I have no idea if I linked up right or if I did that right but what I did works for me so I'm going with it.
Dear Universe. No, we won't listen. We want to try to have a baby, to get pregnant. We don't want to pay attention to all the distractions you are throwing at us. Cancer? Pshaw. Relentless pain and possible infertility from the endometriosis? Whatevs. (yeah, that's what the doc told me yesterday, might already be too late.) The need to get promoted at work and the project I have to do to do so. It'll wait. The fact that sex hurts and leaves me begging for pain pills. I'll do what I have to do. The fact that Husby is feeling the pressure and it's affecting stamina. We'll go with it. What you got next? We aren't listening. We're gonna keep tryin!
Dear Mother Nature. Please realize we understand our best efforts might still not be enough. If you tell us no pregnancy this month. That's fine. We'll see the fertility specialist we've been referred to and just keep trying. You blessed us already with beautiful and healthy twin boys. We can't lose now. Whatever we need, that's what we'll get. We understand that, appreciate that, and will always be grateful.
Dear Husby. I love you. No pressure. It is what it is.
Dear Uterus. You suck. I will be getting rid of you imminently. I don't know how many days you have left, but I know they are numbered. I will always love that you grew two beautiful, healthy, and amazing boys. I will love you if you grow more babies. But the pain you have caused almost all of my life; the excessive pain you are causing now...you will not be missed when you are gone.
Dear Primary Care Physician. You are fired. I do not like you. If I cannot talk to you, and my husband cannot talk to you, then you are not doing your job. Get off your self-righteous high horse and learn that life is not beautiful every day. We do what we can to make it so - but sometimes it takes external effort. I will always appreciate that you caught my husband's cancer. I will always hate that you made a stressful situation far worse than it ever had to be. Good bye.
Dear Obstetrician and Gynecologist. I love you. You help me. I am sorry I was resistant to you when I was pregnant with the twins. I am beyond glad that I stuck it out with you. You listen. You alleviate stress whenever and where ever you can. You realize you "are a tool", you said it yourself. And being the tool that you are is helping me deal with what can be debilitating pain. I will always love you and love that I will have a gazillion more years with you as my doc. I do not hate you for telling me just yesterday that I'm probably already infertile. In fact, I love you for being honest and for helping me move in a direction that can resolve this. We are not giving up - you made that clear to me, and I have made it clear to my own body. We will take what we are given and we know we are given what we need. I am glad you are accompanying both my husband and I through this horrible journey. You help.
Dear Husby. I love you. There is still no pressure. There never will be. We are in this together and it is what it is. Just beat your cancer. THAT, that is the pressure I am putting upon you. That is all.
Dear Failed Friendships. You do not win. I do not let you.
Dear Beautiful Friendships. I have two people in mind when I speak this. You are amazing. You love me. And I love you. To one of you - I am glad that you stand by me even when I'm stupid. I know you think you're stupid sometimes, too, and I will always stand by you, too. I've heard often that I am loyal to a fault. It is not hard to be loyal to you. You are a dream friend and I am glad the universe threw us together. To the other of you - I love thinking of where this friendship will go. We are just starting to really get into each other and it's been fun so far. I know it will only get better. You are amazing; a rock for both my husband and I. You have helped us far more than you can imagine. I look forward to what I can do for you over the next 80 years, too!
Dear Universe. I'm still not listening. Neither is Husby. But we want you to know that we love you and we know that you rule. We appreciate all the beauty you have given us, all the blessings, all the bounty. We are selfish, stingy pigs. We want more.
That is all. Happy Friday!
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