03/09/10: Day 4

I'm starving, I'm hungry and I want to eat!

So that's how I'm doing, what about you?

I had the same thing for dinner last night as I did on Day 3.  Leftovers.  Still love that casserole - I found it about two months ago and it's one thing I seem to be making over and over and over if I can.

I'm hungry!

My stomach is growling non-stop.  I couldn't fall asleep last night because it was growling so danged much.

Sure didn't see this coming.

It appears I read my instructions wrong.  I was drinking a protein shake for breakfast (blended with fruit, so really a smoothie) and a protein shake for lunch.  I got that part right.  However, for dinner I was eating a total of 8oz and that included a lean protein and veggies.  Turns out - that's not enough food for me!  I've been getting about 800 calories a day since Friday.  I'M HUNGRY!  Turns out I could have been eating 8oz of protein and all the green veggies I want.  THAT sounds a little more do-able.

So today I have a snack.  Broccoli and spinach.  Yum.  I do love those two!

We shall see how today goes.  I hope better than yesterday because two things happened yesterday.  By mid-afternoon I was in a cloud and I could not think straight.  This is BAD!  I was just given a brain intensive task at work - and add to the needed brain intensity, I am also learning this task.  Yeah, I can't even begin to tell you what went down yesterday afternoon.

By the time I got to my sweet hubby yesterday evening, the tummy was just constantly rumbling.  We went to see our friend in the hospital, the one that just had brain surgery last week.  And so dinner was later than normal.  By the time we left the hospital, I was a bear.  I just could not be nice, calm or rational.  My wonderful sweet hubby just nodded along and got me home as fast as he could.  Once home, he barely even put his stuff down and he didn't change - he just went into the kitchen and heated me up so leftovers.  After dinner, I started to feel rational again and so we talked.  And we also discovered that I was short-changing myself in what I'm allowed to eat.  So he went to the store to get what we think might help this process.  In that conversation, though, I asked him if he's really ready to go through this stage with me.  Actions speak louder than words and his actions certainly translated to major support last night.  But I needed to hear it, too.  He told me that this won't last forever (which it won't) and that long term, this is all for the best.  He's onboard and he's mostly doing this diet with me, the biggest exception is he is eating lunch.  I'm so jealous!

Hopefully the veggies I have with me will help me this afternoon.  Hopefully yesterday was the worst of it.

You'd think that this wouldn't be so hard for me.  All through the "unweightloss" program I averaged 1200 calories a day.  So now I'm down to 800.  You'd think it wouldn't be killing me like it is.

But one of the things that is incredibly interesting to me is I have no interest in cheating or breaking this diet.  On the way home from the hospital last night, we passed every fast food joint known to man.  You know there have to be pictures of their foods all over the windows.  And I didn't want a single thing out of any of those pictures - and we are talking about things I actually do like on occasion.  Walking through Target on Saturday I had to walk past all the artisan breads - didn't want them.  And it's not that "I don't want that" as I'm trying convince myself.  It's taking stock of my feelings and I just quite simply am not interested.

I just want to get to a stomach that isn't growling incessantly. 

In other news, I was down 0.6lbs this morning.  That puts me at 248 and some change.  That's a number I haven't seen for awhile.  My sweet hubby is down another 0.2lbs.

In other news, we went to see our friend in the hospital last night.  Her brain surgery was last Friday.  She is doing mostly ok but is dealing with re-learning the left side of her body.  When we got there last night - she was more worried about me and my potentially upcoming surgery.  She wanted to know how the diet is going, whether I had approval yet, if it's been scheduled yet, where the surgery will be.  It actually makes me teary-eyed, here she is, laid up and not functioning quite normally - and she's more worried about me.  So I answered her questions and then tried to turn the conversation back to her - but she kept turning it back to me.  Hopefully she will be home this week - and then we can be laid up together after my surgery.  It sounds promising for her to be able to go home on Thurs or Fri, possibly even tomorrow - really depends on the PT/OT.

And that's what I know.  I hope everyone is having a fantasic Tuesday!