It is what it is.
Today is my mom's birthday. My mom passed away on May 8th, 2004. I can't believe she's been gone this long. She would be 61 today if she were still here. So young! To everyone that is 50 or older you'd better be getting your colonoscopy's done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Colon cancer is no joke.
My mom was a nurse practitioner. She made all her patients get their colonoscopies like clockwork. When she turned 50, she went to her PCP amd said "it's time". And her PCP said no, it was not indicated. There was no history whatsoever of any type of cancer in my family. So they said it wasn't worth the risk or expense as she was going to be fine. There are seven things you can do to help decrease your risk of colon cancer and she did all seven things naturally. There was no risk they said.
Two years later, her BM's changed drastically. As a nurse practitioner she knew that was not good. She made an appt and took herself to Russia on a dream vacation. When she returned and went to that appt her PCP said, well, lets not jump to colon cancer...so try this diet. My mom dutifully did so. It didn't change anything besides allow the tumor to grow more. So she went back in for a follow up and the PCP said, well, lets start with an X-Ray. It took a month to get in for that X-Ray as it was not ordered "stat". X-Ray's aren't the first course of discovery anyway, so no surprise when it didn't show much. Meanwhile, the tumor is still growing. My mom finally convinced her PCP to at least order a barium enema. And it could not be done because the tumor was closing off her colon. So then the PCP finally ordered a colonoscopy "stat" and my mom was in there for the colonoscopy the next day. They discovered "an apple core" tumor which is the worst kind to have. She went in for surgery at the end of that week and when they did the biopsy it was determined her cancer was an advanced stage 3.
Because she was relatively healthy and had no other risk factors, they did the surgery and then attacked with chemo only. Six months later, she was cancer free. She had to do follow-up colonoscopies every six months. We all went on living and traveling and celebrating life.
At her second colonscopy check-up, the tumor was back. They did an MRI as well and determined the cancer was still located only in her colon. They did surgery again.
Since her lymph nodes showed no metasticizing, they did not do chemo or radiation that time. After surgery, she was doing great. Her cancer markers in blood tests went to non-existent. Everyone thought it was all in the bag.
Six months later, she developed pain in the right side - where the liver sits. She knew what that meant. She didn't tell anyone what was going on except for my step-dad and myself. She went back to the PCP and an MRI was ordered. The cancer had metasticized to her liver, to her lungs and to her brain. She met with her oncologist who wanted to put her on a trial treatment course but her PCP poo-poo'ed that as she already had a liver spot that was questionable. So with that, they could try the normal chemo to give her a better quality of life, but other than that, she was going to die from this.
She was told on Christmas Eve 2003 that her cancer was terminal.
Merry F'ing Christmas.
She was told she would have anywhere from 2-5 years before it killed her and the chemo could help make it quality time - and push the 5 year window.
She died the following May.
I miss my mom like no words can ever describe. It is a deep sort of missing - a piece of me is gone. Here was this person who knew me from the start, knew how I came to be the way I got, and liked me and loved me anyway. She was my best friend in so many ways. She was my greatest ally in so many ways and knew what I was capable of. She could push me like no one has ever been able to do and she could say one word to let me know I had all the support I needed. We loved to travel together and we did so all of my life until I was 28. Life has not been the same without her. It is so sad to think my kids won't get to know their grandmother. She would have been the most amazing grandmother. I also wish my husband could have known her. He would have loved her - and vice versa!
So that's what I've got.
If you haven't done a beer butt chicken, try it. Grab a whole chicken and rinse. Pat dry with a paper towel and then get your favorite rub and rub the chicken. Sometimes we do this the day before and sometimes we do this just before putting it on the grill. If you rub in advance, of course, you get more flavor into the chicken. But, as was the case for yesterday, we did it just before putting it on the grill and certain flavors in our rub played up better. It's good either way. Make sure to get some rub into the inner cavity of the chicken, too.
Once you've got the chicken rubbed, grab a can of beer. Pop the can open and pour off (or drink) about 1/5 of the can. Move your rubbed chicken and beer out to the grill. Place the beer can in the butt of the chicken and stand the chicken up like a tri-pod on the grill. You do not want this on direct heat so work wtih your grill to have the heat not be directly under the chicken. We have a four-burner grill so we turn on the two outside burners while putting the chicken directly in the center. This allows the chicken to slow roast which makes it super juicy. Add the extra steam from the beer and it's just a super juicy flavorful chicken!
It takes between two and three hours for it to cook - but make sure you get the chicken to 160 F.
So have a fantastic Sunday, y'all! And where ever you (in heaven), Mom, have a happy birthday!
I am so hoping you hear from the insurance company soon. I can only imagine how frustrated you are.
ReplyDeleteMy Mom passed away March 21, 2006, so this is a very difficult month for me also. I started crying when I read your post. It's amazing how wrong physicians can be sometimes. People put so much trust in them. I know they are only human, but after hearing stories like yours and experiencing what we went through with my Mom, it really makes you wonder. The short version is my Mom was initially diagnosed with cancer. However, after going in for a second opinion she was diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis. Basically, her body was attacking itself. She went through years of issues and getting different medical opinions on treatment. She went into the hospital and 2 weeks later she passed away. It was somewhat unexpected because we thought she had more time. She was such an energetic, funny, outgoing and caring person. She was truly my best friend and, like you, a piece of me is gone forever. I plan on doing a tribute to her later this month on my blog. I think she'd like that
Oh hun - your post brought tears to my eyes. I know some of what you are feeling. Colon cancer killed my Grandpa and Grandma...meaning I now have colon cancer on both sides of my family and have to get screened 10 years earlier than usual. I'm so sorry your mom is gone and wish I could say something profound to make you miss her less. She is still loving you, still pushing you, still in awe of you and still so proud of you - even if she's not here. The proof of that is in the words in this post. Hang in there! She's up there doing cartwheels for you!
ReplyDeleteI love chicken grilled that way, yum. Lovely post, sad but I can tell that you loved your mom so very much.
ReplyDeleteColon cancer killed my mother's father. I'm so sorry. I know that although it was a while ago, you never can replace the void caused by losing a parent. I am really praying you get your surgery date soon. Just keep up the good work and you will be ready for anything!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Mom. She died in Oct.2002 and she was 61. I know how you feel about missing her. I still cry all of the time. We do beer can chicken all the time! I wasn't aware of cooking with indirect heat so I will try that next time.
ReplyDeleteOh LD, what a tragic story. Unfortunately, my mom passed away from the opposite - not going to a doctor whens she knew something was terribly wrong. She had a pain in her side that she just toughed through for months, and when she finally went it, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. They tried chemo, but it was too far gone. She only made it about 7 months. She passed away on Christmas Day, 1992. I was 12.
ReplyDeleteShe was obese, and I understand ovarian cancer is a complication of obesity. This is why I'm doing what I'm doing.
You brought tears to my eyes.. Hugz your way...
ReplyDeleteMy mother died from cancer too. Father from an aneurism. Sounds like your mother was a great lady. I don't know about you, but it seems that at least every few days I get some kind of reminder that both of my parents are with me. Maybe from a song, or seeing a car just like my father's. God bless and God speed.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you and your mom had to go through that terrible ordeal. I'll be 56 in a few days and had a colonoscopy when I was 50 but only after they found a polyp in my appendix during an appendectomy. All clear though today. I'm a big promoter of screening.
ReplyDeleteOne reason I want to lose weight and get healthy is so I will be around for my daughter's wedding and hopefully a few grandchildren. Your mom would have been so proud of you.