06/07/2012: Do you know "why"

After I wrote yesterday's blog, I started thinking about "why".  I love that question.  "Why".  It is almost always one of the most invaluable questions.  If I can get to the bottom of why, then I can truly understand something.  Sometimes it's "what", sometimes it's "how".  But even when it's what and how, it's usually also "why".


So "why" did I start making bad choices?  I drove to pick up Husby at the end of my work day yesterday thinking about that.  And quite a number of things jumped at me.  And it really made me realize a lot.


One of the things I love so much about "why" is that it is never-ending.  I rarely get to the real bottom of "why".  There is always more to discover.  I love discovery!  I think that's why I love "why" so much.  And yes, I was that kid that asked people incessantly "why".  


In thinking of why, nearly every answer you can come up with can still have another "why" behind it.


Ahhh...discovery!  Never ending.


Anywho.


So "Why".


Why soda, for example?  I wasn't drinking that many or any during the pregnancy.  Why did suddenly being not pregnant make me pick up soda again?


Ok.  I can answer that.  And the answer to this one is kind of a lot of answers to a lot of things in my life.  Caffeine causes problems for pregnancies, especially when consumed in the normal manner of day-to-day stuff like most of us do.  Not all.  But most.  In a normal day, right now, with soda consumption under control,  I start the day with a big ol heaping cup of coffee.  I probably have one more later in the morning.  A cup of coffee is about 140 mgs of caffeine.  So two is 280.


When you're pregnant *they* "recommend" you limit your caffeine intake to 200 mg or less.


So in my normal day, I have two cups of coffee worth 280 mgs of caffeine and probably one more caffeinated beverage in the evening worth between 40 and 100 mgs, depending on the soda or whether it's iced tea.  So 133% to 200% of recommended intake while pregnant.  And that's if I don't drink iced tea during the day - something I am known to do as it's not soda and I'm fine with not sweetening it.


I did run into problems with caffeine while pregnant.  I did cut back, especially in the first trimester.  In the first trimester, I had no desire for coffee.  It made me sick.  Even decaf.  So coffee went out the window.  And I was going strong with little soda from my weightloss journey.  But I did drink tea when it sounded good.  I puttered along just fine with my less than 200 mgs of caffeine until around about week 21.  I had gone to Austin for a baby shower and did not have easy access to water I liked the taste of.  We were staying out in the country where running to the grocery store for what I would drink copiously was not an option (literally a 40 mile drive).  By the end of the weekend, I was a smidge dehydrated.  On the way back to Houston, we did stop and get me that water that I would drink without saying yuck.  I started drinking copiously.  Thinking nothing of it, the next day I went to work.  Went out to lunch with friends and drank iced tea for lunch, not thinking of the caffeine because it was still much less than my 200 mg recommended limit.  Iced tea has about 70 mgs in a 12oz cup.  Being still dehydrated, I drank probably three glasses.


Tea does not solve dehydration.  But add in a bit much of caffeine to that dehydration and it turned into a recipe for disaster.  That night I started having contractions.


And that is why they recommend you limit caffeine while pregnant.  It is known to cause premature labor.  It was Wednesday before I finally called the doc as, at the time, I did not know those were contractions.  And that was what landed me on bedrest.  Premature labor at 21 weeks with twins was way too risky.


So.  Then I did say no caffeine.  If it wasn't water, I wasn't drinking it.  I wasn't a zealot about it, I didn't eliminate it entirely.  But in any given day, I wasn't consuming any.  It was a random sip here or there of iced tea.  Towards the end of the pregnancy I was allowing myself a glass here or there, say at a neighbors house for dinner.  But from that point on....soda was OUT.  Completely.  My one source of caffeine that continued was chocolate.  Dark chocolate to be exact.  I ate 3-4 Hershey dark chocolate kisses each evening.


But there it is.  When I was suddenly not pregnant any longer...then I could.


I am the girl who got out of the Navy and shaved her head because I could.  In the Navy, when I was in, anyway, women had a minimum length of hair they had to maintain.  Men had a max, women had a min.  I had to have hair because I was a woman.  This was an issue when my ship was deployed the the Persian Gulf.  Because GQ was a way of life in the Gulf and donning protective gear was a nearly daily occurrence, men decided to shave their heads to keep things simple.  Some of us women on the ship wanted to do the same, about 12 of us.  Word got out that the shaving party was occurring on day x and place y and the captain intervened and told us women we were not allowed.  Policies had been written prohibiting us from having hair shorter than 4 inches.  This was not ship's policy, it was Navy policy.  We fought it but ultimately we were told if we actually did it, we would be sent to Captain's Mast and punishment would be dealt.  Punishment was usually restriction to the ship when we were in port as well as docking pay.  So I didn't do it.  I had a great record and I was keeping it that way.  When I got out of the Navy, though, - I did shave my head.  Just because I could.  I was still technically in the Navy, in the reserves.  And when I went in for a monthly weekend of training, I was reprimanded - as restricting me to the base wasn't an option since I was "only" a reservist. It was put in my personnel file and I was told if I did it again I'd be kicked out.  I grew it out after that, it wasn't that I wanted the "style" more than anything.  It was just that I could.  (And no, I wasn't bald.  My hair was shaved to 1/4".)


Here I was, suddenly not pregnant...and I finally could just have what I wanted.


Before I knew it, my treat of a soda here or there had turned into 4-5 a day with no simple water intake.


But, again, before I knew it, it was just what was, it wasn't anything I was thinking about.


Oops.


This is interesting to me.  Figuring this out will probably save me after the next pregnancy.  I would love to think I'll be far more wary next time of just letting go.


I wasn't a zealot about things when I was pregnant.  I know some freak out about what soaps they use in the shower, decide they can never have any seafood at all, ever, don't drink any caffeine whatsoever...stuff like that.  I am not that person.   Moderation is key.  I did eat seafood.  I did have caffeine.  I even used all my normal soaps and shampoos.  Hell, I even took a bath nearly every night.  Not as warm of water as I'd usually do, but a bath nonetheless.  Body temp water.  And it helped immensely with the aches and pains of pregnancy!  But even with not removing things altogether, the freedom that came about when I was suddenly no longer pregnant...I got carried away with that.


Why?


"Because I could."


Do you know what the answer to "why" is?


"Because".


It's the simplest question.  And the simplest answer.  But that simple question gets to the bottom of so much and the answer explains everything!


Ahhh....I love me some "why".


And P.S.  The scale has started to move downwards.  No more up.  I am not after losing weight right now.  I hope to be pregnant by this time next month.  What I am after is better eating and getting back to my more aware state.  If I lose weight, great.  But it's not the journey I'm focused on right here, right now.  But still, I love me some downward movement as much as I love me some "why"!