I couldn't even finish 4oz.  And it satisfied me just fine.  Friday, 3oz total for dinner at 8pm and I didn't eat anything again until Sat morning around noon.  Yesterday, 4oz at lunch lasted two hours before I was hungry again...given that I'm not even remotely restricted, which I don't think I should be at this stage, now the trick is finding the amount that holds me over best.  I want to eat 3 meals a day.  I drank 12oz of my smoothie this morning followed by my first cup of coffee since banded.  When will I eat lunch?  I am not interested in it, yet.  I won't eat it until I am interested.  Lunch will be 4oz of chicken salad - at least it can be.  Will I eat it all?  How long will it last? 

No, I don't think I'll switch back to my surgeon's instructions.  I think I'll keep going with my bariatric center's instructions and see how this goes.  To me, part of making this work will be to develop a routine and being back at work will be much more conducive to that.

And no matter how you cut it, something is different.  I could not eat 4oz of food prior to Monday April 12th and be even remotely satisfied.  So something must be going on inside the belly...  :)

Sorry this is so long today - especially since it says nothing.  Just thinking through my fingertips!!!

And now it's time to get reading.  Will I, (can I?) get caught up on all the wonderful blogs I've missed in the past week and a half?  I'm sure gonna try!!!

04/17/10: Ta Da....

So I have a goal weight even though I don't buy into the whole goal weight thing.  My goal weight is right smack dab in the middle of my normal weight range.  I might get there and think I need to go farther.  I might not get there as I might get to my upper weight and think that's just fine.  All I know is that weight is right smack dab in the middle and it gives me something to shoot towards.  And at my thinnest (and happiest with my body, now, looking back) I weighed that weight I use for my ticker, 142.

142 subtracted from my start weight is 124 pounds.  124 pounds divided by 4 is 31.  So to lose 25% of my intended (possibly) weight, I'd lose 31 pounds.  As of this morning, I've lost 31 pounds.

Now, see, this is significant to me because I've told my sweet hubby that he and I get to share some quarter goal gifts when these 31 pound increments happen.  It might be a massage or a pedicure or who knows what, but it's some sort of pampering.  I thought 31 pounds would happen in a couple weeks cause I thought the swelling would be contended with longer than it has been.  So I'm totally surprised that 31 pounds happened so quickly.

Now if only my sweet hubby will wake up so I can tell him "Guess what!!!"

And I don't even know what this quarter goal gift is going to be.  We haven't had pedicures since Feb and that would be nice.

Yesterday my sweet hubby got my raised garden beds put together and lined with the stuff to stop the grass from coming up.  He said he'd go get the top soil and get that put in each of the beds today.  I started all my seedlings last night and I keep checking them to see if they've sprouted yet.  Nope.  They haven't.

If all goes well we'll have a good garden.

Strawberries, onions, garlic, potatoes, shallots, blue potatoes, spinach, two types of lettuce, broccoli, zucchini, squash, artichokes, green beans, among others I am not remembering at the moment.  And then a full assortment of herbs.

I hope all goes well!

In other news, I am down to no tylenol.  I have not taken any today and don't see the need.  What I can tell you is if you have any other choice, time the surgery so that it does not coincide with your TOM.  Grrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today we are supposed to be doing a few odds and ends of things - so we'll see if pedis can happen.  Sweet hubby wants to get the soil and get the beds filled.  We are headed to a co-ed wedding shower this evening (and we still gotta get the gift).  On the way up we are going to swing by the SIL's place as they are moving 6 houses down the street.  Sweet hubby has been asked to help move the bulky stuff - mattresses, furniture, and appliances.  He told me I am not to touch a thing.  We'll see.  I know I'm not supposed to but if you give me a cupcake tin, I don't think I can reconcile not helping in my pea brain.  So it sounds like a busy day and I don't know how excited I am about that.  And then again, it might be kinda nice!

I haven't said this yet, today and I feel like I should.  Today I feel like a 100% normal person.  My only caveat to that is I still have to watch that I don't twist suddenly, but I feel fine.  We'll see if that continues through the day, but it feels great to be starting the day this way!!!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend.  Now let's see if I can start getting caught up on blogs again!

04/16/10: Still moving....

Good Morning, y'all!

What a difference a day makes!

I took the Lortab once yesterday and it made me feel horribly!  I won't be taking it again.  On the same token, I took my liquid Tylenol yesterday, too (not at the same time) and while it worked, it also didn't.  You see...somehow...I lost track of time...and it's now the TOM.  And neither the Lortab or the Tylenol were making my cramps go away.  And turns out, the cramps were my major issue!

Last night my sweet hubby went back to CVS for, like, the ga-zillionth time.  This time he picked up children's zyrtec and a pill breaker and a pill crusher and a dissolvable sleep aid.

The zyrtec cause I'm not supposed to be taking pills.  I know, at least I believe, that most of y'all get past the healing stage and tend to move back to pills right?  The children's zyrtec is the same dosage but it's expensive and it comes with 12.  I actually think 12 will get me through the rest of my personal allergy season just fine and I won't need to take zyrtec again until next spring.  I know those pills are so tiny that it shouldn't be an issue but I've literally been feeling that pill, which I broke in half, stick there before it goes through 20 minutes or so later.  I'm sure it's swelling and that this won't last, but by the time the swelling is really gone, I won't need zyrtec anyway.

The pill breaker and the pill crusher - self-explanatory.

The dissolvable sleep aid..well..they don't make Tylenol PM in a liquid - at least not that we can find.  And who needs it anyway?  I have the liquid tylenol.  I need that other magic ingredient and it's sold as Unisom which also makes a dissolvable tablet.

So armed with a sleep aid and tylenol I thought I was set.

All day I'd had the start of cramps rumbling away in the lady region and I was baffled.  And then I went to the bathroom and...oops...the calendar snuck up on me.  Well dangit.  The only thing I've ever found that works wonders on my cramps is Midol.  And those pills are way too big if I can barely get zyrtec down.  Dangit.  And then I start to put together, a lot of what I was still feeling was that, not surgery.  Crazy.  So this was when we decided we needed the pill-breaker-upper.

Armed with the pill-breaker-upper I went crazy on the Midol.  Got the two pills to many smaller pieces, much smaller than a half a zyrtec.  I took the midol when my time window had expired on the tylenol I'd taken earlier in the evening.

Now let me say, I took that Tylenol and I was aware that I felt better but I still hurt and I still didn't feel well.

When I could, I took the Midol.  And it kicked in.  Pretty quickly, I might add, since it was already broken down a bit.  :)

And dangit if I didn't feel absolutely fine!  The cramps were gone, the acheyness was gone, the lethargy was gone, I felt fine!

That lasted until bedtime when it was time for another dose (min 4 hours) and I crushed that one to see the difference.  Yeah.  Use the breaker-upper if there's a choice.  I mixed the crushed Midol into apple sauce and it was doable but it wasn't preferable.

I am sure I would have slept the night through last night, too, except for those gall-derned cramps woke me up at 5.  So I got up and took more Midol and once back asleep, slept like a baby!

I slept sooooo well last night!

Now it's time for another dose - I HATE CRAMPS! - but after drinking my breakfast I feel like I can't possibly get another thing in my belly.  I'm trying to walk and to get things to settle so that I can drink enough juice to get the pieces in.

Dang cramps.  I HATE CRAMPS!

Other than that, I really am feeling a zillion times better.  I have not had anything since the last midol I took at 5 this morning and while there is a tenderness around the port area, I feel fine.  And the tenderness around the port area is only a problem when I sneeze or cough - so thank God for zyrtec!!!

I'm glad to be done with the Lortab - I think I feel a zillion times better just because of that!

In other news I lost another two pounds yesterday.  I now weigh what I weighed the day I married my husband.  20 more pounds and he'll start seeing me lighter than I've ever been since we've been together.

I actually want to respond to yesterday's comments, so here is:

Most importantly, thank you to you all for letting me know you are thinking of me.  I really appreciate that!

I am definitely working on the water.  sip sip sip at all times.  I love those water bottles (that I found through Amy W.) cause otherwise I'd have no idea what I'm getting in right now!

I completely agree with the heating pad.  That thing has been my best friend!  I drag it from room to room with me!!

Yeah, ambien would have been nice.  The unisom helped a lot last night, I think.

Fat Bastard - you might be ok with a weds surgery and back to work the following mon.  Today is day 4 (not counting surgery day) and I feel like a whole new person.  The only thing I can say, and this is just my experience, is that the quicker you get off the Lortab and onto regular Tylenol, the quicker you will start to feel more normal.  The Lortab messes with everything.  I took one dose yesterday and I wish I hadn't.  It works about as well as good ol' Tylenol.  I would make sure you get some liquid tylenol and switch to that when you can.  I took the Lortab on Monday and Tuesday and then Wednesday I did Tylenol during the day and Lortab just before bed.  Yesterday, (I know this isn't the case with you and sorry for TMI, but it's part of the story) with my cramps kicking in and being afraid to take the midol (before we got the pill-chopper-upper, I thought Lortab would take care of it all.  It didn't.  It didn't touch the pain and it just made me feel druggy and woozy.  Once that wore off, I went back to Tylenol and that made a world of difference.  So...if you have to do five days like that, that's the best I can say - get off the Lortab as quickly as you feel comfortable doing.  The incisions don't hurt a bit, it's just tenderness in the port area.  And so long as I don't twist suddenly or cough or sneeze, I am generally not even aware of it.

Other thing I can say is the eating.  Make sure you are getting protein and you will feel better faster.  Inclination is to not eat cause you just don't feel like it.  But when I have forced myself to get my protein, I've felt better for the day.  That and walking.  Get up and move.  But don't do too much.  There is a fine line between getting enough of a walk and too much of a walk.  Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

I am glad I have 7 days, though.  If you can, I would try for that.

04/15/10: Moving along now...........

Howdy y'all.  Thought I should blog a little cause I miss y'all.  I have not felt at all like looking at a computer screen - the Lortab was playing tricks with my eyes.  And now I'm just flat out exhausted so still won't be trying to catch up on all that I am missing.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Tuesday was surprisingly easy.  I went on a small easy walk around my lake at one point - one time around is a third of a mile and it was nice to be out and moving.  I think a nap was taken and, in general, I thought I was doing very well.  But then tues night/weds morning came.  And I couldn't sleep a bit.  I could not get comfortable for the life of me.  I ended up just getting up at 4am and wandering the house for about an hour trying to feel better.  Eventually I sat down at my laptop and updated my before and during photos on the side bar.  So that slide show now includes the pictures from the night before surgery.  I did read a few blogs but not many.

Yesterday just seemed brutal.  If I took the Lortab then I felt like crap because of that.  If I didn't take the Lortab then I felt like a different kind of crap because of that.  And last night was just as bad as the night before.  I didn't get any sleep.  I think I got about two hours total with the little catnaps I did catch.  I got up this morning around 6 and wandered the house for two hours and then settled on the couch for a little while.  I felt like I was exhausted enough that I could sleep so I went back to bed and did fall asleep just to have the UPS guy ring the doorbell half an hour later. 

So I'm not getting any sleep.  If I were, I think I'd be feeling a lot better overall.  But I'm exhausted.

In other news, I am learning what restriction fills like.  They gave me a copy of the fluoroscopy image and I literally have a straw hole opening.  And if I drink anything too fast I feel it sit there before it gurgles down.  Still doing liquids like I'm supposed to but I'm getting in about half the amounts that I was getting with the pre-op diet.  I am definitely struggling to get water in but I'm trying.  Since Monday I am down 6 pounds.  I need to update my ticker.  4 of that is what I figure came about from swelling and whatnot.  And I'm still swollen, too, so who knows when this will actually just be weightloss.  All I know is I am seeing a number now that I have not seen before in this process.

I am staying away from the Lortab now, just taking liquid tylenol which is working just fine.  The dry mouth I was getting from the Lortab was awful!

I know I was expecting to feel better by now - but I know not getting any sleep the last two nights is my biggest problem.  And hopefully tonight breaks that pattern.  I can't imagine how people go back to work within 3 days.  I don't care if it's a desk job or not, there's enough going on with my body that work could not happen right now.

I feel the gas still sitting around my sternum, on occasion.  When it starts to feel like it's pushing up, like it wants to move, I get up and walk around and then the whole sensation passes.  I have not had the feeling of the gas in my shoulder at this point and the sensation of it sitting around my sternum is getting to be less and  less frequent.  I know that no amount of gas-x is giving relief from my wonderful farts and burps any longer, though, so I'm taking that to mean it's passing.

Other than that I am hanging in there.  I am in good spirits and I feel great about what I've done.  Right now I just want some sleep!  :)

I hope everyone is having a good week!  I'll catch up soon, I promise!!

04/13/10: Another day

So I have now been banded for a little over 24 hours.  I am still feeling a lot better than I thought I would but..I think they put some sort of numbing stuff around the largest incision (for the port).  And that numbing stuff made a world of difference yesterday.  That numbing stuff is starting to wear off so there is a discomfort with the actual incision that wasn't there yesterday.

I am also pretty gassy and I can't really tell if the gas-x is working.  I took a couple of the strips yesterday and one last night when I woke up around 3 and couldn't get back to sleep easily.  I also took more Lortab at that time.

Yesterday, I had my pain meds as soon as my Honeybunny walked in the door.  I took another dose a little over three hours later.  I took a third dose over four hours after that.  And finally, one last dose just before bedtime which was around 10:30 - which meant a gap in doses of a little over four hours again.  I woke up at 3 because I was trying to turn over and the pain was yelling at me to do something.  So I got up, took the Lortab and one strip of gas-x and got settled in bed just fine then.  I took my most recent dose around 8:30am, so a little over 5 hours before I needed it.  We'll see when I need it again.  I'd love to be done with it but will take it as long as I need to.

One of my favorite things I realized this morning, or maybe last night, was that I just lost 12 pounds in about 5 weeks without a band!   Now, true, that pre-op diet was brutal and I was on it for way too long.  I think my body got used to it and stopped responding very well to it.  I also know that I did a few no-no's too, especially after realizing why I was so freaked about no carbs.  And I will also say, I let myself have Easter Sunday to eat whatever I wanted.  We went to a Tex-Mex restaurant with friends of ours and I ate the tortilla chips and I also ate the tortillas that the fajitas were served with.  I also ate the baracho beans, too.  There were a few other no-no's while on that diet and it all worked out well anyway.  I am glad the surgeon was impressed although I know it could have been more.  I'm fine with that, though - this isn't a race.  And 12 pounds in 5 weeks is nothing to lose sleep over! 

I do know that the scales at this center are off.  The scale on the side of the center where I was going for my unweightloss visits and where I will go for my fills, matched my scale exactly at home.  The scale on the surgery side, though, I've been on that one twice and that one, both times was 4 pounds heavier than my scale at home.  So if we'd have used my weight at home instead of that incorrectly calibrated scale, I would have been 238.  Oh well.  Now, the numbers are for me.  I am no longer trying to prove anything to my insurance company and I am no longer playing my surgeon's game.  I won't be on this scale on the surgery side again, anyway.

But just think - what would my surgeon have thought if he'd seen the real number (to me anyway) and then that it meant 16 pounds lost?

Oh well.  Not bothered by it.  Just one of those I wish I'd had a hammer so I could have beat that scale and then we'd have had to go use the one on the clinic side.

Welp, I think it's time to go walk.  And then phone calls to make.  Our fresh mulch will be spread around the flowerbeds this week.  When I went to work in the backyard on Sunday my sweet hubby and I both found ant hills - a total of five of them.  Our pest control service also does ant hill treatments and I don't know if these five are just new (last time they were out to spray was about three weeks ago) or if they just were missed.  But someone will be out here on Thursday to knock them back. So I asked our gardeners to not lay the new mulch until after the ants are dealt with.  I'd hate to have the anthills hidden and then come back when things are settled with the mulch.

So the phone just rang and it was the bariatric center calling to check up on me.  That was sweet!  They wanted to make sure I could still pee and that I am getting enough water.  Wanted to make sure the incisions still look good and clean.  And that I felt ok.

I feel fine.  A little tenderness in the belly area, but that's to be expected.  I will be happy to stop taking the Lortab because it's giving me a raw throat.

I took a shower this morning, and that felt fantastic.  I also have been using my heating pad quite a lot to help with the gas.  I do know that when the gas starts to feel uncomfortable - like an elephant sitting on my chest - that if I get up and walk that does more for me than the Lortab or definitely the gas-x.

So enough babble for now. 

I hope all is well for everyone out there in our wonderful blog world.  I can't say how much it means to me to have this cheering squad.  So thank you so very much for taking the time to share your sentiments with me!  It's really been bringing a smile to my face!!!

03/26/10: Yay for Friday's...boo for no food

It's a Friday.  I'm happy.

I got on the scale this morning.  I do that every morning, so no news there.

Yesterday = 245
Today = 244

1 pound lost.  I'm happy.  I want to lose three more by Sunday.  I'm going to try.

I am soooo sooooo soooooo soooooooo very hungry.  My belly is growling constantly.  Coffee isn't working and neither is tea.  By the time we got home last night, it was all I could do to wait until the food was reheated to eat it.  We had leftovers from our pork on Tuesday.  It was SOOOOOOO not enough food.  It didn't help that there weren't enough veggies to give me a whole cup.  But, and this is on me, I wasn't interested enough to make new veggies with what's in the fridge.  I thought to myself, I'll drink some hot tea and I'll be fine.

That worked very temporarily but not for very long.  I took a bath and crawled into bed around 9:30 thinking I'd watch a little tv and go to sleep and ignore the rumblings.  By 10, the rumblings were so rumbly that I couldn't get to sleep.  It was 11 before I fell asleep.  But I didn't cave.  I didn't give in.

I was hoping today would be better but the tummy is already mad.  I am going to go get some tea.  I think the coffee I'm drinking is stopping me from falling asleep reasonably.  Although it's only two cups - which is normal for me.  But I've switched the time up a bit and I think I need to not do that.

Nonetheless, I'm down.  And now it's the weekend.  This will be a real test! 

Just called the ins co.  This very friendly but hoitey sounding guy said still no decision but it looks like a decision should be made pretty quickly.

I hope so.  I was actually hoping to have a decision this week so that I can try to get on the schedule next week.

I think the one place where I really am struggling with this hunger is that I still don't know how long I'm going to have to do this for.  I may be wrong in this thinking, but if I knew without a doubt where the end of the tunnel was, I think I could talk myself through this better.  But I don't know.  What I do know is that the one time I cheat, I will reset the carb clock all over again, I will pack on pounds quickly.  So I won't cheat.  But this time next week...that might get to be too hard for me, if I still don't know where the end is.  I need need need y'all to help me here.  What would you do?  Would you be willing to do an incredibly restrictive diet that is predominantly liquid for an indefinite period of time?  Even if said diet is producing results of 7 pounds lost in 5 days? 

I'm hungry, I have a headache that won't stop, I can't beat a cold back that hit me last week because I am not getting enough nutrients, my allergies, on top of the cold, are brutal, and I can't sleep because of the rumbling belly.  I do not, absolutely do not, want to stop this diet again and start it up a third time, though.  That's what got me through last night.  I don't want to stop and start because it seems like at some point, this should start to dissipate a little, the rumbling belly, the headache, even the cold.  At some point, it should start to be better.  Right?

Please tell me it gets better.

Ugh.  This weekend will be such a test!

03/11/10: I don't know what to do or think

I hate this.  I hate not being in control.  I hate not even being able to steer anything in any sort of direction.

As of this morning, I had yet to hear back from my Dr.'s office about getting my letter of medical necessity from my PCP fixed.  So I called them back today.  Yeah.  My Dr. wants me to come in and say exactly what I said on the phone - the letter needs to include my BMI and the statement that she "deems this medically necessary".  I have an issue with going in to say that.  I said that back in Oct.  Stupid me, when I got the letter she did write, I thought, well, she's done this before, she knows what she's doing.  So I accepted it - and so did the people at my bariatric center, until last Friday.

I have an issue with going in because my insurance changed.  I pay for everything.   I don't have copays anymore - I PAY FOR IT ALL - at least until my insanely high deductible and absurdly high OOP-Max are met.  I don't want to pay money out to say something I've already said!

The girl I talked to a short while ago understands that and said she'd talk to my Dr.  She'll call me back this afternoon with my PCP's ruling - at least that's what she said.  If I have to go pay it, I have to go pay it.  But I won't be happy about having to miss time from work and paying full price to do it!

I got off the phone with them and I called my insurance company back.  At this point, I just want to make sure they have the paperwork.  And I want to make sure it's in the right place.

The first girl I talk to is a customer service rep.  Nice, friendly, helpful, sympathetic, cared about me as a person.  She doesn't see anything in the system yet but says 'you really need to be talking to someone in authorizations, can I transfer you?'

Yesterday's person told me I'm not allowed to talk to people in authorizations.  I knew from my advocate to be asking for that department.  So this person today, the one I like, transfers me.

In authorizations, another girl answers the phone.  She looks it up.  She says 'your policy doesn't need an authorization for this procedure, so it would go to determinations'.

My advocate also told me to ask for determinations.  So not entirely surprised there, either.

This girl in authorizations says 'you can't talk to people in determinations and we can't see their system'.

She then says - determinations has 30 days to make their decision at which point that is when my file goes to authorizations to send out the letter.  Authorizations would then have 30 days to send the letter.

So I tell her my pickle.  The career, the family, the progress, the time off, the fantastic window of opportunity that is shrinking every day.

And she says "we really don't care.  This is at our discretion and we will do what we feel is best warranted for our company needs.  And no, you won't find someone in this office that will care".

All told I was on the phone with the insurance company for about 8 minutes.  And in this conversation with these two women I went from feeling hope and upbeat back to I don't know what.

The hardest part for me here is what am I struggling with?  Am I struggling with not being in control?  Am I struggling with my hopes were so high for a quick answer that now that it looks like it can't and won't possibly happen, I'm just mad?  What's my issue?  Why can't I just let it be and take it one day at a time?  The insurance company has been playing jokes all along - that's what the "unweightloss" program is.  So why am I surprised by this?  Why is it upsetting me so much?

I'm insanely jealous of all the people that have insurance companies that get answers out within 3-4 days.  Even a week or two weeks.  LOL, I'm just insanely jealous of anything that has ever gotten a decision and is already banded.  I want so desperately to be on the other side!  I want this part of the process to be behind me!

My one saving grace is that at least I can lose weight for real right now.  I don't have to keep on with watching to make sure my BMI is still above 40.  I don't have to gain weight back when I spontaneously lose it.  In fact, I can try to lose it.  That, in and of itself, is such a wonderful change of pace!

I keep saying I just need to take a deep breath and focus on that.  This is all about weightloss - I can do this now.  Getting a band or not getting a band won't change that.  That will change my success rate - my keep it off rate, but it won't change whether or not I can finally, actually, really, truly try.  At the end of the day - right now, today, trying matters most to me.

And last thought - dangit, I forgot my sweater this morning.  I am so cold!  I usually keep it here but took it with me as I was leaving last night because it was the perfect weight for when we would be leaving the rodeo.  And wouldn't you know it - so tired this morning, I forgot it was sitting there waiting to be grabbed.  I'm SO COLD!

03/11/10: Day 6

Welp, I'm feeling a little deflated.  I went off to call yesterday exactly when I said I would - when I published yesterday's blog.  I ended up on hold for nearly 15 minutes before the first person answered the phone.  And when she answered the phone, I immediately had that impression of 'this person doesn't care about helping customers'.  There was no sense of being able to appeal to her humanity there...

And she said the paperwork hasn't been received yet.  So the first thing I can do for myself is find out from my advocate whether the paperwork was submitted via fax or via mail.  From when it was faxed, I was told to expect 48 to 72 business hours for it to enter the system.  If it was mailed, then they have to scan it in once they receive it and then the 48 to 72 business hours starts from there.

But she went on.  And I really wish she hadn't.  She said that even though this surgery may be deemed medically necessary, it is and always will be elective.  And because of that, no one will ever place my paperwork ahead of another case that truly is medically necessary.  So I should not expect to get an answer for at least 45-60 days after they receive all the paperwork - which as I now know, they have not received yet.

45-60 days?  UGH!

That puts me into the realm of this will have to wait until next year.  I will literally throw a roadblock in my career if this goes into May.  I am registered to attend my final four courses this year - the first one being in May.  These courses will get me out of the training program and get me into a whole new world of opportunities and possibilities.  If I don't make that one in May, I won't be able to attend the two in July or the one in Sept as each course builds on what preceeded it.  Right now, there are no additional opportunities meaning I would not be able to register for another batch of courses until next year.  So, as I hope you can see, this is a pickle.  My health or my income, career, and life as I know it?  Furthermore, my hubby and I are waiting to try to get pregnant until my weight is under control.  So we are also playing around with having a family here!

So, then it seems I should say, well, I will have to wait until Nov.  But this training program - in addition to attending these courses and successfully passing them I will also have to run my own project from start to finish.  I will finish my last course in Sept which gives me three months to complete a project.  If I can do that, I will finish the training program this year and get promoted (a measely *dripping sarcasm* 15% pay raise there plus I would finally be eligible for merit raises, not just COL raises - which no longer exist courtesy of our fine economy).

So this window I keep talking about...it feels like it's about to slam shut on me.

I hope it doesn't.  It aint over yet.  But I am feeling a little deflated....

On the weightloss front - I didn't gain or lose an ounce.  That's remarkable!  Wanna know why?  Cause I ate like a bad girl yesterday!  See...if I have to wait 60 days for this surgery - which I can't actually do, 60 days will mean no surgery for me in 2010 - then I am not doing this pre-op diet for that long.  It's hard to be committed to it, now, knowing that it's not likely for the surgery to even happen within two weeks from now, let alone within 60 days or even two weeks from last week.  So, we went to the rodeo last night.  I ate...you ready for this?  I split a sausage with my husband.  No bun, just sausage.  I shared chicken tenders with my husband.  Yes, fried and breaded chicken tenders.  I even ate a few steak fries and a few fresh made potato chips.  Oooohhhh...BAD GIRL.  To make it even better, I split a funnel cake with the other three people I was there with.

I don't care.  My life is not about deprivation.  My life is about the wisest choice 90-95% of the time and owning my decision in that 5-10% of the other time.  I own last night.  I enjoyed last night.

So yeah, if surgery happens in the next two weeks (which I'm pretty sure it won't unless I fall into a zillion dollars and suddenly find I can be a self-pay option), then I might be screwed.  But, like I just said under my breath, I'm pretty sure it won't.

I got up this morning fully expecting an increase on the scale.  And there was not one.  There also wasn't a drop.  Ok.  I'm back on the diet.  I need to lose 6 more pounds to be "good for surgery" and I know I can do this.

I also know that between now and next Friday, I will not cheat again.  But when it gets to next Friday and I still haven't heard a word...I'm actually going to continue on with this diet - but let myself have a cheat day.

After my phone call yesterday to my less-than-helpful-insurance-company, I sent an email to my advocate asking whether they faxed in the paperwork or mailed it.  That way I could have a start time for when the ins co's clock for getting the paperwork in the system should have started.

She emailed me back this morning and said it was faxed.  And I realized...'why don't I ask her what her experience has been like with this ins co?'

So I did.

She said she's gotten answers from them as quickly as 21 days - and that person's paperwork was initially sent to the wrong department.

So 21 days from when they receive it?  Let's say they receive it today.  3 weeks from today for an answer?  But wait.  I'm calling them now so hopefully I can help avoid the wrong department issue.

Still not two weeks away.  But certainly not 60.  And if this is early April, well, it is what it is.  I can make April work.  It's not ideal.  I lose opportunities at work.  I cause problems at work.  But it doesn't derail my training program.  So it is what it is.

So...I can say whole-heartedly right now, I love my advocate.  She gave me some hope back.  Hope that if I stay on this and fight a good nice friendly fight, I can still make this work.  She is behind me.  I know that completely.  She is letting me email her and vent and express my frustrations and she's sincerely saying 'it will be ok'.  And sometimes I just have to hear that.  Like with the comments.  I love 'em.  I am one of those people that needs feedback.  And she's not holding that against me.

I am so glad to have been sent to this bariatric center...soo sooo very glad!

And that's what I know.  Just trying to hang in there!

Have a good day y'all!