04/02/10: Other things

Other things I forgot to mention in yesterday's blog but didn't think it was worthy of a second blog.

Thing 1) My surgeon will not call in to my ins co for me.  Apparently, after I left a voicemail for my advocate, she decided she knew enough of the story and proceeded without actually getting the story from me.  I do think that would have made a difference, but am not upset about it for reasons I'll explain in a minute.  She had her insurance peeps call my ins co to find out what they could find out about getting it expedited.  Those peeps were told the same thing - if the surgeon calls, he can get it expedited for me, but it has to be for an emergency.

They all decided there was no way to get it expedited and so would not ask my surgeon to make the call.

Here's where I think if my advocate had known even some of the story, let alone the whole story, she would have understood why I, and the lady I talked to, both thought my surgeon calling would help.  But, like I said, I'm not actually upset about it and am actually glad it worked out this way.

I think if my insurance company knew any of what I posted in yesterday's blog, they would use that as the reason for why I should be denied.  So not pursuing the expedition may actually be a good thing. 

The whole thing does kind of make me sad.  But life will go on and I will keep living it. 
Thing 2) I finally ate my cheese...I ate it last night...in the form of a 'hamburger'.  I don't know that you'd call it a hamburger - it wasn't on a bun.  It was an "iceburger", i.e. it was wrapped in iceberg lettuce.  My carbs for the day came from cheese.  And the sauce on the burger.  Has anyone had a Moo-yah?  Ok, better question, has anyone had an In-N-Out burger?
Anywho.  Moo-yah, for March Madness, did an offer on Tues that if you texted them with a code (for March Madness) they would give you a coupon for a free burger to be used on April 1.  There's also a contest for winning a burger a week for the next year.  On Tues, before all this went down yesterday, I had decided that if I hadn't heard from the ins co by Thurs, that I would allow myself to have that burger - but I'd order it sans bun and wrapped in lettuce instead.  And I'd have the cheese.  My treat for being so good on this diet.  On Tuesday, it was to be my one treat for the whole span of the diet.  It still was a super treat but, of course, I've changed what I'm doing anyway.

In efforts to keep the carbs lower than ideal, I chose against the bun.  I will admit this is the first iceburger I've ever had.  And OMG it was soooooo good!  The crunch of the lettuce was amazing and the lettuce didn't really add any flavor to the burger.  It also didn't take away from the burger at all. I actually think I would prefer an iceburger from here on even if you factor out the carb notion.  It was soooo good!

Thing 3)  I am still going to log my food diary that has to be turned in before surgery as carbless.  I won't say a peep if you don't say a peep.  :)  I am doing minimal carbs, I'm just not doing no carbs.  And, as I see it, my quak-surgeon doesn't need to know that nor does he need to know the reason why.

Thing 4)  A picture post will be coming Sunday.  I received some new clothes from Band_Groupie and want to model them.  One outfit is wearable right now and a pair of pants needs me to lose about 10 pounds before they are comfortable - fit in the leg but not the waist.

Thing 5)  I gained a pound today.  Our intention last night was get our hairs cut, go get our free Moo-yah while our car was washed, go home, walk the lake (in my case) or run (in my husband's case), go visit our neighbor for a little while, go home, pack, crawl in bed, etc.

What happened was we went and got our hairs cut.  And that took almost two friggin hours.  My hair was butchered again.  I had a post back in January about my previous haircut and the reflection in the mirror.

So first things first.  Reflection in the mirror.  Wasn't great.  Wasn't horrible, either.  Didn't seem as jarring as it was last time I was in.  Maybe I was anticipating the horror better this time, though.

But the haircut.  I took her a picture of what I want to grow my hair to.

And I got this...  (Sorry the pic is such crap, I'm taking it in a mirror and apparently, I have to look at the camera even though I shouldn't be...)

Now let me say - I started with a good amount of hair.  My hair was tapered in the back down to the neckline.  But I had "length", almost solid even length of hair to my ears.  That coincided with the hair style I want - the one of me long ago.  She chopped it.  And she textured it (which I HATE) and she thinned it (which I HATE) and she then tried to fix it because she screwed it up.

When all was said and done, she "styled" it but it was hideous.  It just looked like hair with way too much product in it, dirty, sticking out everywhere and not even remotely feminine.  But because of that "styling", I couldn't actually tell how bad it was.

Now, it's not a bad cut.  But I just lost 8 weeks of growth, I just lost 8 weeks towards getting back to the desired style.  All because of, what I think is the reality, she doesn't really know how to do short hair.  She even chopped the neckline and I had a good thing going for getting to the neckline in my old style.

She told me, as she was finishing up, ok, bring the picture with you next time.  I've done this and this and you'll be in a good place for your next visit for doing this and this and we'll get you there.

Last night, around 9:30, I was finally able to wash all the gunk out and that was when I saw just how much hair I'd lost and just how badly I've strayed away from my desired style.  I won't be going back to her.  All she accomplished was giving me the exact same cut I got 8 weeks ago.  8 weeks of growth just gone because she kept trying to "fix" it.

I was so mad.  Not only did it take forever to do, but it completely took me away from where I thought I was going.  I know I didn't have enough hair to get to my desired style and I didn't expect miracles last night.  I just expected she wouldn't chop what didn't need to be chopped.  I wish I could be like Drazil was with Martha Steward and if I were, I would have said 'what are you doing?' when she started "trimming" my crown!

So, we left there and headed to get our Moo-yahs and to get the car washed.  By the time we made it there, the car wash was closed.  They stay open after dark because they've got massive lights everywhere...and just say "they close at 7", no matter what time of year.  Yeah, hair cuts at 5 and we didn't make it to the carwash by 7.  NUTS.  So we got our Moo-yahs and headed home.  At this point, around 8, it was dark.  So no walking the lake last night.  Ok, I'll get on the treadmill.  Well, then, lets go visit our neighbor first.  Yeah.  Mistake.  We like her.  You know what happens with people you like?  You talk and talk and talk and lose track of time!

So we didn't get home until a little after 10.  At that point, I jumped in the tub to get the dang gunk out of my hair.  Otherwise, I wouldn't have slept.  My hair would have kept my head away from my pillow, it was that bad! 

With the gunk out, I blowed it dry to see where it was.  Yeah.  I was sad.

Then I decided to get on the scale.  All day, I had gained a whole whopping pound.  I knew that meant I would sleep and get on the scale this morning and be down.  I usually gain 3-4 pounds a day and it's one of the things I'm "enjoying" about this pre-op diet - I am consistently dropping.  Except for the two days I have gained and the two days I stayed the same - those days, my night time weigh-ins have been higher - more like the 3-4 pounds that are normal.  I think I'm tripping up on my words here and would have to spend more verbage on explaining something that really doesn't matter, so I hope you got that.

Yeah.  Today.  Up 1.

Oh well!  I loved my Moo-yah!  And I feel better still, as compared to yesterday, which was a zillion times better than Weds!!!

I won't do Moo-yah again pre-op.  And like I said, oh well.  I am owning my decision and it's consequences!

Now this weekend will be a trick.  Which leads to

Thing 6)  We are going to Austin after work today to visit my aunt and my grandmother who is visiting from California.  I can't/won't tell my family what I'm up to because they are already think I'm a horrid person with a tremendous problem.  I see only judgement from them and I don't see that they could even remotely comprehend this decision.  In fact, I believe they would see me as a disgrace.  They are all thin and have not ever really struggled with weight.  So with me feeling like I shouldn't tell them a thing about this, how to explain this pre-op diet?

In case I haven't explained my changes, here's what I'm doing.  Breakfast and lunch, still doing the protein shakes with no carbs.  It's dinner that I am relaxing with and I am relaxing in that I am allowing myself some carbs but still not many.  I know that I read a recommendation on Weds that PTSD peeps need a min of 125g of carbs a day.  But I also know that I was doing 50-60g of carbs a day on my "unweightloss" plan and I was feeling fine and able to handle reasonable stress alright.  So I am trying to stay under that and want to see at what point it is that I feel fine.  I want to establish my min, basically.  And like I said a few times yesterday, I am paying attention to what kind of carbs I'm getting.

So I will eat normal reasonable dinners tonight and tomorrow night.  I don't believe I'll raise eyebrows with that.  But I'm pretty sure I'll raise eyebrows with my no snacking and protein shake only situation.  But here's what remains to be seen.  Will I be lectured on how imbalanced this is?  (Hell yeah it is, believe me, I know!!!!)  Or will I be given a nod of approval for "taking charge"?  Do I say I'm doing Atkins HARD CORE?  And just leave it at that?

And then there's part of me that thinks...you know, I really know myself.  And if I get a nod of approval from them...I'm likely to spill the beans.  Maybe they'll surprise me.  I don't know when I ended up being so danged scared of my family.  I really love them and have always received affirmation and support from them - some times more than others.  But they are good people and want what's best for me.  I know that.  So why do I think they will hate this idea so much?  We'll see.  I do know, though, that my grandmother, especially, will tell me to my face how awesome this is, how she supports this, how she thinks it's fantastic I'm doing this - and then she'll go back to Cali and tell everyone how stupid and ridiculous I am for turning to "the easy way out".  That's my family - loving and supportive to your face...stabbing you in the back when you wouldn't know otherwise.

Ugh, such a long blog.  Cara - welcome.  You think you talk a lot?  :)  Yes, some of your blogs are long.  And most of my blogs are, too!  :)

I guess I made this long for making up for the fact I won't be around the next couple of days.  :)

Oh, and last thing.

Thing 7) I want to do a vlog soon.  I think some of my character is lost in my typing because I say things happily and I think things get read, on occasion, with sadness coming through.  Or I say things jokingly and seriousness comes through.  So that you can get a sense of my sarcasm and general love of life, I think a vlog is in order.  :)  Coming soon to a blog post near you!