I was thinking, as I went for my morning cup of joe a few minutes ago, that if I didn't have this blog and my peeps to keep me sane and to root me on, I really think I would have given up long ago. I've made it this far because of all y'all that are reading this right this very second.
My wonderful husband is sooo very in my corner and that is beyond helpful.
I thought I'd have some friends that were so very in my corner, too, and turns out they are less than interested and/or incredibly judgemental about the whole thing. Oopsie...guess I shouldn't have told them.
But this blog. This blog is my little corner that I can turn to to know that I'm not alone, that I'm not the first (and I won't be the last) to feel what I'm feeling and to think what I'm thinking. I can get support here and I can get a refreshing slap in the face here and for all of that I am so incredibly thankful.
It's interesting how I got turned on to the blogs. It was Catherine55, actually. I had started a thread on LBT about being a newby and she told me to go check out the blogs. How wise that was! Those threads on LBT are trainwrecks, by and large, and I could have easily been derailed if I'd stayed there. So I went to the blogs. And I clicked on the first one I could find - and it was Band_Groupie's blog. I proceeded to read her blog from start to finish and learned soooo much and laughed even harder. When BG came over here, and I followed and started to explore, it was a no-brainer for me to make the move, too. Such support and camaraderie here. It is what I think LBT wants to be. Positivity is generally prolific here!
I have no idea what is going to happen with me and this band. I know that if surgery can't happen by April 9th, it's not going to happen in April or May. And that is depressing to me. And not having carbs to release serotonin, depressing is depressing right now. Everything is depressing right now.
I know, now, that if I don't get an answer this week, I won't be able to get on the schedule next week. So, Friday is my cutoff for getting an answer from Cigna and being able to get on next week's schedule. If I don't have an answer on Friday, I am going back to normal, healthy, balanced eating.
I am so on the verge of tears. To have come all this way and be staring so closely at a possible derailment is just depressing. And like I said, depressing is depressing.
I miss serotonin.
I hope y'all have a good day.
And this one is for the insurance Gods. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me get an answer this week. PLEASE!!!!
And the last thought I'll leave you with...after being good for so long with this "diet", I have stopped losing weight. I was exactly the same today as I was yesterday morning.
((((hugs)))) i'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. i really hope the insurance gets their shit together so you can get a surgery date. however, even if you don't, this wasn't all for naught......focus on what you've learned about yourself while doing this, and the pounds you've lost doing it are also an accomplishment. keep your head up my friend. we're all family here and we're thinking of you in this rough time. keep us posted on the insurance. sending good vibes your way.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to send good approval thoughts your way! Try to remember that even if you don't get on the schedule in april or may...it WILL happen. It's an inevitability and you just have to bide your time. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThis sucks. I'm sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts. This will happen for you.
ReplyDeleteSomeone very wise that I know in real life who just had GB was told that the most important lesson to be learned in this process is patience. Not at all comforting, I know. Who's got time for stupid f-ing patience?!? I agree with Jenny & MP though - IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN! It is just a question of when. I know very soon I am going to open Dashboard and see a blog from you entitled, "I'VE BEEN APPROVED!!!!! SURGERY SCHEDULED IN 7 DAYS!!!!"
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain GF!!! Stupid insurance Gods!!! I'm sending good vibes (or maybe they're drug induced hallucinations) that the wise(ass) and wonderful (not) Wizard of Bands is stamping your approval right now!
ReplyDeleteI know you have some work/opportunities coming up, but make sure you think this through long and hard as there's never a perfect time to be out of work...or get the Band. It's like having a kid...the timing can never be perfect, but if you want it badly enough the timing won't matter in the long run and you'll figure out a way to make it work.
Thanks for the award and all the support this week...I don't know what I'd do without you (yes, you got me walking more, thank you for pushing me!...I told DH we have to do laps about every hour). Oh and I started the stool softeners today; great idea!
Port; I like where mine is, but it's a tad higher than I wanted it. I think I didn't realize that the bulge would be wider (diameter) than the base of just the port itself (I'm guessing it's just scar tissue that builds up around the edges of it). It starts only 2 fingers below my last rib and I wanted it to be about three. I'd take three fingers below your last rib and place it between that rib and your belly-button on your non-dominant hand side (mine's about 2-3" off center, but you could even put it in the middle and it would be fine). You don't realize how many things you do on your dominant side (like carrying books against your tummy). What you DON'T want is your ribs catching on it when you bend, or your pants/beltline or even where you place your arms over it, ie. elbows when you type (Mine doesn't get caught/bumped so it's in a good place). It bugs me even when I tie my bathrobe on top of my port...yes it still can get sore easily, especially once the fat pad over it disappears).
HAPPY THOUGHTS...HAPPY THOUGHTS...HAPPY THOUGHTS
Yes, he did say the GB surgery was easier and faster with the port out of the way. As long it's not in a place that will bug you it will be fine. I'm just always amazed at the gals that never ask and then are so upset after (I've seen those with them on their breastbone, on their ribs right where their underwire bra-line is, pantline, even one that was on a hipbone). When I was in for this latest surgery I saw several in the staging area who had signs on their beds saying 'Needs to be Marked' (not for LB, but other surgeries), so agreeing with the surgeon and marking the area with a sharpie shouldn't be any big deal for him. I may just be more sensitive than some, but I'm glad I took the time to find a good placement for me.
You are doing great..hang in there! ((((HUGS!)))
ReplyDeleteI keep reminding myself, i have been fat for so long whats another couple months UGH HAHA If it doesnt happen this week or next week, keep on keepin on and it WILL happen :)
ReplyDelete